A Quick, Sloppy Little Comic About Magritte

parenting isn't for everyone, and that's okay. you don't need to become a parent. you can have a happy, fulfilling life without being a parent. you can positively influence generations after yours without being a parent. you are not a bad person if you don't want to be, can't be, or shouldn't be a parent. there is more to adult life than parenting. and you are inherently important, just by existing. no matter what.

truly i dont want to hear anymore about how terfs are so nice to transmascs from people whose only interaction with terfs is reading their propaganda online. like some of you are earnestly like "wow, do you really think an anti-trans hate group would do that? just go on the internet and tell lies?"

i had a terf physically assault me in the bathroom of a bar because she recognised me from some stupid facebook post where i disclosed my gender identity (wasn't even a man then! just a """theyfab"""!) and after she was done smashing my fucking head against the wall and groping my crotch she told me so smugly that "no one will believe you" about the assault. isn't that so funny.

and no, she didn't "mistake me for a trans woman". she very angrily informed me that if i thought i could "escape what it means to be a woman" that i had another thing coming- that thing being corrective sexual assault and a concussion, it seems.

if you see this, you are now and forever completely immune from every single “it’s the first of the month, use this sound or something bad will happen to you” post and every variation of it. those posts aren’t real. nothing bad will happen to you as a result of not using those sounds. i promise.

(tags are for reach)

me in the zoom meeting with my video off, my camera covered, and my laptop turned around facing the wall: i wonder if they can still see me

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I’ll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don’t enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you’re working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it’s the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don’t necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the “proof” that you’re lazy. Look, if you’re interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you “just make yourself” or “just focus”! Clearly you just don’t want to do the thing.

I can’t tell you how many days I’ve sat there trying to get into a zone that’s eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it’s not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a “you can’t have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!”

But actually, it’s a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that’s why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It’s an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I’d love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as “the start button isn’t there.”

Also, this isn’t just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going “I want to game” but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can’t get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there’s no start button. You just can’t do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you’re just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it’s still not an intentional putting it off. It’s more an “I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can’t get myself to do it”)

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven’t done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn’t true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I’m more likely to have. a start button for something I’m doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don’t work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we’re actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that’s just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I’m spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN’T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can’t start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you’re not lazy.

PSA for Switch owners

The latest 11.0 update means that Google Analytics is a thing on the switch and turned on. What that means is that Nintendo has a deal with Google to share with them your data for advertisement purposes.

To turn it off

go to the eShop

go to your profile where your funds and account info is

go down to the bottom of the page

there you will see “Google Analytics Preferences”

select the Change

select “Don’t Share”

Please spread the word. Really shitty of Nintendo to just quietly start allowing Google to spy on users for advertising.

If everybody just started stealing, money would finally lose its worth

trying to get neurotypical ppl to understand what hyperfixations are like is sooooo frustrating bc they just. don't. get it. what do you mean you can consume media without it consuming you back ????

What the media won't show