š what do you think Rex bitches about constantly?
šš Iām sorry I made myself laugh while writing this so this is what I think he would bitch about + a side plot that I honestly thought was pretty funny
Anakin when heās being a dumbass
Fives when he makes crude jokes on the battlefield
Echo when he enables Fivesā jokes
Fives and Echoās prank wars (though most of itās for show)
Keeli and Howzer (if only so he can remember his batchmates; he also bitches to them about everything so itās a 50/50 on if theyāll get gossip or insulted)
Anakin when he comes up with a reckless plan that somehow works
Ahsoka when she hit him in the face with her lightsabers
Obi-Wan if only because Cody constantly bitches about him not sleeping
Jesse and Hardcase (there is no need for an explanation here)
Kix when he tries to use his CMO voice to keep him in the medbay for longer than needed
Ahsoka when she does something reckless on the battlefield that could have gotten her killed
Boil and Waxer for teaching Fives more jokes
Anakin when he basically implied to Hunter they were in a relationship because of his horrible communication skills
Wolffe because he bit him when he was a cadet and he still isnāt over it
Fox because honestly, itās just kind of funny watching Foxās eyebrow tick up
Bly because of his stupid crush on Aayla
Kix for sneaking a sedative in his food on three separate occasions
Cody because he put itching powder in his blacks on a day when they were sent out into the field
Jesse because he caught the whole thing on video
Ponds for almost dying
Anakin when he uses the Force to throw him in the air
Bly again because he pines over Aayla but wonāt do shit about it
Wolffe because Ahsoka told him once that she thinks heās cool because he works with Plo
Ponds for bringing Boba back with him and now they have the feisty Fett son who bites just like Wolffe
Boba for hijacking his datapad
Fox because he didnāt kill the Chancellor earlier
Anakin because he tried to help Palpatine
Fox because he didnāt tell them about Palpatine and so now Rex has to make up all the hugs and time they almost lost
Anakin because the only reason he didnāt follow Palpatine was because he got into an argument with Fox
Fox because he got into an argument with a Jedi who was almost about to fall
Quinlan
Crosshair for flicking his toothpick in his face
Fives for making another stupid joke when they finally found Echo
Echo for laughing at the joke
Anakin for not telling anyone else that he was married
Anakin for being Rexās friend and making him lie to save his ass
The Jedi Council because they apparently knew about his marriage and was wanting for him to come clean
Anakin because heās still denying it
Mace who asked the question on who he was seeing
Anakin for saying Itās him š¤ (on god, he could have warned Rex)
The Jedi Council for now staring at him and waiting for him to crack
Himself because heās a shit liar
Himself again because he canāt help but dig a deeper hole and agree with Anakinās statement
Anakin for being shocked that heās covering his ass still (if you want to make this believable, just go with it!)
Hunter for the credits he sees exchanged with Fives
Fives for betting on him (on choosing the wrong bet)
Cody, Wolffe, Fox, Bly, Ponds and Gree for all snickering
Gree who made a loud comment about Rex being into recklessness
Anakin who snickered at that
Anakin for shrugging at his glare and saying he could see it
Obi-wan for congratulating their (fake!) relationship
Mace for coming up with the idea that if a Anakin married Rex, they could gain clone citizenship for all clones due to marriage within the Jedi Council (if the Senate wonāt pass a bill soon)
Anakin whoās now backing out saying he canāt (which Rex knows he canāt; heās married)
Plo for asking why Anakin canāt instead of dropping it
Anakin for,instead of saying something reasonable, states that they already got married
Echo for exchanging credits with Tech and not withering under his glare
Yoda for asking him if this is true
Everyone in the goddamn room staring at him
Anakin because heās a shit best friend and he honestly should have never become friends with his General, especially one who has a secret marriage (even if Rex was never told explicitly but heās not a dumbass; heās pretty sure Anakin and Padme are married)
Himself because now heās doubting whether Anakin actually is married and if heās not, Rex is gonna look like a real dumbass
Anakin because heās doing the eye nod thing again and Rex doesnāt know what up side up down means!!
Himself for indulging in the silent motions and now theyāre having a silent conversation while everyoneās staring
Fox for interrupting their conversation before they could come to a decision
Anakin because why did he have to be Rexās best friend? (He should have let Anakin fall; he wouldnāt be in this position if Anakin was a Sith)
Himself for thinking that because knowing Anakin, he probably would be in the same position regardless if Anakin was still a Jedi or a Sith
Himself for saying yes to Yodaās question
Cody for exchanging credits with Ponds
Yea thatās about it; itās mainly Anakin that Rex bitches constantly about
do you see this shit my liege
Modern AU where Obi-Wan is teaching a class (probably linguistics or poetry but NOT classic lit miss me with classic lit Obi ew, but possibly a few others possible but not for this AU cause he needs both a classroom and an office connected) and heās one of those professors that has their office connected in the back (some schools do it and consider it nicer on the faculty) and halfway through the lecture the door to his office pushes open (him being the only one not noticing) and a small four year old tumbles out and goes up to him, handing him up a snack pack for him to open. He takes the pack without pausing, starts to open it, pauses⦠looks down⦠and his left eye twitches. āLeia where did you come from?ā *toddler points to his office* ādid your dad put you in there? Whereās your brother.ā āDad had an emergency PHD meeting with Doctor Windu. Lukeās sleeping.ā
Obi-Wan sighs, counts to ten, and opens up the snack pack for the kiddo, pats her on the head and calls her his secret favorite (he tells both of them that constantly) and sends her back to her brother.
This incident is never talked about during that class but since she mentioned a dad whoās getting a PHD who put her and her brother in there, AND the students know heās gay and has a cute partner, they just assume itās his kids. Someone asks him about his kids next class and he thinks they saw Cody dropping him off with Mara (off to preschool) and Ahsoka (off to her classes as a sophomore) and answers about them very honestly.
There are so many mistakes being made. When they see Anakin with āObi-Wanāsā kids one day and ask him about him since they saw the kids in class one day, and Ani mentions that the academic thing runs in the family even tho theyāre all adopted. This just cements it for them that Anakin and Obi-Wan are married with adopted twins.
Actually. No. Their generation was the one that partially broke the tradition. Whoops.
Boga likes Cody pass it on
I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and saidĀ ālet me call my husband real quickā and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `āYou know that was probably a scam, right?ā and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If youāreĀ āscammingā me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money.Ā
āA scamā people are fucking wild.Ā Ā
Ā the only criticism of millennials l accept
Interviewer: So, how would you describe your relationship with your Jedi?
Rex: *long, long, long, long sigh* Idiot siblings.
Cody: don't get me started
Rex: to clarify, I'm not the idiot.
Colt: *wordlessly pulls up sleeve to reveal "I-heart-Mom" tattoo on his bicep*
Cody: I have sympathy for Rex because Skywalker just DOES things but Kenobi, he, he thinks things through, and then he STILL does those things even if they're HORRIBLE IDEASā
Fox: *chugs coffee, slams cup down so hard it breaks* bold of you to assume I have a Jedi
Gree: Not family, but definitely close friends.
Cody: āreckless, ridiculously self-sacrificing, no regard for his own safetyā
Grey, dead serious, no hesitation: caleb is my son
Whatever clones are in Master Tapal's battalion: *chanting, one of them holds Cal up like Simba* BABY BOY BABY BOY BABY BOY
Cody: ācan't even leave him alone for two minutes because he goes and loses his lightsaber in the middle of a battleā
Ponds: I'd like to say we're blood-brothers bound through the heat of battle because that sounds neat, but honestly, Master Windu and I, we'reāwe're fire-forged coworkers.
Wolffe: I can neither confirm nor deny that I bought Master Plo a Galaxy's Best Dad mug
Cody, staring vacantly into space: I'm so underpaid
Bly: no comment
Does Narinder need a bath?
So so bad (I lost the plot on this one gays)
For the longest time Narinder refuses to allow anyone to touch him but at the same time suffers mobility issues preventing him from taking care of himself.
Anyway if I keep doing this shit the aromantic council is gonna show up at my doorstep and revoke my right to practice. My demons are winning rn.
Humans are eldritch. They can sing a thousand voices, and they only started space exploration after more than two hundred years of trying to fix their own sick planet. They are guilt-driven, reckless and incredibly terrifying. They scare themselves for fun, they have deadly sports, and they are willing to almost die just to see if something can work.
No other intelligent species we know does that. No one almost killed their entire planet for the sake of profits, and no one discovered they could sing it back to life. No one is fascinated by unknown and terrific creatures that would certainly destroy everything and everyone, much less create art about the mere idea of it. No one dedicates so much of their craft for incomprehensible arts that can only be felt.
The entire universeās medicine has changed since they arrived. We had to discover ways of erasing memory, of calming someone in the blink of an eye, because human art can make someone so sick they might never recover from it. Rumours spread, and humans were now feared. Everything about them became something terrific.
We knew they felt guilty, from almost killing their homeplanet, but that? That art, those hundreds of thousands of ideas of things that could never be, but still could be thought about? Those hands, smudged with toxic paint and oils, used to create imaginary things that looked too real to be imaginary? Their bodies, almost fragile almost strong bodies, that adapted to everything and could be broken down for the sake of things they deemed as beautiful? That did not came from guilt. It came within their own terrifying natures, along their hundred voices that could heal, along their silence that could destroy, along everything they ever created.
But still, when everyone feared them, humans did not try to attack. They did not try to cover themselves once again with blood. They did not do anything with violence. Despite everything, humanity was kind.
They helped with medicine, with their vaccines. They helped with technology, with their reckless nature of wanting to see if something can explode. They helped with art, by showing their own, and admiring ours.
They helped with history, for their obsession with the past did not allow them to not want to know more. They helped with restauration, for their guilt made them want to stop anyone from making mistakes similar to theirs. They helped with war, for not doing it. They helped with the universe, for despite everything, they still loved.
Humans are eldritch, for everything was set so they could once again use violence, but they did not. Humans are eldritch, because they themselves think they are evil, but still, they do not commit to it. Humans are eldritch, and they will help you out when you need it - just ignore their pets, for they have an obsession with befriending any and all creatures.
edit: hi so this is gaining traction again! iām a college student who does writing commissions, so feel free to check it out! have a nice day byeee