Can Time Travel AUs Finally Give Obi-Wan That Therapy????? He Has PTSD And Deserves A Service Boga Thanks.

headcanon that once when the 501st was on coruscant between missions a group consisting of echo fives jesse kix and rex all decided that they were gonna play as spies and figure out where the fuck skywalker was going every fucking night

like, they have a whole plan: we gotta be stealth, we are speed, we are the shadows. they have to wait outside the jedi temple for hours on end because anakin's schedule is whack and he's really unpredictable and they all have to station themselves at five different exits because anakin always changes it up and they still lose him for the first week

that is, until one night. The group is arguing outside the temple about who is gonna guard what exit (fives really wants to go to the front so he can talk to the hot jedi he saw earlier) when suddenly the window above them slowly slides open and all five of these fully armored clones just swan dive behind garbage cans as anakin dramatic skywalker scales the building from one hundred feet up

they all just look at each other like. wow. it was that easy.

and the thing is is that anakin is so focused on making sure no one is able to see him from a distance that he doesnt even clock in the five clones in bright blue literally five feet away

and they're off, with rex leading the boys on their play away adventure

and it gets really tricky. Anakin walks the entire way ("honestly we should just quit now" -fives) and he's constantly doing his jedi jump tricks and launching himself onto fifty foot buildings so the clones have to make a human ladder and send kix up on comm so he can continue to track (kix is actually the best climber out of all of them due to the fact he always has to scale fucking cliffs to get to skywalker whenever he does something stupid) and they eventually realize exactly where anakin is beelining to. the senate building.

and then anakin just waltzs into the senate like its nothing and all the clones stop and are like "can we do that?" and they agree to just send kix in again to follow like hes on duty and then the rest of them climb using the grappling hooks fives convieniently forgot he had

after kix manages to track anakin to like the millionth floor the clones all meet on the landing deck to this random senator's room (kix had to jump out a window two hallways down and crawl along the window ledges) and then theyre like well whats the worst that happens we get fired?

so they argue and eventually it gets physical to the poitn where jesse and echo straight up launch fives through the window into the room where anakin is sitting watching padme cook on the counter

fives looks up like "heeeey guys whatchu makin?" and anakin immediately force throws him back out

but then the other clones bring it up to just go in so they walk in and as echo is writing down the details of the trip in his notebook jesse is like "are you fucking kidding me skywalker" and rex is shifting on his feet because yeah he knew but he didn't know that was what anakin was doing every night

and then padme sees kix and is like "oh hey kix! are you staying again tonight?"

and thats how kix manipulated his friends into basically breaking and entering when they could have just knocked

I love how he has no fear-

He just fuckin stares down Krell

And this, ladies, gentlemen, and my nonbinary folks, is why he's an Arc Trooper

he definitely was thinking about shooting him right then and there-

@same-heart-same-blood

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DYING AT OBI-WAN ROASTING THE SITH THE JEDI ONLY USE LIGHTSABERS BECAUSE OF WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT WHO THEY ARE AS A PEOPLE “BUT THE SITH USE THEM AS WELL?” “WELL THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE OBSESSED WITH US.” AND LIKE HE’S NOT WRONG. THE SITH ARE PRETTY OBSESSED WITH THE JEDI AND I’M JUST LOSING IT BECAUSE OBI-WAN CALLING THE SITH A BUNCH OF OBSESSED LOSERS IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING

cliché but classic trope: when the person who almost died wakes up in a hospital bed, looks around and sees the object of their affection sleeping uncomfortably in the chair next to them because they haven’t moved in days.

'Nuff said...

“I have a question about the humans”.

“Uh? What is it?”

“You know how they have to cover themselves up at all times?”

“Yes?”

“Why do they have to do that? It’s not like they are walking on inhospitable places all the time. They could just wear a karket to cover some of their parts up”.

“… Uh…”.

“What?”

“Have you ever seen a human before?”

“Of course!”

“That would answer the question”.

“It doesn’t? They have fur. They are just covering their fur”.

“They don’t have fur- where did you get that idea from?!”

“I saw a picture of them! They have fur! I heard they complain about the weather being too hot all the time. If only they wore a karket like we do…”.

“You mean, the fur on their heads? That’s hair”.

“They have a special name for that? But the fur on their bodies is the same…”.

“For the last time, they don’t have fur! Not thick fur, at least. They like to shave”.

“That’s… Not true. I can’t think of any intelligent species without fur or scales. It would be like… Seeing exposed flesh. They don’t have exposed flesh”.

“They don’t- you know what? Look”.

“I am looking”.

“Look at this. This is a human! Does this look like fur to you?!”

“W…”.

“Hm?!”

“What the fuck is that?! The fuck- the fuck?! That’s exposed flesh, but not really exposed! What are the other Earth intelligent creatures?!”

“There aren’t any other. Only humans and the robots, but they are basically the same thing”.

“You must be fucking kidding me…”.

“Show me what you saw, then!”

“Fine! Fine! Just let me find it- there! Right there!”

“… Dude”.

“Are you seeing it? That’s fucking fur!”

“Dude”.

“What?!”

“That’s a fucking monkey!”

-

edit: hello! if you want to support me, consider buying me a ko-fi? link to it is on my fixed post! thank you <3

✨Fresh paint!✨

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR MOSS!!!!!!! UR AN OLD MAN NOW!! i hope u have a fantastic wonderful day bc u deserve only the best :)) can i pls get. spectres / rebels modern au. with fluff :)

THANK YOU BELOVED

only a week late!! BUT. here!

-

"I've changed my mind," Kanan says. "Letting you get me into archery was the best decision I've ever made."

Hera snorts from behind him, dropping her forehead onto his shoulder and moving her hands down to his waist. She presses her hips closer to his and a kiss to his jaw, then starts correcting his posture.

"Elbow down, love." She taps it and Kanan moves down so it's level with his chin. "I am fully aware that you wanted me to do this in a sexy way, just so you know, but I'm too invested in making sure your form is good."

"You focus on my form, I'll focus on the horny," Kanan jokes, waggling his eyebrows in such an endearingly dumb fashion that Hera can't help but kiss him.

"Maybe if we both focus on your form you might actually hit something," Hera teases. Kanan gasps, faux offended, and proceeds to lament at how horribly his wife treats him.

"Such cruelty from such a pretty woman," he bemoans. "I can't believe you'd treat me like this. This is homophobia and racism and sexism. I have been hate-crimed."

Hera outright laughs at that, dropping her hold on Kanan so that she can double over and use her hands to try to muffle her laughter. "Racism," she giggles. "I'm from Haiti, you dumb fuck."

"And I'm Latino, what's your point?" Kanan shoots back, a grin on his face. "Racism, I tell you. You are conspiring to bully me over my terrible archery skills because I'm Latino and you're not."

"Bozhe moy," comes a tired, Russian voice. "They're at it again, Zeb."

Hera looks behind her, a wide smile on her face. Aleksandr Kallus, Zeb's mysterious Russian boyfriend whom Hera is fairly sure is ex-FSB, is walking over to them with a pistol at his waist, his ear defenders round his neck, and Zeb's arm round his hips. Ezra trails behind them, looking dejected.

Ezra was adopted when he was seven and Hera and Kanan were each twenty. He'd been a surly, snappish kid, traumatised by the deaths of his parents only a few months before his adoption. He could've been Kanan's kid by birth, with how similarly they act.

"First you don't let me shoot and then I have to see Mom and Dad being all gross?" The fourteen-year-old complains. "Sabine would let me have a gun."

"No she wouldn't," Aleksandr says firmly. "After lunch I will teach you the air rifle - will that make you feel better?"

Ezra whoops, doing a strange little dance Zeb had taught him the first time they'd met. He's never truly grown out of it - not that Hera cares, she actually really likes the fact that Ezra feels comfortable enough around them to express his happiness - and it makes Zeb smile.

"Don't point the arrow at your feet!" Aleksandr snaps at Kanan, who starts and lifts the bow back up. "If you shoot your foot then you will have problems walking for a very long time."

"Bloody KGB," Kanan teases. He slowly relaxes the bow and takes the arrow out of the nock, putting it back into Hera's quiver.

"That's racist," Aleksandr says, folding his arms and looking at Kanan with an unflinching expression. Kanan stares back, baffled, and Aleksandr's eyebrow twitches from the effort he goes through to hold in his laughter.

Hera watches it click in Kanan's head; he yelps, smacking Aleksandr with his bow. "You are the only white person here!" Kanan retorts, laughing. "This has got to be the most ethnically diverse family in existence!"

And because Hera loves riling him up: "Technically Aleksandr adds to the diversity of the group, love."

Kanan groans.

-

send a (belated) birthday writing prompt?

WE GET AN ANSWER FOR WHY THE JEDI ONLY USE LIGHTSABERS INSTEAD OF KYBER BOMBS OR BLASTERS BECAUSE THEY’RE HERE TO BE MORE POWERFUL THEY’RE HERE TO STAND UP AGAINST THE DARK THEY DELIBERATELY CHOSE A  WEAPON THAT TAKES CONTROL AND INTENTION TO WIELD BECAUSE THAT’S THE JEDI’S WHOLE PURPOSE YOU DON’T JUST BLAST AWAY AT YOUR OPPONENT YOU CHOOSE YOUR MOVES CAREFULLY, YOU FOLLOW THE FLOW OF THE FORCE, YOU TRAIN FOR A LIFETIME FOR THE MOMENT THAT YOU FIGHT AGAINST SOMEONE THAT THEY ARE SHOWING, AGAIN AND AGAIN, THEY DO NOT WANT TO RULE OVER OTHERS, THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE IN THE GALAXY THEY COULD BE THAT BUT THEY DON’T BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE PROTECTORS, NOT CONQUERORS AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS EXPLANATION IT’S SO JEDI BUT ALSO IT’S LIKE “YEAH WE THOUGHT OF THAT AND DIDN’T WANT TO BE THAT KIND OF PEOPLE, SO WE STAY WITH THE LIGHTSABER BECAUSE IT MEANS EVERYTHING OF WHO WE ARE”.