Cold

Unexpected HRT side-effect #9

I sometimes get asked by people that have to stare intently at my face (usually in some professional capacity):

“Your skin is so good! What’s your secret?”

And I tell them:

“Every two weeks I shoot my thigh full of the cool, sexier estrogen!”

As with a number of other effects, I knew that I could expect softer, better skin. However, I didn’t truly appreciate with any kind of granularity as to what that actually meant.

For one thing: I have no breakouts, no blemishes; I changed literally nothing about my diet or skincare routine, and suddenly my face is completely crystal-clear.

(The one exception to this seems to be immediately after I load up my progesterone; although even here, ‘blemish’ seems kind of a strong word for a series of nearly imperceptible bumps.)

For another: my pores have shrunk! This caused some issues in the first couple of weeks, as it effectively forced some of them to trap their contents; but that went away after a little over a month and it’s been plain, small-pored sailing ever since!

The one downside - and it really isn’t much of one - is this: I am actually allergic to cats (which is probably not a great trait in a cat owner); but have great tolerance providing said cats are not rubbing themselves on my face. Doing so would set off a reaction where my lips would tingle and I would break out in hives.

Since starting HRT, the time in which this reaction occurs has gone from many minutes after the initial contact to practically seconds. It really isn’t much of a problem (and truthfully, I’ll gladly accept hives as a consequence of cat affection); but it’s interesting to see how yet another tiny part of my life has been impacted by the simple expedient of transposing my hormone levels!

Using downtime to write makes sense to me!

(Every laptop I’ve ever owned has had a small form factor; in large part because I wanted to make sure I could easily crack it open, irrespective of current locale.)

Kudos to you for using your phone in this way, however! (Also, it makes me wonder: due to the differences in writing implement - do you think the phone guides your creativity differently from, say, pen and paper, or a keyboard?)

I’m also all for the in-depth research! I know that there is a danger at times of spending too much time educating oneself, rather than writing; but honestly, if there’s a landmine guaranteed to take a reader out of a story, it’s an incongruent (and easily avoided) factual error.

(It’s also come to my attention via some of my own projects that you simply cannot avoid having to know things in order to accomplish an otherwise simple goal.

Case in point: I have to replace a zipper. I didn’t expect to have to learn about the different materials, sizes, styles, pullers - let alone, the art of trimming a zipper to desired length! And yet: this knowledge is critical to completing the task.)

Likewise: you have to take the time to define your characters, their world, and the events that unfold from both - or, as you note, you may end up with some significant plot SNAFUs. 🙂

Regarding the fanfic asks: 📈, 🛠️, and 🤗!

📈 How many fics do you have?

Uh. UH. I... they're kind of spread over a few different areas, and are we counting only active fics?

Upwards of ten active WIPs. I don't want to chase down every WIP I have somewhere, or even the completed little one shots.

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

I do ninety percent of my writing in gdocs. It's quick, easy, and I can do it on my phone because I'm a madlad.

In terms of 'tools', just stuff for names. I've been using a lot of wiktionary to research the meaning behind various kanji to help create names for Naruto/Bleach, and occasionally even get to use it for some wordplay. Otherwise, random name generators, behindthename, top 100 baby names - that kind of stuff.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

This kind of goes for any writer or creative but: create for yourself first. Pleasing your audience is great! It feels great! But don't chase them.

Make something for yourself first, be happy with it, satisfied, and let that be enough. And then, if people like it, that's great! If they don't, well, who cares? You didn't make it for them.

A newfound pain: addendum

Not that this is in any way, shape or form a surprise but... sheer tights are fragile. Like, super fragile. You so much as even look at them the wrong way and a run spontaneously appears!

This makes lace look positively durable in comparison...

Okay, but I have to give some context to my spouse’s tags here:

As a teenage, I played the beloved Nintendo 64 classic GoldenEye 007 with my two brothers; and we were speculating as to what the upper limit was for number of enemies slain in any given mission.

To test this, we used various cheats to render the player character invincible, arm him with two rapid-firing machine guns, disable reloads, and provide an infinite supply of ammunition.

We then proceeded to the latter part of the Facility mission; where - during the climax - a never-ending supply of Russian soldiers spawn, and enter the room via the same narrow doorway.

By the simple expedient of placing the player character on the other side of the door, these hapless troops had no option but to run directly into his cross-hairs. We then used a rubber band to hold the fire button on the controller down, and went to dinner.

Returning an hour later, we discovered that our hero James Bond had single-handedly killed no less than 3,000 men; at a rate of a little less than one per second.

Fast forward: I’m in college, and my (soon-to-be) spouse is living with me in my dorm. Fortuitously we had the same Nintendo 64 to entertain us; and a copy of GoldenEye 007′s spiritual successor: Perfect Dark.

My spouse greatly delighted in playing the mission Mr. Blonde’s Revenge; in which the titular protagonist golden-haired behemoth fights his way to the top of a skyscraper with the intent of kidnapping the CEO stationed at the top.

For whatever reason (class, I assume), I had to leave; and when I came back, my spouse was still playing. On completing the mission, we discovered that they had also managed to end the lives of some 3,000 unlucky guards.

Here’s the important difference: during the experiment my brothers and I conducted, we reached this goal by taking advantage of a quirk of level design to automate, at speed and scale, the dispatch of enemy NPCs.

My spouse, on the other hand, had committed their incredible murder spree by hand; endlessly stalking the lower floor of the skyscraper and by various turns firing upon, blowing up, and bludgeoning each new security officer that had the misfortune of ending up in their cross-hairs.

(And filling them with crossbow bolts. So many, many crossbow bolts.)

Hence the epithet: “Captain Overkill”.

Sleeping arrangements: addendum 1

This has obviously been on my mind, but it was only very recently that I was able to connect all the pieces.

I believe that I was subjected to some kind of trauma during my early childhood. I have no memory of these events; but evidently they left some kind of impression on me because I experience flashbacks.

Some factors that trigger these episodes include high levels of general stress; moments of emotionally-charged interpersonal conflict; and nighttime. (Also: certain bedroom activities that are probably best skipped here.)

Well: I have a lot of undischarged stress at present; so come nighttime, things get... flashbacky. Generally what happens is that the spouse and I end up falling asleep like this:

Now, I really want to stress that my spouse is awesome; they always makes sure to communicate that I'm safe, and if I want to be closer that's okay, and if not, that's okay too. There's nothing they’re doing in this scenario that's an issue.

For me though... Well, as the diagram indicates, there is a Zone Of Safety at the corner of the bed and moving outside of it induces anxiety.

When the flashback reaches peak criticality, I'll move off the bed entirely and on to the floor. (It used to be that I would relocate to our walk-in closet, but apparently the space between the bed and the wall is now sufficiently protective per my brain.)

So here's the last piece of the puzzle: when trying to explain this situation to a friend last night, it occurred to me that I had things the wrong way around. The problem is not that I have to be on the floor; the problem is that I can't be in bed with another person.

It's not safe.

...And that brings us full circle. As I stated: I don't know what the nature of the initial trauma was that began things. Based on this latest clue however, the implications are clear... and I can't say I like them.

Cold: addendum 1

I still have a cold. I'm still trying to practice my singing and it's still being impinged upon because of my symptoms.

Currently I have some phlegm in my throat; and it's fine and well until I get up to A4 and then it starts to resonate, and I make the most ungodly noise that sounds not entirely unlike Chewbacca trilling.

It just so happens that I'm trying to practice in the region of A4 / B4; so to say that this is inconvenient would be an understatement. Likewise, there isn't really a solution - clearing my throat might help for a hot second, but the problem very quickly reasserts itself.

I know I just need to be patient and wait for this to clear but... I don't want to! I just want to sing...

Winter fox

My friend Elizabeth invited me to an online painting class on short notice. It was an absolute blast, and we had a great time! Here’s the finished result:

This was actually a really interesting exercise in that it was technically an acrylics class, but all I had to hand were watercolors (bar the small amount of white acrylic I used for the snow).

It was quite challenging: trying to keep pace with a medium that required more applications of pigment to achieve the same depth of color, took longer to dry, and could not be used to over-paint!

It’s not going to set the art world on fire by any measure, but I’m actually really happy with how it came out under such constraints!

(Also: still sticking with canvas, despite it’s unsuitability! I really need to invest in a pad of watercolor paper already...)

The Brutalizer

I was in a really, really bad spot a few weeks ago. I found myself sitting in the bath, crying my eyes out, when my friend messaged me.

On a crazy whim I asked her if she wanted to video chat, and that’s exactly what we did (with me doing my damnedest to keep the camera above neck-level).

She was having a pretty bad time of things too; and it was really good that we were able to talk and be there for one another.

To cheer me up, my friend then shared with me a recent experience: during a visit to a sex shop, she encountered an object for sale of both prodigious length and alarming girth. The name of this objet d’art - alarmingly - is The Brutalizer.

I would like to stress at this point that the two of us are super sex-positive. (You do you! If it isn’t harming anyone, why should we care?)

However, there was a fundamental absurdity to this particular item that kept us giggling: it’s gargantuan proportions (intimidating for all but the highly experienced); it’s bizarre marketing (including emphasis on the weight of the product); and perhaps best of all, a glowing appraisal from a professional online reviewer (hidden, like some kind of butt-stuffing landmine, in an otherwise tranquil field of gardening product and Bakugan reviews).

The store had three of these things on display! (Presumably to combat a rush of customers?)

There was much-needed laughter.

During this episode, I made the offhand comment that between the name of the product and the ultra-macho slogans adorning its packaging, I could very much envisage an ‘80s buddy cop show where this inanimate, intimate object plays the role of the maverick detective.

...And that engaged my dark muse. Despite the inherent ridiculousness, I then went on to paint this monstrosity:

(Actual Brutalizer censored because it’s Tumblr; but you know, use your imagination.)

My daughter described this, with utmost aptness, as a ‘physical shitpost’.

The painting is currently moving through the transit network of the US postal service as I type; winging its way to my utterly unaware friend. I very much look forward to seeing her reaction when she realizes that I have immortalized our in-joke in a format that can never, ever be displayed before polite company!

Lessons learned:

Planning typography is laborious, but so worth it!

Watercolors and rough canvas still don’t mix, but I’m persevering.

Also, watercolors are not great for ‘80s-style neon colors.

It feels like cheating somehow, but fine-tip Sharpies are great for outlining!

Update: It arrived! My friend’s reaction: “😂🤣👮‍♂️🍆🎨“!

️ Seventeen years, with many more to come! ❤️

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY WIFE! SEVENTEEN YEARS MARRIED AND COUNTING!!!

My spouse is now a fully-fledged Necron Phaeron; and I could not be prouder of them!

(Seriously, though; it’s been a real pleasure, watching them pick up new techniques and sharpen their brush skills at warp speed. I can’t wait to see what they do next!)

Started my journey into Warhammer painting after getting a kit for Christmas. I thought i'd show off a few of the figures I've painted.

(please be nice, I'm so new to miniature painting)

I love these lil Necron dudes. I'm told using all metallic paint was the equivalent of learning to swim in the deep end. 🤷 I'm also hearing using a cold palette is unusual, too. 🫠 Maybe I'm doing it wrong?