My Spouse And I Just Had The Most Wonderfully Absurd Exchange Regarding A Hypothetical Scenario In Which

Putting this out there, as Fiona’s work is absolutely incredible and she deserves more exposure! Are you looking to have a miniature painted with topnotch blending? Commission Fiona today!

howdy do! I'm opening one (1) commission slot for a (single) miniature to help me pay for my Transition, I am starting small and may open up more slots in the future.

A questionnaire will be provided to assure quality and satisfaction of the finished product.

Contact via DMs or email if interested

Email: f.ekerholm@gmail.com

Rules and terms

Payment via paypal*

Payment up front, if any extra paints, a model or resources are needed that is paid for in full.

The model is paid for by the buyer, either sent or I source locally (Sweden)

Single model ONLY, 28-54mm sized, no over detailed/huge model, regular basing is included.** Progress pictures will be provided.

Painting time 1-2 weeks painting time + shipping

Shipping rates are 12€***

*If you are located in Sweden payment is done via swish

**Basic basing is texture paste, in the color of your choosing shaded and highlighted with a few small tufts

***Some countries may be more or less expensive

Costs:

Building is required: 10€

Painting time 5h/7h 40/55€

If building is required

Complex or special basing: 7€

Simple OSL: 4€

Face: 4€

NMM Weapon effect: 5€

I have three friends; one transitioned in her thirties, another in her late fifties; the third is transitioning now, in her sixties. All three of them look absolutely incredible.

Honestly, I don’t know where this idea came from that age stops you from transitioning. Yes, there is a possibility that as you age, you may gain more undesirable physical characteristics. You know what else you gain? Time; money; and resources.

The oldest of the three worries a great deal about requiring facial surgery in order to pass. (She doesn’t; but it’s still an understandable concern.) At the same time, she thinks nothing of dropping $35,000 on said surgery.

It’s all trade-offs; what you lack on one side, you gain on the other. ❤️

Baby Trans, listen to me, a 34 year old.

Hi, I'm Trans. I was AFAB and I transitioned, now I just look like a short cis guy.

Here's the thing: I didn't transition until I was about 27ish. I didn't even know I was trans until I was 25.

Don't let anyone tell you to "not bother transitioning after 19"

That's a load of shit. People barely know who they are at 19. Personalities change and develop. Shit I didn't really know who I was until I was about 27-28ish.

You can transition at any age. If you don't feel ready in your teens, or your 20s, take your time. If you are unable to transition at 19 due to medical or economical reasons, you have plenty of time. The clock is not ticking. Take this at your own pace.

You've got a whole long life ahead of you, take one step at a time.

Incomplete sentences

Sometimes, when I’m writing, I will omit words or even entire portions of a sentence. I don’t know why this is; only that it’s something I’ve done for a very long time.

The solution is, of course, to proof-read vociferously. Ironically however, I will often not notice that I have made this mistake because my brain kindly fills in the missing detail instead of alerting me to its absence.

I note this because I know I have written posts previously that suffer from this issue; and I’m sure there will be more in future. To that effect, dear reader: thank you for your continued patience, and understanding!

I went the injectable route at the advice of a friend; and I always wanted to share my knowledge on this subject with others. Talk about perfect timing, too - it’s injection day!

Disclaimer: there’s a lot of room for variation in terms of what’s injected, how it’s injected, etc.; be sure to ask for and follow the instructions of your provider.

Medications

I inject 1ml of 5mg/ml Estradiol Cypionate (brand name: “Depo-Estradiol”), every two weeks; and 1ml of 150mg/ml Medroxy-Progesterone Acetate (brand name: “Depo-Provera”) every ninety days.

Keep a diary of your injections; and in particular the manufacturer, lot, expiration, and serial number of every medication (all of which will be clearly printed on the packaging). This information can be helpful when identifying issues.

Vials

Both medications come in little glass vials. There’s a sterile plastic cap on top (which you break off); and underneath, a rubber seal designed to prevent air from entering the vial.

The Progesterone comes in a single-use vial, containing just one dose; you dispose of the vial afterwards. The Estradiol comes in a multi-use vial, containing five doses; you keep the vial for next time.

Note: there is a risk that multi-use vials can become contaminated with bacteria. Be sure to follow the injection process carefully; maintain sterility; and store your medication in an appropriate location and at the correct temperature, per the instructions.

In medical settings, multi-use vials are good for 30 days after opening; at which point they are disposed of. In my case, I’m keeping the vial for 52 days. I wouldn’t recommend pushing too far past that, as the longer the vial is in use, the higher the risk of contamination.

Injectable supplies

Each injection requires the following:

A syringe,

A large needle (mine are 18g, 1.5′ long, and pink),

A small needle (likewise, 25g, 1′ long, and light blue),

Two alcohol pads,

A Band-Aid (mine has llamas on it)!

Normally you’ll be proscribed a syringe with one of the needles already attached; and the other needle by itself. Alcohol pads and Band-Aids can be purchased from your local pharmacy.

Needles

During the injection process, you will need to switch the needle attached to the syringe. The syringes I use feature a “Luer-Lock” connection, which means they screw on and off.

Each needle comes with a protective plastic cap; you always want the cap on the needle when attaching or removing it from the syringe. (Safety aside, the needles are intentionally designed to make them difficult to add or remove without the cap attached.)

There’s a reason there are two needles: when you need to suck fluid into the syringe, it’s very difficult if the needle is too small. (This is why blood draw needles tend to be on the bigger side.) When you need to squirt fluid out of the needle, however, the size doesn’t matter as much. (Plus: smaller needles cause less discomfort when poking people!)

So the big needle is going to be what you use to draw your medication; and the small needle is what you use to inject it. (When I started my regimen, I asked my provider if a nurse could show me what to do. I wasn’t aware at the time that there were different needles involved; so when I saw the big needle, I was terrified!)

Drawing the medication

First things first: wash your hands! (At every step, you want to prevent the possibility of germs getting into your supplies or worse, into you!)

Take your vial, remove and discard the plastic cap, and clean the surface of the rubber seal with an alcohol pad. (This prevents contaminants from being carried into the vial.)

Next, you attach the large needle to the syringe, and withdraw the plunger so that it contains the same amount of air as the medication you wish to withdraw. (In my case, 1ml.) The plunger will have a rubber seal that meets the inside of the syringe surface; the top of the seal is what you will be measuring against.

Hold the vial level, and with the syringe pointing down, insert the needle through the rubber seal of the vial. Now, carefully turn everything upside down: you should have the syringe pointing up, and the vial pointing down (with the medication pooling around the seal).

Inject the air in the syringe into the empty space in the top of the vial; this will help keep the pressure in the vial constant. Submerge the needle tip in the medication, and gently draw it into the syringe.

It’s normal to have some air left in the syringe; or to accidentally draw some in from the vial. You can squirt some medication back into the syringe to remove the air bubbles; or tap the syringe to shake them free. Tiny air bubbles are normal and harmless; but you don’t want a large bubble in there!

When finished, withdraw the needle from the vial smoothly and quickly. (This is a non-issue with thicker medications, such as Estradiol; but with a thinner medication - such as Progesterone - withdrawing the needle slowly can cause a small amount of medication to squirt out of the vial.)

Preparing the injection

Remove the large needle from the syringe and replace it with the small one. Push the plunger ever so slightly; if you see a tiny drop of medication at the end of the small syringe; this confirms that there’s no air remaining.

You should now have a filled syringe, ready to go!

These injections are intramuscular; that is to say, the goal is to create a 'depot’ (i.e. little bubble) of the medication in a muscle. This is exactly the same as most vaccinations; except they are normally delivered in the deltoid muscle of the arm, whereas these injections will be delivered to the vastus lateralis muscle in the upper thigh.

(Location is determined by a number of factors; primarily, the size of the depot being created. Vaccinations tend to involve very small amounts of fluid; and so it is more convenient to inject them into the likewise smaller deltoid.)

Imagine the top of your thigh is divided horizontally into three sections, and you can see the dividing lines. The line nearest your body is the target. It is recommended that you rotate your injection site with every shot. My rotation schedule looks like this:

Outside of the left thigh,

Outside of the right thigh,

Middle of the left thigh,

Middle of the right thigh,

Inside of the left thigh,

Inside of the right thigh.

Keep in mind that some spots are more awkward to access than others. (Today’s injection was in the outside right thigh; as I’m left-handed, having to reach across my body is a nuisance.)

Once you know where the injection will be going, clean the area with your other alcohol pad. Give it some time for the alcohol on your skin to evaporate. (You can fan air over the skin to speed up this process.)

If there is still alcohol on your skin when you perform the injection, it will be carried into your tissue and create a burning sensation. This is not dangerous; but it is unpleasant and something you will want to avoid.

Inserting the needle

Everything is ready! (Also, there are no images for this part; I needed both hands here for what I was doing.)

Sit on a chair or similar object, so you can your thighs are horizontal and your lower legs vertical. Find a position where your muscles are relaxed. (Tense muscle tissue is harder to penetrate; it won’t stop you from completing the injection, but it can cause more discomfort.)

Take the syringe in your dominant hand, and hold it like a throwing dart. With your other hand, pull the skin of your thigh taut, towards your knee. (This is the “Z-Track” method - it helps to prevent your medication from leaking back out of the injection site.) Take care not to place your fingers on the area you just cleaned.

Now, the part that gets people: you have to stick the needle in your thigh. Understandably, there is fear that this will hurt. It’s okay if you need a minute to work up the courage! Try to keep in mind that if you do everything right, discomfort should be minimal.

When you are ready: stick the needle in, quickly and smoothly, at a 90º angle.

Do not hesitate. (I totally get it - but if the needle doesn’t fully insert, you’re either going to have to push it the rest of the way, or remove it and try again. The faster and more confidently you insert the needle, the less you will feel it!)

Don’t worry about it going too far in. There’s a plastic nub at the end of the needle, designed specifically to prevent this from happening.

If everything has gone to plan, then the needle should be fully inserted in the thigh, and no longer visible. You can now remove the hand holding your skin taut. (This can feel a little weird at first, as the underlying tissue is trying to move back into position against the needle.)

Delivering the medication

With one hand, hold the tip of the syringe steady against your skin (so that you don’t accidentally withdraw the needle). With the other, slowly depress the plunger, injecting the medication into your muscle.

How slow? Slow. Nursing guidelines recommend ten seconds per 1ml of fluid injected. I normally double that. (Also: as aforementioned, Estradiol is frequently delivered in an oil-based medium, which makes it thicker. Thicker fluids take longer - and more effort - to push through a small needle. When in doubt, go slower.)

Cleanup

Once the medication is fully delivered, carefully remove the needle, and place the cap back on. You might see a drop of either medication or blood at the injection site; this is normal. Cover with a Band-Aid. You’re done!

Place both of your capped needles in a solid container. (I use an old prescription bottle.) This way, when you dispose of them, there’s no danger of someone getting poked by a used needle.

All other supplies should be disposed of (barring the aforementioned multi-use vials). Tempting though it might be to save time and money, do not reuse syringes or needles. (This is just asking for an infection!)

Aftercare

It’s normal for the injection site to be sore the next day (as if you had an invisible bruise). This is because the act of creating the bubble of medication in the muscle does a small amount of damage.

It’s not normal for the site to swell; turn red; itch; or become hot to the touch. These are signs of an infection. Such infections are easy to treat (usually with a course of antibiotics); but it’s important to seek medical attention quickly, as they can cause serious complications if left unattended. (This is especially true of the red patch grows rapidly!)

What can go wrong?

I’m not going to lie: lots of things.

A couple of times, inserting the needle has triggered a leg spasm. This doesn’t hurt; it just feels really, really weird.

Occasionally I will accidentally hit a blood vessel with the needle. (This is unavoidable; you can’t see them from the surface.) This doesn’t pose an issue other than being mildly painful.

I once hit a nerve the same way. The pain from doing so left me in tears. (I want to stress however, that this happened once in fifty-seven shots.)

There was a syringe with a defective plunger that wouldn’t depress the whole way. That was frustrating; but simply meant I had to start over and go again.

Likewise, I had a friend whose needle detached from the syringe while it was still in her thigh. Obviously, an upsetting scenario; but one that can be avoided by ensuring that the needles are firmly locked into place prior to use.

If you have questions or issues, and need help - be sure to ask to talk to a nurse at your provider’s office! They spend a lot of time poking people in various ways, and have a wealth of expertise to offer.

Another really resource is trans men! The amount of information they’ve gathered on the analogous act of injecting Testosterone is staggering! When I run into a problem I’ve never seen before, they are my first port of call.

What can go right?

If you perfect your technique and can overcome the mental hurdle of sticking a needle in yourself, the process can be quick and discomfort-free!

On the science side: different methods of administering Estradiol have corresponding levels of bioavailability (i.e. how much of the Estradiol actually ends up in your system and doing what it’s supposed to instead of, say, accidentally being digested). Of these, intramuscular injection has the highest degree of bioavailability .

Additionally, the hormone levels of cis women are not static; there’s a complex interplay at work where they rise and fall. Injecting Estradiol every two weeks more closely resembles this cycle than taking the same amount of medication every day.

A final plus: you only have to remember to take your medication fortnightly!

In conclusion

I hope this is helpful to every trans woman thinking about going down the injectable rabbit hole. It can be rather daunting; but if you’re willing to invest the time and effort, it can be incredible rewarding!

why the fuck did I willingly switch to injectable estrogen im fucking terrified of needles

Periscope tail

Our kitten likes to play a game where she runs away and then slowly sneaks up on the person she ran away from. I struggled at first to tell this apart from regular skittishness until my wife pointed out the difference - when we're playing, her tail sticks up like a periscope.

It's so cute - she'll go flying down the hallway but with happy tail! Then there will be some meowing, and the sneaking begins...

My friend has a new album in the works; and released a preview of the title song: Sleepyhead. It’s an achingly beautiful piece; go take a listen.

Orikan: *Rewinds time*

Trazyn: "...A single thread of fact within this tapestry of fiction you have woven."

Orikan: "BASTARD, BASTARD, BASTARD!"

"Stop laughing Trazyn, I have a Gf, she's just from another dynasty"

Shuffle Meme - Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

...And finally, the part of the music library that has yet to be tidied up!

Everything Else

Clash Caravan Palace - Live At Le Trianon On my to-do list: catch a live performance from electroswing trailblazers Caravan Palace. (True story: the band was formed when three traditional instrumentalists / DJs were hired to produce the soundtrack to a black and white pornographic film. How French is that?)

Eustonia CoLD SToRAGE - Android Child Legendary for his Amiga and PlayStation soundtracks; Tim Wright also has an exceptional catalog of personal work (including an album that incorporated the moon - the moon! - as a production effect)!

BROKEN HEART 月野うさぎ Desired Desired is a pioneer of the anime-themed future funk scene, and a major tent-pole in the portfolio of Neon City Records. For a fuller sampling of his work, please enjoy this excellent mix by Real Love Music.

Ebough, Delicious DFast - Out Of The System DFast exists somewhere between funk and big beat; as is typified by this stellar contribution to HBC-00004: Field Trip by ½-bit Cheese.

As You Are Garfunkel And Oates - Music Songs Although better known for their hilarious output, the final song of their first album - dedicated to a mutual friend - is a message we all need to hear.

Eer Amak Et Amor've! Keith303 Arguably one of the greatest .mod music files ever made; through the magic of technological manipulation, Keith bends a sine wave into a more than passable imitation of an electric guitar.

Part One Mike Oldfield - Tubular Bells At 17, Oldfield composed the entirety of this album; at 19, recorded almost the entire thing single-handedly using analog technology utterly unsuited for the task. (As an illustration: a BBC performance demonstrates the number of musicians required to achieve this feat live.) From a technical standpoint, this album represents one of the greatest accomplishments in modern music history.

Yuki Satellites Mosaik Mosaik's work features a kind of quiet, contemplative beauty; and this - the theme to the demo Channel 5 Sequence, by Haujobb - is no exception.

Activate One Now Subi The mad maestro of 4-channel .mod music. (I was astonished to learn later in life that we grew up just a mile and a half apart!)

Holly Republica - Republica One of the first albums I ever bought. I strongly suspect that if I had been bestowed the luxury of transitioning in my teens, a great deal of my personal style may have ended up modeled on that of Republica frontwoman Saffron.

Ponytail

At the age of fifteen I decided to grow my hair out and tie it up. It stayed in a ponytail for twenty-two years (excluding a brief period where I was foolishly convinced to cut it); even when swimming, or at night.

(In retrospect, I really wish I had been kinder to my hair; I’ve been fortunate to retain my hairline, but there’s some thinning at the front and I’m convinced that this isn’t age but rather, mild traction alopecia. Alas; live and learn.)

Leaving my hair down felt... physically uncomfortable. It was a rarity.

Fast forward to today, and I had temporarily tied my hair up to keep it dry in the bath. It didn’t occur to me until after: “Why does my hair feel so weird?”... And it was then that I realize that I still had the tie in.

It’s fascinating to discover that there are actual, physical sensations associated with my gender and how it might be perceived by myself and others!

After months of silly overwork, I finally got to see my stylist! I feel so much better now that my hair is both multicolored and a more manageable length. 🙂