Viper: Skull Has The Weirdest Knowledge And Skill Set I Have Ever Seen. Like, Watch This.

Test Compilation of my writing submissions for the Mecha AU started by @keferon.

Friends in Every Universe

Part 1

Part 2

Part 1.5

Part 3

Part 4

Observations on Kryptonians:

Their Biology, Behavior and its Dynamic with Beauty

An anecdotal entry by Bruce T. Wayne, regarding his experiences with the Kryptonian People.

Over the course of the last century, Earth and Humanity has become aware that not only are we not alone in our universe- but that we are not alone on our world. At an undisclosed moment in our history, our homeworld became a refuge for the last children of Krypton, a world that was lost to unknown disaster.

Kryptonians are mysterious and alien, a recipe for rejection and prejudice on this planet. Not only this, but they have exceptional powers, which lure our worst impulses of greed and exploitation. We have not always treated them with kindness.

Despite our own lack of humanity, the most notable Kryptonians of our society continue to share their unique gifts and perspectives, choosing to help wherever they can.

As a Jewish man, and a Father, the legacy of the Kryptonian people, both in entrusting our world with their children, but with it, their future in the face of diaspora, humbles me.

I would like to offer my voice of support to our kin from beyond the stars. I have some personal experience with Kryptonians, and will attempt to demystify their habits and nature, to present them to you not as strangers from the skies, but as part of the infinite diversity of our world.

Not to be feared, not be used, but to be welcomed.

ברוכים הבאים לבית שלנו

Caveat on Kryptonian Powers

Most discussions of Kryptonian biology begin and typically conclude with a long list of the powers typical to Kryptonians. These powers are considerable, but are generally used to justify how they are treated. There is no value in me lingering on this much-speculated aspect of our Kryptonian kin.

Instead, I would like to discuss the lesser known traits that I have found to be personally charming.

Diurnalism and Sun-seeking

Kryptonians are naturally diurnal by nature, and are drawn to sunlight. When relaxed, they enjoy basking in our sun's warmth and when injured, or unwell, should rest in either natural sunlight, or be placed near a sunlamp.

Many Kryptonians display a tanned or dark-skinned complexion, which I found initially counterintuitive since it indicates protective melanin in Humans. In a Kryptonian, this coloration is actually indicative of stored solar radiation. In layman's terms, it's a sign of good health in your local Kryptonian.

(Art credit to @domnorian, please support the original work here, it is used here as an example)

Dentition and Diet

The intense demands of the Kryptonian body are supported by an incredibly high metabolism. Although they are primarily sustained by solar radiation, they can and do display a remarkable appetite. This energy is readily burned off by their bodies, so it should be considered offensive to shame or draw attention to how hungry a Kryptonian may appear to a Human.

Instead, attention should be paid to the variety of their diet. I have concerns that Kryptonian nutrition is not necessarily met by traditional human foods, and believe that supplements of various metals, sillica and crystalized minerals may be of great use to them. Further research is indicated, but consider they may not be fully satisfied.

This viewpoint is supported by the Kryptonian dentition, which features a diminutive but handsome set of fangs. As this is one of the more readily visible distinguishing features, some Kryptonians experience self-consciousness when smiling.

If it is of comfort to any Kryptonians reading this, Humans enjoy 'teefies' and like to remark upon the canine teeth of our companion cats and dogs. We find it 'cute'.

Ocular Notes

It has come to my attention that Kryptonian vision is more specialized for use during flight. It has great telescopic capacity, amongst its other various modes, but this can put them at a disadvantage in our society. Being so far-sighted, Kryptonians may struggle to read letters, smaller signs and newspapers without assistance.

If you see a Kryptonian puzzling over a piece of paper, and holding it at arms' length, any offers to help should be gently made. However, Kryptonians are notoriously friendly and inclined to offer help as much as receive it. You may well make a new best friend. In fact you probably will. Statistically.

A smaller note is that Kryptonian eyes- on account of the multiple facets to their vision -all appear to be a unique type of blue. This particular shade is potentially a generative emission of scattered sunlight, though it would require more detailed research and a far longer examination on my part to confirm.

They Purr

Yes, it is true. Kryptonians purr. It is a delight to listen to.

From my observations it seems readily triggered by the presence of children, or a desire to comfort others. As well as by their own contentment, whether physical, emotional and often both.

The frequency of the oscillations seem to differ between the two circumstances, supporting my current theory that this purring is both a form of communication, but separately resonant to encourage bone growth and soft tissue repair in the sick and injured.

Reproduction and Courtship

Having not conducted a relationship with a Kryptonian, I speak from a limited capacity of research. That said, to Humans looking to court Kryptonians, they appear to be receptive to forms of lip contact, and saliva exchange.

Further erogenous zones are speculative, but there is marked sensitivity along the length of the throat and just below the occipital bone.

Love

I put it to you that Kryptonians are not powerful - they are uniquely vulnerable. An endangered culture and people who have shown us compassion alone. They deserve our protection and understanding.

This is the only home they have ever known. They are not strangers from the stars, they are our friends sharing the same sunlight.

They love us. We should love them in return.

B.T.W

PS. @official-clark-kent I am no reporter, but I did enjoy trying my hand at a small thinkpiece. Perhaps we could go fishing sometime?

Sometimes reading Arthuriana feels like reading Alice in Wonderland.

“Well,” said Alice, “these are a dreadfully strange assortment of objects!”

“They all symbolize different aspects of Our Lord’s martyrdom,” said the Fisher King, casting a line into his teacup.

“Indeed. I am sure everything symbolizes something else, for if everything was only itself I should be very confused. Might I ask what the point of the bleeding lance is?”

Alice regretted asking the question as soon as she had done so, for she saw the pun that would likely be made about the word point. Instead, however, the room erupted in applause and shouts of “The Grail! She has achieved the Grail!”

The next castle she visited, Alice resolved to herself as the inhabitants of this one danced for joy, would be more sensible.

B'traxia's Hive King Mating Guide for the Recently Transformed!

Gonna go ahead and lay down a large chunk of the first chapter of the fic that I'll be posting for this year's TentaTodd week because I'm excited as hell about it and have like zero patience lol

Summary: Tim finds what he thinks is porn with an emphasis on speculative biology in Jason's apartment, but it turns out the only speculative part is Jason's speculation about whether or not Tim will want to actually for realsies mate with him.

(It's very much playing off of my analysis of Brothers In Blood, which may explain a lot)

(Also if you saw the several sentances sunday thing: this is an extended and much more explicit version of that!)

Normally Tim would pretend to know better than to go snooping through Jason's stuff, especially when a storm had forced him to crash at one of his safehouses unannounced, but c'mon, these are only the bookshelves! What did Jason have them for if not to display the books?? Perfectly reasonable to take a look through the different spines, pull a few out enough to see the covers, maybe actually read one. After all there was no reason to suspect there'd be anything to hide such as-

B'traxia's Hive King Mating Guide for the Recently Transformed!

The cover features a lavish illustration of an alien with a roughly 'centaur' configuration of limbs. It's got a set of massive spikes for front legs that look great for digging and cleaving people in two, and a pair of cat like, pawed, digidigrade back legs. The spine and joints are armor plated, while the soft belly is lined with octopus arms of wildly varying sizes.

The alien is also proudly presenting his three MASSIVE PHALLUSES for the audience.

Tim sputters and laughs, opening the book up and flipping through it lazily.

The quality is ridiculously good overall. It's hand bound, full color, lavishly illustrated with diagrams and charts and cultural notes and- it's honestly hilariously Jason in nature now that he thinks about it. Like, of course, Jason with his snobby love of all things hand crafted would masturbate to some niche fetish shit in a weird format full of way too much worldbuilding. It's probably bespoke too; Tim would lay good money that Jason commissioned the artist himself.

Tim flips back to the first page and starts reading.

Congratulations on your successful chrysalis hatching, my new brethren! Whether you got here by choice or circumstance, this guide is designed to help you understand the most important topic for your new biology and psychology: sex! For most species, sex is merely one activity among many. Most adults spend most of their time on other things, such as making objects or completing economic tasks. The internal impulses of such adults account for a wide variety of needs. Hunger, thirst, tiredness, these are all different sensations because the adult is expected to do different things in order to sate them. This is not so for Hive Kings like us! The primary way a Hive King interacts with the world is through his hive beast workers. His biology does not expect him to labor or travel or do anything other than have sex with his brooders, impregnating them with the hundreds of workers who serve him! When a Hive King's blood sugar levels lower, he does not feel anything. Instead it is his workers which feel a desire to feed him. What happens then, when the Hive King does not have enough workers to keep himself fed? He starts craving sex! Breeding makes more workers and workers are how the Hive King eats! Nearly all desires and cravings are sublimated in this way. Either they are passed to the workers who then fulfill the Hive King's wishes adequately, or they go unsated and are converted into potent breeding lust. Thus sexual desire becomes the primary lens through which the Hive King experiences his own needs and wants. This is especially important information for Hive Kings who choose to remain alone or in very small hives. If you want to go this route, I recommend you carefully track and record your own sexual cravings to ensure that you're getting your needs met. Specific kinks may be signs of specific needs. For instance, Kyalgn from Sector 17 reports that thirst often manifests as desires to swallow his partners whole or have them urinate in his mouth. Note that all of the above merely adds to the already elevated sexual drive of Hive Kings. The deep craving for constant, fertile breeding sex is usually the first instinctual effect of the transformation that a Hive King notices.

Tim is... honestly getting into it a bit. He's got one hell of a thing for breeding, so sue him, and while he's not so much into being the alien, he's enjoying the thought of someone truly insatiable trying to knock him up over and over again despite not being the same species.

It is a bit too wordy for his tastes though. Tim skips passed a frankly obscene amount of detailed anatomical and biochemical analysis in order to get to the good stuff already.

The Hive King first wraps the brooder's body in his tentacles and engages in foreplay. If he can coax at least one orgasm out of the Brooder before the breeding process begins, that is ideal. Happy, relaxed, pleasured Brooders are safer Brooders who bear healthier children. Then the Hive King will carefully fill up the Brooder's cunt with his ovipositor, thrusting shallowly until he reaches the cervix. His dilating hooks will then latch on to the cervix, injecting the brooder with aphrodisic-anesthetic-hypermobilitic chemicals, and begin stretching the Brooder open so that they can receive his eggs. Upon achieving enough dilation for his eggs to fit safely, the ovipositor will thrust a few inches deeper and the Hive King will experience ovipositional orgasm as his body pumps his eggs into his mate's womb. Depending on the size of the eggs and the size of his Brooder mate, this process can take anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours and the orgasm will last until the last egg is inside and his ovipositor unhooks from their cervix. Once all the eggs are safely inside, it's important to move on to the second phase of sex as soon as possible. Remember: the longer the eggs spend unfertilized, the more risky the pregnancy becomes. Next, using his cocks, the Hive King must thrust into his mate's pussy again with both penises, ideally reaching passed the cervix and hitting the back of the womb with each thrust. Every time he orgasms this way he will spill roughly two gallons of cum into his mate. As the sex continues nearly all of this will spill out, but don't worry: this is desirable. The flow of perfluorocarbon seminal fluid must be continuous, as it provides vital nutrients and oxygen to the developing embryos. Do not allow yourself more than 43 minutes rest in between one orgasm ending and beginning to work yourself up for the next orgasm. Ideally, you should simply not stop thrusting for the entirety of the roughly 78 hour pregnancy.

It's completely absurd. More than three days of non-stop pregnant sex while high as a kite on alien aphrodisiac venom.

Gods what he wouldn't give for it to be real.

Tim unbuttons his pants, widening his stance and slipping a hand over his underwear, lightly rubbing the head of his clit through the fabric.

"And just what the fuck do you think you're reading?"

It takes every second worth of Tim's years of training not to startle out of his skin at the sound of Jason's voice.

"Really hot porn." He replies coolly.

Jason's still got his mask on and his hood up but it's clear to see he's taken aback (as was the intent).

"Really?"

"What? You think I don't have kinks?"

His head tilts, his lenses narrowing.

"...Guess you are exactly the right kinda tight laced to be into some freak shit."

"Rude. True, mind you, and pretty fucking hypocritical, but still rude."

Jason hmms acknowledgment of his hypocrisy. His gaze drops from Tim's face to the book and finally down to the hand still in his pants. It is so very hard to read any sort of expression through the masks, but Tim feels like he's got a damn solid bet as to what Jason's feeling right now.

He rolls the dice and starts stroking his clit again, deliberately making it obvious.

Jason's breathing gets heavier, his adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly, his shoulders go tense - all good signs. Then his hips rock in sympathy with one of Tim's strokes and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that Jason is into this.

Tim grins.

There's something deeply gratifying in getting caught and then shamelessly continuing to pleasure himself. It makes him feel depraved - sinfully self indulgent in the best kind of way.

"So you like imagining yourself as a big scary monster who lives to fuck his eggs into people, huh? Got jealous of the xenomorphs while watching Aliens?"

"Yup. Clearly I don't have to explain the appeal to you."

"Actually, I think you do. I'm only interested in being the one getting bred; I don't honestly get the deal about being the one doing the topping."

Jason grips and leans against the bookshelf, clearly aiming for casual and missing by about a million miles to land firmly in 'seems like he's so horny he might faint' territory.

"Oh, cool. Coolcoolcool- uh, what if I get a towel and get you comfortable on the couch and we compare notes?"

Tim just barely holds himself back from laughing and says, "Sounds great!"

red hood jason being written following his characterisation as seen in barr's tec and ntt... red hood jason acting like a polite young man... red hood jason sometimes flashing the most innocent looking shy smile because he's feeling awkward... but it coming off as scary because of the violence he incites on daily basis. yes i would enjoy it...

Wait kryptonian fangies…. Does that mean Clark also has fangies? And follow up because if so I feel he’d be more shy about them most of the time, does he do a kinda half smile to not flash them around to everyone?

Clark definitely has fangies. He's been very insecure about them for a long time so, yes, he tends to half smile to hide them. But with time, especially around the Justice League, he began to feel more confident and the other heroes can definitely see his kryptonian fangs when he laughs now.

Bruce definitely wishes he could have fangs too. Who can blame him? It fits his aesthetic.

the fact that alfred was the one to put up jason's memorial is so important to me

Thinking about calling Jason Todd ‘angel’. He loves a good pet name, uses all kinds of variations of ‘baby’ and ‘darling’ for you, but he’s still floored the first time you call him ‘angel’. It’s silly and mundane the first time it happens, hey could grab me the flour off the top shelf, Angel? And he swears his knees turn to jelly. He’s embarrassed by how badly he likes it. Angel, like in your eyes the cracked bones and bloodstained scars of his body are something good and pure. Angel, like after every deal with the devil he’s made he’s still an innocent in your eyes.

One word has his palms going sweaty, skin tight and itchy, vision blurring at how badly he wants it to be true. And once you notice just how badly he wants to be your angel, any pretence that it doesn’t bring him to his knees evaporates. Got you crooning oh Angel as you stitch him back together in body and mind. He’s your Angel as you laughingly reach out to tangle your hands at the curls at the nape of his neck and pull him down to nip at those treacherously soft lips. Jason Todd’s been a lot of things in his short life but he thinks he likes being your Angel best of all.

Hurry up or we’re going to be late Angel! C’mon Angel, just like that. I swear to god you’ve got too many siblings to keep track of Angel. Angel, have you seen my house keys? Angel, I thought we agreed we weren’t getting a dog yet. More, Angel. I do, Angel. Angel. Angel.

Imagine if baking bread was a skill any person living independently in their own house needed to have at least a passing familiarity with, so there were endless books, blogs and websites about how to bake bread, but none of them seemed to contain the most basic facts about how bread actually works.

You would go online and find questions like "Help, I put my bread in the oven, and it GOT BIGGER!" and instead of saying anything about bread naturally rises when you put yeast in it, the results would be advertising some kind of $970 device that punches the bread while it's baking so it doesn't rise.

Even the most reliable, factually grounded sources available would have only the barest scraps of information on the particularities of ingredients, such as how different types of flour differ and produce different results, or how yeast affects the flavor profile of bread. Rice flour, barley flour, potato flour and amaranth flour would be just as common as wheat flour, but finding sources that didn't treat them as functionally identical would be near impossible. At the same time, websites and books would list specific brands of flour in bread recipes, often without specifying anything else.

An unreasonable amount of people would be hellbent on doing something like baking a full-sized loaf of bread in under 3 minutes, and would regularly bake bread to charred cinders at 700 degrees in an attempt to accomplish this, but instead of gently telling people that their goal is not realistic, books claiming to be general resources would be framed entirely around the goal of baking bread as fast as possible, with entire chapters devoted to making the charred bread taste like it isn't charred.

Anyway, this is what landscaping is like.

i love the headcannon that both tim and cass look scarily alike, to the point they could be twins.

like they both share the same general lithe build, they’re the same short height, cass has a short bob while tim has his baby mullet, their training is similar due to their backgrounds with lady shiva and the loa, and (depending on your headcanon) both waisan- so i can definitely see instances where they’re confused for each other or where they mess with everyone around them.

cass on patrol in red robin gear so tim can go on a date with bernard:

random thugs seconds away from being one hit k.o’d: yo since when did red robin start melting into the shadows like an eldritch horror?

jason: hey tim -

cass: wrong.

jason: no, im pretty sure you’re tim, i gave you that scar right there in your neck

cass: nu-uh, this is from cain

jason:

cass:

jason: well this got awkward…

steph hugging tim from behind: hey babe

tim: wrong wayne

steph: ew, i should’ve known, your ass isnt nearly as —

tim walking away with his fingers in his ears: lalalalala im not listening to you

damian: i think you’re the only one in this family i respect

tim who has been silently hanging out with him for the past 3 hours: aw thanks damian, i’ve come to love you like a brother too

damian: drake? i thought you were cassandra, my apologies, i retract my previous statement

tim: don’t care, you love me, don’t try to deny it

lady shiva hugging both tim and cass: my beautiful twins, such well trained weapons, unfortunate that you both ended up with cain

bruce pulling his children back: tim isnt yours…

shiva: well that cant be right, he’s s the spitting image of my sister carolyn, and that birth was far too painful to only produce one small child

tim: woah full circle, my drag-sona is called caroline, maybe you are my mom, i wouldn’t put it past janet drake to adopt

bruce: tim no, you’re not even the same type of asian

cass: too late, we’re blood

shiva: see!