Paptato - How Many Teeth Have Ya Got There, Lad?

Chapters: 6/? Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jonah Magnus/Jonathan Sims, Elias Bouchard/Jonathan Sims Characters: Jonathan Sims, Jonah Magnus, Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus, Robert Smirke, Mordechai Lukas, Annabelle Cane, Barnabas Bennett Additional Tags: (past) Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood, Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season 4 and Season 5 spoilers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Pre complete bastardman Jonah Magnus but not really, Alternate Universe - Historical, Jonathan Sims Needs a Hug, Archivist Jonathan Sims, Period Typical Attitudes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, A ridiculous amount of spiders, Dear god theyre getting everywhere Summary:

“Jonah Magnus.” The cloudy silhouette snarled as it’s hand clamped tightly around Jonah’s ascot. That was indeed his name, but Jonah couldn’t begin to fathom what he did to have it spat out with such hatred.

But nonetheless, Jonah was a gentleman and he would kindly address the angry figure as politely as possible, “Yes, and you are?”

“What?” The form spluttered as it slowly came into focus. Ah, yes. That probably wasn’t the proper response to being held at gunpoint by a random stranger. Must have been the blow to his head.

(Or in which Jonathan Sims goes back in time and tries to pull a Terminator, but fails and Jonah Magnus finds a new mystery to solve.)

(@paptato)

nb people are members of the fae

My hand slipped

Some little dudes

Perhaps "Perhaps" is in your WIP document, perhaps?

Hi there!

Perhaps this is from the next update for A Little Game of Cat and Mouse!

[ Perhaps Jon was lying - no, there was nothing perhaps about it - Jon has to be lying because Jonah would not be able to bear it otherwise. ]

Thank you for sending in an ask!!

eugh blugh anyway anyway. elias like talks to jon completely differently than he talks to anyone else. if jon is the room he is talking exclusively to jon regardless of how many other people are in the room. if jon is not in the room but there’s a tape recorder running he’s talking to jon. if he thinks jon might have this conversation relayed to him at a later date he’s talking to jon. mag 92 is hysterical because why did you pack this office with as many people as possible for this conversation and then audibly not break eye contact with one specific guy for twenty minutes. well this is because jon is the only person that actually exists to him in this situation. or most situations. elias knows he’s in a podcast but as far as he’s concerned he and jon are the only characters in it and everyone else is set dressing and he gets so cranky about it when the set dressing starts expressing free will. jon is aware that other people exist 95% of the time unless he is actively talking to and/or yelling at elias and then he kind of forgor. mag 102 when elias is like melanie is coming to murder me with a knife for like .25 seconds jon is like the fuck is melanie and then returns to reality and remembers he has a life outside of “weird thing with elias” and is kind of embarrassed. like uh whoops sorry got kind of intense there for a second (elias continues to be kind of intense unabated) (forever)

REBLOG: go to your blog and click the egg to see what hatches

FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD PUNK ASS ARCHIVIST HERE WITH A MESSAGE

if you cannot protest or donate, and you’ve been retweeting and reblogging your ass off, here’s another thing you can do from home to help out later on down the line.

we are dealing with a fascist police state. fascists love nothing more than controlling the media and taking away primary sources of their evildoing, so lets take some steps toward taking that power away from them.

the wayback machine is a tool from the internet archive, a nonprofit website that seeks to capture websites as they change over time. the wayback machine is free to use and will be able to help protect all of the first-person accounts of the crimes being committed by the state during these protests for human rights.

this is what the homescreen of the wayback machine looks like:

that blue circle is where you put a permalink to a tweet you want to add to the wayback machine

that red circle is how you find the permalink to a tweet. click “copy link to tweet” and put it in the blue circle above, and there you have it! save what you see. don’t let anyone take away all of the documentation of these crimes the state has committed and declare it fake news.

fuck the cops. fuck orange mussolini. fuck racists, and fuck fascist government regimes.

dont forget: there’s nothing more punk than voting, libraries, and loving each other.

A Mouthwashing (and How Fish is Made) fansong, unfortunately from Jimmy’s POV mostly, sorry. 🐴 Music and lyrics by me, PhemieC

NOTE: this is my first fansong in five years, and sad to say but my voice has been decimated by illness in the last few years, so please don’t go into this expecting it to sound the same as my old stuff.

That being said, I have released an instrumental version, and I would LOVE to hear covers from other vocalists! Feel free to post and sell if you make a cover as well. <3

LYRICS UNDER CUT

[verse 1] Momma bird sleeping and her nest is empty Pretty and clean I feel the crease of envy Cutting a line right through the sky above me Healthy and green just like a good tree should be Momma bird leaving now her eggs are lonely Out from the underbrush I creep so slowly I’ll lay my own, her home is sound and safe, he’s Grey like a stone among her round blue babies She’ll never tell if she’s a few shells lighter Quick cracking clever comes my little fighter  Babes that feel safer they hatch so much slower Thrown down below then by my own fast grower Momma returns to feed her only child he Smells like a stranger and he cries so loudly Drinks of his fill while I look up on proudly Picking away at the discarded bounty 

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite needs you alive To feed their growing appetite 

[verse 2] Thing crawling thirsty, shared flesh, a blessing Drink of my stagnancy, the taste refreshing Carry a part of me and keep on climbing  Top of the ladder’s just a place for dying Dread in your gullet, ignore it, buddy Lead in the bullet, it’s harmless, mostly Let me consume you, let you defend me Curling protector, my friendly fresh meat Im in control now and I like the feeling I’ll play the role of every wound you’re healing Follow the leader was always my thing Swallow your pills and lay still, unwrithing Master of puppets is my one objective Real apex predators can be selective Relay your message, it won’t stop the spread if I replace your tongue when I open your head up

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite keeps you alive To feed their growing appetite 

[verse 3] My stress relief, she keeps asking questions I can’t believe she thinks I’ll learn her lesson Nothing outside of me will ever get in No mocking birdie with an unblinking grin Four beating hooves, I hate to hear them thunder Trample the metal tomb I’m buried under braying beast, neighing in the womb inside her Breaking its legs to glue you back together

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite needs you alive To feed their growing appetite…