Me About Everything

I've determined I am incredibly unattractive. Body is one thing; that isn't bad and can be worked on. My face, though. It's not even the skin. Its very structure is horrid. Other people have well-defined features, and mine is just this weird oval that has an uneven jaw, nose, and eyes. For your safety, I can't provide a picture.

I made my first attempt at a smoothie today. It had too much ice and wouldn't flow. The only solution was to add vodka to thaw it. Trust me, I'm an engineer.

If Harrison Ford has a Twitter or anything like that, it'd be awesome if he posted, "Damn it, Chewie."

Maybe it's because I was sick today, but my confusion between a couple coworkers came out as racist, apparently. I'm at my desk, there's a little cabinet behind me and slightly off to the right. I turn to my left and see a pair of shoes attached to some legs out of the corner of my eye, but that's it. Now, in my mind the only person who could be sitting there was the same coworker who always sits there. I turn back to my desk, then turn around fully a minute later: It's not the coworker I thought. I must have looked really confused because they looked at me weird. I said I mixed up the coworker behind me with the other one (who was sitting a bit further away). It was like when you don't put your keys in the same spot just one time, and you completely forget where you put them. I'm also a bit slow... Now, they may have been kidding with me when I told them why I got really confused, but I got the feeling they seriously thought I was being racist. I hate it when people even joke about that kind of thing with me. It's not really funny. They're both awesome, and I like them; but, I will feel pretty bad if getting mixed up made that impression....

Quandary: Buy some new furniture or buy a new forge and anvil... Damn you, decisions!

Yeah

What are you doing to catch it?

I'm rewriting If You're Happy and You Know It

The new version goes: If you're old and you know it, groan loudly whenever you move. (Repeat) If you're old and you know it, then your joints are frozen and creaky, and you should probably get a walker. (Repeat chorus thing) I'm not a musician, but I think it could compete with the best of them. I'm tapping into the forgotten old people demographic.

Whoever wrote this has no idea how right they are.

Valuable lesson perhaps…

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