So Even-though It Is Torture, Because My Dream Cannot Be Completed... I Will Do It Anyway, Because The

A Poet’s Chance - 1am & 3 Hour Drive (10.25.20)

The second verse AND how he sings it... and how it feels while i listen to it rn (after watching a 25min doc how this song was made - Netflix) and after that feeling, that all-ness in my chest we all call our heart (the idea)...

and the sensation like drinking ice cold water after having a peppermint... or breathing in freezing air while not dressed for the weather and its like with each breath you can feel your entire respiratory system... but, place that feeling in your heart (the idea) and feeling the gap, the hole in the all-ness... and feeling it whistle as your breathing cadence slows and deepens and swells as you sense it... the missing…

Its space

Its empty volume

And the phantom feelings faintly teasing, haunting, ghosts of what was... what I used to be able to and did feel

... the thoughts ... they echo like questions ... with no response, just these feelings, imaginings, swells and hollow whistles…

And the song repeats, again

I’ve lost track of how many times, because I set it, intentionally to repeat... and trap me here…

Because I felt it... i feel it... and morbidly am too excited to feel the

All-ness of my heart (the idea) again... that i am sorrowfully enjoying

The cold air exposing the hole, the missing, the empty space of me.

-Pati3ntWo1f (102520)

Statement of Intent

You okay if I take some of that weight on my shoulders and I intent-fully commit myself to your honest expression - as a form of homage to self, respect, recognition, reverence, release, restructure, renew, reenergize, … and potentially so many other plusses that there can be no minus….? May I? Yes?

Statement of My Intentions:

I intend to not pressure but be an available reminder. I intend to not burden but to ease. I intend to not limit or define or expect. I intend to accompany, to balance, to provide presence and mutuality. I intend to do more by doing less. I intend to serve and not be served. I intend to stand in the gaps where i fit and be a reinforcing echo of your own intentions. I intend to be weightless but felt as support, safety, encouragement, reassurance. I intend to be complimentary and accepting of you as you are, however you are, wherever you are (in mind or spirit or emotion) at any given time.

- pati3ntwo1f (080322)

Employed (unfin)

Could you imagine if i got payed to think about you? Punching the clock and Putting in overtime till my body collapses, then recoup. Earn a promotion from Imagining to Listening to you. Not a word, just observe and learn your truths, study your flukes, research your muses and play witness to your beauties...

Could you imagine if i got not noticed by you... the CEO, President, CFO, Sole Proprietor, Founder, Goddess, My Queen? Elevated from Listening to Consulting... working towards Sharing, but right now i must prune and harvest and glean the cropping seeds of my own soul’s soil, in hopes that the fruits i bare become more than enough for me, and begin to be enough for us.

Could you imagine, now that I’m Allowed to insert opinion, i earn acceptance via my quality, not my frequency.... - unfinished

-Pati3ntWo1f (10132019)

She…

She trusts - be it blindly, intent-fully, instinctually, passively - that the connection (acceptance) will be there whenever she returns

… and it will be… because she deserves… because he has earned… because she has burned… because he has reserves… because she emits it… because he elicits…because she just does… because he just loves… because she been through… because he’s been too… because she accepts… because he respects… because because because… “the connection will be there whenever she returns”…

Imagine if she learns..?!

-pati3ntwolf (062422)

Be You!!! Astoundingly, bountifully, compassionately, distinguishingly, energetically, fluidly, gratefully, heiressesly, instinctually, jubilantly, knowingly, lavishly, momentously, naughtily, optimistically, purposefully, qualitatively, reverently, saturatingly, thoroughly, unequivocally, vibrantly, wholely, x-marks-the-spot-ingly, zestfully, You!!!

-Pati3ntWo1f (091520)

Retracing: I miss you too

I trust that upon a kiss i will taste a flavor that i have unknowingly longed for all my life.

That upon a hug i will feel the comfort my mother always wished for me.

That i will smell of you a scent from my last and our future.

And that i will feel... while interlocked with your body, your skin...

The meaning of Heaven on Earth, the fruitfulness of milk and honey and something promised, the vastness of our potential and the lack of limits before US... i will feel our destiny.

-Pati3ntWo1lf

#pati3ntwo1lf

In Ways…

I Love You, too

In ways i feel and are still hard to explain

(Smile) I just said hard to explain - haha…

It is on the fringe of what i’ve known (experienced)

Often one love is an accumulation of all the loves one can mimic from experiences of receiving them…

Then there is the “intent filled love” often spawned from one’s recognition and will for something different/deeper/wider/enveloping/freeing/more…

Then after that is the comfortably imagined.. the beginning of “not possible” or “that’s just emotional romantics” or “only in books or movies or poems” or even “beyond (me/us/this lifetime/possibility/deservedness)…

I Love You there! … and bravely desiring the beyond,

Into the unknown vacuum of Our Nature, Our emotional ecosystem, Our science, spirit and wonder… naturally creatively creating Our Love…

Our Loving…

Countless…

In (Our) Ways…!

-pati3ntwo1f (060222)

900 words

I see - easily - 900 of the thousand words a photo is worth

And each one is a word of praise

To your effort and success

To your intent and vulnerability

To your compassion and critique

To your honest expression

To your physical beauty

To your mental wonderland

To your spiritual depths

To your loving heights

A pic is worth 1000 words…

And a 900 of mine are expressions of why I love you!

-pati3ntwo1f (012625)

To the present day “Joanna”s:

On behalf of those with your ear and not your attention; towards the benefit of those with your attention and its spoils; for your health and happiness; because of our unheard desires: see thyself as those with your ear do -beautifully badass. Let not your heart wander so far as you to forget that... for those with your ear turn to whispers the farther away you drift, and those whose possess your attention are not promised to be attentive.

Don’t lose sight of yourself; nobody in this world is worth you losing your shit. There’s no reason to act jealous, be possessive, and allow yourself to become sad and desperate. If someone doesn’t like you, who fucking cares? Find one who does. If your significant other makes you feel like shit — they’re fucking shit — bury them in a sandbox, forget about ‘em, and move on. Don’t be like Joanna of Castile. Don’t ruin your life and your reputation with insecure obsession . . . Born in 1479, Joanna (Spanish spelling, “Juana”) was the third child of Queen Isabella of Castile and King Ferdinand II of Aragon. But this royal privilege didn’t stop her from working hard to improve herself. As a young woman, she spoke six languages, excelled in religious studies, was active in equestrian sports, played music, and could dance with the best of them. Plain and simple, Joanna was a fucking badass. She was smart AND beautiful; this obviously attracted the attention of men. And, in 1496, she married Philip of Habsburg, also known as “Philip the Handsome.” Seriously, the dude’s nickname was PHILIP THE HANDSOME — are you fucking kidding me? He must have looked like Idris Elba and Ryan Gosling had a baby the height of Dwayne The Rock Johnson. My point, even Philip’s handsome ass wasn’t worth “losing it." But, Joanna couldn’t resist, she let her imagination get the best of her and became paranoid that he was going to cheat. Her insecurities intensified and her mental instability grew evermore apparent around the kingdom. She was like a fucking vulture, constantly swarming over Philip, checking his iPhone, and demanding his email passwords. Needless to say, it was sad to watch. She was once such a smart, intelligent, confident woman. Not even Philip’s surprise death in 1506 quelled her insecurities. She wouldn’t allow nuns to approach his corpse before his burial — afraid he’d put his ghost boner in one of them. In the end, Joanna of Castile became known as “Joanna the Mad,” leaving behind a reputation of being pathetically jealous, instead of beautifully badass. Well, you just learned some fucking history. You’re welcome. Now, enjoy your Sunday, you beautiful idiots. #SUNDAYSCHOOL

“It is like I have a cast over my heart, and a sling to hold it in place. Hidden. Unseen behind the smiles and jest and seemingly well wishes and responses. And there are the special ones… that somehow seem to sign the cast - leaving their mark, with no intent to stay or return when I heal… if I heal.”

-Pati3ntWo1f (03102020)