Employed (unfin)

I must try! Wishing...

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

Cray… how a few typed words spark anticipation’s all-be-it accepted agony

I’m feeling her shadow

Again…

Anticipation is blind to Surprise and on sight, I was

Brain willing my body to “be cool. Be cool. Ice cold.”

While My heart beat accelerates “0 to 100 real quick”

I no longer break eye contact for your preference but for my own… prescription, to dull the extent of my vulnerability

Already lost in time, and dismay - 100% felt, 0% displayed… i should know better

The words thought for me are empty aught to be. Actions prove accordingly. Always have and will always be. If its not Mutual than there’s no Treason… yet myWants needs no Reason… to keep believing, my hopeless dreaming

Ripping the bandaid I walk away to step outside and see the sky acting as my eyes cannot. But feel as they could.

Its not sadness. Nah… it is. But its not, tho. It not the outcome drives my eyes to envy the sky right now…

It is my fault, my fallacy, my fiction… It is

The excess of my excessiveness…

Of these feelings.

-pati3ntwo1f (032822)

A Poet’s Chance - 1am & 3 Hour Drive (10.25.20)

The second verse AND how he sings it... and how it feels while i listen to it rn (after watching a 25min doc how this song was made - Netflix) and after that feeling, that all-ness in my chest we all call our heart (the idea)...

and the sensation like drinking ice cold water after having a peppermint... or breathing in freezing air while not dressed for the weather and its like with each breath you can feel your entire respiratory system... but, place that feeling in your heart (the idea) and feeling the gap, the hole in the all-ness... and feeling it whistle as your breathing cadence slows and deepens and swells as you sense it... the missing…

Its space

Its empty volume

And the phantom feelings faintly teasing, haunting, ghosts of what was... what I used to be able to and did feel

... the thoughts ... they echo like questions ... with no response, just these feelings, imaginings, swells and hollow whistles…

And the song repeats, again

I’ve lost track of how many times, because I set it, intentionally to repeat... and trap me here…

Because I felt it... i feel it... and morbidly am too excited to feel the

All-ness of my heart (the idea) again... that i am sorrowfully enjoying

The cold air exposing the hole, the missing, the empty space of me.

-Pati3ntWo1f (102520)

Questioning Butterlfies

“After the determined caterpillar climbs its heights and death defyingly dangles from its limbs and commits to a CrossFit Games effort to cocoon itself… there is nothing to say that its cocooned transformation is painless. In a state too vulnerable for the everyday elements it exists in, left with a shield like barrier and itself, it submits itself to a process that literally resculpts its entire being. And there is no evidence that it just slumbers peacefully; or basks - spa like - im a sauna of in-depth and intrinsic and intimate transformation. Physically and mentally. This being is being equipped to fly. One, that could only walk, is now expected to be adept to and have the awareness of one whose means of transports is inexperienced and virtually unfathomable. And there is no evidence that this transformation is painless. As such, I no longer imagine or anticipate my transformative moments or years to be pleasant, or calm, or comfortable. I now prepare for the fears of vulnerability; the burns of recasting my metaphorical heart; the blunt traumas of forced change; the spasms of exhaustion; the fatigue of trying to understand and link past, through my present into my future. And there is no promise that I can even fathom the awareness, comprehension, and/or the innate instinct that i will become. I wish that I could ask the transforming caterpillar: ‘What keeps you going? Do you even know what a butterfly is? Do you even want to change?’ Because I have been burdened, I have climbed and begun to cocoon myself (out of instinct, off of reaction) and amidst being fully committed to seeing this transformation through - I’m finding myself vastly under-aware and under-prepared… and that is slowly becoming okay. I remind myself to, ‘Trust your Nature’... and then… forcefully Trust my Nature , again… until I have transcended form - anew.” - Pati3ntWo1f (09132019)

Well…

Just bathe in my praises. Soak in them. Let them warm, rinse, clean… play in it, rest in it… submerge yourself at will, float on a whim, dip whichever and all the parts of you on a want. Praises will keep flowing from my lips. My well of expression will never run dry. It’s yours!

- pati3ntwolf (07092023)

Lead you... to Us.

- - - - - - > us < - - - - - -

You cross my mind everyday

I want what comes next

An awakening release

I want that too

Two givers: Giving intent-fully, purposefully.

Two givers: Reciprocating, Appreciating.

Two givers: Learning to be selfish with one another, selflessly spoiling the other...

(with attention, detail, effort, ease, complimentary being - being me bringing myself to the complimentary degree necessary to balance with thee and always bring us the complete 360)

... After you.

So ready

And waiting, patiently

And wishing, anxiously

I need my turn to hear it...

To earn the emphatics of how i’ve compelled you to say it - To hear you make it yours...

(Then exceed those limits together as you give me a name of your own... And known words lose their worth, when compared to the value of how we are sharing our minds, bodies, energy, ourselves... We create a new language unique to us, written in passion, uttered in pleasure, understood spiritually, experienced entirely)

... Soft voices because we are always so close,

Countless smiles because your presence brings me joy,

An endless hug... always enwrapped in eachother... be it fingers, lips, arms, legs, bodies, minds or souls.

Any combos they can produce, We will surely create more.

Lemme please you beyond request?

I’ll lead you there...

... to Us.

(And the place where we defy time and space and self... Where our love making is an evokation of greater truths within ourselves... As my intent drips from my lips and is whispered into your flesh... as our rythm and intensity satisfy and soothe you into being in two places at once - As one flesh with me, And of the guided meditation I'm speaking into your skin... somewhere between your collarbone and where your jawline meets the lobe of your ear).

-Pati3ntWo1f (07262020)

Continue to enjoy your immediacy, your wanted moments, your convenient satisfactions, your less offered infatuations, you right now

Although the statement of “the whole world does not revolve around you” is a truthful statement... its delivery and sentiment is bestowed upon one as spiteful and controlling and imposing on one’s motivations... therefore I intentionally repeat:

Continue to Enjoy Your Immediacy, Your Wanted Moments, Your Convenient Satisfactions, Your Less Offered Infatuations, YOU, Right Now!!!

-Pati3ntWo1f

Crazed

I'm crazed by how the thought of you overwhelms my immediately/ and expodiciously exposes my vulnerability exceedingly/ needing this fix, shock, wake up call/ to awaken my ability to be enthralled/ shock becomes awe as numb becomes dumb/ to the sensation that mundane can make ones sensation become/ u conquered (my defenses) I saw (felt u while senseless) we came (and climax consistent)/ forever changed (ever-present and persistent)/ for I thought and dreamed and knew you/ I wished and believed and knew you/ I doubted and denied, coward and lied to myself in the face of your truth/ knowledge of you is spiritual, protecting you is ritual/ wanting you is now habitual, as the idea of living without you is minescule/

-Pati3ntWo1f

Come To Me

“I want your lips on mine. And mine all over you.

Come to me... let me accept you as you are... place kisses on your emotional scars... caress your insecurities

Come to me... let me praise your imperfections as beauty... and convince your doubts that they’re just mile markers for how far you’ve grown

Come to me... let me hold you so closely that your burdens become mine... with an intimacy so intense we forget our burdens and all other limits

Come to me... let me into the darkest corners of your mind and feel me brighten it with my smile... like the moon reflecting the joy you bring me

Come to me... so i may be your pillow on which you find rest... your comforter to warm the parts of your heart that froze for preservation and safe keeping

Come to me... so i may play in your hair while softly talking in your ear... telling you the endless fantasies you inspire

Come to me... so i may persuade your body and mind to climax together in a collective epiphany...

So i may see your eyes become windows to your soul and mesmerize me with its loving nature...

May I read the language your body speaks and translate each of its thoughts into your pleasures...

Come to me... so we can achieve heights and depths not possible alone...

Confidently lost in the realms we transcend to...

Just... C’mere!"

-Pati3ntWo1f (09212019)

I’ve already set the light and the music and created additional environment and mood. Right now i am Cleansing via lather then Manifesting via moisturization then Energizing via Confidence’s scent...

I wish to tempt just enough to entice you to follow my lead. I wish nourish enough for you to bloom before our eyes. I wish to wash away all energy that is entrapping and/or limiting and/or relying (like leeching) and/or not of you...

And i seek to...

Set...

You...

Free!

To escape the confines of time, and habit, and subjection and all other mental/social limits...

And resurrect you in your glory...

- With all the percs of the flesh bestowed and becoming to your whim -

... as the Goddess you are! ... and I know you to be.

-Pati3ntWo1f (03232021)