Well…

900 words

I see - easily - 900 of the thousand words a photo is worth

And each one is a word of praise

To your effort and success

To your intent and vulnerability

To your compassion and critique

To your honest expression

To your physical beauty

To your mental wonderland

To your spiritual depths

To your loving heights

A pic is worth 1000 words…

And a 900 of mine are expressions of why I love you!

-pati3ntwo1f (012625)

To the present day “Joanna”s:

On behalf of those with your ear and not your attention; towards the benefit of those with your attention and its spoils; for your health and happiness; because of our unheard desires: see thyself as those with your ear do -beautifully badass. Let not your heart wander so far as you to forget that... for those with your ear turn to whispers the farther away you drift, and those whose possess your attention are not promised to be attentive.

Don’t lose sight of yourself; nobody in this world is worth you losing your shit. There’s no reason to act jealous, be possessive, and allow yourself to become sad and desperate. If someone doesn’t like you, who fucking cares? Find one who does. If your significant other makes you feel like shit — they’re fucking shit — bury them in a sandbox, forget about ‘em, and move on. Don’t be like Joanna of Castile. Don’t ruin your life and your reputation with insecure obsession . . . Born in 1479, Joanna (Spanish spelling, “Juana”) was the third child of Queen Isabella of Castile and King Ferdinand II of Aragon. But this royal privilege didn’t stop her from working hard to improve herself. As a young woman, she spoke six languages, excelled in religious studies, was active in equestrian sports, played music, and could dance with the best of them. Plain and simple, Joanna was a fucking badass. She was smart AND beautiful; this obviously attracted the attention of men. And, in 1496, she married Philip of Habsburg, also known as “Philip the Handsome.” Seriously, the dude’s nickname was PHILIP THE HANDSOME — are you fucking kidding me? He must have looked like Idris Elba and Ryan Gosling had a baby the height of Dwayne The Rock Johnson. My point, even Philip’s handsome ass wasn’t worth “losing it." But, Joanna couldn’t resist, she let her imagination get the best of her and became paranoid that he was going to cheat. Her insecurities intensified and her mental instability grew evermore apparent around the kingdom. She was like a fucking vulture, constantly swarming over Philip, checking his iPhone, and demanding his email passwords. Needless to say, it was sad to watch. She was once such a smart, intelligent, confident woman. Not even Philip’s surprise death in 1506 quelled her insecurities. She wouldn’t allow nuns to approach his corpse before his burial — afraid he’d put his ghost boner in one of them. In the end, Joanna of Castile became known as “Joanna the Mad,” leaving behind a reputation of being pathetically jealous, instead of beautifully badass. Well, you just learned some fucking history. You’re welcome. Now, enjoy your Sunday, you beautiful idiots. #SUNDAYSCHOOL

It is innate, an unthought action that comes automatically, an impulse with meaning and a goal, an instinct...

To gaze back with the intensities of fear and intrigue and excitement and belonging, to anticipate the risk and its thrill, to be entranced ever so helplessly yet ever so willingly, to respond...

Of the spectacle of sparks continuously reflecting your passioned outlook on me and this world, of being within heats’ range of burning desire’s furnace tempting such cure from my heart’s cold, of the nature that attracts moth to flame i am also beckoned and baited and boisterous, of my own impassioned and sincere convictions...

And yearn to dance within the radiance of your cinders and ambers, and tempt fate by how closely i position myself to rest and stoke your fires to flicker as though enraged with enjoyment, and crave the lullaby of your luminance and caress every hue of you with adoration and acceptance, and approach your goddess with agape and adventure and without admonishment.

- Pati3ntWo1f (100220)

“It is like I have a cast over my heart, and a sling to hold it in place. Hidden. Unseen behind the smiles and jest and seemingly well wishes and responses. And there are the special ones… that somehow seem to sign the cast - leaving their mark, with no intent to stay or return when I heal… if I heal.”

-Pati3ntWo1f (03102020)

Employed (unfin)

Could you imagine if i got payed to think about you? Punching the clock and Putting in overtime till my body collapses, then recoup. Earn a promotion from Imagining to Listening to you. Not a word, just observe and learn your truths, study your flukes, research your muses and play witness to your beauties...

Could you imagine if i got not noticed by you... the CEO, President, CFO, Sole Proprietor, Founder, Goddess, My Queen? Elevated from Listening to Consulting... working towards Sharing, but right now i must prune and harvest and glean the cropping seeds of my own soul’s soil, in hopes that the fruits i bare become more than enough for me, and begin to be enough for us.

Could you imagine, now that I’m Allowed to insert opinion, i earn acceptance via my quality, not my frequency.... - unfinished

-Pati3ntWo1f (10132019)

Be You!!! Astoundingly, bountifully, compassionately, distinguishingly, energetically, fluidly, gratefully, heiressesly, instinctually, jubilantly, knowingly, lavishly, momentously, naughtily, optimistically, purposefully, qualitatively, reverently, saturatingly, thoroughly, unequivocally, vibrantly, wholely, x-marks-the-spot-ingly, zestfully, You!!!

-Pati3ntWo1f (091520)

Questioning Butterlfies

“After the determined caterpillar climbs its heights and death defyingly dangles from its limbs and commits to a CrossFit Games effort to cocoon itself… there is nothing to say that its cocooned transformation is painless. In a state too vulnerable for the everyday elements it exists in, left with a shield like barrier and itself, it submits itself to a process that literally resculpts its entire being. And there is no evidence that it just slumbers peacefully; or basks - spa like - im a sauna of in-depth and intrinsic and intimate transformation. Physically and mentally. This being is being equipped to fly. One, that could only walk, is now expected to be adept to and have the awareness of one whose means of transports is inexperienced and virtually unfathomable. And there is no evidence that this transformation is painless. As such, I no longer imagine or anticipate my transformative moments or years to be pleasant, or calm, or comfortable. I now prepare for the fears of vulnerability; the burns of recasting my metaphorical heart; the blunt traumas of forced change; the spasms of exhaustion; the fatigue of trying to understand and link past, through my present into my future. And there is no promise that I can even fathom the awareness, comprehension, and/or the innate instinct that i will become. I wish that I could ask the transforming caterpillar: ‘What keeps you going? Do you even know what a butterfly is? Do you even want to change?’ Because I have been burdened, I have climbed and begun to cocoon myself (out of instinct, off of reaction) and amidst being fully committed to seeing this transformation through - I’m finding myself vastly under-aware and under-prepared… and that is slowly becoming okay. I remind myself to, ‘Trust your Nature’... and then… forcefully Trust my Nature , again… until I have transcended form - anew.” - Pati3ntWo1f (09132019)

“I feed my angels and my demons. Set them at a table before me and we all feast. Each flashing tooth and fang and clawing for their choice morsels to be selfishly consumed. It's interesting how often their influence subsides and their interests change and move on, once they’ve sampled what they desire. I am slave to no vice. Our satisfactions and displeasures will forever change. See, the awakening I’ve come to is this… my angels, my demons, they are MINE. So I nurture them and discipline them the same, as though pets or subservient subjects to my Mastery and Sovereignty.” - Pati3ntWo1f

You are my customer this time. And i’m ready to serve.

All I have to offer… made to your tastes at the time.

Lemme quench that thirst and fulfill that appetite…

Nourishing you with blessed truths, sweets in the form of whispers and kisses, savory embraces and gazes.

May our friction make our natural spark a flame, and we boil and braise the veggies of our destiny with the proteins of our united flesh right now.

Each bead of sweat is of the flavor we seek, an earned release of essence and fragrance of the love we make and the universe we create…

Drunken off your nectar i inspire more…

Im thirsty for it…

Gimme!!!

…

And intimately, passionately, intensely, persuasively, intentionally, pursuantly, sensually, energetically, slowly, immensely, overwhelmingly, deeply, emphatically, imaginatively…

Cosmically, naturally, subconsciously, consciously, unconsciously…

I’ll make Our Love… TO YOU and with you

- Pati3ntWol1f (11292021)

Crazed

I'm crazed by how the thought of you overwhelms my immediately/ and expodiciously exposes my vulnerability exceedingly/ needing this fix, shock, wake up call/ to awaken my ability to be enthralled/ shock becomes awe as numb becomes dumb/ to the sensation that mundane can make ones sensation become/ u conquered (my defenses) I saw (felt u while senseless) we came (and climax consistent)/ forever changed (ever-present and persistent)/ for I thought and dreamed and knew you/ I wished and believed and knew you/ I doubted and denied, coward and lied to myself in the face of your truth/ knowledge of you is spiritual, protecting you is ritual/ wanting you is now habitual, as the idea of living without you is minescule/

-Pati3ntWo1f