Not To Sound Mentally Ill, But If I Have To Face The Reality Of My Existence One More Time, I Might Light

NPD is never being good enough.

NPD is being isolated from everybody else.

NPD is knowing you will never form connections to people like egotypicals do.

NPD is never being authentic.

NPD is feeling empty inside.

NPD is constant paranoia and the sickening feeling of thinking everyone is going to sabotage you.

NPD is constant distrust.

NPD is self hatred.

NPD is feeling sick when others succeed.

NPD is knowing love will never be enough for you, you need obsession, devotion, to be the most important person, to be the air they breathe, to be worshipped but knowing they will probably never be that to you.

NPD is needing control.

NPD is constantly feeling underestimated and belittled.

NPD is having to be admired by everyone.

NPD is the want to be feared and respected.

NPD is never feeling satisfied.

NPD is competing with socially assertive people and getting unbearably angry at them for purposefully stealing your spotlight.

NPD is nobody understanding your struggles irl.

Bc Ive seen some ppl ask me about it (and bc im bored) Im just going to say what I* mean when I mention npd hierarchies

So basically some ppl with npd (myself included) have somewhat subconscious rankings of the ppl around them. For me personally these ranks are split into 5 main tiers and most ppl vaguely fall into 1 of them, unless I am close to that person and they get a more personalized rank

The tiers are:

1. Superior (negative) - where you are better than me and that is a threat. I highly dislike you and want to take you down somehow to prove myself better than you

2. Superior (positive) - i look up to you greatly and want you to notice me. I want to become friends or be recognized by you and I am personally interested in you

3. Equal - An ep pretty much. You are on the same level as me and my narcissistic traits are toned down greatly. I value our relationship a lot

4. Inbetween - I see you as somewhat lesser than me but I dont dislike you and often enjoy interacting with you. However you are not on the same level as an ep and I have a lot less things I am willing to put up with for our relationship. Most ppl are here

5. Inferior - You are so far below me I dislike you. I dont like talking to you and you are often exceptionately annoying to me. I will only interact out of either obligation or if something you have brought up personally interests me. Maybe also to fight you if youre a prick. Not many ppl are here

These ranks are not active choices and are entirely subconscious, only noticeable by how I feel about interactions with you. If you are very close to me you may have your own personalized rank, but that happens to very few ppl

*I, me, 1 person on the internet who is not a medical professional. This is what I mean when I talk about hierarchies and these are my experiences, not a universal definition or whatever

you know what, shoutout to the neurodivergent people with "scary" symptoms.

the ones who:

-say dark things without realizing

-talk to themselves

-have homicidal thoughts

-get really, really angry

-make others uncomfortable on accident

-don't tolerate bullshit

-can't/won't mask

-have dark interests

-have genuinely hurt others before

-have been in a psych ward before

-obsess over people

-have intrusive thoughts about hurting people

-have sexual intrusive thoughts

-don't really care about others much

-always choose themselves first

-have low/no empathy

-are seen as creepy or scary by others

this goes out to my folks with autism that isn't "uwu cute". personality disorder havers. schizospec people. ocders. odd and ied havers. and anyone and everyone else.

this post does not support intentionally hurting people. but people who have hurt others in the past and have changed or are trying to change/in the process of changing are more than welcome here.

"narc abuse has nothing to do with npd!!" "narcissism isnt npd" then please explain that to the other people in your community like this.

be real. its about npd. the other people in your community fucking argue so. narc abuse = npd and its fucking harming us stop pulling "nArc iS aN aDjEcTiVe!!" out of your fucking ass and grow up.

I loooove getting notes on tumblr and people spam liking/reblogging my stuff because hehehehe I'm finally getting my grubby little hands on some attention hehehehe I'm finally throwing some fuel into the endless pit that is my heart that constantly craves the validation which my caretakers never gave me!! I love the temporary sensation of internet points replacing the real interactions I should've gotten when I needed it the most hehehe keep liking my posts I feel so important

possible npd and bpd culture is getting tired of being nice for everyone else's sake and just wanting to be yourself fully.

i want to be mean to be mean, but i don't like the idea of upsetting my friends. (idrc in the moment but afterwards i feel bad.)

it might entail me a dick and harming people on purpose but i'm just so exhausted by everything.

.

I relate.

Npd culture is having to constantly remind yourself that the random people around you are people and they have lives even when you're not nearby because you never really internalize that.

- 🌧️hydra

.

It's very common for people to push those with demonised personality disorders to the end of their tether via manipulation, bullying, abuse, etc. and then get upset with them when they inevitably snap.

It happens a lot within the neurodivergent community, too! People spread lies about us, do things that purposely upset/trigger us and then when we start to get upset/stand up for ourselves/etc. it's "sEE??? we were right about them all along!!!!"