~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

!tw!: mentions of pedophilia, sexual assault, basically my encounter with a sexual predator (no detailed descriptions or anything, just me telling the story of how i was exposed to one)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

kids just kinda... have a sixth sense... i can’t really explain it,, but like,, they can tell if an adult is a sexual predator or dangerous or something. i’ve seen this happen so many times, but the one event that confirms it is actually something that I experienced with my karate instructor.

when i was about six or seven, i went to karate classes twice a week. my dad would drive me there, then sit and read a book (usually the chronicles of narnia or lord of the rings or something like that) in a chair at the edge of the room with the other parents.

 i had always felt uneasy around the instructor, but i passed it off as me being super shy. it eventually got to the point where if he got within three feet of me, i’d immediately start shaking and my heart would race and stuff. 

the breaking point was about eight or nine weeks into classes. for some reason, as soon as he stopped next to me, i burst into tears. (now, when i was a kid, i didn’t cry. i just didn’t. i’d scrape my knee, fall off my bike, hit my head, but i almost never cried.) cue everyone asking me if i was alright and crowding around me and stuff, but i just ran over to my dad and jumped into his arms, refusing to let go of him. after a solid ten minutes of me sobbing my heart out into his shirt, he pulled me from the class, took me out for ice cream, and drove me home, playing my favorite heavy metal songs for me (yeah i had weird taste in music as a kid).

after that, i refused to go back to karate. i dug my heels in and would throw a temper tantrum that shook the ground if my parents tried to get me to go to karate. so, i never went back. 

i’d mostly forgotten about it over time, occasionally thinking about it late at night when i had trouble sleeping, but other than that, it almost completely left my mind.

that was, until earlier this morning, my dad told me that my old karate instructor had been arrested for sexually assaulting an eight year old boy, and apparently, according to his DETAILED journal, he’d been doing it since he started working as a karate instructor. boys, girls, big, little. he’d done it for decades.

who knows, i could have been one of those children. i could’ve been one of them, and i can’t stop thinking about it, along with the fact that children most definitely can, in some small part of their minds, tell if someone is dangerous. they may not know at the time what exactly is wrong, but they know that something is.