Study Session (August 17th)

love the way donna tartt makes richard sound so sassy in the audiobook. the closet is glass

Last weekend was bomb.

at Bumi Pakubuwono, Kebayoran Baru, Jakarta

I am my own best friend

When they day get harshed and no one around could ever relate, that's when night become an awakening day, when hand danced on top those papers, having a battle to write down another history of sadness. The footprint of how I survived from the downfall and worst nightmare.

My journal is one friend that witness the worst of me, yet still stay.

Pikiran yang Racau.

“Apa betul yang datang padamu adalah kasih setia tak bertepi, ataukah kesepian yang sedang mengerubungi sanubari waras?” adalah tanyaku yang tak mampu dibisikkan padamu, sehingga aku beralih pada mencari ganggang yang tumbuh liar di sungai-sungai kumuh Jakarta. Betul-lah itu, bahwa aku tak tahan dengan busuknya limbah, tapi aku pun tak lebih tahan untuk hidup tanpa menulis tentangmu barang sehari saja.

Dan inilah aku dan rasa tak sampaiku padamu Sang Bintang kecil yang berkelip terang nun jauh di samudera misteri Bimasakti, sungguhlah berani yang bodoh, bagi lumpur di pinggiran Ciliwung untuk mendamba kejora yang cantiknya kekal beribu tahun.

Berduka-lah aku dan hatiku, seketika merasa seperti debuan aspal proyek yang tak kunjung selesai, terbengkalai dan menyusahkan, hanya bisa mengangakan mulut menerima serpihan batu kerikil yang terlempar ke dalam perut dan bertemu asam lambung.

October 28th 2024

I love X (formerly Twitter), it helps find cute things.

I'll be free. I have to be free.

Today, I write about you.

Perempuan di Titik Nol (Woman at Point Zero Indonesian translation) by Nawal El Saadawi

This book reveals a truth that happened nearly 50 years ago, yet the similar situation still resonates and reflects in our today's reality. Nawal El Saadawi, through the brief interview with Firdaus (a woman who get imprisoned by the authority after killing a man), expose the corruption caused by deeply rooted patriarchal society in Egypt. After that interview, Firdaus was taken away in front of Nawal to face her punishment. She may no longer with us, but all over the world, the same story still happened, torturing, and scaring women. There are still many others like Firdaus, suffering under the flawed society.

Reading this book felt so empowering yet heartwrenching. But more of it, this book should leave us an uncomfortable feeling, making one's mind unable to stop thinking about the terrible systems that still existed and maintained. How many women remain unheard when facing violence and assault, only to be arrested and punished for defending themselves?

"Firdaus symbolized resistance. As she said: My life means their death; it is not my knife they fear but the truth."

The only downside of this book is in the physical aspects. The translation is still rough, with some typos here and there, even when I have the newest edition. The message of this book would be better conveyed and understood if the translation were updated and more carefully reviewed.

(Image Credit: me)

I cried that night, my brain could not stop remembering you as if you were the only thing that it can process clearly. Your tiny voice, your enthusiastic gestures, everything that I miss in a person. It is true that people tend to miss something when it's not around anymore. My mistakes of neglecting you frequently came from the thought that we would never be separated, whatever happened. But after your disappearance a month ago, life has never been the same.

I cried that night, my tears fell down like I had never cried before. My heart begging for your presence, for your laughter, for your humour. Hence, it was the empty air that greeted me back. The cold air of the space between us, shudder me. My head keep saying, "is it over for us?". I guess it is time to call it a day, to save energy for chasing back your shadow tomorrow.

I cried that night, so I let my intrusive thoughts win. I texted you. Begging. Asking. That cold tone of yours greeted me back.

"It is over for us," my heart said in agony.

Yellowface by Rebecca F. Kuang

Reading Yellowface is an entirely new experience. That is because I’ve been having this book for 5 months before finally deciding to read it. I've heard many great things about Rebecca F. Kuang regarding her works on The Poppy War Trilogy and Babel, so I put high expectations on this. Should I have expected something great from her? I shouldn't have. Did I regret giving this book a try? Absolutely not.

As I said before, the idea and main plot of this book are genius. Many say that Rebecca F. Kuang's works reflect things around her, and "Yellowface's" plot is surely something that’s close to her because it's talking about book publishing and all the drama involved in it. Rebecca F. Kuang, I must admit, can really create an unhinged character that can set everyone's hair on fire. I couldn't describe how mad I was reading this book. Seeing Juniper Song Hayward's point of view for the entire book really tested all the patience in me. As the NY Times said about this book: "Everything about R.F. Kuang's novel 'Yellowface' feels engineered to make readers uncomfortable."

This brilliant novel should at least get 5 stars, but for some reason, I won't give it 5 stars. Rather, I'll explain to you three reasons why this book is genius:

The satire. As we all know, although the Chinese community has become larger and larger over time due to the mobility of people around the world, and despite how big China is as a state/country right now, this hasn't really reduced the amount of sinophobia that exists in the world, especially in the book publishing sector. The satire in this book is brilliant because Rebecca F. Kuang is not only addressing racism but also the bigotry and Asian-fetishizing that have been happening this past 10 years.

Tension. This book either makes you hate Juniper or pity her. The moment you find yourself pitying her and wishing her not to get caught, that’s the moment you should start booking a session with a therapist. (no judgement, but I just did).

History lesson. This world is fucked up but we are kind of beyond the most fucked up eras: World War 1 and World War 2. This book also brings along a topic and history lesson that not everyone might know. As an IR student, I should thank RFK for her (not so) free lesson.

Reading this book has a similar feeling to riding a roller-coaster. It gave me a wonderfully furious feeling, but at the same time left me with no excitement toward the end of the ride. A solid 3.5 stars for me.

Link to The StoryGraph: Yelloface's review by Isabelle