Sleep Schedule - When Talking To Therapist About It - I Said She Knows She Said I'm Getting Enough Sleep

TW SELF HARM

My therapist suggested that I draw lines on my thigh with red sketch pen whenever I feel like self harming, and yesterday I tried that and it worked yayyy (only after I self harmed a bit and then remembered it tho)

I feel lonely.

Like chasm in the chest lonely.

My mom made me get out of bed to unlock my bedroom door half an hour before my alarm went off (at 9:20, my alarm was supposed to ring at 10AM), when I slept at 5:15AM ; I missed all of my classes because I slept through them; I started writing(bullshitting) the assignment which I had to submit at 3 PM at 2:20 or so because I was having mental breakdowns thinking about it yesterday and I submitted it at 4 ; I got my period today and I'm having cramps AND I haven't eaten one single thing since now and it's 4:30PM and I genuinely feel like absolute shit and want to die.

edit : //and now my head hurts\\

Saw a quora ask where a cis woman is like should I let my 13 yr old son sleep in the same room as my 16 yr old daughter. And another, old, convo thread where cis adult women talk about how they wouldn't let their husbands bathe their baby daughters 🤮🤢

Why do people have to sexualise all this?

If you don't make a distinction between safe touch and unsafe touch, and sexual touch and non sexual tough - like, if there are no clear cut lines/limits, then how do you suppose people will understand consent and stuff properly?

If you classify all touch as bad, you're not only harming people by taking away affection, but you're also sexualising everything! Which is fucked up. This is the reason why innocent hugs and hand holding and cheek kisses and etcetc are sexualised - because people don't make a distinction. Like, no matter what you say about how bad the world is, there should be a basic amount of trust between human beings - otherwise what's the point of _being_ human beings?

How can people sexualise stuff like this, I felt sick.

I sometimes sleep with my grown up, adult vaala uncle when he comes over (he's in Pune), and the first time, everyone was a lil surprised that I was fine with it. But then why wouldn't I be? Why is it "normal" to see everything with a bad lens?

If a person is personally not comfortable with it, that's valid, but then all this shit? I don't know if this is only my opinion, or if it's an unpopular opinion, but I hate this.

Being cautious is one thing, seeing everything as a dirty thing is another.

It's like how adult women tell girls they need to dress "decently" because their dad/grandpa/brother/uncle/male relative is around. That's fucked up in SO many ways.

Kinda lost my train of thought here, I got it back now - - -

Cont. from 'if you classify all touch as bad' : you'll be confusing kids on what good/safe touch is and what bad/unsafe touch is.

Tomorrow's a sunday and I've literally spent my weekend the same way I spend the rest of my days and I feel this chronic boredom and it's choking me and I was so fucking upset and I want to cry because I'm wasting my life and not doing anything worthwhile.

Can someone recommend books which have a trauma informed/schema theory perspective/non-ableist non-sanist or even an anti-psychiatry take on personality disorders?

I'm sick of people.

Louis and Harry are together.

Louis is queer.

Harry is queer.

They're not out in the sense that they literally said so but it's even if you think Larry isn't real, Harry and Louis as two seperate individuals are both queer which is obvious in the way they're throwing out signs hinting at left and right, hoping people see/hear them.

Due to the whole Policeman movie debacle, I'm going to be talking about Harry here. In a hypothetical world if Harry weren't actually queer (trans/not-straight), then it'd mean he'd been queerbaiting with all his jokes/hints/insinuations about gender and sexuality (non-cishet vaala). Which would make him a problematic celebrity on so many levels I can't even begin-- Which would in turn make y'all ignorant deniers red flags because you'd still stan him if he's queerbaiting like this. BUT, FORTUNATELY, from what we know of Harry, he's not a grade A asshole, which means there 0.000001% he's queerbaiting, and so what does that mean my dear kids? THAT'S HE'S FUCKING QUEER, NOW STFU.

Okay, now that that's over and done with. I completely, totally understand why the gp (general public) is upset at Harry, because to them, Harry is this White cishet guy who's playing the role of a gay man, but has never claimed to be queer, to people who don't really know Harry, that's the image they might be getting and I understand where they're coming from, which breaks my heart, but I get their pov. On the other hand, strict gatekeeping makes the community a not-safe space for people who're questioning, and for people who're not blatantly out and open - like Harry isn't, even tho he has given many signs hinting at him not being cishet, and forcing him out of the closet is a huge ass nah nah.

If you disagree with AOTA (except for the Larry part cause I unfortunately can't force people into believing in H&L ka love) feel free to fuck off.

I'm so fucking sick of adults telling me to exercise, telling me that I never move, telling me that I never listen when they tell me to exercise when I DO exercise, I'm so fucking sick of adults speaking to me as if I'm not trying hard enough when I'm doing something solely for them, because they kept telling me. What's the point of doing something they're telling you to do when they don't even acknowledge that you're doing it? I'm not gonna stop obviously, cause I promised my uncle, but I'm just sick of listening to my family scolding me for something I actually am doing right. And I'm sick of having to prove myself, so nowadays I never tell them that I am doing exercise lest they say that's not good enough or ignore it and keep scolding me, better to receive scoldings when they think I'm not doing it. And I'm so sick of feeling like I'm not wanted, that I'm just an annoyance, so much so that I don't even feel like coming to my grandparents ka house anymore, I genuinely don't. I just feel like keeping quiet and not talking to anyone because they get annoyed at me so quickly and that hurts, I'm at a point where I'm kind of even scared to talk lest I piss them off or something. I feel like I'm this annoying fly that they're trying to brush away but keep coming back. Honestly tho, that's the perfect representation of my feelings. I'm just sick and tired, y'know?

privileged people really do be petty and ignorant, honesty though. there's some message going around about how the farmers protesting are rich and now people are pissed off that they're protesting, as if being rich somehow negates their social standing; same can be applied for Savarnas who're pissed that rich marginalised caste ka people avail caste based reservations: as if people who are marginalised should stay marginalised and even the tiniest hint of not suffering as much as they expected them to be suffering warrants backlash and finger pointing. being rich is in no way related to how they still face prejudice and unfair treatment because of which group they belong to. and why the fuck do they care that the farmers are rich???? so fucking what???? how does that negate their right to protest against something that's going to affect them, that's going to overturn their means of livelihood? what makes them think that they get to have a say in matters which are none of their business? quite literally so. why do privileged people think that rights and concessions for one particular marginalised group is somehow going to affect their privileged social standing? it makes absolutely no sense. URGH

people : happy gandhi jaya-

me : no thank you