My Dissertation If I Didn't Have To Be A Professional About It : You Liked Unreliable Narrators, You

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

Gratuitously evil spells for villains to learn

Mordenkainen's Highly Problematic Political Opinions

Spell that causes someone to experience the entirety of The Big Bang Theory in 6 seconds

Spell that causes a needlessly painful death. It figures out the maximum amount of pain it's ethically permissible to inflict based on context and inflicts twice that much on purpose

Fireball but it expands the area of effect to specifically hit all your teammates.

Mildly Upset Person.

Disintegrate but it bestows any object it hits with full human sapience just before the ray hits.

Locate Object but every time you cast it, it kicks a random guy in the nuts for no good reason.

Hellish Rebuke but it hits anyone who isn't attacking you.

Ray of Deforestation

Transmute Food To Food That's Produced Unsustainably And Using Unethical Labor Practices

Nullify Union

Today on things I wish I could actually say in my masters dissertation :

The religious texts sound weird because they are full of references like and then THIS GUY! showed up, and THIS GUY! is clearly super important, because he is hyped up for a full paragraph but then you get absolutely no detail on THIS GUY! it's just, And then it was HIM, wink wink. You know. HIM. THIS GUY WE DEFINITELY ALL KNOW ABOUT.

you have to make it homoerotic and weird

Today I made up sad edits of sharks in my head WHY YOU ASK BECAUSE OF A WRITING PROJECT MY FRIEND TOLD ME WASN'T THAT GOOD it was. It was that good and that sad. She told me there was a fix it fic in her computer where they just ate poutine and it made me cry harder

So if you are normal, here, you should have said something like, WHAT???

Me, in my very serious uni paper

So writers joke a lot about "drinking the tears of our readers", but I want to be so honest with you when I tell you that making you cry isn't our real goal. Making you feel is.

Kicking your feet? Giggling? Can't stop smiling? And yes, crying? Feeling anything, everything. That's our goal. That means we did The Job.

There should be a fanfic writing game called the showrunners challenge where someone writes a story and partway through someone else can play things like "actor leaves after 4000 more words" or "topic now too politically sensitive due to unforeseen world events" or "lost rights to that reference"

i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that's murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that's two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.