I Don't Believe In God.

why are we the villans ?

why not her?

why is she our mother nature,

when she has always tried to tear us apart ?

why are we the villans?

why do we think that mother nature protects us,

when all her efforts were to end us?

i wonder why

why do we assume nature to be on our side.

The Dreams of My Childhood

When I was a kid, I had tons of dreams

I was going to go to space I was going to be an astronaut I learned the constellations and the stations of the moon I watched mesmerized at videos of shuttle launches and I'd jump and cheer at the eventual splashdown I'd watch the stars at night so I guess some things just never change But when I couldn't figure out how to use a telescope I gave up on it all, as if it never existed

I was going to be a rockstar some day

I'd learn every cassette and CD that found it's way to me Even the one's I disliked Singing along to Alan Jackson Elvis Presley and Motley Crue I was going to learn to play guitar And I find myself still saying those words because some things just don't change But I never has the actual ambition or that little bit of starter talent And I never liked to be in the spotlight So when things got a little hard, I just got off

I was going to be author I was going to write a story that was beloved I was going to write of love and emotions and all the things that make up a good person and all those that create the villain but I never finish what I've started and I'm writing cryptic messages in badly written poetry A vomiting of my sub-conscience all over the sidewalk outside your old apartment door I write for this to spill my guts to let strangers judge me Some dreams, they just never change

i am living the

best daydream and

worst nightmare

at the same time.

it's so hard

and easy at the same time

to give up.

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d.b.a

i watched them strip their clothes,

revealing their bare skin.

they look down, then at me.

i see how their eyes yearn and beg.

they turn to their side and suck it in,

all until there was only a thin line.

but this line was still too thick.

it always would be.

they try again and again,

staring at me intensely each and every time.

their eyes.. desperate for something,

anything.

their hands caressed their soft skin,

it moved around and so does their flesh.

every movement mimicked its own.

and that’s when it happened.

when they hunched over,

their body vibrating with sorrow.

they look up at me, their eyes tinted crimson.

their eyes bleeding colorless blood.

“i hate you.”

they whisper.

that’s all they ever say.

they clenched their fist, but i wasn’t scared.

i knew they wouldn’t punch me,

they never did.

their hand fell onto mine,

our fingertips connecting,

and for a split second i knew how it felt to feel.

they break away, still staring at me,

and says those three familar words.

each time they got louder,

each time they meant it more,

each time it hurt less.

i watched as they resented my every being.

how their tears carved canyons in their cheeks.

how their eyes reddened with woe.

how their teeth clashed in frustration.

i felt pity for them,

i wanted to hug them, wrap them in my warmth.

maybe then they wouldn’t be so… cold.

i wish i could tell them how much i love them,

to give them the love they deserve,

to let them know that i was always here.

but i know i’ll never be able to,

after all.. i’m only a mirror.

hope. Hope is the most agonizing feeling i've ever felt.

.

dont mind me, I'm just dying a little each day

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