Søren Kierkegaard, Diaries 1813-1855

struggling to eat again, my therapy for this week had to be cancelled, and i feel like i should die. will i be sent back to the psych ward? probably not. do i want to be? kinda, i don’t feel good :/

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)

feeling lots of feelings this morning. been running as fast as possible away from them through stupid literature and escapist fantasies. i miss the people i used to have. idk why they all left after i became a better person. why like me back when i was cruel and mean?

it doesn’t make sense. my life doesn’t make sense. it never does and it’s so fucking frustrating.

every time i make a mistake im like theyre going to put me down like a sick dog

i’ve literally been lying to everyone and myself for years about how i hate kids, but my therapist told me that the fact that i as a 13 year old child wanting to stop the hypothetical that i have kids and fuck them up like my parents did to me is the most insane sign that i would be a good parent lol

she thinks i’d be a great parent :’) like idk little thirteen year old me is so secretly happy

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

i just think it’s silly that my parents were a little sucky and now i’m a 19 year old with a personality disorder and an emotional support stuffed animal

having a personality disorder is so ridiculous. like girl the abandonment hasn’t happened just yet, CHILL OUT !!!

we're all under the same moon, and that's enough for me.

god life has been so messy lately, take me back to a month ago.

Ευσέβεια, Efsevia. Piety. Showing honor and veneration to the gods and daimones, praising them and thanking them for what they do. Living a pious life.

Συγγένεια. Syngeneia. Kinship. It is through the city gods and gods of the Oikos (home, community) that we have friends, family, and neighbors. Honor the good men amongst them, bring protection and support to them, and be good to them.

Δικαιοσύνη. Dikaiosyne. Justice. Ruled by mighty Titan Themis, Justice is respecting the laws of nature, the gods, and the land. Without Justice, Law, and Order, we have Injustice, Impiety, and Chaos.

Ευδαιμονία. Evdaimonia. Happiness. Happiness is the gift of the bacchic gods Dionysos and many others, the kindly gods. Through good health and practices and piety and Justice and kinship, we find joy in our lives.

Αρετή. Aretē. Excellence and Virtue. To neglect the potential of excellence is to neglect the theurgical sciences the gods have given us. Do your best to self-better and become stronger and healthy as to be excellent for the gods.

Ξένια. Xenia. Hospitality. The highest and most honored tenet of our religion and the forefathers and he Zeus Xenios the hospitable. Welcoming Xenos, foreigners, in culture, tongue, religion, affiliation, into our life and practices and cities is the highest honor of Zeus Xenios and Athena Pallas of the City.

Χάρης. Kharis. Reciprocity and Favor. The gods and daimones give when we give and we give so they give. Honor the gods and cal to them in times of want and need, give good offerings and libations and praise them so they may speak your name and wishes.

Μέτρον. Metron. Moderation. No things In excess for they poison the mind, body, and soul. Practice moderation in exercise, consumption, alcohol, health, sciences, and arts and all other things.

Κάθαρσης. Katharsis. Purity. To pray to the gods impure and pour libations of sweet wine to them, they will not hear your prayers but spit them back at you. Never disrespect the gods with the impurities of daily life and miasma.

Σοφία. Sophia. Wisdom. Be wise in all things and trust Athena the wise to guide you, Apollon the light to shine the way for you, Hekate the torch bearer to make the dark to be walkable, and Hermes the guide to lead you to good things.