We're All Under The Same Moon, And That's Enough For Me.

missing you michael, i want to reach out to tell you i still cared so deeply for you. but i can’t, you don’t want that. so i won’t. just know that i miss you and that i’m sorry my emotions run so deep.

i wish i wasn’t like this. i’m sorry that i cant stop missing you. i wish you gave me a chance to make things right.

god she’s not findable on anything. i just want to make sure she’s alive, and okay. she needs someone to protect her and i couldn’t and i need to fuxking find her im going to cry

her name is Laura. and i failed her and my bad brain forgot her name for so long. i’m so sorry Laura, i am.

writer in the dark & liability -lorde

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struggling to eat again, my therapy for this week had to be cancelled, and i feel like i should die. will i be sent back to the psych ward? probably not. do i want to be? kinda, i don’t feel good :/

better off without you michael- you’re just my eternal sunshine </3

I see many Neopagans who are unable to separate themselves from Christian ideas of "Grace" in that divine favor or blessings are something that are bestowed upon or withheld from you for a specific reason or as a reward or punishment, when that is not at all how ancient peoples thought about the Gods and their Providence.

Providence is, simply, the goodness of the Gods emanating outward, flowing out naturally from them to all corners of the world to each according to their individual ability to receive it. Providence is a spring that overflows and reaches all indiscriminately, unlimited and eternal.

The key here is our individual ability to receive it. If you don't notice the water flowing all around you, you go thirsty, and if you don't have a sufficient vessel for collecting it, you will only get tiny handfuls of water at a time. Blessings are received when we make ourselves a suitable vessel for them: We make ourselves more receptive to their goodness by improving ourselves through piety and cultivating virtue.

This is an attitude that I don't find very often in Neopagan spaces: Far too many people are preoccupied with offending the Gods, as if such a thing were possible, and being "cursed" or "abandoned" by them, when in reality the Gods are everywhere: There is nowhere that they cannot be, no corner of the universe that they do not reach. To fret about whether the Gods will curse or punish you is to wonder if the water from that spring won't like you: The question is silly, just drink when you're thirsty.

Providence is something we are solely responsible for making ourselves more receptive to: Anything else is superstition and latent Christianity.

i love car rides for the same reason i hate them; they give me the perfect space to finally think. today i’m wondering if 0.5/2 parents is really all that much better than 0/2.

atleast the 0 can’t disappoint you ig.

to my mother who won’t read this: honestly fuck you.

daniel once again reminds me that i am evil, literally his exact words tonight. what he doesn't know is that my buba is teaching me the power of belief and that i will brute force this into existence that i am good and kind and sweet and nice.

she and her books also say i need to forgive him, i don't know if i ever can.