R3v3rie - ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Reverie ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

this was written during a suicidal episode, so please bear with the fragmented thoughts and overall vagueness of the big feelings I was feeling.

blackout poetry from a list of reasons i should not reach out to the bad people who i still love.

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

the most punk rock thing i do is wearing my rapist/physical-assaulter/abuser’s ring occasionally whenever things are bad.

it’s like a lil reminder that i will survive, and that’s p cool :)

being “considerate of your bpd” my ASS, no improvement whatsoever, no regard for changing plans multiple times,, he just doesn’t fucking care it’s ridiculous like dez literally thinks we might have to break up and i’m thinking she could be right

I see many Neopagans who are unable to separate themselves from Christian ideas of "Grace" in that divine favor or blessings are something that are bestowed upon or withheld from you for a specific reason or as a reward or punishment, when that is not at all how ancient peoples thought about the Gods and their Providence.

Providence is, simply, the goodness of the Gods emanating outward, flowing out naturally from them to all corners of the world to each according to their individual ability to receive it. Providence is a spring that overflows and reaches all indiscriminately, unlimited and eternal.

The key here is our individual ability to receive it. If you don't notice the water flowing all around you, you go thirsty, and if you don't have a sufficient vessel for collecting it, you will only get tiny handfuls of water at a time. Blessings are received when we make ourselves a suitable vessel for them: We make ourselves more receptive to their goodness by improving ourselves through piety and cultivating virtue.

This is an attitude that I don't find very often in Neopagan spaces: Far too many people are preoccupied with offending the Gods, as if such a thing were possible, and being "cursed" or "abandoned" by them, when in reality the Gods are everywhere: There is nowhere that they cannot be, no corner of the universe that they do not reach. To fret about whether the Gods will curse or punish you is to wonder if the water from that spring won't like you: The question is silly, just drink when you're thirsty.

Providence is something we are solely responsible for making ourselves more receptive to: Anything else is superstition and latent Christianity.

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower