Being “considerate Of Your Bpd” My ASS, No Improvement Whatsoever, No Regard For Changing Plans Multiple

something visceral about my mom sadly looking at me and quietly saying “do you think your dad would have done the same if it was you instead of your sister?”

sometimes the validation that i am and will always be the scapegoat child hurts

it’s this pink haired girl, her pink vape, and her Gods against the world i think.

general appreciation post to my gods below:

Ares- i will never be able to repay you for all of the fight that you’ve instilled within me this semester. i made it through a shitload of work and some really god awful days without going to the psych ward yet this year. you deserve more appreciation than i could ever give and i cannot wait for the day that i will be able to properly worship and have an altar in your name.

Hermes- you were the one who started this all for me. without you i would have never discovered the light of the gods. i thank you every single day for this reason, and i will continue to thank you until the day that this life is over for always being my north star.

Hestia- i thank you for blessing my room (home) and my worship, and also the ability to subtlety pray when i can. Thank you Lady Hestia for all that you have given me.

Zeus- i thank you all father for the blessings you have given me, for the blessings i have been too blind to outright recognize, and for always being there. thank you.

May i stay pious, may i be a good person, may the light of the Gods continue to sine on me for eternity.

I just feel so ugly inside and out.

daniel once again reminds me that i am evil, literally his exact words tonight. what he doesn't know is that my buba is teaching me the power of belief and that i will brute force this into existence that i am good and kind and sweet and nice.

she and her books also say i need to forgive him, i don't know if i ever can.

god she’s not findable on anything. i just want to make sure she’s alive, and okay. she needs someone to protect her and i couldn’t and i need to fuxking find her im going to cry

her name is Laura. and i failed her and my bad brain forgot her name for so long. i’m so sorry Laura, i am.

Had a session about why closure is hard today, both because of him and because of me. Wrote another goodbye letter. I can't bring myself to post most of it but here was the ending. A proof of existence if you will.

reading in my bed is so hard now that it’s uninterrupted. i miss you my sweet girl, so so much. i hope the Gods are taking great care of you.

Maybe in another life I can be gentle. Maybe there my soul is kind.

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)

i’ve been doing this positivity crystal spread under my pillow for the past two days and i’ve been having SUCH better mornings!! here’s the info for anyone who wants it!

citrine

amethyst

sunstone

rose quartz

carnelian

i just put them in a little bag in my pillowcase and sleep near them all night. in the morning i put them on a selenite charging plate (you could also use a window sill but i prefer selenite) and let them stay there until i’m ready to put them back under my pillow to go to sleep!!