I Just Feel So Ugly Inside And Out.

8.21.23 - Second First Day (excerpt) I wonder how life would be different if he was just a little nicer when I was a kid. I tend to think about this a lot. I wonder how he can even bear looking at me, how he does not realize the extent of his damage- how he ruined a everything for me. I wonder a lot of things about him, fully knowing that I will never get any answers.

three hours later and i was in literal tears about how unfair it is that i have to work so hard to be a person. this Borderline shit got HANDS

i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3

i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.

‘everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it’ is cute and all til u have bpd and go genuinely psychotic when someone abandons you

sometimes trauma processing is weird and you have to write about some ancient old man, but whatever works i guess

TW: brief mention of SA and physical assault

the stress hallucinations are back along with the most violent escapism known to man and me and my dad got into it the other day. you never really get past age 14 huh?

notes app ramblings

WOMP WOMP

(i took this pic to post and the app asked if i wanted to send my streak to someone LMFAO)

Had a session about why closure is hard today, both because of him and because of me. Wrote another goodbye letter. I can't bring myself to post most of it but here was the ending. A proof of existence if you will.