R3v3rie - ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Reverie ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

this study has me all sorts of fucked up. i feel super shitty for a lot of my behavior and my just entire being right now. i’ve always been told since i was younger that i was this unfeeling manipulative monster, what if it’s true? what if all the doctors are lying or just don’t know enough to tell me that i’m horrible? how i endanger people, act shitty, am just wholly the demon my father said i was?

how do you cope? how do you just move on from that self reflection that you possibly aren’t the way close people say you are? how do i know what is real? who to trust?

i need to talk to dez but i don’t even know what i would say-

being “considerate of your bpd” my ASS, no improvement whatsoever, no regard for changing plans multiple times,, he just doesn’t fucking care it’s ridiculous like dez literally thinks we might have to break up and i’m thinking she could be right

literally obsessed with him..like holy jesus he’s so pretty and sweet and hot and i just wanna kidnap him and throw him in my basement and eat him alive :3

no because this disorder SUCKS ASS. i read a heartbreaking fanfic and now i’m so fucking sad i want to die so i can stop feeling so fuxking SAD

that writer deserves everything they have ever wanted in life, that was the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve read in a while holy fuck

Gabriel or Lucifer, the sinner or the saint, Heaven or Hell?

the 7 of cups.

Gods please guide me, i pray for divine judgement, i pray for peace. I pray to stop being a horrible person.

the way i see blake looking back at me in the mirror and i can’t even be bothered to care right now.

oh the things i wish i could tell him LMFAO

i don’t think anyone actually cares about me, i wish someone did. i wish things could just be enough, but there is a void inside my rib cage. and the thing is that no one gets it, there is no one around me anymore who actually understands because i just push everyone until they can’t handle me anymore. i want to not be here anymore.

the urge to bleed out on the bathroom floor while music plays in the background