It’s 5am And I’m Listening To The Birds Chirping, I Hear My Breath, And The Soft Indie Music That

I will be like "I'm fine" and then another fucking event will occur

This is the sacred duck he got an important message:

having a personality disorder is so ridiculous. like girl the abandonment hasn’t happened just yet, CHILL OUT !!!

a loud playlist to rival the noise in my head

i say this shit and literally a day later am doing not very well at all. god i hate the constant shifts and mood swings

it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.

the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.

my therapist has no idea how bad she fucked up LMFAO. like- you think he thinks about me??? really??? no no no dez idc if he feels bad about what he did, he still thinks about me??? 🥺🥺🥺

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)

currently trying again tonight to open my frozen over heart, wish me luck

this being 11 thing blows.

nothing is bringing me comfort, i don't know how to help baby brained me. no shows, music, stories, games, nothing. i can't even figure out the trigger. i know its a flashback or regression or whatever the f*ck but im tired. i am 8 years older than this. we lived, we aren't dying. i don't know how to get that through to her-me-whoever. all i know is that we are alone right now and we are not okay with that for some reason.

i don’t know who i am. i feel like i have no personality of my own i just mirror others. i want to be me, but i don’t know who she is. how do i find her?? why can’t i just know who i am????