I Was So Real For This

this.

I really thought I was on a good way to finally be okay, to be better as a person and mentally. But I haven't changed, I never will. This sickness has left my brain absolutely rotten, making me ruin every good thing I have.

I feel so helpless and cannot keep living like this. I know I'm the problem. I'm the sickness. I'm no good. Everyone has left for the same reason.

life has gotten so bad. i don’t have anything in me left to give. i don’t know how i’m supposed to do my homework today. i just can’t anymore.

her name is Laura. and i failed her and my bad brain forgot her name for so long. i’m so sorry Laura, i am.

i just think it’s silly that my parents were a little sucky and now i’m a 19 year old with a personality disorder and an emotional support stuffed animal

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

The most beautiful thing John Green has taught me was the way out of the Labyrinth of suffering is alaska style (straight and fast). for me, my labyrinth is always my perfectionism during the school year. The only way to get out of the labyrinth though, is through. So, you put your head down and try your absolute fucking hardest and eventually it’s over until you have to start it all over again.

“The only way out is through” has been my personal mantra ever since i read looking for alaska during a residential stay. the book and the depth of its meaning are so very important to me and i could write essays upon essays taking about my personal labyrinths and how they are full of demons that i can barely outrun- but i won’t, i’ll save it for later. for now i have a labyrinth to escape.

god i just feel so fucking empty. i wish i could just like actually be able to make friends so i don’t have to be alone all the time?? but making friends as an adult is stupidly hard.

tbh i should just go back to being a fanfic writer, i had so many online friends back then it was crazy lol

mmmm bacteria lab specimens, yummy :D