I’m Processing Some Tough Stuff, I Might Post Excerpts From The Journals I Have From Them,, Idk What

i just think it’s silly that my parents were a little sucky and now i’m a 19 year old with a personality disorder and an emotional support stuffed animal

mmmm bacteria lab specimens, yummy :D

michael i search and scan every damn tweet and every new song added to every playlist you make. i cant believe i meant nothing to you. after all this time, not one day goes by where you think of me. i’m not even worth a text back, an acknowledgment, a godforsaken breath in my direction.

fuck you. fuck it all. i wish i hated you. i hope you find everything you ever wanted in that fuck ass disgusting place you moved to. don’t come back, not now, not ever.

i hate how every man i ever love is a narcissistic, unfeeling asshole. i give up. i won’t make friends, i won’t love anyone, i cant do this anymore. being alone hurts, but mourning every person i ever lose for YEARS like they’re dead hurts way worse.

thank you michael, for ruining me. for ruining everything without so much as a fucking clue to what i could have done.

fuck you. hope you’re happy.

reading in my bed is so hard now that it’s uninterrupted. i miss you my sweet girl, so so much. i hope the Gods are taking great care of you.

vent post about dying young and being a bad dog: an unofficial writing

i am so different, i wish the people of my past could see that and give me just a couple more chances to change. all i want is a friend before i die of some stupid heart defect. for now, literature is my safe space once again,

it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.

the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.

so much meaning in one little action. if he knew me at all he would know that i go to sleep at about 11 every night since my meds knock me out. this has been happening for a year. we live together.

“The greatest loss is the kind that you never had in the first place. I am reeling from the missing out on something that was never mine to begin with. This tragedy cuts me deep.”

— remnant-thoughts

i just want time to stop, i want some weed and for life to wait until i can catch up. but it cant, and it could take me years to figure it all out, and i have to be sober against my own will.