The Things I Hate Most In This World Are Myself And The Fact That I’m Still Alive.

12.9.22 August in december. (excerpt)

I now may have the same diagnosis, but it does not make me the monster of a man that you were. I am pursuing a degree in fisheries & wildlife at a very small school. I want a house in the mountains where me and **** can rescue dogs. I like filling my head with poetry, fluffy romance, crystals and astrology, gaming a little, indie folk music, and looking at the stars. I stopped playing softball and I like being outside, but most days I just want to curl up in bed. I still play ukulele but I started learning guitar. My favorite color isn’t yellow anymore, it is green. 

I am no longer the me that you knew, and you my dear are no longer you. 

‘everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it’ is cute and all til u have bpd and go genuinely psychotic when someone abandons you

i literally go to sleep and have dreams that you come back to me. i know you aren’t even thinking of me. i cant figure out which part hurts worse.

new year, new font. i was never too attached to the courier, but i think playfair is truly me.

writer in the dark & liability -lorde

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“always a death knell, never a dove”

“The greatest loss is the kind that you never had in the first place. I am reeling from the missing out on something that was never mine to begin with. This tragedy cuts me deep.”

— remnant-thoughts

reading in my bed is so hard now that it’s uninterrupted. i miss you my sweet girl, so so much. i hope the Gods are taking great care of you.

TW: TALK OF SA AND SA FLASHBACKS

i might be doing really terrible on the emotional regulation front but in my defense ive had a gaping hole in my chest since i was 12