Warriors: “It’s Illegal To Be Better-looking Than Me.”

Asterix and Obelix beloved

how some of the LU boys vent headcanons but in fic form

okay so a while ago i was really angry about something and cracked open botw to fight some guardians with only melee weapons and i kept getting viciously blasted to the ground and set on fire every time i tried to do anything and i was like MOOD but then i realized something. link always gets back up. immediately. you don’t even have to hit a button. he gets knocked down, and then he gets back up again. over and over for the at least a half an hour i was playing. and then that gave me feelings so i started writing.

this goes completely off the rails very quickly and is ridiculously self-indulgent but it was fun to reread so *gestures vaguely* now you get to see it. fair warning that even though it’s presented in a very video-game-mechanics way, wild is talking about serious self-endangerment so be warned if you’re not up for that. anyway, enjoy!

(2.4k words)

“You know what I do?”

“What?”

Hyrule turned around from where he sat keeping watch by the fire, startled by Wild’s sudden question. Or at least he’d been trying to keep watch, stabbing a stray piece of kindling into the sand at his side over and over again and trying not to think too hard about—well, he was trying not to think about it. Wild stared up at the clear desert sky, deep with unfamiliar stars, laying on his back in his bedroll with one hand stretched above his head, fingers splayed. Hyrule hadn’t even realized he was awake.

“When I’m angry. You what what I do when I’m just so frustrated and furious and filled with rage and I’m caught halfway between breaking something’s bones and breaking down and all I want to do is scream but I don’t even think I have the strength to speak?”

Keep reading

I don’t know if anyone has ever done this before but, here ya go… The Different Types of Fanfiction! 

I probably left a few out, but these are the most common, compared to their base fiction’s canon plot. Enjoy! XD

Danny, in his forties, knows he passes for two people; Bruce Wayne and some randomass reporter named Clark Kent. Which is great, because he's about to defend Bruce Wayne's son, and it'd be weird if the press thought he was just some rando.

Danny didn't want to know who the fuck Bruce Wayne was, but Sam's parents would not shut up about the guy as Danny was growing up.

So, yeah; he can recognize Bruce Wayne on site. And his children.

Not because he stalked them! It was all Sam's fault, her and her parents! Her for complaining about the Waynes, and her parents for idolizing them!

Anyways, he's pretty sure he just saw some chick drug Dick Grayson's quadruple sugar caramel frappe, and Dick drank it.

Danny doesn't really think? He kind of just moves.

Dick Grayson barely gets out a "Uh, hey-?" before Danny decks the bitch in the face hard enough to throw the woman back five feet.

She's definitely going to need a hospital.

Danny doesn't give a fuck.

Danny gives so little fucks that he just puts a very carefully gentle hand on Dick Grayson's shoulder and steers him away from the scene.

"She roofied your drink. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Or; Dick was going to allow a Trafficker to drug him, so that he could play bait. The trackers he'd swallowed would absolutely lead Jason to where he was taken, as Jason was working with him on this, but didn't meet the traffickers "type". He didn't tell Bruce he was going to do this. So when the Rohypnol starts to kick in, he's absolutely sure he sees Bruce come in out of nowhere and wreck the Trafficker's shit. The randos filming the incident think they just saw someone's dad almost murder a bitch, and then heard said dad mention roofies. When the videos are posted online, and the dad is "identified" as Bruce Wayne, Bruce has three things happen. First; he's getting a lawsuit from the woman. Second; he's also getting notified through this that he has a doppleganger or clone. He will need to investigate, as he needs to thank the man. Third; his image has become pristine in the eyes of Gotham, and has also become yet another wholesome meme.

Steph: Come on Dami, tell us who's your favorite sibling

Tim: Me. Obviously

Damian: Do you have a concussion right now, or has your caffeine habit finally caused brain damage?

Duke: Yeah unless you all were pulling my leg, Damian tried, and nearly succeeded, to kill you multiple times

Tim: Let me explain-

Damian: This ought to be good

Tim: When I started being Robin, Dick barely talked to me and now he calls me multiple times a week and we go train surfing once a month

Dick: Sorry about that. I was kinda going through....a lot

Tim: No problem. Then Jason damn near killed me and he says I'm his favorite brother. We play Smash Brothers and talk shit about you guys all the time

Steph: It's true, I've been over there a few times. There's also cake and plotting against our enemies

Tim: So I fully expect that Damian either will, or currently does, like me the best. After the second murder attempt I knew I was going to be his best man if he gets married

Damian: Oh No

Dick: What?

Damian: I just thought about it and if I had to pick a best man, it'd be a tie between you and Drake!

Tim: Just accept it. The more you try to hate me, the more you'll love me

girl (?) talk

not to minimize the gravity of war, but i need more people to know about:

Bicycle Warfare

bicycles have several advantages over horses & fuel-powered vehicles, with the result that bicycle infantry has in fact played a significant role in 20th century warfare...

it turns out that warfare sometimes involves battalions of bicycle-riding soldiers. (and while i personally am sick of war films, I'm willing to make an exception here because there really needs to be a movie about this.)

Billy Batson can never grow up because it's just not funny. Like oh, this guy says a magic word and then transforms into a slightly buffer guy? I am snoring. I am tossing the comic away in disgust. He's gotta be a little guy. He's gotta be a little shit. He's gotta be an angelic ten year old. He's been to juvie. He doesn't understand taxes. He could kill a man. He chooses not to. He still sleeps with a stuffed animal. If a League member yells at him he will cry. He'll leave them contemplating their own existence. He'll put shaving cream in their shoes.

I know darth vader telekinetically choking out a subordinate is supposed to emphasize how he is a scary and cruel and powerful Villain but all I can think is. if I had the power to asphyxiate people with my mind I would spend all of my energy CONSTANTLY resisting the temptation to make people around me shut the fcuk up.