Look At This Fucking Quest

so we were talking about aizawa and i found myself very funny (as usual) so i thought i’d share. feral pro hero eraserhead who chases midoriya izuku through alleyways until he goes home really deserves to be an actual au. dadzawa but make it as feral as possible

trying to decide if i'd rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it's tricky

What if instead of Billy lying about everyone in his civilian life, he just tells the truth but doesn’t say anything that would relate to his age.

So…

Barry: How come your always available, don’t you have like a job or a family at home?

CM: oh I’m homeless.

Barry: Oh- geez sorry big guy didn’t mean to—

CM: It’s fine. I’ve been like this ever since my parents died, my uncle stole my inheritance and kicked me out. Social Services don’t matter when their paid off and don’t necessarily care if I was still at my uncles.

Justice league:….

CM: Plus you can’t do much without a birth certificate or a social security number.

Dinah: What about school?

CM: oh yeah, had to drop out during 2nd grade. But Solomon tells me everything I need to know so it’s ok. : D

Living with chronic pain.

[footage of Victor Frankenstein sewing together female body parts to make a mate for the Creature while Lou Bega’s Mambo no.5 plays]

urturis

In truth all the other octopi just think you’re a right bastard who needs to “shut the fuck up Dave, we know you ate the fish from the tank across the hall nobody cares” and have now stopped associating you as the same species as them.

You are an “eldritch abomination” who is actually just an octopus in an aquarium with a superiority complex.

Happy Ace Awareness Week to all my fellow cake enjoyers

Black Canary: Hey cap how come all of your villains keep calling you weirdly infantilizing insults?

Green arrow: Yeah that savana guy is so condescending to you, he didn’t act nearly as bad to us and Black Adam calls you brat and baby man.

Captain Marvel: *lying through his ass* oh that? That’s bc sometimes my villains try to depower me to figure out my secret identity because I take a different form when I’m not using my powers. When they actually manage to succeed I have a magic fail safe that at the last second it turns me into a little boy so they don’t actually discover my secret identity. They legitimately think I’m a twelve year old.

Batman, eyes narrowing: Why a twelve year old?

Captain Marvel, bullshiting: It’s the only spell I found that doesn’t turn me into something like a rabbit or mouse. I would rather be a kid than cat food, at least people try to help screaming kids.

Green Arrow: …That’s fucking genius

Wonder Woman, suddenly: I want to see Baby Marvel now

Captain Marvel: *internally* oh no.