Does It Even Exist At All? Or Is It Another Dream?

only mostly devastated, sophie gonzales // check please, ngozi ukazu

Adulting to me involves the stuffy things I have to do to survive. Usually, somehow forcing myself to be a good little human by skirting around the outer edges of society.

This world forces people to suffer hours every day just so they can eat and live under a warm roof. What kind of world is this? Why isn’t food and safety a right? Why are people struggling with more than one job just to feed their children? This is a broken world.

So I have to pretend to be like the rest of the poor souls and adult my way through life. Push myself in ways I haven’t before. Pay a bill for something that makes no sense to me. Don’t even get me started on taxes. Why am I working just so some invisible entity can steal it all away?

Is that being an adult? Or a blind pushover?

“Adulting” only reminds me of what I dislike about this planet. There is so much more to living than being forced to sit in front of blinding screens and working our fingers raw for a mere nickel that will only be stolen away in the end.

I want people to see how beautiful life can be. That the pressures we face daily aren’t what being alive is about. Life is about expanding our minds and entwining our hearts with those we love. Everything else is an unnecessary burden to bury in an empty field, then covered over in blue wildflowers.

Forget this adulting business. It isn’t being an adult to take on these responsibilities. It just means a person is old enough to officially take on roles we’ve been trained for since we first stepped foot into school as children. All those long years of brainwashing just for these happy moments of being an adult. I’m not particularly proud of what humanity is doing to itself. *sighs and wanders off*

I have had that thought often. Wrong place. Wrong time. Wrong life.

But I’m not sure if it’s the planet that’s wrong, so much as everything around me is wrong.

I look about and listen. I see injustice. I see power plays that take advantage of people. I see children being killed in schools. Lies are told on the television. We are gas-lighted. Stolen from. Told it’s all our imagination.

How is any of that right?

When I was a child I would daydream about living on a healthier world. One that was not this one. But how would I get there? Walk through a door? Exit my body and float to another plane?

I’m obviously still here. Still feeling that this existence is wrong. And not truly knowing how to feel any differently about it, other than putting on my survival mask and pretending that I get through the day like everyone else. 💗

Thanks for the question. 😌

I'd rather be weird and happy than normal and miserable.

Susane Colasanti

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