Rainiiis - Raineeeeee

What's the most empowering experience?

WRONG it's being able to tell what's wrong with your drawing almost immediately after taking a 30 minutes break from looking at it and being able to fix it!!!!

IF I SEE ANOTHER BOX OF CANNED PEACHES,,,,

The plan was simple.

Go to this world.

Check in on the Agency.

Make sure that everything went according to his counterpart's plan.

Leave.

The most important part: do not cross paths with Chuuya.

But when he spots ginger hair and a tacky hat from afar, it's only a matter of seconds before he's pinned to the ground, a familiar knife pointed at his throat.

"What kind of disgusting ability is this?" the man above him barks, words filled with venom.

"This is not an ability." Dazai states, calmly.

"Don't you dare imply you're him," the knife brushes against his throat, a sharp vessel for the man's rage. "Boss died. Threw himself off the Port Mafia building."

Dazai swallows. This Chuuya looks different from the one he has known for seven years.

He's not as vibrant. He doesn't shine as much he does.

He looks like he almost gave up on living.

"Chuuya—"

"You have no right to say my name, you fucking imposter."

"Please, listen," he pleads. Damn, he doesn't like this Chuuya. "I am Dazai, just—not the one from this world. Not the one you knew."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Chuuya questions through gritted teeth.

"I came here from a different timeline," he explains, careful, "I do share some memories with this world's Dazai, though."

"If you truly are Dazai," the name burns like liquid fire on his tongue, "then you must be a pathological liar as well. Why should I believe you?"

Dazai smirks. This Chuuya is a ticking bomb and he's ready to light his fuse.

"The first time he made love to you," he chooses his words carefully—they had sex plenty of times, but making love was new to them—"he told you he lov—"

Chuuya's fist meets Dazai's cheek.

It's painful, but Dazai didn't expect anything less from him.

"How the fuck did you come to this place?"

"I take it that Chuuya believes me." he grins, satisfaction making its way across his face. "It doesn't really matter. Let's say my ability comes in handy sometimes."

His Chuuya would have laughed at him. Probably told him he's a pain in the ass.

This Chuuya stays quiet and just... walks away?

Dazai's brow furrows.

"Where are you going?" the brunet asks, still sitting on the ground.

"I got nothing to say to you. You can go back to your fucking timeline." he snarls, that gloomy look plastered on his face.

"My, my, holding me accountable for what my counterpart did?" Dazai singsongs in his usual cheerful tone.

The next second he's avoiding the knife thrown at his head.

"I'm giving you one last warning," he growls, and Dazai swears he sees a reddish hue where Chuuya's brown eye should be. "Go. The fuck. Away."

"I just want to talk. About everything."

"You said you're not him, hah? Then you're nothing more than a stranger to me."

"I can explain why—"

"I don't care!" the ground shakes, courtesy of Tainted, but doesn't move beneath Dazai's shoes. "If he truly cared he would have told me about his fucking death plan instead of hiding everything from me!"

A long silence follows.

"Five minutes," Dazai pleas, "and I'll explain everything. Then I'll go back to my world."

Ten minutes later they're in the Port Mafia building, more precisely in Chuuya's office, which previously belonged to Dazai.

The detective glances at the empty chair and he can see it—the ghost of his counterpart, legs crossed, and the redhead standing fiercely on his left, covering his blind side.

There's something terrifying about it. A bond that was way different from the one he shares with his Chuuya; an unmatched level of trust and intimacy.

Imagining himself as the Port Mafia boss is making him sick to his stomach.

"I don't have all day," Chuuya complains, arms crossed. "Go on. I'll listen."

Once Dazai is done talking, the tension in the room is palpable.

"Why," Chuuya mutters, gripping the red scarf hanging over his shoulders, "Why didn't he tell me? Why did he send me on that fucking mission in London? I could have saved him."

"That's the point." Dazai sighs. "Saving him wasn't part of the plan. It would have ruined it."

"So ruining my life was the safest option, hah?" he scoffs, bitterness seeping through his words.

"You would have done the same for him."

'Yes', Chuuya wants to scream. 'Yes, and the fact that he prevented me from doing it keeps me awake at night'.

"You know," the redhead begins, breaking the silence, "I sensed something was off. At some point I realised we weren't on the same wavelength anymore. He treated me like shit then almost worshipped me as if his life depended on it."

"I guess you have figured out why."

"Yeah," the realisation burns the back of his throat. "He tried to detach himself. To make it easier for both of us."

'But he couldn't' is left unsaid.

"I don't know what you do to us, Chuuya," he blurts out, his mouth talking on its own, "It's terrifying."

He finds it easier to be a little bit honest with a Chuuya he's never going to see again.

If it makes him a coward, he doesn't care.

The redhead remains quiet and Dazai spots a myriad of emotions in his eyes.

Hurt, anger, sadness, longing.

"Am I happy?" Chuuya suddenly asks, "In your world."

"Are you happy in this one?" Dazai asks back, unsure.

"You want me to say 'yes' so you can feel better about all the mess your counterpart left for me to deal with? 'Cause I won't."

"This is the only world in which Od—"

"I know." he stops him. He doesn't want to hear that name again. "I just wish he talked to me instead of making all decisions on his own as if I didn't matter a damn thing to him. I guess I was useful as his strongest weap–"

"Don't." Dazai interrupts him, his voice firm. "You've never been a weapon. Not to him. Not to us."

The silence that follows eats them both alive. Talking to this Chuuya is filling Dazai with uneasiness for some reason he doesn't understand.

Seeing him so empty, inevitably similar to himself, makes him uncomfortable.

Does his Chuuya feel the same? Is he hiding all that resentment as well?

"Well, this took more than five minutes. I'll leave as I promised." he announces, suddenly unable to stand in that room anymore.

"Wait." Chuuya calls, his voice unsure.

He walks to Dazai until they're facing each other.

"I have one request. Then I'll let you go."

Dazai knows where this is going. That's why he didn't want to meet this Chuuya in the first place.

"Can I..." the redhead hesitates, "Have one last kiss before you go?"

Dazai's heart aches for the first time in ages.

"I'm not him." he states, voice flat.

They stare at each other's eyes, lost in the moment, and Dazai barely registers the way Chuuya is delicately pushing him against the desk until he's sitting on the black surface.

Neither of them dare speak, for any word would ruin the sacred religiousness of the moment.

Chuuya slots himself between Dazai's legs, bringing their bodies impossibly closer, and his hands reach for his scarf.

He removes it, his movements painfully slow, and Dazai swallows as the red cloth is placed around his shoulders.

Dazai's throat wobbles.

Chuuya's vision blurs.

Dazai feels seen as the redhead's eyes wander all over his face, scanning every feature so that he can store it in his mind until the last memory of the two of them fades.

A gloved hand reaches for Dazai's bandaged neck, caressing the fluffy brown curls, and Dazai's arms instinctively circle Chuuya's waist.

Would his Chuuya be mad at him if he found out?

"A Port Mafia traitor from another world, wearing his precious scarf... He would be feral." Dazai mutters, the forced proximity making him dizzy.

"He owes me." is all the current boss of the Port Mafia says, his eyes fixated on the detective's chapped lips.

His right hand comes to rest on the left side of Dazai's face, covering his eye, and their lips finally connect.

The kiss is tender, almost heart-shattering—it's nothing like the ones he shares with his Chuuya, and it's surely way different than the ones this Chuuya used to share with his counterpart—and yet its bitterness is suffocating.

This life wasn't designed for them, Chuuya thinks, but for now he'll just pretend his former boss is right in front of him.

It can't hurt more than it already does anyway.

Dazai pulls away first, fully aware that the longer this lasts, the more it's going to hurt, and Chuuya heaves a shaky breath in return.

He tries to keep the ghost of his former Boss close to him, but all his efforts are pointless against death.

"I'm going now," Dazai announces, placing the red scarf back on Chuuya's shoulders.

'It doesn't suit you at all', he thinks.

The detective twirls a ginger curl around his finger before walking away. "Take care."

"You will come back, will you?" Chuuya asks, both hopeful and hopeless, and Dazai wonders if this is how his Chuuya felt when he left the Mafia after Odasaku died.

Dazai smiles, quietly. "No. I have no right to be here."

"Always leaving me behind, no matter which universe you fuckers come from." Chuuya mocks him, but he speaks in loneliness. "Go, before I kill you."

"You wouldn't, neither of you." he replies, smiling to himself. "He's doing fine, by the way. Has gone through a lot, but never once lost his colours."

'You're both too good for us and that's why you'll never fully stop hurting', he thinks.

They steal one last glance at each other before Dazai finally disappears behind the door.

"Goodbye, Chuuya."

Sobbing uncontrollably this just saved my life

from where do you read the manga?

I know this is not what you asked for, but here’s a masterlist of bsd resources I’ve used over the past year. Because every time I join a new fandom I always think “oh, I sure wish there was an all-inclusive masterlist that explained in detail how the material is divided and where to access to it instead of having to dig in myself”. So, this is for you January 2022 Kyotag, and for anyone else who might find this useful! I trust posting this on Tumblr is safe, but please do not share this outside of Tumblr in any way; it’s not for me, it’s for all the people who care to share. Specifically, do not share this on Twitter in any way or form. I will unleash a wild pre-promise Akutagawa after you if you do.

BSD resources masterpost

Bungou Stray Dogs Story by Kafka Asagiri, art by Sango Harukawa. The original manga. Ongoing, monthly chapter release.

• MONTHLY CHAPTER FANTRANSLATIONS: translator 1, translator 2, translator 3 • Website 1: Official English translation of the manga up to volume 19 / chapter 83 (including all the extra volume contents and omakes) and fantranslations from chapter 84 upwards. It’s my favorite streaming platform for the manga as it grants easy access and download to most of the official translation (the quality is not very high in my opinion, 900×1350px per page, but it looks like that’s as good as it gets). There’s purges of adds on certain days for some reason, but overall it’s manageable. • Website 2: Official translation up to volume 20 (chapter 88), fantranslations after that. • Website 3: Official translation up to volume 22 (chapter 99), yet lacks all the additional volumes content (and thus the first page of every volume since it’s in colour). Includes the manga in Japanese (and what looks like a French fantranslation up to chapter 45), so it’s useful if you need to quickly check the original. Denies download of the pages, and features a watermark. • Website 4: All the chapters fantraslated. Recommending it because it’s always nice to read a different translations (and endearing too, at times. You wouldn’t want to miss “Dazai Osamu – Ability: Human Failure”), and because it’s for some reason the only website my university’s wi-fi gives me allows me the access to, so shout-out to it. • Website 5: Raws from chapter 79 up to date. Better image quality (1164×1618px) compared to the official manga English release.

Bonus chapter 1 • Bonus chapter 2 • Bonus chapter 3 • Bonus chapter 4

DVD omakes

• DVD omakes English fantranslations masterlist • Vol 4 omake English fantranslation • Vol 9 omake • DEAD APPLE DVD omake English fantranslation • Folder with all the avaible omakes fantranslated in Chinese

Wan! Story and art by Neco Kanai. Gag spin-off manga. Ongoing.

• Link 1: Chapters 1-22; fantranslation. • Link 2: Various misc chapters fantranslations • Link 3: Various misc chapters fantranslations • Link 4: Various misc chapters fantranslations • Link 5: Chapters 1-55.5 raws. Website denies download of the pages and features a watermark.

Gaiden: Ayatsuji Yukito VS. Kyōgoku Natsuhiko Story by Kafka Asagiri, art by Oyoyo. Manga adaptation of a spin-off novel. Currently in unofficial hiatus.

• Website 1: Fantranslation

DEAD APPLE Story by Bungo Stray Dogs DA partners, art by Gun_Zi. Manga adaptation of a novel adapting a movie. Completed.

• Website 1: Official English translation up to volume 1 (chapter 3), yet lacks all the additional volumes content (and thus the first page of every volume since it’s in colour). Denies download of the pages, and features a watermark. Fantranslation up to chapter 13 (discontinued). Also features Japanese raws of the first volume. • Website 2: Fantranslation up to chapter 13 (discontinued)

BEAST Story by Kafka Asagiri, art by Shiwasu Hoshikawa. Manga adaptation of an alternative universe spin-off novel. Completed.

• Website 1: Official English translation, lacks all the additional volumes content (and thus the first page of every volume since it’s in colour). Denies download of the pages, and features a watermark. • Website 2: Official English translation of the first two volumes (up to chapter 9), fantranslation beyond that. • Website 3: Fantranslation • Website 4: Raws (1115×1600px)

Dazai, Chūya, Age Fifteen Story by Kafka Asagiri, art by Shiwasu Hoshikawa. Manga adaptation of a spin-off novel. Ongoing.

• MONTHLY CHAPTER FANTRANSLATIONS: translator 1, translator 2 • Website 1: Raws (1115×1600px)

Anthologies Five official anthologies, compilations of gag and slice-of-life oneshot chapters by various authors.

• Anthologies masterlist

Novels Nine light novels set in the bsd universe and written by the bsd author that complete, expand and enrich the bsd story.

Novels folder: Contains all the eight official English translations, a fantranslation of Gaiden and a pdf merging (I think) all the novels in Japanese.

Extra Light Novels

• Kunikida and Katai's Brilliant Days (fantranslation) • Gakuen Bungo Stray Dogs (fantranslation (incomplete)) • The Day I Picked Up Dazai: Side A, Side B  (fantranslation)

Anime Five season anime. Watch order is season 1 → season 2 → Hitori Ayumi (OVA) → DEAD APPLE (movie) → season 3 → season 4 → season 5

Streaming site 1 • Streaming site 2

Drama CDs and translations

• Drama CD 1: Somewhat Extraordinary Days (playlist)     Swept Away by the River, Dazai Osamu and One Person More (translation)     A Bored Famous Detective (translation)     Forgot the Request (translation)     Yosano Akiko's Heart-Pounding Dissection Works (translation) • Character Song Mini Album Vol.1     The Detective Agency During a Publicity Conference!? (translation)      Kunikida's Critical Moment!? (translation) • Character Song Mini Album Vol.2     Return of the Detective's Good Mood (no translation avaible :( )     The Port Mafia Did Something Wrong!? (no translation avaible :( ) • Character Song Mini Album Vol.3 October 05, 2016     Kajii's Science of Cooking!? (no translation avaible :( )     Lunch Time, Accidental Mischief (no translation avaible :( ) • Drama CD: Welcome to Hot Springs (Armed Detective Agency) • Drama CD: Welcome to Hot Springs (Port Mafia)

Stage plays Eight stage plays that adapt different anime seasons and novels

I have nothing to put here. I've seen some subtitles videos go around on youtube, but I was never able to compile them. If anyone can help fill this gap, it’d be immensely appreciated!!!

BEAST movie Direction by Kōichi Sakamoto, script by Kafka Asagiri. Movie adaptation of an alternative universe spin-off novel.

• Folder link

Official pages

• Sango Harukawa’s Twitter • Sango Harukawa’s blog • Shiwasu Hoshikawa’s Twitter • Gun_Zi’s Twitter • Neco Kanai’s Twitter • Official manga Twitter account • Official anime Twitter account • Official stage plays Twitter account • Mayoi official Twitter account

Other resources

• BSD wiki • Mayoi wiki • BSD updates countdown • Archive of official art • Megathread of art by Harukawa • Megathread of anime art • Merch archive 1 • Merch archive 2 • Official art scans • Website for manga volume raws, dvd ripoff, op/ed albums and basically everything • @/akutagawaprize, official content Tumblr archive through 2015-2020 • @/popopretty’s blog for misc translations • Masterpost of novels referenced in the bsd franchise • BSD-bibliophile

If you found this list useful, could you consider contributing to the archive? Things I’d like to be added include:

• A good quality scan of the Beast sskk valentine art (sorry. Personal request. I would renounce to several limbs for a good quality image of that art.) • Anthology 4 and anthology 5 raws (you can’t translate the chapters without raws!) • Bungo Stray Dogs Rakugaki Note • Wan! official English translations (minus volume 1)

Turning to you guys because SOMEONE has to have it somewhere, this is my wallpaper and I'm desperately looking for the og picture because I'm changing phones soon and I'd like to keep it!!! I have no idea who the artist is, like an idiot I just saved the picture and long story short, lost it like a dumbass.

I most likely found this on Twitter (I have a vague memory of that at least) somewhere around 2021-2022, but I can't provide any more information unfortunately

Tried to image search it but the ggl image search engine fucking sucks, gonna keep looking in the meantime, but if someone somehow has a copy of this I would sob uncontrollably in thankfulness

Why in my humble opinion the episode brings the Mersault arc to a satisfying end regarding Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya and the message it has

So, there's a lot of energy buzzing around in the fandom with the latest episode and I felt like some things have not been pointed out enough, therefore I'm gonna share my thoughts on the parts of Mersault. This is a thread that focuses on the conclusion of the Mersault arc as presented in the most recent episode of the anime in season 5 and I will elaborate on what I think the message of the Mersault arc is, what Fyodor's role in this arc is, I will comment on why I think he was defeated and why it fits the message and I will also go into more detail of how Chuuya and Dazai play into all of this and what I think happened in Mersault.

I'd like to start with these panels from the manga, chapter 77:

Together with this one from chapter 105:

I think these panels convey the core message of the Mersault arc very well and its goal: Everyone is just human, no matter how smart. And humans are capable of amazing things and even moreso if they come together. This is the greatest difference between Fyodor and Dazai who have been countless of times painted and stated as each other's equals - yes, they are intellectually of a level most can only dream of, only rivaled by Ranpo, but unlike Fyodor, Dazai has learnt to trust humans and understands their bonds to each other.

Fyodor doesn't.

It's a message that is heavily implied and then outright stated by Dazai in the last episode:

The reason why Fyodor fails is that he doesn't trust in people and because he doesn't understand humans in that regard - he thinks that he is above this concept, thinks he can manipulate them and that they're just pawns. It's shown in the way he talks about Sigma, it's shown in the fact that he chose to use Chuuya who is Dazai's partner against Dazai to dangle him in front of Dazai and it's shown when he mocks Dazai for not being "able" to use a "gravity manipulator" and drops the famous line of them having a "shallow bond".

Fyodor is arrogant and very confident in his own abilities, including the one to control those around him. That's what makes him slacking though, he can't comprehend that a plan that relies on a bond and trust would be able to deceive and defeat him and the closer he gets to his goal, the less he cares. That's why he allows Dazai this last speech in 109 too, he doesn't think anything can defeat him. Dazai is at his wit's end, Fyodor is the winner. There's no way that Dazai has a backup plan, Fyodor is a genius and he already thought of everything that could possibly be, so there's no way, right?

Mersault always was about showing what humans are capable of and what they can achieve and that trusting in your allies, in your bonds with the people you love, makes you more capable and achieve higher goals. And it's exactly what happened.

Dazai states that he doesn't have control over all things, that he had a lot of uncertain cards. But he trusted in his allies and it pays off. He wins not because he has it all figured out from the start and a backup plan for the backup plan of the back-p plan, he did his part of the plan and adjusted to the scene and left the rest in full trust with his allies.

This pilot stabbing Fyodor worked because Dazai trusted in the agency and Ranpo and them taking over control the vampires in time. And the rest of the Mersault story before all this?

That brings me to my next point, actually. We learn in the episode that it was all a SKK scheme:

Now, some people were unsatisfied that a plan that simple couldn't fool Fyodor, but I think that is exactly the point of it. Chuuya is a great actor (in Stormbringer he fools with grief and shock Albatross in thinking he saved the in two halves separated Doc for example) and the simplicity of this plan is what makes it so good against Fyodor - why would he assume that the great Dazai, his intellectual equal, another genius, would go through with such a plan?

And it's even better because it isn't actually Dazai's! Now, I have seen a lot of people talking about this and I admit that I assumed the opposite originally as well, that this was all Dazai's scheme, but thanks to a moot I took a closer look on the story-telling and I realized something:

Dazai describes here the moment he realized that Chuuya is on his side in my opinion. This wasn't a "Dazai orchestrated the whole thing and sent Chuuya a text to haul his ass over to Mersault" because it doesn't fit with the storyline. Especially the speech in chapter 101 stands out here - a lot of people are making jokes about how weird and gay of a plan the speech is, but I actually think, based on the situation and the voice acting from Mamoru Miyano, that this goodbye speech is a genuine one.

The speech in 101 seems very genuine down to the point of his fake goodbye in the end, meanwhile the tone of a similar speech in 109 has completely shifted.

And what happened between 101 and 109? Exactly. The elevator.

So, what I'm thinking is this: Dazai saw that Fyodor had Chuuya under control and he knows his partner, he can't quite believe that Chuuya would get himself captured, it's gotta be a plan, right? Soukoku isn't actually the brains-and-brawn duo even though everyone thinks that, but Dazai knows how capable and smart Chuuya is. He hid Arahabaki from him and figured out Rimbaud after all.

But still, there is this bit of doubt nurtured by fear - he trusts Chuuya, but what if this isn't his Chuuya? So his goodbye speech is both:

An attempt to snap Chuuya out of it, an attempt to communicate with him, the hope that carries him because this is his partner, right? Stupid Chuuya that always fights and always clings to life and knows to appreciate it a lot more than Dazai.

But also a genuine goodbye, just... in case. Because he could never forgive himself if he doesn't say goodbye to Chuuya, JUST IN CASE. He trusts and believes in Chuuya, but he can't not say goodbye to him, just in case that Fyodor really got Chuuya.

And then the elevator scene happens and Dazai realizes: He only has one way of surviving, but he will not drag Sigma into this, not if he can help it. And he made a promise to him, after all. So, Dazai pushes Sigma out, makes sure that Sigma is alive like he promised. Then he keeps falling.

The only one that can save him now is Chuuya and Dazai decides to trust him. If this is his Chuuya, Chuuya will save him. Because that is what they do: Soukoku come to each other's call, they trust each other with their life and in return get that life saved by the other.

And if this isn't his Chuuya? Well, then Dazai died for the sake of the agency and he probably thinks that this is a good way to die, too.

But he doesn't die. He gets saved by Chuuya of course, how could he have ever considered something else? Chuuya came to his help and he has a plan. So, now all Dazai has to do is play along, just like in old times.

I wanna talk about this specific part of 109 too - I saw people arguing that the fact that Chuuya has been acting all the time made the scenes less impactful for the plot or their bond, but I actually would argue the opposite. Like I just laid out, in my opinion he only learnt just before this that Chuuya is on his side. That means, they don't have an actual plan that they discussed before, but they're good, they're Soukoku - we have seen in Dead Apple during the Dragonhead's Conflict and in the Dragon fight 6 years later what they are capable of without much communication.

But this is not only a way to show off their flawless communication and synchronization again, it also shows us something that we always knew but that is now plainly laid out: Dazai trusts Chuuya with his life. He trusts Chuuya to shoot, but not kill him.

Truly, you could say:

"The core characterization of Dazai and Chuuya's partnership is based on pure trust where both of them are capable of leaving each other's life on the other's hand without a second thought or doubt." - from the Dead Apple guide book

Chuuya acting from the very beginning as vampire and Dazai finding out along with a leap of faith and them proving once again the close bond they share is exactly the way this arc was supposed to go and the fact that it was predictable in that sense doesn't make it bad writing, in contrary. Asagiri set up and delivered the message of the arc extremely well, the arc had a clear red string following through all of it.

And this is why, in my opinion, this arc was actually written very well and why Fyodor's defeat is actually a good break for his character arc (because I don't believe he is dead, but this here is already way too long and many others have pointed plenty why he probably isn't dead) and why I really like the message of the Mersault arc.

POSTING FROM THE PLANE HEHEHEHE

today i was sitting in one of the stalls in the school bathroom and this girl got in the stall next to mine and started watching tiktok at full volume and she sat there for like five minutes???? i almost whipped out my tt app to compete with her but i figured it wasn't worth it lmao (my tt is shameful)

I cried on my birthday again.

It was expected. It's been a few years since I've last had a happy, tearless birthday.

I've had happy birthday parties, get togethers with wonderful and hilarious gifts I will always be thankful for. But in the end, I always go to bed, and cry on my birthday.

I don't dislike getting older. There has always been this thrill, what will happen next? Is this the year everything changes? This time, will I truly become something else?

But the thrill tones down. Another month turns into another year, and you forget what it felt like to be seventeen. There's this odd comfort to it. Maybe, this year, nothing will change, and I will stay the person I am, and that doesn't feel so bad.

Sometimes though, it turns into fear. The older I get, the more likely I am to lose the things that matter. I am terrified, so I cry, and hide in the arms of my mother because then I am her child, and it's okay to feel lost again, it's okay to feel the size of the world around me.

Age is a thing so big, while I still feel so small. So unprepared, and a little unsure of where to go next.

So maybe, just in my head, I'll stay eighteen for a while longer. Maybe if I'm not ready, and I don't feel like today is the right day to get older, and I still can't quite let go of that scared, fragile part of me that still has so many things to learn about living as an adult, maybe it's okay. Maybe I'll just keep crying on my birthday.

And maybe one day, I'll have it just a little more figured out.

I had this very weird period last summer during which I went on walk around the village I used to live in while listening to music. That in itself isn't weird, but I did that while listening to Little Nightmares 1 & 2 music. And it was so weird because I was so very relaxed, too- like, you'd think that taking a walk in a near-empty village while listening to horror game music would be uncomfortable, right? But no. I was just. Relaxed. With my earbuds. Slowly walking down the streets. Seeing slugs and other grass animals and bugs on the side of the road. Would recommend. Has its eerie moments (like the one time I found a dead bird- the music definitely enhances the experience lmao) but overall has to be the habit I was the saddest to lose after moving away for uni.