I'm Not Celebrating Regaining Your Humanity-

Brawn, Brains, and Baby

He sure is something

we’reくコ:彡 entering squid territory

 くコ:彡                                                                       くコ:彡                              くコ:彡  くコ:彡                                                        くコ:彡                           くコ:彡 くコ:彡

bread boys more like dead boys am i right

The Outbursts of Everett True was a comic strip that ran in papers from 1905 to 1927, wherein the aforementioned Everett True regularly beat the everliving shit out of rude people as a warning to anyone else who might consider being rude. Men have not only been taking up too much room on public transport for about as long as public transport has existed, but the people around them have been irritated about it for at least a hundred years. The next time someone tries to claim that manspreading is a false phenomenon, please direct them to this strip so that Everett True can correct their misconceptions with an umbrella upside the head.

The most important thing to remember when adopting a domestic dragon is to get one that fits your personality and lifestyle, since hoarding is only a common practice in some species. If your Cerulean Light-Wing Wyvern begins hoarding bottle caps, it is because your house doesn’t have enough room for it to fly around and comfortably spread out over a number of roosts. It is however, perfectly normal for the Ivory Guard Drake to keep a pile of bones and trinkets that the people it chases off drop near its primary resting spot.

If you have a hoarding dragon, you first need to stop thinking of their gathering as dealing with a problem, and see it as another need that your companion has to be met.

There are a few ways that people will recommend “dealing with” a dragon’s hoarding instincts, the first of which being to ignore it and hope they satisfy themselves, which NEVER WORKS. When young dragons find something that they like, their mind will tell them to claim it as theirs, which can be extremely dangerous if they get things that aren’t designed to be gnawed on like knives or batteries.

The second way is borderline animal abuse, but is the most common method that I’ve heard people trying. Asserting dominance and forcefully dispersing your dragon’s hoard is only going to distress them, especially if you shout or make big, erratic movements as you do so. This will make your companion fearful of you, and more snappy with strangers that come into your home, especially if they are forced to share couch space or stand back while things they want to be theirs are touched and potentially taken by the stranger. This should go without saying, but never get physical with a dragon when you are upset with it. They are faster, sharper, and more specially aware than you are, and even then, they have feelings and do not deserve to be a punching bag for any reason.

The third method, and the best one by far, is to calmly redirect your dragons hoarding to an unobtrusive location in your apartment, house, or property. Most common pet breeds are perfectly happy to pile their selected items in a little closet, especially if you give them a cozy dog bed. This method can take a minute to get through to a dragon, but once they understand that you aren’t stopping their hoarding, they’ll be much calmer about the situation. If you use this method and your dragon takes something dangerous or that you need back, just talk to them. Dragons are intelligent creatures, and if you talk them through why they shouldn’t eat your balls of yarn, they’ll likely understand.

Of course, every dragon is different in their personality and what they even want to hoard, so this whole deal is extremely flexible. If your dragon likes shiny things, trade coins and fun rocks for your TV Remote. If your dragon collects bones from squirrels that get a little too cozy in your backyard, then take the bones and clean them when your dragon is taking a nap. If your dragon doesn’t show any interest in hoarding, then don’t try and get them into the habit for likes on your videos of your “sweet baby pet” trying to claim a statue that’s three times its weight and nearly killing itself by dropping the statue off of a table.

If anyone has any trouble figuring out what all of those boxes and lines mean on the Dragon Breeds website, then I’m more than happy to make a follow up to this guide telling you how to properly pick your draconic life companion, with some information on the bigger breeds as well.

Small domestic house dragons have become the norm. Here is a guide on how to deal with the hoarding instinct of your little one.

Silly LimLife things

Originals under the cut!

Here you go :)

Luigi: I have anxiety

Mario: I also have anxiety

...

The Mushroom Kingdom: you're the heroes of prophecy!

Bowser: I want those twinks obliterated

Princess Peach: your our only hope!

The environment: *hostile AF*

...

Mario: I'm gonna suppress the fuck out of my anxiety and new found trauma to protect the kingdom and get the girl.

Luigi: I have more anxiety. AND am completely traumatized but hey! *Nervous laughter* at least I didn't fall in love with the enemy! that would have been suuuper awkward am I right?

Bowser: *on a date with Luigi*

Absolutely Greenie, wanna cuddle later?

Luigi: FUCK YEAH I DO!

in which luigi is a schoolteacher for Junior and learns ah. interesting new things about himself when he meets the dad

You are an engineer specialising in repairing robotic androids, in a world where they have gained full awareness, and proclaimed their wish to co-exist with humanity, rather than wage war. Now, damaged androids keep coming to you for repairs, while referring to you as a doctor.