The Bad Batch’s True Himbo

What I mean when I do not control the hyperfixation.

Am I the only one who sees 'togruta' and reads it as 'tortuga?'

I always have to do like a double-take or check my spelling because every time I come across the word 'togruta' my brain just immediately reads it as 'tortuga.'

Like, yeah no, makes total sense. Ashoka's a turtle. Yup, that checks out.

Even while writing this my brain's going 'tortuga.' I've had to backspace a few times because I kept spelling it 'tortuga' instead of 'togruta.'

Verbally too! When talking about togrutas if I don't accidentally say tortuga I'll take like way too fucking long to over-enunciate it to make sure I get it right so I don't look like an idiot.

The Bird Song by Noah Floersch but it's just codywan and order 66

Rex: How's it going with the new squad?

Echo:

i don’t actively ship scogan but as a human being with eyes the way scott fell into logan’s arms after jean “died” in x2 was gay asl

Sorry for infodumping about my special interest out of nowhere, you said a keyword and it activated my unskippable dialogue

I’ll never quite get over just how integrated kids are into daily Jedi life and the implications of that.

Dooku’s Temple "job" for years seems to have been “teaching lightsaber preschool.” Sifo-Dyas, the guy with the scary doom visions? Oh yeah, they have him working with infants, bringing babies to the Temple as a Seeker. Jocasta Nu is constantly depicted interacting with the younger generation of Jedi, teaching, helping, or mentoring. In TCW, she knows all the Padawans on sight. 

There’s just something really ordinary and charming to me about this. Sure, Dooku is a terrifying 2m of spider limbs in a robe, but he’s still going down on one sinister knee to check out the little crying kid who got a finger crunched by one of those wooden training swords. How many of the TCW-era Jedi were once babies who played with Sifo-Dyas’s hair loopies or cuddled on his chest as he pointed his T-6 back toward the Temple after another successful Seeking mission? (Space is, after all, cold. 🥺) You just know Jocasta is in very reluctant possession of knowledge of every single teen Padawan drama, crush, or breakup. She tries to stay out of it, but she’s broken up fights and pulled particulars into her office for tea and a gentle lecture on the inherent self-destructiveness of gossip. 

And these are not “just some” Jedi - they are all combat trained, politically important, at the top of their rank and even each sit on the Council at some point in their lives. The Jedi Order really went “super powerful space wizards with laser swords, yeah, but they should also all definitely know how to change a diaper." 

expanding on this, I think polyphemus would actually be komari vosa. in canon, she was hurt and Fell because of galidraan, and dooku puts a bounty on her to chooses a template for the clones. she is a major turning point in jango's life and I feel like she should be that here as well.

I also think maybe polites should be silas (I don't have a solid idea of silas' character, correct me if this is super ooc).

basically:

jangobi meet and fall in love before jaster's death (maybe due to jaster meeting with the jedi to possibly form an alliance)

jaster dies, the alliance fails, but jangobi stay together. though, they are now mostly focused on studies (obi-wan) and leading (jango). they at some point get married (maybe on a joint mission that mace Definitely Didn't Set Up As A Date (he did, obi-wan was getting lonely due to boyfriend withdrawals))

galidraan (troy) happens, myles dies to the jedi there. jango does kill 6 of them bare-handed (like in canon), but he feels at least a tiny bit guilty because those are his husband's people (and maybe he keeps having nightmares that one of those dead jedi is his husband)

jango starts trying to make his way back to his husband with kal (eurylochus), silas (polites), and whoever else you decide managed to survive that. silas is trying to keep jango's spirits up despite the fact he just lost his best friend and a majority of their people.

first, he's faced with komari (polyphemus) he manages to trick and defeat her. this is where silas dies, of course.

dooku confronts him, asks him to take a job. kal urges against it, jango almost agrees but changed at the last second. they flee, and land on sheeka tull's (circe's) island. sheeka gives him the advice to jump through the outer rim or something to get dooku off his tail (idk, I didn't major in how star wars travel works).

while doing that, they meet fay (tiresias) who does the whole "you won't make it home (but a more broken version of you will)" bit that tiresias does. she also, away from jango, calls obi-wan and gives him updates on his man's wherabouts.

we're skipping over the sirens and scylla unless one of y'all has any ideas.

dooku manages to redirect him (and the remains of his crew) directly to kamino (calypso's island) where they make a bunch of clones of him.

jaster's force ghost, who has up until now just been facepalming at jango's every decision, goes to check on obi-wan. he finds out about his new grandkid (anakin/telemachus). palpatine is the suitors, but he is going after anakin instead of obi-wan (he may also be going after obi-wan though, idk).

meanwhile, jango contemplates suicide on calypso's island, where he has unwillingly acquired however many of the clones you want to imagine being part of this (the more, the better).

I'm not completely sure who hermes is (maybe quinlan on an undercover mission?) but they manage to help him escape with the rest of his crew and all the clones (again. the more, the better).

I'll figure out everything else later, I honestly got farther into this than I thought I would before running out of ideas, but zeus/helios' cows have me stumped.

I was listening to epic earlier and I can't get a star wars epic au out of my brain

like, jango as odysseus, obi-wan as penelope, Anakin takes the role of telemachus, myles is polites, polyphemus I wanna say is like dooku or someone (maybe poseidon as palpatine), and athena is jaster/jaster's ghost (might be ooc, I haven't read anything he's from)

jango would be aged down or whatever, but him and obi-wan meet pre-galidraan

i just think jango and odysseus are similar types of tragic where they started off these kings with loyal crews and then disaster struck and they became corrupted and singleminded focused on one thing (odysseus getting back to his family and jango his son/legacy)

Jedi reacting to news of Commander Fox killing the chancellor (aka the Clone Uprising)

Mace Windu: ughhh, that’ll be so much paperwork.

Yoda: knew it would happen, I did.

Plo Koon: oh that’s fine, I just hope no one was hurt.

Ki Adi-Mundi: oh he actually did it? I thought he was joking.

Kit Fisto: Is Palpatine that old guy in the senate??

Depa Billaba: * too busy to give a statement *

Shaak Ti: that’ll do it.

Anakin Skywalker: oh my god, I just, oh my damn, that’s like, wow holy shit-

Obi-Wan Kenobi: oh WHAT that was today?! I missed it?!

Ahsoka Tano: wow dunked on

Aayla Secura: lmao

Quinlan Vos: lmao

*reading discourse-y posts again* I do think there's often a rejection of any mundane considerations in the jedi, which I sort of get, since they're fantasy space wizards with swords, so any mundanity can feel incongruous, but for me that's part of the charm.

Take for example a discussion about why Anakin didn't visit/follow up on Shmi during his apprenticeship. If I proposed that maybe he could not afford it, that's deeply mundane. The idea that the temple is just really really far away and they didn't have a private ship they could borrow on their off time, and there's not actually a galactic internet he can facetime shmi, a poor farmer, on, that's very mundane for a fantasy space wizard with a sword.

But they're monks. They don't have a salary. They don't have personal wealth. They have some collective resources, and they're granted some resources by various parties. Anakin is eventually able to go to Tatooine when Padme offers to take him there. Maybe he faced censure for the unauthorized trip offscreen, but not enough to affect the plot in any way. Similarly, when Obi Wan goes on a personal mission to help Satine, he borrows Anakin's fixer-upper ship, and he isn't shown to get into trouble for taking a little vacation either (so maybe it's not just that it's super duper strictly forbidden.)

So then like. Yeah, there is a cultural reason for parents not being in contact with children sent to the temple. For sure. There's plenty of spiritual/cultural things going on, that get bound up in this. If it's part of your religion that you're part of greater whole and that some people aren't fundamentally more important than others based on things like blood, there's not going to be a prioritized resource allocation for visiting family members on the other side of the galaxy. Shmi deserves help as an enslaved person, but not more than any other enslaved person. Then maybe you have Quinlan running some op on tatooine, and maybe he could give Anakin some peace of mind, except if that would compromise opsec in any way, in which case that's not his priority. That's a cultural reasoning.

But also maybe sometimes the reason Anakin didn't go sooner is because he didn't have a sugarmama yet and maybe the reason Qui Gon didn't free Shmi is that his mind tricks didn't work on Watto. Maybe the fantasy space wizards with swords have normal-people problems too.