Bit Out Of Nowhere From Me But I Hate Hate HATE How Nowadays Comic Book Writers Who Have Never Touched

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Random noir doodle

Comic info about Spider Noir

Has read/reading the book We The Living by Ayn Rand (biography about life in post-revolutionary Russia)

Is right handed

He uses guns a lot

Peter and Aunt May run a soup kitchen/welfare center

May and Peter are both socialists

He’s a bit cynical because he found uncle Ben murder corpse

Ben’s great responsibility quote is different, it’s “if those in power can’t be trusted, it’s the responsibility of the people to remove them”

Ben was a war pilot

SPIDER GOD

Got “curse” by the spider god

Can shoot black webs out of his wrist

Doesn’t believe in magic, believe in science

The goblin runs everything in the city and he’s a freelance/mob

Peter killed a guy

Saw the Frankenstein move with uncle Ben when he was little :)

Family friend to Robbie Robertson

Peter is a bit morally grey

Has been Spider-Man since 1933-1940

But because of universe portal stuff he’s back in 1933

Died but revive by the spider god

Is a private detective

Has a cat name ding-ding

Got turn into a weird ass spider thing from the 2022 comic

Has so much anger issues

Threaten to kill people

His threats sometimes scare himself and make him feel dirty :(

im right here with you </3

Peter Parker is a stronger man than me, because I would've taken one look at Uncanny Spiderman and folded

Immediately

everytime someone headcanons a fictional character as aromantic an angel grows its wings

i literally have the photo of the dog saved and said this is how I view ITSV noir

Man and his dog in a Photo Booth at Grand Central Station, 1943

HELP I ALWAYS THINK THAT WHEN I SEE HIM

Local skeleton always has his tits out

"You're losing blood" no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don't ever underestimate me.

As someone who does bouldering and is often called Spider-Man when I climb, I second this

What if Peter Parker did bouldering???

Like that shit is RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY. You got any idea the kind of muscles you get from that shit? The body control and the grip strength you get from doing that on a regular basis? Sure he's Spider-Man and can just stick to the rocks and he's already got super strength but just for a moment imagine with me Peter finding a tiny space in the rock climbing community that's just like:

"Hey kid your form's looking a little off, if you do it this way you wont strain your arms as much and it'll be easier to hold for longer."

"Gee thanks, I appreciate that!"

"Anytime bud!"

And then later finding out that the habits he's picked up means he's less tired while climbing around on patrol?? Or maybe it'd even be a good excuse for how he can climb up to random places that a normal human can't!

"Hey how'd you get up there?"

"Oh I rock climb."

"Understandable. Have a nice day!"

And just imagine Peter being an absolute LEGEND in the gym he goes to. Some random kid that shows up every other week, free climbs three of the hardest routes in a single go, calls it a day, and leaves.

Like DUDE

And okay let's not even include the idea that he'd practice techniques, but dont you think it'd be a nice getaway for him? A place where he can just climb over and over and maybe just maybe he finds a calm meditation while doing it? He can scurry around on the walls in a space that's acceptable for him to do so and it wouldn't be weird for him? And maybe just maybe if the employees there notice how freakishly fast he climbs the routes, what if they just mind their own business and leave him to it.

Like:

Do yall see my vision here??

Yall see what i mean??

this is a place where he can scurry and be spidery and climb shit without anyone batting an eye

So in conclusion, Peter would have a lot of fun at a rock climbing/bouldering gym and I think it would be good stimulation. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.