✩ "I Would Get Killed By Your Hands Just To See You Live." .:｡✧*.｡✰───

✩ "I would get killed by your hands just to see you live." .:｡✧*.｡✰───

summary: he loved you so much he allowed you to let him go.

contents: jjk as angst tropes series: choso kamo, choso x f!reader, established relationship, not canon so no spoilers cz i realized its called fanFICTION so i can create whatever i want, forbidden romance, choso dies cz of reader, fluff at the beginning, angst cz who wouldve guessed, also written badly

word count: ≈1.9k

The moon generously illuminated the darkness of the abandoned building. It was just like the way you knew it. You memorized every curve of it, how the light would hit each spot, the way the debris stacked on top of each other–and where you would see him standing there, waiting for you. 

It started when you two both approached each other, thinking you guys were the same species. He thought you were a curse, and you thought he was a sorcerer. It caused you two to share the struggles you both had, and unbeknownst to both of you, it was similar struggles. It caused mutual pining that you both could only entertain.

You both found out when you first met him in your jujutsu uniform, and he saw the badge that you had. It was a shocking sight to see, but Choso had gently held your hand, calming you down once you found out he was a curse.

Now, you were meeting up with him secretly once again.

“Hello,” you giggled, your shoulders rising up and failing to keep your bubbly attitude hidden. You took your hat off, bringing your mask under your chin.

“Hello, darling,” he walked up to you, his eyes glued to your face. Stepping in front of you, he brought his free hand up to your face and tucked a hair behind your ear. “You look… as beautiful as last time,”

A sound of laughter bubbled up your throat, leaning into his hand. Choso held your hand, guiding you to the usual spot you guys would sit in that faced the moonlight. Ever since finding out about the opportunity of meeting you secretly, Choso had cleaned up a spot that the moonlight focused on, adding a carpet there and occasionally, candles. It was a spot where you two could lean against the wall, cuddling each other and forgetting the world really existed.

“A movie?” Choso asked softly.

“Yeah! I watched one with a friend today!”

Choso laughed, watching as you used your whole body to reenact the scenes and the story–he thought it was enchanting

“You think… we could watch a movie someday?” he asked sincerely, his gaze on you.

You sighed, squeezing his hand softly and leaning back onto him. “...Someday, Choso.” “You think that day will come?” He whispered, his tone vulnerable.

“One day, Choso. I’ll take you everywhere–the park, the mall, amusement parks–oh! We could go to festivals! Tokyo holds them all the time,” you chuckled, hoping to shift his mood into a more cheerful one. Your smile only got wider when you saw his cheeks rising at the grin painted across his face.

“And our wedding?” He teased, bringing your hand up and kissing the back of it.

“I already have plans,” you nuzzled your nose against his, a second of silence passing before you guys erupted in laughter.

It was an endearing sight. You two laughing at each other's shenanigans, acting like you were two highschoolers on a date–nothing else mattered.

Time eventually caught up, and it was time to leave. 

“Next week, same time?” He asked, his voice hopeful even though he already knew your answer.

“Always.”

~~~

“You want me to… what?”

Yaga raised an eyebrow at your question, putting his clipboard down and looking at you.

“We can’t afford to keep any Cursed Womb alive. Choso Kamo is a liability, and for all we know, he could be getting even stronger as we speak.”

Clenching your fists, your chest rose up and down in an uneven pattern, and sweat was prickling at the sides of your head.

“But the others are dead? How powerful is Choso alone–,”

“His powers are much stronger due to his cursed energy. There’s no doubt that he’d be giving you guys a hard time on your missions, and we aren’t going to risk it.” His answer was so certain, so sure that you shook. You shook, because none of it was sinking in. Every atom of your body denied it–Choso dying? Because of you?

Yaga noticed your silence, and he sighed. Grabbing his clipboard again and standing up, he spoke.

“If you think the mission’s too much for you, then I can assign it to another student.”

Your head snapped up at him. No–no one else could kill him. No one else should kill Choso–Choso shouldn’t even be killed! Choso was human–you know it. You’d know all of it. How he made you feel more human than the jujutsu society ever had, that he’d shared your feelings and troubles and love and affection–

But, if you didn’t take it, then someone else would. If you didn’t kill him, he’d die anyway. If he didn’t die by your hands… someone’s bound to give him a painful death. Someone else is going to cause him harm in his last moments. And you’d miss it all.

The thought of it made your head throb. Your pulse raced enough for you to hear it in your ears. You were anxious about him getting hurt–being shown no mercy before his death when it was all he deserved. Mercy. 

“I… I’ll take it.”

This way, you can ensure he has a quick, painless death.

Yaga hummed, nodding in satisfaction. “Very well then, the deadline is next week.”

~~~

This mission was easy. Physically. And you hated it. You hated it because it was as easy as depending on your love for each other to meet with him and only take advantage of it. You came here early this time, wanting to be the first one to see Choso… and the last time you would.

“Hey,” he arrived, beaming. And the sight hurt. Tonight, you had to carry his blood. A rope in your chest tightened, and your breath staggered.

“I… got you something. You like roses, right?” He revealed a rose from behind his back, holding it out to you both proudly and timidly.

Your eyes went wide. The crimson rose would soon be the color spreading throughout Choso’s fabric, because of you. Taking the rose felt like a lie. Rejecting it would betray you. Choso always did small and cute things like this. For you.

Choso noticed your intense gaze at the rose, as if you’d just seen something you shouldn’t have. Your uncharacteristic mannerisms–hands shaking, frozen in spot, completely mute–it worried him.

“Hey, are you okay? You’re not usually this quiet… Did you have a rough mission?”

A rough mission? You almost scoffed, but when he brought his hand up to your cheek, you hesitated. For a split second, you almost recoiled, backed away. The gentleness of his touch would hurt too much right now. You didn’t mean to, but when your gaze flickered up to Choso’s, his anguished expression only increased your regret. 

Choso noticed the weight on your shoulders. He noticed that there was pressure on you, and you couldn’t fight against it. He knew there was something you had to say, or something you had to do… and he knew you couldn’t tell him it. With the way a lump in your throat was forming and causing you to stay silent, he speaks.

“If… there’s anything you need to say or do, do it right now, my love.”

His sweet words combined with his tender actions–it broke you. Tears finally started flooding out, and your voice hiccupped quietly in your throat. Your hesitation said everything–you were shaking, crying–you silently begged him to say something different.

But he was steady. Calm. Almost too calm. Because how could he, who was absolutely ignorant about the situation, not knowing that you were about to end his life, still be so kind as he pulled you into a hug that you so desperately needed? Choso was giving you space to choose–no, space to do it. And you knew you had to, because if you didn’t, it’d end up much worse for him. 

“Don’t–no, please–I can’t, Choso–,” you begged the world.

“My love,” he says firmly, not wavering from his point. “I trust you.”

And it felt like your breaking point. It felt like everything inside you snapped–your heart, your tears–and your muscles moved without thought.

Before you knew it, your weapon was buried deep inside of Choso’s stomach. Blood emanated from where the knife was hidden, and Choso collapsed onto you.

“No!” You caught him, his blood slowly dripping from his clothes down to your hands.

The way his eyes went wide broke your heart, and even with your sudden betrayal he was still holding onto you for dear life. How could you? How could you?

Choso still somehow found the courage to chuckle even at a time like this, while blood was dripping from the corners of his lips. “This… wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“No, no! Choso!” You brought him to your chest, begging the universe to go back in time–you’d refuse the mission, refuse to end Choso and run away with him instead–so why’d that only occur now? When he was slowly losing life right in front of you?

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” your tears mixed with the blood that was staining his clothes, yet the knife was still in him. Your betrayal was still in him. And it slowly spilled throughout his body–yet his love was still greater.

‘Hey, hey, my love. Listen to me–,”

“No, I’m so sorry–I shouldn’t have done this–I should’ve just–,”

“Y/N.”

You opened your eyes and looked at him through tears. How was he comforting you? When you ended his life? He had dreams, struggles, passions, and someone he loved.

“Yes…?” You whispered, your eyes closing the moment his hand gently brushed your cheek.

“Don’t let them paint you the monster, my love,” he smiled–the one you loved. “I know you chose to save me one last time. I would’ve chosen you out of everyone else to be the one to end me.”

But you were a monster. But you were someone who deserves nothing of his gentle love. Someone who was deemed a murderer–yet all he gave in his last moments was gentle love.

“I love you, my love,” he smiled. “Say it back one last time, yeah?”

You tried your best to scoff, trying to match his eerily lighthearted mood as you kissed his forehead. “I love you too, Choso.”

The two of you closed your eyes, pressing your foreheads together–in hopes for you to give him the life he deserves and the one you don’t. When you felt his hand slip from your cheek, you quickly caught it and tried to savour the last bits of warmth in it, convincing yourself he was just unconscious. You felt the smear of cold blood from the wind–only to remind you that it was his blood.

You were broken. You felt nothing but misery. The air you were breathing, the eyes that you were using to cry tears you felt like you didn’t deserve to let out, how your muscles contracted as you sobbed–it should’ve belonged to Choso. The Choso who never had the chance to live out any of his dreams. The Choso who never had the privileges you had growing up–it should’ve belonged to him. Not you. You felt like you should’ve been the one to take the dagger instead, and even then–you’d still paint yourself the monster. Because now, that’s all you saw of yourself.

a/n

oookay i kNOWWW this was kinda fast paced but i try my best to keep this series under 2k words sooooo it kinda ended up that way... i wish i couldve expanded more on this but oh! well! too! bad! (sobbing) ANYWAYS thisssss lowkey hurt me–i dealt with what felt like ages and ages of writers block and had to force this out of my system and somehow was able to produce something decently satisfying in the end soooo i hope i broke yall :)

(imma be honest w yall tho the original ending was to make the reader end herself in the end too but i thought maybe that’s too much…)

hope you all enjoyed *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: !!! - ying ☆