Pt1. // Pt.2 // Next

Random Incorrect Quotes and Vibes from the Bleach AU I will probably never write (Rukia is killed by Aizen and them in the SS arc)

—-

Ichigo: *feral teenager with slightly cat-like tendencies because of his hollow*

Shinji: 

Sakanade in his head: M I N E

…

Shinji: *explaining the inner hollow and everything that happened with Aizen and how they trained their hollows*

Ichigo: *a nerd who likes literarture and knows exactly what werewolves are*

Ichigo: Can I say something–

Shinji: *has questioned his reality more than once because of this kid’s weird questions* NO–

…

Ichigo: *goes to his inner world to see why the fuck Shiro is constantly screaming in his ear*

Shiro: *leaning over his body omniously with his big smile because he has been seperated from Ichigo for so long and this is the first time they’ve interacted without Old Man Zangetsu getting in the way so he’s happy*

Ichigo: wtfwtfwtf–

…

Shiro: *a feral tiny cat that likes to fight too much*

Sakanade: *a feral big cat the puts him in air jail*

Benihime: *the sadistic instigator*

….

Karin: *snooping through Ichigo’s room because she’s worried and finds Rukia’s asauchi*

Karin: *touching Rukia’s sword after Ichigo told her what happened and feeling a weird jolt or reiatsuand urge to keep it*

Ichigo: *who felt the reiatsu* …

Karin:…

Karin: I have been CHOSEN–

Ichigo: NO–

…

Ichigo: What do you have there?

Karin: A Zanpakuto!

Ichigo: NO!

…

Karin: *facing a hollow while Ichigo was at the SS and losing*

Kangetsu (her Zanpakuto): cAN YoU hEAr mE?

…

Hitsugaya: *looks vaguely like her Zanpakuto spirit*

Karin: *softly* Holy shit

…

Ichigo: Goodnight moon.

Ichigo: Goodnight tree. Ichigo: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

…

Karin: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Isshin: *Joking* Not if they consent to it

Ichigo: *Serious* Depends on who you’re stabbing

Yuzu: *the one sane non-soul reaper in the family* YES?!

…

Ichigo: *walking into his room* Hello people who do not live here

Renji: Hey

Ikkaku: Hi

Yumichika: Hello

Rangiku: Hey!

Ichigo: You’re only supposed to come here for emergencies!

Renji: We were out of Doritos *they’re on a mission, he’s just fucking with him*

…

Orihime: I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name hime?

Ishida: *scared of snakes* You did WHAT–

Ichigo: William Snakespeare

…

Renji: *while they were going to save Rukia* This is such a bad idea

Ichigo: Then why are you coming along?

Renji: One of us needs to be able to talk the Gotei out of arresting us when this goes wrong

…

Ichigo: Do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Ishida: You’re a hazard to society

Renji: And a coward. Do twenty

…

Orihime: If I were a drink, I’d be a strawberry vanilla coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?

Ichigo: Bleach (PUN FULLY INTENDED XD)

Keigo: *he found out ichigo and Chad didn’t fail like him* Sewage

Orihime: *concern*

Tatsuki: Calm down edgelords

…

Okay, that’s it

Some of these were canon, some of these were just random shit from my fic that i might never write

completed series-

Do you hate yourself? (hotch centric)

Why do you hate yourself?

Who do you think hates you?

No one hates you except for you

Not everyone hates him

You should hate yourself (Alternative ending)

Chasing Cars (hotch x male oc)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

College AU (hotch centric with side couples)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Epilogue

Winning a Battle, Losing the War (hotch centric)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Alternative Ending

work in progress-

His Feelings for Him (hotch x morgan)

Part one, Part two

the warnings and summaries are in each fic.

I'm just so here for Bucky and Steve drifting into each other's orbit without noticing, like they're just making breakfast and next minute they're basically sitting on top of each other eating it. Or when they come home from a mission, relaxing on the couch watching a movie turns into cuddling and snuggles so subtly they have no idea when it happened. How did Bucky's hand get on Steve's butt? Was it always there? Probably. The team is so used to it, but the media isn't. They weren't prepared.

Can you imagine this happening while the Avengers are giving a home interview for the latest and greatest magazine? XD

Bucky and Steve start out on opposite ends of the couch, discreetly exiled apart by the rest of the team because they all know. But the Avengers, they’re a pretty active gang. 

Tony likes to stand and pace while he makes his grand speeches. Clint prefers a higher, distant vantage point and gives most of the interview from the top of the entertainment center. Natasha has to take an official call halfway through the interview.

The whole time, as one person leaves the couch, Steve scoots over a little bit. And a little bit. And a little bit more.

Finally, poor Sam is tightly sandwiched between two super soldiers who are trying their damndest to reach through him for each other.

“That’s it!” He says, jumping up, “I can’t take it. Have at it, see if I care.”

“What?” Steve looks wounded. “Sam, what’s wrong?”

Bucky stares at him weirdly and the interviewer blinks, confused. All three of them watch as Sam goes to sit on the other side of the couch, where Steve started out.

After that, the interview continues for a record two minutes before she stops altogether because Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes and Captain Steven Grant Rogers are out and out snuggling on the couch now.

“Um,” she says.

“Ignore it,” Sam advises.

“What?” Tony looks around and then spots the problem. “Oh, yeah, happens all the time. Totally normal.”

“Ignore what?” Steve asks, frowning at them. “What’s normal?”

Bucky’s rubbing his cheek on the top of his hair and one of his hands has snuck dangerously low on Steve’s waist while the other - the flesh one - is playing some sort of game with one of Steve’s hands. Steve’s free hand rests on Bucky’s thigh, definitely higher up than is considered appropriate.

“Nothing,” Sam says gently. He looks at the interviewer. “Next question, please.”

Bucky shakes his head and leans back against the couch, sticking his hand up Steve’s shirt.

“You got some weird friends, Rogers,” he says.

“This is ridiculous,” Clint huffs from his vantage point. “I’m gonna tell them.”

Natasha points a finger at him as she comes back into the room and sits down by Sam. 

“Don’t you dare.”

went crazy and made this

enjoy the fruits of my madness

in the ura + ichi time travel au kaien was (understandably) concerned that ichigo suddenly started hanging out with kisuke. what would kaien's opinion of ichigo and aizen hanging out be, though? since aizen was a generally well liked person back then and all that. would kaien see aizen as a good influence on ichigo or do you think he would be more reserved about it?

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…I accidentally shoehorned Shinji into this whoops.

Anyway, you mean in the Aizen&Ichigo time travel verse right? Hmm well I know I dropped several hints in SP of Kaien (and a few others) knowing that there was something not-good up with Aizen, but canonically speaking, literally nobody except Shinji ever suspected him, so I think in this verse, I’m going to go with Kaien being one of the many who think that Aizen is just a reliable Shinigami and a generally upstanding guy. He doesn’t hero-worship him like the younger/lower-ranking Shinigami but he respects Aizen as a fellow lieutenant and the Fifth was really lucky to manage nabbing him for their squad.

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I think Jason should be allowed to manipulate his family with the "oh, you are my favourite, actually" line. It sounds very flattering to them (because Jason? Jason-I-Want-Nothing-To-Do-With-This-Family-Todd? Admitting you are his favourite? Oh, the hundred per cent bust of ego!) and more to say, this system of manipulation is eternal.

They can argue with each other as much as they want, but none of them would believe the other — Jason Todd is too tsundere to say something like this aloud, to each of them. So, someone is lying. For sure.

(And they are too self-assured in themselves to doubt that they are his favourite. Also, Jason makes every manipulation, specifically individual. So, it is not like he repeats the same confession and reasons. Very believable. Aka: this family needs someone to be open about their love, so they latch on everything and everyone who is willing to admit that openly)

Dick, slightly frustrated: Why are you asking me this favour? You know, I don't usually do these sort of things, I don't really... I don't know, it is too dangerous, I don't like the whole idea.

Jason, face dropping: Oh... Sorry. I shouldn't ask you, just... Dunno, I thought since you are my only big brother, and... Urgh, I guess I am still too attached to you more than to others. You are right. I'll ask Timbers or—

Dick, with his eyes suspiciously wet: oh-

Dick: NO, no. I'll do it. Don't worry. Big brother got your back, Lil Wing!

Tim, frowning: So, am I getting this right — you want me to hack into some system in someone's high school to fix the diploma of a kid who got a ONE bad grade—

Jason: He needs this scholarship. He is a kid of the streets! He can't do it otherwise, and it is not like the world would collapse if you fix one grade!

Tim: Yeah, I don't care about morals, I am just confused. Why would I want to spend my time on this, I am pretty sure—

Jason, dead ass serious: You know I don't like to communicate with this family. I only ever love talking with you, so sue me for thinking you could do me a favour.

Tim, instantly smirking: Ah, so I am your favourite... Well-well, big brother, I guess I can do this.

Damian: I am *not* going to tell you what our father is planning to do with this specific villain. Who do you think I am? An idiot?

Jason, sighing: Damn, and I really thought we had each other's back since League of Assassins.

Damian, scoffing: Emotional manipulation will not work on me.

Jason, all confused: Why would I manipulate you? From all people? I didn't raise you to fall on shit like this.

Damian: Tt.

Damian: Fine. Since, I guess, I owe you for babysitting me...

Bruce: Jason, I appreciate your... strive to help me, but nothing has ever gone well when you worked on cases like that. Let me handle this, and—

Jason, silently sitting down on the armchair, hands on his head: (sniff)

Bruce, panicked: Jaylad?..

Jason: I get it. I really do. No matter how much I love you, no matter how much I keep choosing you over anyone in this family, you don't love me anymore. I really understand it. I... I came in peace with it. I just wished you would tolerate my work... a little bit. You know?

Bruce: No, no, sweetheart, I— I am your favourite?

Jason, sniffling angrily: Who else it could be, old man?

Bruce: Oh. Oh, Jaylad— (instantly hands him the case)

(The family dinner)

Bruce, mentally humming to himself: Oh, these kids have NO idea that I am Jason's favourite because we are connected like that ^•^

Dick, mentally beaming: Oh, no one here has an idea that I am Jason's favourite because I am his big brother and protector! :>

Tim, mentally laughing evilly: Oh, these flops have no idea that I am Jason's favourite and that he wishes I was his Robin!

Damian, mentally kicking his feet: None of my family members suspect that I am Akhi's favourite because he was practically my nanny through all childhood. Tt.

Jason, munching on food: Lol

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND HE'S ALL I DRAW GOD I HAVE BECOME SO CRINGE!! Anyway, Kittji~! (my brain is rotting-) ALSO THE LAST DRAWING IS ONE I MADE IN THE MDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH MY MOUSE ON PAINT THIS DRAWING HAUNTS ME-

Okay but has Rhapsody in Pink (RiP 🤣) Steve been waiting his entire life to get dicked down like that by Bucky or what? Imagine him point blank telling-- nay, begging Bucky to do to him everything he would kill another man for doing hnnnng

I always told myself I would never do head canons are blog ficlets or whatever for my Rhapsody in Pink Steve and Bucky because they were too special to me to risk turning them into a tumblr ~performance item... but fuck it. I simply cannot resist this ask.

So Bucky has definitely been through a trauma. Hydra chemically castrated him and ripped his sex drive away from him, and now as a result his recovery has been marred by these really jarring sexual desires (a base desire he already had, but now turned up to eleven). But I am in love with the idea of a recovering Bucky who learns to reclaim his mind and his body by turning the consequence of his trauma on its head and “using” it for something he wants. And it’s his right to do that, because it’s his trauma—but he can’t learn to do all of that without the help of the love of his life.

... Because Steve—while first and foremost being in love with a man he thought he could never have (until now) for approximately the past one hundred years—sort of gets off on the idea of Bucky being an absolute ‘pervert’ for him (and that would be Bucky’s word, not mine). It makes Steve feel wanted and sexy, even if it kind of makes him feel like a pervert himself for wanting Bucky to want all of those nasty things from him. Basically, Steve’s kink is Bucky having this visceral desire to do depraved-sounding things to him, and he’s got some internalized kink-shame about it, but then he kind of... gets off on that shame. But again: this complicated double-shame is Steve’s issue, so Steve gets to “use” it however Steve wants.

All of that said... Jesus fucking Christ, Steve has absolutely waited his entire life to get dick like this. 

[Warnings: nsft / 18+, Dom/Sub, dacryphilia, many anal things, sex toys, derogatory names and self-slut-shaming, fantasies about some... pretty hardcore BSDM stuff. No Ao3 archive warnings would apply, but read at your own risk.] 

Here is a list of a few things I imagine happens in their bed after the end of Rhapsody in Pink:

Bucky learns to accept that it’s okay that his own orgasms feel fucking feral anytime he gets Steve to cry on his cock

Steve learns to accept that it’s okay to be proud of how smooth and “tiny” (Bucky’s word, not mine) and pink his own asshole is

They learn together that Bucky has a natural penchant for the most disgusting dirty talk:

“Yeah, sweetheart, wanna mess up those sore, puffy tits, hold ‘em together for me”

“Gonna smack this sweet hole while it’s squeezin’ my dick”

“Right there, Stevie, keep your head right fuckin’ there, be good for me while I fuck my cock between these fat, pretty lips”

Bucky pries it out of one very blushy Steve that he has a dildo in his closet, but, he just—he can’t. Steve can’t bring it out. It’s one thing for Bucky to know how much Steve likes the things Bucky does to him, but it’s another thing entirely for Bucky to see his filthy toy (Steve thought it was a really big dildo when he bought it; it’s really not) and know what a desperate fucking, just... slut (Steve’s word, not mine) that he was before all this. Still is.

... But Bucky needs it. He needs to see Steve use his little shame toy on himself so badly that one day he ties his own dick and balls up in a cock ring and fucks so many subsequent orgasms out of Steve that Steve is sobbing and begging for a break and his entire face is a red, snotty, tear-stained mess, until eventually Steve craves a reprieve from the overstimulation so badly that he agrees to get his toy out. 

(Steve pauses when he finally gets in the closet, but then Bucky follows him in and fucks him one more time over the shoe-rack just for the hesitation. Bucky milks his prostate until Steve frantically grabs the box and gets it down.)

Steve does beg Bucky to do—or at least tell him about—all those dark, depraved things that he said he would kill another man for doing to Steve. Bucky tells him about the visions his mind-fucked head has shown him of tying Steve down to the Avenger’s kitchen table with clamps on his chest and a cage on his cock and fucking Steve dry in front of anyone who could walk in. He tells Steve about the dozen different times Bucky came from thoughts of choking Steve until his face was blue and his dick was wet. He tells Steve about his drug-addled dreams of having two of himself so that he could fuck Steve with two cocks at the same time. He tells Steve about the time he jerked off so hard to the image of Steve’s ass swallowing down his vibranium fist that his dick started to bleed. They don’t actually do any of those things, though, because it’s never been that Bucky wants really them, but the thought that Bucky wants him enough for his withdrawal-sick mind to even imagine those things makes Steve come from nothing but listening and rutting his dick against Bucky’s jeans. 

(Okay... maybe they do try that last one. And maybe they use Steve’s loose, stretched body and his little shame toy to get as close to that other one as they can without time travel or cloning.)

... But first, before any of that, Bucky wakes up the morning after he first fucked Steve and spends an hour kissing his hole slow and wet and sweet and loving, just like he’s kisses Steve’s mouth.

Steve cuddles Bucky every night and congratulates him for learning to take his own body and mind back.

Hopefully I didn’t ruin my babies for you too hard 😅

[x]

Have a Bleach extended-winter-war time-travel-fix-it idea. In this AU Kaien's death happened before the whole turn-back-the-pendulum arc. (Yes, another Bleach time-travel AU, I know, shut up.)

As Ichigo and Kisuke are planning to go back to the past, Kisuke makes sure to emphasize to Ichigo that they have to protect Shiba Kaien. Apparently, it's of the utmost importance.

Ichigo doesn't know exactly how Kaien's continued well-being plays into saving the future. Kisuke never really explains it, or gives him a straight answer when he asks. But Ichigo knows that the Shiba Clan-Head carried a great deal of political power, and Ichigo also knows that Kaien -- according to Kukaku and Rukia -- was highly competent, incredibly noble, and fundamentally kind. It's not exactly unintuitive that a person like that could be important to bringing down Aizen.

So Ichigo listens, when Kisuke tells him to protect Shiba Kaien. He memorizes how Kaien died in the original timeline. He's attentive as Kisuke reiterates for the thousandth time that Aizen will keep trying to assassinate Kaien until he succeeds. He takes notes when Kisuke hypothesizes about what Aizen's various assassination attempts might look like -- poison during a meal, hired assassins at night, an ambush during a mission.

Ichigo ingrains the assignment into his core: protect Shiba Kaien, because if Kaien falls, the mission fails.

So when Kisuke slips a paralytic into Ichigo's tea and places Ichigo in the middle of the time-travel kido array and drains the entirety of his own spiritual energy to activate the array, a sacrifice that Ichigo never would have agreed to--

Well. The first thing Ichigo does when he arrives back in the past, numb and alone and only able to function by focusing on the duty that is his purpose -- is track down Shiba Kaien.

After all, if Ichigo is going to kill Aizen -- and he is, no matter what it takes -- he needs to keep Kaien alive.

Ichigo goes straight to the Shiba family grounds. In true Shiba fashion, they accept him immediately as family. They tend to his wounds and give him a meal and welcome him home. They let him get away with his weak excuses and explanations, and they defend his presence to the rest of Soul Society.

Kaien, in accordance with everything Ichigo has heard about the man, personally takes the newest addition to the family under his wing.

Ichigo's plans to deal with Aizen take shape around his need to keep an eye on Kaien.

Ichigo, instead of running as far and fast as he can from the Shiba clan, accepts the offer to live in the Shiba compound. He gets to know every clan member and retainer, subtly vetting for traitors. He sleeps in a room near Kaien's, allowing him to both guard against assassins at night and place warding runes around Kaien's door without having to worry about being caught somewhere he has no business being.

He joins the Court Guard in the 13th division instead of the 5th, because the only real way to protect Kaien on a mission is to be there with him. Ichigo knows that if there's an ambush, or if the mission details have been tampered with, he'll be more than enough fire power to get Kaien out of it. And it's easy to always get paired with Kaien; Kaien -- reliably taking every opportunity to hover around Ichigo that he's offered -- does most of the work, leveraging his status as lieutenant and Ichigo's combat ability to keep them together.

Ichigo finds himself frequently taking meals with Kaien and Kaien's friends. Kaien always invites Ichigo, and Ichigo accepts so he can subtly check the food for poison.

(Ichigo does not tell Kaien about Aizen. Ichigo is still unsure what Kaien's role is in the whole fight, and in the meantime, telling him about Aizen is a sure way to get him killed.)

Things heat up. Ichigo prevents both Miyako and Kaien's death, killing Metastacia before it can hurt anyone. Ichigo's shadow war against Aizen gets more intense. Ichigo sneaks out regularly to dismantle Aizen's illusions, destroy his labs, and attack his network of power, slowly weakening him.

Ichigo waits for the assassination attempts against Kaien, but they don't come, even several weeks after Metastacia fails. Ichigo takes it as a sign that he's got Aizen distracted.

Things continue for a while. Ichigo falls into a strange routine.

(And Ichigo tries not to break, seeing so many of his loved ones alive and unknowing of him. It is agony, to be around Shunsui, who is not his mentor, and the Visored, who are neither visored nor pack.

But the worst is when Captains Urahara and Shihouin catch on to his war against Aizen. He finds himself working with them as allies.

Allies. Mere allies, instead of --

Well. Not that it matters anymore.

All that matters is his duty.)

Time passes. Aizen weakens. There are no attempts on Kaien's life yet.

And then Aizen's web has unraveled enough for Ichigo to attack.

It's a long battle. It's a bloody battle. It's a very public battle.

Ichigo wins.

And it's only after it's all over -- after Aizen's crimes are revealed and Soul Society is at peace and the future is saved; after Ichigo finds himself still alive and adrift, with nothing left obligating him to keep going and everything telling him to give up; as Kaien refuses to leave Ichigo alone and escorts him to regular appointments with Unohana and forces him to talk about the truth of his past --

It's only then that it clicks.

Ichigo is whispering secrets about the future into Kaien's chest, Kaien's arms wrapped tight around him, when Ichigo confesses that he messed up, that he put the Shiba clan in unnecessary danger. Ichigo tells Kaien about his death in the original timeline. He talks about how Kisuke told him that in this timeline, Aizen would try and kill Kaien again if the first attempt failed. Ichigo promises desperately that he never would have sought out the family -- would have kept the danger far, far away from them -- if he hadn't thought he had to watch Kaien's movements so closely.

And Ichigo admits that Aizen never actually tried again. Ichigo admits that he and Kisuke miscalculated, that Ichigo brought danger to the Shiba's doorstep for nothing.

It happens like this:

First, the words leave his lips, "Kisuke" and "miscalculated" in the same sentence. Hearing himself say it lays bare the absurdity of its premise.

Then, Kaien draws away slightly, to look Ichigo in the eyes. Ichigo sees, plain on Kaien's face, a terrible, damning gratefulness.

Then, Kaien says -- fierce and defiant in the face of what could have been -- "I am so glad you came home."

And it clicks. At last, Kisuke's final manipulation reveals itself to Ichigo's eyes.

The emotions flash through him: the sting of betrayal; a flavor of love that bursts across his tastebuds as hurt; a familiar brand of exasperation that, a split second later, has his knees giving out under the weight of old pain made fresh.

Kaien catches Ichigo before he hits the ground and holds him as he shatters. And Ichigo can barely breathe through the knowledge that Kisuke would have been so smug to see them.

A sob rips itself from Ichigo's chest, and it's followed by another, and another.

Ichigo's older cousin holds him, in the home of their family, through it all.

_________

THE END except not really.

This must immediately be followed by a whole arc where Kaien, much to his own dismay, finds himself trying to hook Urahara up with his little cousin.

After all, Future-Urahara sent Ichigo to the Shiba clan. Future-Urahara tricked his little cousin into bypassing his own self-destructive tendencies to seek out family and love and support. Clearly, Urahara would actually be good for Ichigo.

And, you know, Ichigo clearly loves Younger-Urahara, judging by Ichigo's whole... well, everything, whenever the two interact.

(This whole matchmaking endeavor is made easier by the fact that 1) Kisuke is already infatuated, fascinated, and not a tiny-bit madly in love, and 2) Yoruichi is also, from the other end, trying to set Kisuke up with Ichigo.

This whole endeavor is made more difficult by the fact that 1) Ichigo is in denial that he loves this younger Kisuke since he never thought this younger Kisuke could also fall in love with him, 2) Kisuke is in denial that he loves Ichigo because that is a Shiba and he himself is a creepy low-born ex-assassin mad-scientist, and 3) neither Ichigo nor Kisuke know what it looks like when someone is interested in them.)

Poor Kaien. He succeeds eventually, but not before witnessing truly legendary social ineptitude.