You Know. Sometimes I Think. In The Face Of Tony’s Obvious Trauma And Ptsd. In The Face Of The More

you know. sometimes i think. in the face of tony’s obvious trauma and ptsd. in the face of the more obvious pain that bucky has suffered. we forget that steve’s motivation in the film isn’t just his tendency to hold stubbornly fast to his ideals, to do what he feels is right and damn the rest. 

steve’s hurting too.

like. guys. we are so ready to give weight to tony’s emotional boiling over point at the end of the film, to say “this is why he tried to kill bucky, and it’s not right but it’s understandable.” we are so ready to acknowledge the fact that bucky was a victim and motivated to run by his fear of further persecution and hurt from nefarious forces. what about steve, though? when do we acknowledge that steve’s not just acting with righteous arrogance, but a deep anger, isolation, fear, loneliness, sadness, and hope?

steve died. like, his last memory before waking up seventy years in the future is a few days after watching his best friend fall from a train and he was unable to stop it he willingly flies a plane into the fucking Arctic, ostensibly to his death.

guys. guys. tony was fucked up for years because of untreated ptsd after falling from space and thinking he was dead. why is it so hard to remember that steve probably is fucked up, too? 

this dude, he wakes up seventy years in the future and he has to make his way without really anyone or anything familiar, and the only person who is familiar is suffering from memory loss, and he’s now operating under the thumb of shadowy organization that he’s not 100 percent does good things and that continuously lies to him. there’s no war to fight, but that’s all this body is good for. it’s all he knows. 

he doesn’t know what makes him happy. guys.

and so he goes through another trauma when he discovers this villain who is trying to kill him is in fact the dead best friend who—surprise!—was actually captured after falling and losing an arm and his brains were scrambled to turn him into a murder assassin. we know for a fact steve feels tremendous guilt over this. but imagine beyond guilt, the sorrow, the nightmarish possibilities, that are turning over in steve’s head. the idea of what his friend suffered. remember when rhodey fell from the sky and tony blasted sam in the chest? imagine the anger in steve’s heart at the idea of what bucky’s suffered and the unwillingness to let that go unchecked and unsaved.

oh, plus. that shadowy organization he’s been fighting for? the people he’s been taking orders from? the top dog in the neat little hierarchy that’s arranged his world? yeah. hydra. everything steve has known turns upside down. he can’t trust anything. imagine the paranoia. the suspicion. imagine the fear that must take seed at that betrayal.

and then! of course, then he begins fighting these battles with the avengers where the collateral damage is on such a bigger scale than it was at war. where there are aliens. aliens, you guys. and he’s tasked with leading this motley crew of superheroes in a world he’s still getting used to and people die, lots of people die, and we know that even if it doesnt visibly affect him like it affects tony (who always seems shocked when he’s confronted with loss, because it’s presented to him on a personal, individual level) it does affect him. that steve feels the guilt of lives lost. imagine that burden. imagine the weight of the shield, the mask, the responsibility. imagine the loneliness. the fear.

so then. then. in the space of a few days. steve deals with more guilt from the deaths in lagos. he shoulders that burden. then he deals with the moral quandary of signing the accords. he wrestles with that decision. peggy dies. he grieves, oh goodness does he grieve. vienna fuckin blows up and that elusive best friend is now the suspect. so steve is grieving, he is confused and conflicted, and now he feels doubly guilty—that’s the person he has been looking for, should he have already caught him? did he do it? he couldn’t have. does he bring him in? does he shoulder this responsibility too? what will they make him do when he catches up to bucky? what should he do? steve might act like he always knows what’s right, but a decision like this isn’t easy. it messes with a person. and when you’re dealing with all that mess in your head, sometimes you don’t think. sometimes…you act.

like when bucky is triggered, when steve stops a helicopter with his bare fucking hands, you can feel the desperation. that’s not ordinary heroics. that’s not steve just trying to stop bucky from escaping and possibly hurting others. it’s steve fighting for bucky. for this piece of his past. for the possibility of an end to loneliness. for the possibility of redemption for letting him fall. 

and when they go on the run, when they know they have to stop the supersoldiers, when they clash with tony’s team, can you imagine steve’s sheer frustration that no one gets what is at stake? that no one is willing to listen? and yes, he didn’t even try—but why is that, you think? is it possibly because steve is used to institutions and those in power ignoring what he thinks is right and causing disaster anyway?

when steve says, “pal, so are we.” when steve acknowledges to natasha that he’s 90 not dead, when he openly references the fact that he and bucky are 100, can you imagine knowing that? adjusting to that? being 20-something in body and memory but 100 in actuality? living in a body that people perceive as a weapon so strongly that you’ve become a weapon when you are still longing to rediscover the man you were? steve’s not just cap. steve’s steve, and he doesn’t know what makes him happy you guys. he’s a guy, he’s a human, and he’s dealing with A Lot.

i get that he makes some bad calls in the movie. so does tony. my beef is that while tony’s decisions are often supported by his very obvious trauma and emotional burden, we rarely seem to give enough weight to the very real and very similar turmoil that is going on inside of steve.

when tony is fighting him in siberia. when steve says, “he’s my friend,” so simply, so sadly, without any righteousness, just clean tired truth, that’s steve as steve. when he hid the truth from tony, that’s steve as steve. when he drops the shield, that’s steve reclaiming himself as steve. we expect cap all the time, because often, steve is cap. it’s easy to see him as the moral police that way, if reductionist.

but we forget to see steve as steve. that he is a kid, in some ways. and a grieving, lost, lonely kid with a lot of anger, sadness, confusion, and power boiling under the placid-seeming surface.

More Posts from Rocketbabyworld and Others

8 years ago

I always thought that Cap looking like he is was kind of statement. But not only for nazis. For everyone. You can’t only fight evil that affects you personnally. Sometimes you have to make a choice. Maybe you are not a target for nazis it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t punch them. For all I know of history of that time I think it was a powerful and timely ()))) statement

But the real reason I had to chime in was that Steve Rogers is my favorite superhero. Why? Because unlike other patriotism-themed characters, Steve Rogers doesn’t represent a genericized America but rather a very specific time and place – 1930’s New York City. We know he was born July 4, 1920 (not kidding about the 4th of July) to a working-class family of Irish Catholic immigrants who lived in New York’s Lower East Side.[1] This biographical detail has political meaning: given the era he was born in and his class and religious/ethnic background, there is no way in hell Steve Rogers didn’t grow up as a Democrat, and a New Deal Democrat at that, complete with a picture of FDR on the wall.

Steve Rogers grew up poor in the Great Depression, the son of a single mother who insisted he stayed in school despite the trend of the time (his father died when he was a child; in some versions, his father is a brave WWI veteran, in others an alcoholic, either or both of which would be appropriate given what happened to WWI veterans in the Great Depression) and then orphaned in his late teens when his mother died of TB.[2] And he came of age in New York City at a time when the New Deal was in full swing, Fiorello LaGuardia was mayor, the American Labor Party was a major force in city politics, labor unions were on the move, the Abraham Lincoln Brigade was organizing to fight fascism in Spain in the name of the Popular Front, and a militant anti-racist movement was growing that equated segregation at home with Nazism abroad that will eventually feed into the “Double V” campaign.

Then he became a fine arts student. To be an artist in New York City in the 1930s was to be surrounded by the “Cultural Front.” We’re talking the WPA Arts and Theater Projects, Diego Rivera painting socialist murals in Rockefeller Center, Orson Welles turning Julius Caesar into an anti-fascist play and running an all-black Macbeth and “The Cradle Will Rock,” Paul Robeson was a major star, and so on. You couldn’t really be an artist and have escaped left-wing politics. And if a poor kid like Steve Rogers was going to college as a fine arts student, odds are very good that he was going to the City College of New York at a time when an 80% Jewish student body is organizing student trade unions, anti-fascist rallies, and the “New York Intellectuals” were busily debating Trotskyism vs. Stalinism vs. Norman Thomas Socialism vs. the New Deal in the dining halls and study carrels.

Steven Attewell: Steve Rogers Isn’t Just Any Hero - Lawyers, Guns & Money

gotta love a well-researched takedown of such lazy, hoary tropes as “Captain America is a monolithic aryan crypto-fascist”

7 years ago

Because it’s true

That Weird Moment, When The “election 2018” And “circus” Billboards Are Next To Each Other

That weird moment, when the “election 2018” and “circus” billboards are next to each other

8 years ago

Ilon Rka

I just realised where Kylo got his name from:

Ky = sKYwalker

Lo = soLO

Ren = literally just his birth name with an R

which means that when he was choosing his super scary Dark Lord name, he just mashed up the surnames of the most positive figures in his life. poor sod can’t even evil right

8 years ago

This is so funny

THIS IS THE BEST!

6 years ago

Does fanfiction count? I think they’ve done pretty much anything there...

Is It Kiss?

Is it kiss?

Please say it’s kiss

7 years ago
image
image
“You’re In The Thick Of It. There’s No Way Out Of That!”

“You’re in the thick of it. There’s no way out of that!”

8 years ago

This is so right I must reblog it.

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8 years ago

Let’s talk about the “pep talks” in CACW - Steve and Wanda’s chat in her room and Tony and Peter’s chat in his room.

I see folks talk about the mentoring parallels, or even suggest that the talks are identical. I DON’T see anybody talk about the key, crucial difference between them.

One of the mentors was talking about sustainability, and one of them never talks about it.

Look. Superheroes are just like any other caregivers: counselors, social workers, nurses, paramedics. If they’re gonna address what taking care of other people is really like, they’ve got to figure out what’s sustainable for them… not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Caregiving is brutal fucking work. Burnout and compassion fatigue and spiritual damage are always hovering close.

Steve is engaging Wanda directly on the issue of sustainability - specifically on the issue of limitations. Not being destroyed by one’s mistakes. Acknowledging the fact that one person can’t always protect everybody, it’s impossible.  “If we can’t find a way to live with that, next time maybe nobody gets saved.” Steve is sharing his hard won understanding of what works for him… when he loses somebody on his watch, he pushes past his own guilt and grief because there’s somebody else out there who might be helped by his future actions. He is still capable of good. He focuses on them to keep going.

I won’t call stoic soldier Steve a paragon of flexible mental health… but here he has great wisdom. He has humility, and that’s the key. He can admit that he failed, and accept it, and know that he still has gifts that help others. That’s something he knows deep in his bones. This humility allows him to collaborate well with others so that individual, personal limitations are better compensated for.

In the other scene, Tony listens to Peter reflect back to him exactly how Tony feels about being a superhero - saving the world is entirely up to him. The language may sound parallel to Steve’s, but in reality its meaning is completely different. “When the bad things happen, they happen because of you,“ Peter says. Now that some event has given Peter his hero identity (and ever since Tony got his, way back), evil and tragedy is now entirely about them. It’s about their ability to stop it. They are defined by their failures. This is in no way sustainable.

This is built on an immature narcissism that can be grown out of. Peter is a sweet kid who takes on too much. Hopefully he’ll grow past this soon. Tony hasn’t gotten there yet. Tony still has no ability to face his own limitations with any peace. This has been his trajectory for a while and we are watching him crumble because of it. His panic attacks about it overwhelm him and he won’t get help. He has been comprehending the depth of possible threats for years but has only ever conceptualized the solution coming from him and his tiny self alone. So, since he thinks the solution must come from him, he sees his own limits as betraying the whole world, and refuses to acknowledge or address them. He doesn’t know how to truly collaborate with anybody else. Despite being surrounding by compassionate, gifted people, Tony puts it all on his own shoulders, and so he finds only inadequate solutions.

Tony unilaterally leaps at the Accords partly because of this issue - because he intuits that they somehow address limitation, and he craves some resolution to this pain he’s in. But he still doesn’t do the work. He doesn’t look at ALL the consequences and the structure of the Accords. He still won’t let go of the narcissism that underpins every decision he makes. He hears Peter reflect that youthful short-sightedness back to him and he has no wisdom to offer to counterbalance it.

Steve imparts practical guidance to a young Wanda struggling with her own gifts and limits. Tony sees in Peter a kindred spirit at about the same level of emotional maturity.

6 years ago

First World cup I won’t watch.

2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening

2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™ - OFFICIAL TV Opening


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8 years ago

The Vengeful  Orc of the North.

Awww I don't want to be an orc. Should have hurry. A week earlier and I'd be a princess

I, “The Vengeful King Of The Seas”, Made This Myself Because I Was Bored.

I, “The Vengeful King of the Seas”, made this myself because I was bored.

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