Wally: Friends Don’t Let Friends Do Stupid Stuff (read Piss Off Batman)

@batbirdies honestly this SOUNDS like something your Jason would say

I LOV MURDER MYSTERY ON TRAIN

I love the “Steve has good parents, they’re just not on camera.”

Steve’s dad walks in on Eddie and Steve making out, both shirtless. Eddie freaks the fuck out and Steve just sheepishly smiles at his father.

“I know I told you not to lock your door, but I take that back because I don’t want to see that again.”

“Thanks Dad!”

“Use protection!”

…

He walks into a house full of random children. The kids and Steve’s dad are just staring at each other.

“You’re paying to feed these kids, right?”

“No, you are.”

“Well shit.”

“Language, there are children!”

“Do I get to know these children who I have financially adopted?”

…

Hopper, who is over at the Harrington house to speak to Steve. Mr Harrington walks in to see the chief of police sitting on his couch. He sees Steve in the kitchen and quickly makes his way over.

“Steve! What is the chief of police doing here?”

“He’s a family friend.”

“What family?” Mr Harrington snaps back, gesturing at himself.

“He’s my friend?”

“I don’t see a world where you randomly become friends with the chief of police”

“I got caught with drugs?”

“Then why isn’t he arresting you?” Mr Harrington points to Steve’s cuff-less wrists.

“Can’t tell you?”

“Why?”

“I signed an NDA?”

“Steve, why the fuck would you do that? I’m a lawyer, you don’t just sign NDAs at a whim.”

“To be completely fair, I was concussed every time or they used a friend to threaten me.”

“It shouldn’t stand up in court then. Who did you sign it for?”

“The US government.”

“Fuck.”

headcanon that the smaller batkids steal the bigger ones' hoodies and jackets. and by "bigger ones" I mean literally anyone bigger than them.

jason gets the short end of the stick because dick and all his little siblings take his. tim's the only one bold enough to go for the leather jackets (well, and cass, but they're way too wide in the shoulders for her) but it's not uncommon to find dick or stephanie in a dark red or gray hoodie that smells of motor oil and gunpowder.

damian usually takes dick's hoodies, but they're very oversized on him. on the bright side, there are thumbholes in the sleeves of all dick's hoodies, so he can still use his hands. the thumbholes make them a hot commodity in the winter.

there is a tim-steph-cass jacket pipeline. steph steals tim's hoodies and cass takes them from steph. hence tim stealing jason's leather jackets -- steph won't take them, so he gets to hold on to them until jason realizes and takes them back. sometimes cass will also steal duke's hoodies, but she always returns them clean and neatly folded (unlike how it goes with the rest of the family, in which they are returned only under threat of blackmail or with long rounds of negotiation).

this is an extremely long-standing ring of jacket theft. you cannot leave a hoodie unattended in wayne manor. damian doesn't actually own any hoodies, and cass only owns one, because there's so many other people in the house to "borrow" one from. nowhere is safe. steph once broke into dick's apartment to steal his warm hoodie, the one with the fuzz on the inside.

but it goes the other way sometimes. jason leaves things in the pockets of his leather jackets for tim -- film for his camera, hand sanitizer, half-filled punch cards for local coffee shops with "drink water too, fucker" written on the back. cass will tuck little slips of paper in the cuffed sleeves when she leaves hoodies out. the notes don't say anything, but they have little smiley faces and hearts on them, and steph has taken to doing something similar with corny jokes. dick just straight-up leaves candy in the hoods of his jackets.

it's a game, it's a love language. it's simultaneously annoyance and affection. there's nothing like wearing a hoodie that's too big for you, that smells like your family, to make you feel safe.

big fan of steve calling eddie out for his high school bullshit. all that ranting and raving about forced conformity just to hate all jocks? like, steve, who tries his actual hardest to be better than he was in high school, is going to throw hands if eddie says one more thing that reinforces the dumb jock stereotype in the kids' minds.

like i just imagine eddie stopping someone from joining hellfire because they were on the basketball team or tripping someone in the hallways because they were wearing their letterman.

i need steve to take eddie by the shoulders and tell him that yes, eddie was bullied in high school, but he was also a bully and i think that eddie's prejudice is a topic we need to look more into. like, i have no doubt that eddie would make sure steve knows that he's not dumb, but i need wayne to be watching sports on tv which causes eddie to be like, "I can't believe you watch that shit. just a bunch of dumb jocks tossing balls into laundry baskets." and instead of just leaving, i need to see steve go, hey man, not fucking cool? like let people have their interests.

every time steve calls eddie out in a fic i go nuts for it. do i think that steve would have more emotional responses to some things? absolutely. do i also think that king steve, bitchy steve, would put eddie in his place? yes, yes i do. that is a hill i would die on.

hi. i made some images.

feel free to take them and use for whatever you may need them for. no credit required

They may be fully trained vigilantes, but they are also brother's at the core.

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

Steve is the very supportive “ally”

Reverse of this post.

That kind of situation where Steve is the very supportive “ally” and totally knows Eddie is gay. And Steve, bless his heart, just really, really wants Eddie to feel safe—so he does everything he can to show he’s cool with it.

And he’s absolutely, completely, mind-blowingly unaware that he’s been dating Eddie Munson for years.

1986: Steve: “You’ve never been on a date with a guy? No worries, man—I’m technically a guy. I’ll go with you.” Eddie, blinking: “…Okay?”

1986: Steve: “You’ve never kissed a guy? That’s fine, it’s kinda like this…” Eddie, stunned: That was not ‘kind of like’—that was a kiss. That was a real, good kiss. Oh my God.

1987: Steve: “Sex? Uh—I think it’s totally normal! I can, like, show you a few things? I mean, if you want…” Eddie, halfway to cardiac arrest: Am I hallucinating? Is this happening? Is this real life?

1987: Steve: “Yeah, Robin and I are moving. You’re coming with us, obviously.” Eddie: “…Obviously.” Robin in the background, sipping her coffee, watching Steve like he’s a very slow-burn romance novel character.

1988: Steve: “Hey, by the way—you should list me as your emergency contact. I mean, we live together, and Wayne’s kinda far. If something happens, I’m the guy they’d call anyway.”

Eddie, looking at the form in his hands: “…Okay. Sure. My emergency boyfriend. Got it.” Steve: “What? So... Cool!”

1995: Steve: “So, uh… Robin’s officially moved in with her girlfriend. It’s just you and me now.” (pause) “You wanna maybe buy the place? Together? Like, co-own it. Makes sense, right?” Eddie, deadpan: “You’re asking me to buy a house with you.” Steve: “Yeah. It’s practical.” Eddie: “Right. Extremely platonic mortgage.” Steve: “Exactly!” Eddie, muttering: “I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

1997: Steve: “We’ve lived together for, what, ten years? I’ll help you adopt. Co-parenting’s way easier than going solo.” Eddie: “Co… parenting?” Steve: “Yeah.” Eddie, whispering into the void: Dear God, give me strength. I didn't even say that I wanted a child.

2004: Steve: “Of course I’ll marry you if you need to make it official for paperwork or whatever—wait.” (pause) “…May be you want do it with someone you love?”

Eddie, deadpan: “Sweetheart. We share a bed. We have a joint bank account. We have a child. You kissed me goodbye this morning and told me not to forget your lunch.”

Steve: “Yeah, but… I do that with Robin too.”

Eddie: “You don’t kiss Robin on the mouth, Stevie. Any kids with someone? Sex?”

Steve, indignant: "Of course not!" Steve, understanding: "Of course not…"

Steve, slowly blinking: “…Holy shit. I’ve been dating you for, like, seventeen years.”

Eddie, grinning: “Welcome to the relationship, babe. Glad you could join us.”

Steve: “Do we have an anniversary?” Eddie: “We have four. You’ve missed them all.” Steve: “Well now I feel like a terrible boyfriend.” Eddie: “You just agreed to be my husband, technically.” Steve: “Oh my God.” Eddie: “I’ll make you a timeline later.” Steve: “Please do.”

And done! :D I really like the idea of Damian experimenting more artistic skills, like body painting- But first he gotta start with something small, so- Makeup!

And I wanted to put Tim in this because of the Caroline Hills thing, he must be more comfortable with makeup 👉🏻👈🏻

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