Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.
What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?
“This is the best day of my life.”
“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”
Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.
—
“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”
What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.
What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”
Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.
—
“Chat, is this real?”
Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”
“I wish I was Jason, 15.”
—
“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.
Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”
“God, I wish that were me.”
do you guys think considering the relatively small age gap between Damian and Tim (depending on the author) that they would have been in school together? because coming from a youngest sibling who went to school with older siblings, that would be really interesting to look into.
i’m imagining Tim getting pulled out of class because Damian’s thrown a tantrum and refuses to listen to any of the teachers and they need his brother to convince him to calm down, and it actually working because Tim is the only person Damian is familiar with and so will ever listen to. Damian having no interest in making friends with civilians so he ends up sat on the end of Tim’s lunch table while Tim eats with his friends. Tim getting bullies in Damian’s class to back off, and Damian scuffing his foot on the tiles of the school halls as he waits for Tim to get out of detention so they can walk home together like usual.
considering how strained their relationship was when Damian first arrived in Gotham, putting him in an environment five days a week where suddenly Tim is his only true familiar ally and he has no choice but to accept being on friendlier terms would be really fucking interesting. suddenly Tim is his protector, and although he refuses to let that effect their home dynamic, he does have to accept that at school at least, he needs Tim to be his older brother.
[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]
Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy
Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.
Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.
Jason: Exactly, I—
Jason:
Jason: Now hold up just a second—
Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died
Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????
Dick: “Either Cass or Jason, though I’m leaning more towards Cass, Bruce has always been a girl dad”
Jason: “Cass, that’s his daughter”
Tim: “Jason. … Did I answer that to quickly? If it’s any consolation I think Dick has a chance.”
Cass: *sign for bat and then sun* “Duke, he’s special”
Steph: “I’m not one of his kids so I don’t know why I’m here, but I’d say Tim or Cass cause they’re my favorites. I would include Duke in this list but he wronged me” *checks watch* “12 hours ago.”
Duke: “Probably Dick, but neither of them know it cause they’re blind when it comes to eachother. I also think Cass, but I think everyone else is going to say Cass so I’m trying to give us a higher chance of getting it right.”
Damian: “Richard or myself, but I believe Cassandra would be a promising candidate.”
—|—
Bruce: “Who ever is making me worried or aggravated the least at the given moment I’m asked. Right now it’s Dick because he’s been in New York for two weeks with the titans. Jason would also be in the running but he blew up a building ten days ago for no reason. They’ve all done something they shouldn’t have in the last forty eight hours.”
Dick: You use to be so cute and tiny..
Jason: And you use to be cool. We both changed.
Dick: Wha-?! I'm still cool!!
Jason: Okay, 'officer Grayson'. Cops aren't cool.
Dick: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
Jason: STILL FRESH IN MY MIND, PIG!
Dick: LET IT GO!
Jason: NO. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID FUCK THE POLICE! THOSE WERE WORDS I LIVED BY!
Dick: OH MY GOD. YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL REMEMBERS THAT!
Tim, walking into the living room: I remember it.
Duke, from another room: I heard about it! You've lost 1000 aura man!
Cassandra, poking her head in: I've also heard about it.
Dick: EVERYONE SHUT UP.
Jason: Just like a cop to order people around like that, shameless.
Dick, groans: Fuuuuck-!
Dick: All of you are going to make me age like milk!
Damian, popping up behind him: Is it wrong to say it's too late for that?
Dick, practically shaking: Damian..I swear to God.
Do you think the rouges think there is a new Robin every time they change something about themselves because honestly the robins all look pretty similar so the only way to tell was in the style choices
They know Batman gets a new Robin occasionally but they don’t know when which leads to them thinking that Batman got a new sidekick after like a hair cut or a suit change
Riddler: oh I see Batman got a new Robin needed the newer version hm?
Tim drake got a hair cut: (gets punched when he pauses in confusion)
Tim in the midst of puberty and his voice got deeper: stop right there joker
Joker: ooh a new bird to kill how fun I should get my crow bar polished
Harley and ivy robing a bank just as Damian shows up
Harley: ok this is getting ridiculous we need to have a intervention for you batsy there is no way you can give your children enough emotional support and attention if you adopt a new one once a month
Damian who redesigned his suit: wha-
Batman pinching the bridge of his nose: same kid Harley
Ivy: are you sure about that
Harley: yea are ya sure you didn’t adopt one without realizing it batsy?
Batman glances at Damian unsure:
Damian: Father!
Tim who is scarily good at the Hitman games.
Everyone is good with it mostly, excluding Cass who won’t play it, with everyone having completed the first few missions at least during a training exercise made by Jason who was hiding an injury and came up with the idea on the spot.
This is how they find out that not only does Tim already have all the games, he’s finished them all, got all the achievements and has over 2,000+ hours.
Turns out it’s what he plays when he feels his mind is running too rampant and needs reigning in. He knows all the secrets and has a spreadsheet made up of all the ways you can complete a mission per chapter. He has a strategy for each type of assassination from getting someone else to do it, killing everyone, making it look like an accident, ect. He’s even managed to kill every soldier in some chapters without getting caught and somehow managed to save Diana from being shot by 47?
It’s kind of scary watching him seamlessly navigate around any new map that comes out and complete all missions under a self imposed time limit.
(His record is 1 minute and 27 seconds)
Bruce is naturally worried and it isn’t helped when the response to these concerns is, “would you rather I do it in real life?”
Tim can do it in real life, came closest with Captain Boomerang, and he has at least thirty ideas of how to kill everyone in his life subconsciously. He doesn’t want to, nor will he ever act on it, but it’s sort of… fun.
It’s like puzzle solving but with higher stakes and Hitman is a good way to test his theories without actually killing anyone.
If playing Hitman made him test how sneakily he could drug people by putting sugar in peoples drinks at Galas when he was nine, that’s just childish curiosity. Plus, it made him put out a campaign when he was older to prevent drugging because he himself knows how easy it is, so win win.
At least he didn’t shave his head like he thought about, though that was only because a certain acrobat did it and made Tim realise how unstylish it was if it wasn’t natural.
At the end of the day playing Hitman made him a better Robin and helped him sneak around the League of Assassin’s base that was filled with people even 47 would struggle against.
And he won the training exercise.
Eddie decides that he can’t stand another second of Steve Harrington looking like the saddest wettest puppy left out in the rain after he got beat up and had to quit basketball. He’s going to do something about it.
Steve, realizing that he’s suddenly being followed around by a bunch of weird nerds, is like, “No, stop it! I don’t need any more nerds trying to get me to join their club.”
“You already have nerds recruiting you?”