Bruce: Who Is That?

??? Void Introduction

*camera starts recording. A shadow appears on screen, and in the abyss where a face would be stars twinkle on the other side of a black hole. They wave at you.*

Hi everyone, my name’s Andy (they/them). I am the ghost of-

*lights flicker, not because of anything paranormal but bc someone broke in off camera and started chucking salt everywhere and tripped over the lights* not that kind of ghost, god fucking damn it not aGAIN-

*camera glitches. The lighting is fixed. The only human thing about the Void is their frustration. The nebulas floating across their form manage to convey the utmost annoyance.*

Hi. I’m the Void, or the Abyss, and you can call me Andy. I’m the ghost of universes that once were. *squints at someone off camera, celestial orbits clearly raising a frying pan just off frame* if you mention the multiverse I swear to god-

*camera glitches*

So yeah, I’m travelling around, dipping into different stories and fixing them up, trying to give them a happier ending, y’know?

*if the Void had eyes, they would be sad. Instead, there is only the constant drift of broken planets and colliding stars.*

I’ve seen so many things end badly for the people, or characters, involved, I want to try and make it a little bit better, one story at a time. Like the Good Place, except in the found family sense and not in the making me bawl my fucking EYES out at the end-

*camera glitches*

-just a silly little nerdy cosmic mess trying to have fun. I hope if you are interested, check out my blog for talking about my stories, to the writing process, to just generally fun things to talk about. I hope if you do put some faith in this Not-Universe, you enjoy reading or chatting, and that it makes you smile. If you do, come talk to me! I’m always looking to meet new people whenever I drop in on another world.

Even if you don’t say anything, have fun, and remember: you are never alone, even if you can’t see all the stars surrounding you.

*The sweet moment is interrupted by the thumping footsteps of a large animal of some kind, and something knocks into the camera, sending it to the floor as the Void, meteors flying, tries to shoo the beast*

Sorry, Ghost gets a little over excited when he meets a new friend- Ghost, quit slobbering all over me you oversized bread basket-

*camera glitches to a close up of a very ruffled Void, dwarf planets askew and stardust swirling as they hurry to say farewell* Ok, enjoy! Bye!

*camera cuts*

In a shocking, and unintentional, turn of events, Tim and Jason both end up at the airport on the same day. Jason heading to Ethiopia, and Tim to find his parents in Egypt.

Unfortunately, Tim is still very young and the airport is a lot more overwhelming than he originally thought it would be. Jason happens to have a soft spot for kids, especially kids who are trying their damndest not to cry.

Both Tim and Jason miss their flights. Bruce storms into the airport like an avenging mother bird who’s chick was stolen directly from the nest and takes Jason and Tim home with him and lets neither out of his sight for days.

Dick returns home from space to two living brothers.

Tim who is scarily good at the Hitman games.

Everyone is good with it mostly, excluding Cass who won’t play it, with everyone having completed the first few missions at least during a training exercise made by Jason who was hiding an injury and came up with the idea on the spot.

This is how they find out that not only does Tim already have all the games, he’s finished them all, got all the achievements and has over 2,000+ hours.

Turns out it’s what he plays when he feels his mind is running too rampant and needs reigning in. He knows all the secrets and has a spreadsheet made up of all the ways you can complete a mission per chapter. He has a strategy for each type of assassination from getting someone else to do it, killing everyone, making it look like an accident, ect. He’s even managed to kill every soldier in some chapters without getting caught and somehow managed to save Diana from being shot by 47?

It’s kind of scary watching him seamlessly navigate around any new map that comes out and complete all missions under a self imposed time limit.

(His record is 1 minute and 27 seconds)

Bruce is naturally worried and it isn’t helped when the response to these concerns is, “would you rather I do it in real life?”

Tim can do it in real life, came closest with Captain Boomerang, and he has at least thirty ideas of how to kill everyone in his life subconsciously. He doesn’t want to, nor will he ever act on it, but it’s sort of… fun.

It’s like puzzle solving but with higher stakes and Hitman is a good way to test his theories without actually killing anyone.

If playing Hitman made him test how sneakily he could drug people by putting sugar in peoples drinks at Galas when he was nine, that’s just childish curiosity. Plus, it made him put out a campaign when he was older to prevent drugging because he himself knows how easy it is, so win win.

At least he didn’t shave his head like he thought about, though that was only because a certain acrobat did it and made Tim realise how unstylish it was if it wasn’t natural.

At the end of the day playing Hitman made him a better Robin and helped him sneak around the League of Assassin’s base that was filled with people even 47 would struggle against.

And he won the training exercise.

I’ve had this one on my mind for a while hahaha

Hi batfam fandom I'm new here

(I made another btw)

Every time I think of this panel I let out an ear-shattering scream in my head,then have do ten laps around my house like a cat with zoomies to calm down.

Also imo they this is overkill-Black Bat alone would take them all down in ten minutes flat and then they could all go for pizza.

Take a picture, it will last longer

Bruce going to the park and realizing he has an extra kid

Bruce: hey boys, come get some cupcakes! *opening the package he bought earlier at the store* here, Dick, I know you like chocolate—here, Jason, that’s funfetti, here, Kid, this one’s—wait Dick, Jason, and Kid: *stare up at him innocently* Bruce: *slowly relinquishes the cupcake to Kid* uh . . . Who is this? Jason: *nonchalantly* oh, this is Tim. Our brother. Bruce: *chokes, immediately wondering if he somehow missed that Jason or Dick had a brother* your what— Jason: our brother? Bruce: *coughs* that’s what I thought you said, but that doesn’t clear anything u- Tim: *adorably* mister? Are you their dad? Jason: yeah, he is. Tim: *hugs Bruce* Bruce: Bruce: *looks to Dick and narrows his eyes, still holding into Tim* you Planned This, you little demon Dick: oh absolutely *fist bumps Jason* Jason: so can we keep him? Bruce: he’s a child, not a dog- Tim: *still hugging Bruce* mister, this cupcake is delicious! I don’t get any sweets at home, mama says it’ll make me too fat for the press Bruce: *immediately* nope, he’s ours now

Eddie graduates, finds himself a shitty job that he keeps getting promoted at, and now he’s the manager.

That’s how he found himself wearing a tie, sitting across Goddamn Dave, the district manager, being told that he has to hire one of his friend’s kids, “And the kid’s friend, they’re a pair apparently.”

Which…what is this? Chain store nepotism? It’s bullshit.

“The kid’s not all there, head injury,” Goddamn Dave tells him. “Go easy on him.”

Then it turns out the kid isn’t even a teenager looking for a summer job. It’s twenty-something Steve Harrington from high school??? With a dog. And a lesbian.

“Service dog,” Steve says when he sees Eddie looking at it. “A dog with a job.”

“More of a hobby,” his friend - Robin, Eddie recognizes her - says. “He doesn’t get paid. His name is Steve.”

“His name is NOT Steve,” Steve - human - scoffed. “His birth name was Steve. He changed it.”

“They’re twins.”

Eddie does not roll his eyes into oblivion because he’s a goddamn professional. He just rolls them to the back of his head where Gene Simmons reminds him that if he wants to rock and roll all night, he needs to be employed.

He informs them of their shift schedules and barely gets through Steve’s when Robin says, “We have to work the same shifts. It was on our resume.”

Steve adds, “Also, we need to leave early today.”

Eddie thinks, goddamn Dave.

Merry Christmas!!! 🎄