Magic Item (joke)

Magic Item

Cursed Letter

Description: A letter written in a magic language that translates immediately to the language that the creature reading knows the best. The writing is full of grammatical errors and random letters are in the middle of words, the capitals are randomised and the content of the text is unreadable.

Functionality: If a creature knowing how to read at least one language tries to read the letter it has to roll an Intelligence save,

If it fails they’ll have to roll another one, if they fail that too they’ll think that the letter is written in a special code, if they succeed they’ll be confused for 5 minutes

If they succeed they understand that the text as no meaning, but will still be confused at why this letter exist in the first place, becoming confused for 5 minutes.

Note: the 5min confusion can be stopped by a 15+ roll on Wisdom (1 roll only), the effects of the 5min confusion are the same after the spell Confusion

Inspiration: A scam message that was written in some kind of ancient English by someone with arthritis while having a stroke, that a bot sent to me this morning.

Character Idea

Description: A hero who gets reincarnated over and over again to kill the BBEG (who also gets reincarnated over and over again) but neither of them is actually always the hero or BBEG, because the Hero is the only who retains their memory while the BBEG is the only who keeps their immense power and the Hero always has to kill the BBEG whatever they do.

One time the BBEG was actually a powerful Aasimar paladin of Tyr, who caught dragons and protected millions of people from them while the Hero was a Tortle and spent 10 years to infiltrate in the inner circle of the BBEG to kill them by giving them a food imbued in a drop of all the dragons that the BBEG killed that was filled with hatred towards them and so it was Highly deathly to them

Another time the BBEG was the father of the hero but since he was the King’s right hand and the wizard of court, the hero saw him for so little that every attempt he tried always resulted into a goofy scene of a toddler trying to “hug” is dad and falling head first against a chair

One time the Hero was a Giant and the BBEG a Halfling… wait that was very easy to accomplish actually

Why? Because the Hero and the “first” BBEG were secretly lovers, and when the BBEG died by the Hero’s hands (it was in the middle of the battle and they knew that this moment was gonna happen one day) the Hero lost all his will to live and made a pact to a God, not one of the good one but like a sillier Loki.

In exchange to entertainment for the God, the Hero and the BBEG reincarnated over and over again (the BBEG without their memories because they were already dead, but with the same high power because it was so strong that it was still there, filling the place where they died while the Hero always with random powers and abilities to entertain the God) and every time that the Hero killed the BBEG they could share one “year” (in the real world it’s an instant) together, obviously them being the first Hero and the first BBEG.

During the “year” together they live in an imaginary castle always slightly different than the last time, built by the God during the moments of their lives when kind of nothing happens (when they’re toddlers for example, like when you watch a show and it gets interrupted by the ads and you rush to the toilet) and the Hero would tell the BBEG stories of their last encounter and while in there they (both of them) can actually change their appearances to their previous bodies. The BBEG loves to do it to see how different they are from their “first” body, since they have no memory of their other lives.

Inspiration: this shorts of hamasamakun (check them out!) https://youtube.com/shorts/95T4-peUuow?si=TTG-cytOFLt0Stj4

YouTube

The WORST Character in D&D #dnd #dnd5e #dungeonsanddragons

#dnd #dnd5e #dungeonsanddragons what is the worst character in D&D?FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:►Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamasamak

Magic Item

Sandwich of Chaotic Layers

Description: A sandwich made of suspicious ingredients and a curious amount of cheese, when eaten it gives random effects to character. If it is kept in the inventory long enough it might attract mice and other rodents, if it is kept for even longer at every rest of the character with the Sandwich of Chaotic Layers in their inventory loses 2d12 of HP while those near a radius of 10 ft lose 2d6 of HP after the rest, due to the radiations that the Sandwich of Chaotic Layers emits.

Functionality: Use a bonus action to eat the sandwich, a normal action if you’re size is smaller than Medium, then roll d for the effects.

Results:

You get teleported inside a radius of 5-20 ft not occupied by another creature, you can decide exactly where

The scent of warm bread surrounds the player and up to 5 allies, they heal 2d10 HP and gain 20 Temporary hit points

You get two charges of a garlic scented breath attack that causes confusion and disadvantage to all roles against you and saving throws to all your enemies in a 15 ft cone, but also repel your allies to at least 5 ft from you

A bread wall circles around your enemy and it blocks their vision and movement. To escape your enemy has to deal at least 10 x S of damage, where S is the size of the enemy (1 is Tiny, Medium is 3, Gargantuan 6…), to make a hole big enough to escape

From the mouth of the player comes out a steam of water that deals 4d6 of water damage to those in a line of 20ft in front of the player, with a roll of Athletics higher than 12 the player can move while spitting water to aim to other enemies, this however will deal 2d6 to all enemies hurt instead of 4d6.

A cheese armour surrounds the player, giving them +2 AC but also giving them a -10ft of movement speed

The player’s movement speed doubles but it may randomly oink even after the effect wears off, until they take a rest

Wheel of cheese. For 17 turns. Aka 289 seconds. Aka 4 minutes and 49 seconds. Aka Wheel of cheese for five minutes.

3d4 mice gets teleported in a 5 ft radius from you, you can control them and give them order for 6 turns, after that they’ll become normal mice

A cloud of lint surrounds an enemy, they’ll suffer 2d6 more fire damage if attacked with a fire spell or fire related attacks, the same goes with 1d12 of lightning damage. Until the enemy is surrounded by the lint cloud it gets disadvantage on rolls to hit. The cloud disappear once a fire or lightning attack successfully damage the enemy

A rideable Large cushion of magical focaccia appears in front of the players. The cushion can fly and has 350 HP but no attacks. After receiving 300 HP, reaching a total of 100 ft of movement or after 7 turns the flying focaccia gently lands and then disappear.

3d8 of radiant damage to all creatures in a radius of 35ft from the player (including) the party gets a -10 to the total damage if they have spent at least 2 rests with the Sandwich of Chaos Layers in the inventory of someone.

Inspiration: this silly reblog list ⬇️

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I dip cheezits in nutella

Makig a sandwich to bring to school tomorrow can someone reblog with a filling to finish the ssndwich ill go first ok Bread

Thanks to @garaks-padded-bra @acrowbyanyothername @buglyteeth @imhaley @ronzyponyo @funnywormz @deepestturtlepielover @willowandthesagaofgayyearning @summer-azure @spacetronomyfan @spocktopodes ❤️

Magic Item or Spell

Temporary Sacrifice

Effect: The user use all their magic and put it into an object, losing the ability to use magic in any way, receiving tho a +2 into their stats, +5 to hit, +1d12 to any attack they deal. If they die they loose these bonuses but after 24h from their death they return in a 5ft radius from the object that then retrieves all the magic stored and breaks. If after 24h they aren’t dead yet, they roll a d20, on a Nat20 they get 24h more hours, if they roll anything else they die on the spot and everything returns at normal.

The equipment that the player wore at death is teleported with them, their weapon/s too even if it slipped from their hands at death.

After being teleported the player rolls a [(LevelOfTheCharacter) +3]d4, they lose that amount of Max HP until they have a long rest

Notes: If it’s a spell then the object will be decided by the character, if it’s a magic item then that’s the object where the user magic will be stored.

When the dead return into a 5ft radius from the object, the object breaks only if it was a Magic Item. In case it was a spell, the cool-down is 1 year.

Inspiration: The Viking of Stamford Bridge

Bread Idea

Breadionary

Description: a spell that grants you the ability to summon from thin air the perfect type of bread for your needs.

Functionality: Once casted you receive one of these types of bread (at your choice)

• Baguette: Hard crust, light and airy inside, slightly nutty flavor. +2 Animal Handling

• Brioche: Soft and fluffy, slightly sweet and buttery. +2 Nature

• Ciabatta: Hard crust, chewy inside, mild sour flavor. +2 Sleight of Hand

• Focaccia: Soft and oily, herby and savory flavor. +2 Medicine

• Sourdough: Hard crust, chewy and dense, tangy flavor. +2 Intimidation

• Pita: Soft and pocketed, neutral and slightly chewy. +2 Arcana

• Naan: Soft and pillowy, buttery and slightly tangy. +2 History

• Rye: Dense and firm, earthy and slightly sour flavor. +2 Survival

• Challah: Soft and slightly chewy, mildly sweet and eggy. +2 Stealth

• Multigrain: Firm crust, grainy texture, nutty and wholesome flavor. +2 Acrobatics

• Cornbread: Soft and crumbly, sweet and corn-forward flavor. +2 Athletics

• Bagel: Chewy crust and inside, mildly sweet and malty flavor. +2 Investigation

• English Muffin: Soft with a crisp outside when toasted, mildly tangy flavor. +2 Perfomance

• Panettone: Soft and airy, sweet with hints of citrus and dried fruit. +2 Religion

• Lavash: Thin and soft, slightly chewy and neutral flavor. +2 Insight

• Pretzel Bread: Firm crust with soft inside, salty and malty flavor. +2 Deception

• Injera: Spongy and soft, tangy and fermented flavor. + 2 Perception

• Zopf: Soft and braided, slightly sweet and eggy flavor. + 2 Persuasion.

The caster can also choose to roll 1d4:

The bonus becomes -2 instead

The bonus stays the same

The bonus stays the same

The bonus becomes +4

At level 10: the d4 changes to a d6 with similar effects

The bonus becomes -6

The bonus becomes -4

The bonus becomes -2

The bonus stays the same

The bonus becomes +4

The bonus becomes +6

(Note: when the bonus turns into a negative number the taste is still perfect and the bread still feel like the perfect snack for the occasion, only after the 10 minutes the taste will resurface as horrible causing the player to vomit profusely and gain +1 Exhaustion Point)

Inspiration: BREAD DAYYY

Feat Idea

Blood Explosion Disease

Description: The character’s veins burst and their skin is torn as blood rushes out of their body at high speed, coating the surroundings with blood. Then the skin reforms back to its normal state. The first part is not a painless process. Neither is the second part. If the next rest of the character will be a long rest, they won’t be able to do anything beside sleeping. If the next rest is scheduled to be a short rest, and the character is forced to continue their journey, they’ll have +2 points of fatigue until the next long rest.

Functionality: 1/long rest. When using this trait the player rolls a d4 to determinate how much blood they’ll lose:

0.5 liter of blood: the character takes 2d12 of damage, anyone who is in the blast radius needs to roll a Dex ST above 10(with disadvantage their first time, advantage after the fourth) on a fail they’ll get directly hit by the blood and take 1d12+X of damage

1 liter of blood: the character takes 2d12+5 of damage, anyone who is in the blast radius needs to roll a Dex ST above 14, on a fail they’ll get directly hit by the blood and take 1d12+1d6+X of damage

1.5 liter of blood: the character takes 3d12+5 of damage, gets their speed reduced by 5 ft, they can hold their breath for -Y minutes and have a -2 on strength, dexterity, wisdom and charisma checks and saving throws. Anyone who is in the blast radius needs to roll a Dex ST above 16, on a fail they’ll get directly hit by the blood and take 1d12+1d8+X of damage

2 liters of blood: the character takes 2d8+1d6 of damage, gets their speed reduced by 5 ft , they can hold their breath for -Y minutes and have a -4 on strength, dexterity, wisdom and charisma checks and saving throws. Anyone who is in the blast radius needs to roll a Dex ST above 18, on a fail they’ll get directly hit by the blood and take 1d12+1d8+X of damage

The AoE is a circle around the player with a 20ft DIAMETER.

X equals the class level of the player using the feat (a level 2Wiz/4Barb will use 4, not 6)

Y equals the lowest stat of the player using the feat -1. If it’s positive it becomes negative: if Cha +1 is the lowest, it becomes -1, then take -1 again, so -2=Y.

Inspiration: the meme above and that one blood post of @yaboywillyshakes (formerly adventuresintimeandspace). Your blood will never be forgotten @yaboywillyshakes

Campaign Idea

Knock Knock it’s COMMUNISM. BITCHES.

Description: You (players) sad (capitalism) so you (players) spread happiness (communism)

Tip: Make one character the DnD version of fucking Karl Marx, it doesn’t matter the class or the race but make them a philosopher/writer that’s working on writing a book about their ideals, and during the campaign they could cite some passages (the player has to read the book)

Functionality: If the player reading the book (so Karl Marx) bought the actual Das Kapital they have disadvantage on all rolls involving the book, if they have it by some “other” ways they add a d8 to the rolls.

If the player doesn’t have Das Kapital, but another player does and they give it to the player, they will have advantage on the rolls involving the book.

Tip2: You could make that, one time for long/short rest, if the DnD Marx’s player uses the book the player who gave it to them will receive either 1 inspiration point or 2d12 Temporary HitPoints, or other shiny looking stuff

Characters:

Karl Marx (Mage, y’know, using the book for two uses? Paladin, finally the communist one?)

an ex underpaid server of an inn that quit to join them (very nice if the race of the character is one of the hated ones, or even better if they’re a half tiefling half elf, doubling the racism, to add a little bit of flavour to their backstory and to the setting) (class? Either Monk or Rogue. I mean, someone who gets attacked everyday for their race? 99% of the time that shit results into being able to punch back)

An ex knight who saw how corrupted the monarchy is and it’s tired of it (additional points if it’s the big bear of the group, tall, muscled and hairy and always ready to take a hit for Karl Marx) they are the first two of the group and known each other for a long time (maybe Karl was the mage of the king?)

A Druid who was stuck in their dog-cat-animal form/someone who was cursed to be polymorphed into a dog for the last 15 years, now that the witch who cursed them has been killed they are free but unable to afford anything because for all this time they obviously didn’t had a job, and their family thinks that they died long ago so they would never believe them to be the same person (maybe also because mow they have some dog-cat-animal facial traits? Not too weird but enough to not recognise your own child) and so they have no money, and were forced to live on the streets begging for some food and money.

Tip3: Maybe now they are Shifters (the race), or Tabaxi or they still randomly transform into that animal (roll a d100 every turn of combat and after doing something that the DM or them thinks is important, on a 10 (up to 30) or lower they transform into the animal they were polymorphed for 3d8 minutes (the d100 still needs to be rolled while they’re an animal, and if they roll a “turning into the animal” number, they roll the 3d8 again and add that to the total). Also they should be able to know the language of the animal that they were since they spent 15 years as one.

An artificer who is a genius but since their inventions are not enough “profitable” or “gives too much to the poor” and “damage the economy” as some rich ass bastards always say before scrapping the idea of founding their creations. They are sick of this and just want to create things to make life better for everyone, who cares about economy and money? They sure don’t!

A warlock who once was a healer in a temple, Ka’rl revealed them (since they couldn’t leave the temple for religious purposes) that those who couldn’t afford to be healed were left to die and that they healed only those who paid an invent price before even simply entering the temple. Due to the shock, they not only lost any faith in their cause (their religion didn’t involve a God or at least not an existing one) but their anger caught the attention of a Celestial Being with whom they made a pact with to make this nonsense stop. (Maybe make that the Celestial Being proved to have the power to do so by healing everyone in the entire city, since the warlock from now on should be filled with trust issues)

An earth genasi/elf ranger, that witnessed the exploitation of natural resources by the ruling class, that hurt not only the lower class but also animals and other creatures. They now seeks to reclaim the land for the people and help Ka’rl establish a society where nature and its resources are shared equally.

A Robin Hood parody, but who steals stuff instead of money (like food and other goods) because they were the accountant of a Duke and now how to fuck up economy (double points if they become best friend with the artificer and use their inventions to steal more stuff)

Inspiration: this (sad) meme ⬇️

Thanks to @guerrillatech (and to @wizard-kisser that always reblog good materials that I feed my brain with and doesn’t even know)

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I Kiss Wizards

Hey there :) I like horror and being scared. Bears are the best animal ever I love them so much my only goal in life is to hug one He/They,

Hazard Idea

Pond of Dancing

Description: A pond of approximately 9x9 meters, the water is slightly darker than it should be. The players can roll for perception (DC 17 if there aren’t any other bodies of water nearby, if there are then -1 for each), creatures that live in the Deep or underground get advantage. The pond can be either empty or have 1d6 number of goblin skeletons inside, dancing.

Functionality: Once a creature enters the pond or walks 3m in it roll a DC 17 Con save, if it fails, the creature starts dancing alongside the creatures already in it, creating a ritualistic choreography. Small and Tiny creatures get disadvantage to the Con save.

All dancing creatures (whether they are still in the pond or got out) are now labelled as “Dancers”. Dancers get 1d8 necrotic damage once they become Dancers and every 2 minutes that they’re still in the Pond. If a Dancer dies, they won’t stop dancing, their skin will erode and become an undead dancing skeleton, still labelled as a Dancer.

Once there are 10 Dancers in the pond, the water will start moving and shaping form of a Water Elemental. The Water Elemental’s stats are the same as a normal Water Elemental except:

CAR: 8(-1) —> 18(+4)

INT: 5(-3)—>12(+1)

+HP: Xd8 (X: n° of Dancers)

Damage Immunity: +Necrotic

Language: +The main one of each Dancer

Charm Person: 3/day

+Chill Touch, +Sapping Sting, +Toll the Dead: 5/day (each)

Dancing General: The Water Elemental can speak a 1-word command to any or all of the Dancers: Attack (attacks the closer enemy of the Water Elemental), Protect (moves in front of the Water Elemental to shield it of any attack), Grapple (lunges itself to grapple the closest opponent or the one the Water Elemental is pointing at), etc etc. This can be used as a reaction 4/day.

Dancers will be in a catatonic state unless ordered to do something by the Water Elemental (like at the first round of combat if they roll a higher initiative than the Water Elemental, or after they killed a creature after the Water Elemental ordered them to attack it). A Dancer with WIS 17 or higher will have disadvantage at all ‘to hit’ rolls, a Dancer attacking a former allied gets their speed halved. (Make your Dancer players role as they attack unwillingly the other players! They’re still semi-conscious).

A Dancer loses its Dancer label once the Water Elemental is defeated, after walking at least 45m away from the pond/Water Elemental or if the Water Elemental says to it “Free” thanks to the Dancing General feat.

Inspiration: the silly post I’ve reblogged of @diamondguls

P.S. Thanks to all the people who liked my posts while I was on a break, I have 40 something drafts just for you muhahahaha 😘😈

yippieeee~ ahahaha~ yaaaaaaaaay~!⋆｡°✩

Magic Item Idea

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Short notice Letter

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Description: A letter with a very generic phrase asking for forgiveness advising the recipient that who is writing the letter can’t come to work due to the lack of rest. Paladins and Warlock can use this to restore spell slots. The amount of uses is the same as the number of stamps on the back of the letter, after each use one stamp disappear.

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Functionality: A paladin or a warlock licks their thumb (or any other limb if the thumb is unavailable) and put it on one of the stamps, roll a d20

Results:

1 - The stamp disappear and nothing happens

2/5 - Spell slots under lever 2 gets completely restored

6/9 - Spell slots under level 5 gets completely restored

10/14 - All the spell slots gets completely restored

15/19 - All the spell slots gets completely restored, one spell slot under level 3 gets a temporary +1

20 - All the spell slots gets completely restored, all the spell slots under level 3 gets a temporary +2

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Inspiration: the meme above (Thanks @kimabutch)

I’m sorry, I can’t come into work today. I didn’t get a long rest and god gave me a point of exhaustion. All my skill checks are at disadvantage.

I’m both these people and I hate it

there is an IMAGE in my HEAD and i cannot DRAW IT. hatred and rage.