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Gotta make room for new mistakes in 2021!

Everyone should know the international sign for Help Me. Let’s make this famous!!

The Derivative Chapter 5: Home

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 4

“You didn’t think to tell him first?” 

“Well I did but unlike Charlie he doesn’t live here” 

“Sometimes it feels like we live here” 

“Ain’t that the truth. Maybe I should give him a call later” 

“Oh no don’t do that” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I want to see his face when he finds out” I replied grinning broadly as I looked at my grandfather over the back of my chair in the sitting room. 

“You know you have a liking to trouble that alarms me sometimes” Gramps muttered. I just shrugged. There was a knock at the door and the man straightened “alright now get up and make yourself look presentable” he instructed heading for the door I got up and stood off to the side as he opened the door. 

“Hello” the woman at the door greeted. 

“Hi you must be Ms. Collins yes?” Alan smiled politely and let her in. She nodded in response looking around the room as she entered. “I’m Alan and this is my granddaughter, Abby” 

“Nice to meet you, and call me Meredith please” She smiled at us and extended a hand that I shook politely. 

“So I was thinking we could start in the back of the house, go through inside and then head outside” Alan suggested. 

“That sounds like a plan” the woman agreed “but I can tell you I already like this entrance space very open and welcoming” 

“Oh thank you” Alan smiled then led her toward the back hall. The woman started to walk and he turned to me “you keep working on your homework. I don’t want to come in here and find you reading another mystery novel” 

I let off an exasperated breath but surrendered at his stern look. He hurried after the real estate agent and I headed back over to my seat. Not long after Charlie came in and headed straight upstairs not even acknowledging my presence. I sighed and continued filling in the pointless pages of my english workbook when the door opened again. 

“Hello” Don called into the house. 

“Hi” I called in reply and he came over to my chair to look over my shoulder. 

“English huh?” he asked. 

“Vocab workbook” I explained “not only do I use a majority of these terms in my normal venacular a third of them I don’t plan to use and all of them I can literally just read the definition of and have it memorized I don’t need to fill this out” 

“You do need to” Don objected “for a grade not for your brain” 

“Yeah but isn’t school supposed to be about the opposite” I grumbled. 

“Yeah well, life ain’t always like that kid” he commented, messing up my hair as he straightened and Charlie came into the room. 

“Hey” the younger brother greeted the older. “Tell me you found Emily Burdick” 

“No, I’m sorry buddy not yet” Don replied. 

“Who’s-” my question was cut off by Alan’s voice reaching us from the kitchen. 

“Hey, take a look at this. Here in the kitchen, I put in the new sink myself, and the, uh… I did the tile work.” Alan was explaining. 

“Oh it’s beautiful work” Meredith complimented “I like how you’ve preserved the original Craftsman detail.” 

“Oh, hey, boys” Alan greeted as they entered the foyer I closed my workbook and shifted around onto my knees in the seat to watch the show. 

“Hi,” Charlie spoke first “we didn’t know you were home” 

“Meredith, my two sons” Alan introduced “this is Don and Charlie” 

“How are you?” my father greeted, shaking the woman’s hand. 

“Hi Don” the woman replied and turned to the younger brother. 

“Hello” Uncle C shook her hand as well. 

“Hello Charlie” she smiled. 

“Pleasure” he assured. 

“Oh, Meredith would you mind going upstairs for a minute?” Alan asked politely “I’ll be right with you” 

“Sure” she responded and headed off waving to me in greeting as she passed. 

“What?” Alan asked as he turned to see the faces of his two sons. 

“Nice, she’s cute,” Don pointed out with a grin. I had to try and keep from laughing.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked, seeming amused “What is this?” 

“Oh, come on Charlie. Don’t you remember we talked about this?” Alan sighed in annoyance and I no longer worked to hide my giggles which earned me a look from the men. 

“Talked about what? No” Charlie replied in confusion. 

“I’m sorry, I should have made sure you were paying attention when I was ta-” 

“Don’t apologize, Dad.” Don objected, cutting his father off. 

“No you have no idea what this is all about, trust me” Gramps told his eldest. 

“I don’t think we want to know,” Charlie scoffed. 

“Well you have to know” Alan tried to explain, shooting me annoyed looks as I continued to laugh at the scene. 

“No, we don’t, Dad” Don started “Look you’re allowed a private life” 

“Wait a minute. Just hold it a second” Alan finally intervened “this is not a date” 

Charlie then began to draw bad conclusions it seemed as Don shot me a look “oh, my… Dad, what are you telling me? That this woman is a pr-” 

“Real estate agent” Alan cut off the word about to leave his youngest son's mouth. 

“Oh right” Don murmured in realization as I finally got control of myself. 

“I’m confused. Are you dating a real estate agent?” Charlie asked. 

“I thought you were supposed to be a genius” I muttered from my seat. 

“Hey, you, homework,” Don ordered pointing to my workbook. I gave him an annoyed look in response. “No, Charlie, he’s selling the house. Right?” 

“Yes” Alan nodded. 

“Why? I- I live here. You live here.” Charlie objected. 

“Don’t you remember?” Alan inquired “I said I wanted to find a smaller place for myself, maybe a condo.” 

“I remember that, sure.” Charlie murmured. 

“And you need a place of your own” Gramps continued. 

“Yeah but I didn’t think you were serious” Uncle C explained growing irritated “you can’t- you can’t sell our house.”

“What are you saying?” Don turned to his brother in confusion. 

“The market is at its peak right now.” Alan attempted to explain to his youngest who was not happy. 

“Yeah but I live here” Charlie reiterated. 

“We are living- We are living on a very large part of my retirement savings” Alan declared 

“He’s right,” Don agreed. “Prices are high believe me I looked around” 

“Can we- do me a favor-” Charlie continued to ramble as Meredith came down the stairs. 

“I like how it looks upstairs; it’s great,” she explained. “I love the solarium” 

“Oh you haven’t seen the outside” Alan told her. 

“I do my best work in the solarium” Charlie commented seeming rather dazed now. 

There was some clanging from the pipes overhead “oh, that’s the heating system.” Alan told Meredith “it’s a little temperamental. It needs a little finessing. I’ll show you later” with that he led her out the door with one last look directed at his sons continuing to talk to the woman. 

Don looked over at me “I take it from the maniacal laughter earlier you knew about this?” he asked I shrugged “uh huh, thanks for the heads up” 

“I can’t believe this” Charlie murmured and Don’s focus turned to him. 

“Look, relax” Don reassured his brother, “I got a great apartment in a good neighborhood. You’ll find one too” 

“Then why are you over here all the time?” Charlie questioned. 

“Because of that one for a start” he gestured to me “and because I’m making sure you let dad have a life” he declared heading into the dining room. 

____________

I raked a couple more leaves toward the pan and let off a breath “you know I have homework to do. I should really be inside.” 

“Ah ah nice try” Alan objected quickly. “You’re helping. Though I do find it ironic you only ever do your homework to get out of doing something else” 

I shot him an annoyed look and continued to rake the leaves scattered about the yard as Alan dumped the tray into the trash bag Charlie held. “You know, Dad I’ve been checking around. You were right about the house. You were right.” Charlie spoke up. 

“Yeah, the real estate lady said that this property on the current market, I can expect competing bids.” Alan explained. 

“Dad, am I, uh… Do I bug you?” he asked. 

“What? What kind of a question is that?” Alan looked to his son confused. 

“Well, it’s just, you know my math work, and uh..” Charlie cleared his throat as Alan unloaded another tray of leaves into the trash bag “I never listen, and I’m always in my own world.” 

“Well, that sort of makes you the ideal housemate, doesn’t it, Charlie?” Alan pointed out “plus you contribute more than our part-timer over here” he gestured to me. 

“I’m contributing” I held up my rake as proof. Alan gave me a look as he held up another tray of leaves he had raked. 

“I just wanted to make sure.” Charlie sighed 

“Make sure of what?” Gramps asked. 

“You’re selling the house because you want to do it for yourself.” Charlie clarified. 

“No, Charlie, I want to do it for both of us,” Alan informed. 

“I thought we were having a good time,” Charlie continued. 

“We are” Alan agreed “It’s just this house is so big, and it takes so much work to maintain it. And besides you’re almost 30. Don’t you think it’s about time you found a place of your own?” 

“I love this house,” Charlie said. 

“So do I” Alan sighed “but still, the both of us we have to move on” Charlie nodded “alright now you two finish up here I’m going to go make us something to eat” 

I sighed and started raking the leaves more now that Alan was gone. I glanced over at my Uncle’s saddened face “you really do love this house a lot huh?” I questioned. 

“There’s a lot of good memories here” Charlie informed “history” 

I shrugged “I don’t really get that. Bonding your history to a place. Growing up with my mom we were always on the move. I was thirteen when we got our own stable place that actually was ours not a transition or one of her boyfriends places. I never really had a place that was home” 

“I’m sorry” Charlie murmured. 

I shrugged “just because I didn’t have a place doesn’t mean I didn’t have anything. Maybe if I did i’d hate to lose it too” 

“Yeah” Charlie nodded and looked back at the house with a sigh. 

__________

3rd POV. 

Don sighed entering the Burdick’s kitchen where Ethan was pouring himself some coffee before heading back to work with Charlie and Amita on the fake algorithm. The mathematician's hands were shaking and he missed the cup slightly splashing hot coffee on his hand. He winced, nearly dropping the cup. 

“Here let me” Don intervened taking the coffee pot and mug filling it as Ethan grabbed a towel to wipe his hand off. The frightened man let off a shaky breath. 

They were silent for a moment before Ethan spoke up “do you have any children Agent Eppes?” 

Don was caught off guard slightly by the question. “Yeah” he nodded “a daughter she’s sixteen”

“Then you understand” Ethan voiced turning to the agent “Emily is everything to me. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for your daughter?” 

“No” Don murmured without even having to think. 

“I have to get Emily back no matter what and- and if she dies-” he choked on his words. “I can’t lose her” 

“I know.” Don sighed “I only met my daughter about two months ago and I can tell you it- it changed everything for me. There was this one time she went missing it was only for an hour or so but for me it felt like an eternity. I couldn’t think straight I- I was terrified with a kind of fear I’d never felt before and- and she was okay. So I can’t even begin to imagine what this is like for you. But I can promise you I will do whatever it takes to try and get your daughter back to you. Okay?” 

Ethan took a deep breath “okay” he grabbed the coffee mug and started to head back to the table to work but paused looking back at Don. “What's your daughter’s name?” 

“Abby” Don replied. Ethan nodded and continued out to the table leaving Don there in the kitchen with his thoughts. 

______________

Don came into his apartment with a sigh glad to finally be back after working so hard on the case. “I’m home brought dinner” he called, setting the pizza he’d gotten down on the counter. Abby appeared after a moment from upstairs. 

“What’d you get?” she asked hopping onto a bar stool as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. 

“Meat lovers” 

“Yes!” she cheered, folding the box and grabbing a slice. “Grab me a Mountain Dew” she asked while he was in the fridge and he pulled the can from the shelf in the door and sat it on the counter. “Thank you” 

Don popped the lid off his beer and went to get his own piece of pizza. “You get your homework done?” 

“Yes” Abby grumbled “finally. I swear they give me more just because they know I hate it” 

Don scoffed “yeah I thought the same thing in school and I wasn’t a genius.” 

Abby hummed “So guess what Charlie told me.” 

“What?” 

“He’s buying the house from Gramps” Abby informed. 

Don looked at her shocked “no way” 

“Yes way” Abby nodded, “apparently he has a lot saved up since, you know, he’s never had to pay rent or anything before and he liked the house so…” she shrugged, taking a sip of her soda. 

“Huh” Don muttered. 

“I’m glad,” Abby declared. 

“Yeah why’s that?” Don asked. 

“Spend a lot of time there and it’s a cool house” Abby explained. 

“Fair enough” the man conceded. 

“Don’t you care about it?” she asked. 

“Yeah but you know it’s just a place right? I moved out ages ago.” 

“Doesn’t seem like it” 

“Well, yeah alright” Don muttered giving Abby a look as she smirked. “Seriously though working with the FBI I moved around a lot guess it helps you realize that what they say is true” 

“What they say?” Abby questioned. 

“Yeah” Don shrugged “home isn’t really a place it’s a people” 

Abby smiled “well I like you people” she declared. 

Don chuckled “me too kid” and he raised up his bottle a bit and Abby tapped it with her soda can for their own little toast. 

Chapter 6 -> 

I think the obsession with having been “born this way” largely stems from the idea that you need to be “innocent” to be guiltless. 

If something is weird then you need to have no control over it, otherwise it would be mandatory to fix it. If I said that I had control over my stimming and could stop it at any time, people would request I do so. Not for my comfort but for theirs. If I said that I had control over my gender and could be something binary or maybe even cis, people would request I do so. If I said that I have control over my sexuality and could make myself heterosexual, people would request I do so. If I said I could control my attraction and could make myself monogamous, people would request I do so. If I said that I could control my disability and could choose to stop a flair up in its tracks, people would request I do so. They would never ask out of the goodness of their hearts, they would always be asking because I was annoying, concerning, distracting, or inconveniencing them. 

Diversity is sometimes only tolerated if you have no control. If you have control, rules will be made to stop it. Hair will be straightened, clothes will be standardized, languages will be shushed, interests will be squashed, weight will be lost, and so on and so on and so on. Proving that we were born this way replaces the more obvious, that we’re okay this way. I don’t need to be a helpless victim of my differences to be forgiven for them. My differences aren’t crimes. 

If Billy Porter Wants To Wear A Dress, He’s Wearing A Dress (x)

bonus:

alternatively I do think it’s funny to be like

Villain: fool! the prophecy says that no man may kill me!

Trans Man Hero: *ineffectual stabbing*

Trans Man Hero: okay so like. the prophetic acknowledgement of my gender is good but also. very inconvenient right now.

8 page short kids book class project on important/current/difficult topics! Covered the topics of change, sibling relationships and the subject of having a transgender family member (in this case an older brother!)

Was made with trans and non-binary art students!

So many situations in movies where there’s something scary happening and the women are in hysterics but the men are completely calm.. doesn’t seem realistic at all

Here's a little lesson in the Tumblr algorithm, for those who don't know: the only way for a post to be spread to someone's dash, after it's already been made, is through reblogs. Likes do very little for boosting visibility. Besides adding notes so a post has a higher likelihood of appearing at the top of search results for the tags they're featured in, likes are just caches to show/store posts you've liked. They do not significantly increase the likelihood that the post will be seen by more people. The only way to ensure this is to reblog it to your own blog, so your followers will see it.

Also, this isn't Twitter. I know that on Twitter, it's largely expected for most of your profile to consist of mostly your own tweets, and not too many retweets. Tumblr is extremely different, in that the entire site is made up of shared posts. The site is designed for maybe 5% of the content on your dash to be original content at any given moment, while 95% will be reblogs from others, and that's perfectly acceptable and expected, actually.

This is all to say that, I know a lot of you come from Tik Tok or Twitter, where liking content has a direct, positive effect on the content's visibility. I know that your FYP is dictated by what gets more likes/what the people you follow like, and that Twitter shows posts your following likes on the TL. But Tumblr is extremely different. So please, don't hesitate to reblog shit on this website, especially art/writing. If you liked an artist's work, the best thing you can do for them is reblog it because simply liking it will do very little to boost their post's visibility. This doesn't just apply to art either; if there's a PSA, theory, etc., that you enjoyed and want more people to see, the only way for that to happen is to reblog.

The Derivative  Chapter 4: Talk

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 3

“In twenty years of teaching. I’ve never received evaluation comments like these.” Larry complained as we followed my uncle on an afternoon hike. “Boring. Me? Intellectually inaccessible.” 

“I thought we came up on this hike to get your mind off of this ridiculous thing.” Charlie pointed out. 

“I mean, one student even said I’m out of touch with cutting-edge thinking in multidimensional theory. That one alone kept me up at night” Larry explained as we scaled a small incline. 

“The first two seem plausible but the third” I shrugged “don’t let it get under your skin” 

“Thank you young enigma for the jaded advice” Larry murmured. 

“Anytime” I replied with a smirk. 

“Everybody gets bad evaluations now and then. Come on!” Uncle C hurried us along. 

“Yeah, yeah says the professor who never received anything less than a rave” Larry replied sarcastically. 

I chuckled “rave? Really?” 

“Indeed student body favorite practically” Larry informed me. 

“As with any large group, there are responses that cover the entire spectrum. I once had a girl in my combinatorics seminar tell me that I was disorganized and I talked too fast.” Charlie explained as Larry leaned on a branch to catch his breath and I took a sip of my water bottle, wondering how I managed to get dragged out here with these two. 

“Well, that’s an accurate observation actually.” Larry admitted. Charlie gave a mildly bewildered look directed at me and I nodded my agreement “but, generally speaking, I mean, your students love you, whereas mine say my classes put them to sleep.” 

“You’re an exceptional professor.” Charlie reassured his friend. “I should know I took classes from you.” 

“Yeah but you were an exceptional young mind” Larry pointed out as a couple other hikers passed us “perhaps I’ve lost my ability to reach the more typical student”  

“Hey Professor Fleinhardt,” one of the passing boys nodded to Larry. 

“Hey” the physicist greeted happily “How’s it… how’s it… how you… how…” Each attempt made to continue conversation failed on the man’s part as the boys continued to walk either not registering or ignoring the professor's attempts. “See we’re not even in class,and still my students run away from me.” 

“Hiking away technically” I corrected casually. 

There was then the sound of a police siren in the distance “I don’t think that’s it” Charlie muttered from his higher vantage. He began to hurry off in the direction the students had gone. Me and Larry followed. “Right down this way. Hurry!” 

What greeted us was a full scale crime scene. With a coroner's truck, police officers, and others gathered masses of observation. As we got around the corner of a police car I felt my feet freeze to the ground. There was a body laying a couple yards away below the bridge overhead. 

I felt the ghost of rain drops on my skin and felt the family spiking headache rocket through my brain. They were in a red hoodie. It was a boy. But each time I blinked as I began to do so furiously I was switching between this reality and the one of the girl with bright red hair. The rain was picking up, the headache was pulsing. I couldn’t breathe anymore. 

“Abby” I snapped my head around as a hand laid on my shoulder. Charlie was looking at me with concern evident in his features. “Are you alright?” 

I bounced my eyes around the scene. It wasn’t raining, it wasn’t at night, and we weren’t out on that street. I took a couple calming breaths before finally replying “yeah yeah fine” I muttered. 

“You sure?” Charlie asked again. 

“Fine” I reiterated. I caught Larry eyeing me worriedly as well. “Guys seriously I just- I didn’t expect that” I gestured vaguely in the direction of the body I did not need, or want, to look at again.

“Me neither” Charlie murmured in agreement, taking his hand off my shoulder and his features turning to one of contemplation as he looked at the bridge.

“Very well, you were just exhibiting the common signs of what one might call a panic attack” Larry voiced. 

“I’m fine, really just rattled” I tried to sound convincing. From the look on Larry’s face he wasn’t convinced but he dropped the issue and for that I was glad. 

_________________

3rd POV. 

Don sighed as he got out of his car and headed into the FBI building. His phone beeped as he made his way through the lobby and he looked to see it was Abby. “hey kid what’s up?” he answered trying to sound like he had some energy. 

“Am I going to the apartment or Grandpa’s house after school today?” she asked, sounding about as tired as he felt. 

Don thought about it for a minute “go on to your Grandpa’s alright I’ll call the school clear it up”

“So you are looking into the guy who jumped off the bridge?” Abby asked as Don clicked the elevator button. 

“Just a little for Charlie’s sake” Don muttered then a thought occurred to him. “Wait how do you know about this? Charlie talk to you?” 

“Uh… I was there when Larry and Charlie came upon the scene” Abby admitted. 

Don let off a breath. “You alright? I mean that can be some scary stuff.” he couldn’t help thinking about his first jumper case.

“Yeah I’m fine I just wish people would stop asking” Abby grumbled snappily that did not reassure Don at all of her being fine. 

“Abby, it's okay if some of this got to you” Don reassured as the elevator opened and he got on. 

He heard her sigh on the other line “I know it’s just… it’s not what people think it’s about and it’s hard to talk about” Don was confused at the answer but before he could probe more she was continuing “I have to get to class now. See you later” 

“Yeah okay, bye” Don muttered before she hung up. He let off a breath pocketing his phone. He was going to have to deal with that later, or maybe it would be better to let her work through it on her own? He was still contemplating these thoughts when the elevator opened and he was walking out. “Dad? What are you doing here?” he questioned seeing the man. 

“I called you; you hadn’t called me back” Alan explained. 

“Well, I would’ve eventually” Don assured “is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Alan muttered in reply “I need you to come to dinner at the house on Wednesday. Um, I have a date” 

“Oh yeah? A date” Don tried to sound encouraging. “Hey, well, that’s good. With who?” 

“Oh, someone Art knows from yoga” Alan explained. “Yeah, her name’s Jill. he says she’s smart, she’s funny, and, uh, quite flexible” Alan spoke the last compliment to the woman with a hinting look and slight chuckle “So I.. we’re having dinner at the house and I would like you to be there.” 

“Wow, hey, no.” Don began to quickly try and work his way out of the perceivably awkward dinner. “Just take her somewhere low-key. You’ll be fine” he suggested leading his dad back to the elevator. 

“Look, it’s my first date in over 35 years.” Alan grumbled “I would like ‘memorable’ instead of ‘low-key’” 

“‘Low-key’ and ‘memorable’ aren’t mutually exclusive.” Don objected “you know what my favorite date ever was? Pepperoni pizza in a laundromat.” 

“Yes, which explains the conspicuous absence of grandchildren.” Alan muttered then thought “well I guess planned grandchildren.” Don sighed and gave his father a look “So, Wednesday, 7:30. Bring a date?” 

Don shook his head “I can’t. Dad, I’m busy, and I don’t anticipate meeting anyone between now and then either. By the way your unplanned grandchild is heading to your house after school in” he glanced at his watch “40ish minutes so you should get going.” 

“Of course she is” Alan sighed “No, but anyway I just want to make it a couples thing, you know? Look like, seeming like…” 

“Well I don’t think-” Don cut off as the elevator opened with a ding revealing Terry standing there. 

“Hi” she greeted Don “hey Mr. Eppes” she also greeted Alan with a mild curiosity to his presence evident on her face. Her and Alan switched spots as she exited the elevator and he entered. “Good to see you” 

“You too” Alan agreed as she walked away then he turned to his son “you’ll think of something” he made a suggestive nod after Don’s partner. The FBI agent sighed as the doors slid shut and he walked away. 

________________

Abby POV. 

I headed into my grandfather’s house tiredly. I hadn’t slept last night after seeing that boy the other day. Images of him and another memory from months ago swapping places and intermingling in my mind. It was like my brain was caught in a cyclone. 

“Abby? You here?” Gramps called from his chair as I came in the door. 

“Yeah” I called back. 

He looked over at me, glasses perched on his nose. “You alright you look beat” 

“Just tired,” I admitted taking a seat next to him. Tossing my bag on the floor. 

“Rough day at school?” he quizzed. 

I shook my head “trouble sleeping. Charlie didn’t tell you? A CalSci student committed suicide yesterday. Larry, Uncle C, and I stumbled upon the crime scene while going for a hike” I explained. 

“Oh my word” Alan sighed “that’s horrible I mean I saw the news. That poor boy’s parents but you seeing that. I’m sorry” 

I shook my head “no I’m fine it’s not-” I swallowed my words. 

“Not what?” Alan prompted my abrupt stop. “Abby, listen if this is making it hard for you to sleep I don’t think it’s nothing. If you try talking about it maybe it’ll help” 

“It’s just- it’s hard to explain sometimes.” I voiced carefully. 

Alan put down the paper he was reading and removed his glasses shifting in his seat to face me. “It can’t hurt to try and explain it Abby” 

I bit my lip but let off a sigh collecting my thoughts for a moment “because of my AEM, my memory thing, I- I get these- these attacks. It’s my memory but it’s things I don’t want to remember don’t choose to remember. And- and these intrusive memories they just- sometimes in the moment I can’t keep them straight from reality it’s it’s-”

“It's scary,” Alan finished my sentence, reaching out to give my hand a squeeze. I nodded “and these attacks they’re like panic attacks? Triggered by something?” 

“Yeah they’re a lot like that” I replied feeling oddly better now that someone knew about it. “My blinders and music help calm me down” I told him, finding it easier to continue now that I’d started. Alan nodded taking in the information easily. 

“So seeing that scene, this boy, it caused one of these attacks?” he deduced. I nodded “your mother?” 

“No” I objected quickly, opening my mouth to say more but feeling it cut off by visions of red hair and pools of water on the ground under street lights. I swallowed.

“It’s okay if you can’t talk about it yet” Alan reassured me and I looked up at him again “just know when you do I’m here for you so is Charlie and your father. Now you might get tired of me saying this but uh.. Abby you’re not alone and- and if these intrusive memories are a struggle for you you should tell Don about them” 

“I know” I smiled lightly “It’s just-” 

“Hard” Alan finished my thought again “some of the most important parts of life are” 

I sighed knowing he was right “thanks for listening” 

“Of course” he nodded and picked his glasses and paper, back up again. “Oh, uh by the way. You’re going to be hanging out with your Uncle Charlie Wednesday night or otherwise at Don’s” 

“Why?” I asked in confusion. 

“I have a, uh, a date and I’ve asked your father to be there hopefully with his own date.” Alan explained awkwardly. 

I scoffed “Don on a date?” 

“Yes, that’s not a problem for you is it?” the man asked.

“No” I objected but the slight curling in my stomach was telling me internally the opposite. “I’m going to go work on my homework upstairs,” I told Alan, grabbing my bag. 

“Alright” Alan nodded, perching his glasses back on his nose. I sighed getting to my feet and heading from the room. 

____________________

“Let’s see how it does in high winds.” Charlie stated, beginning to type the information into the computer. 

Larry made a humming noise and looked over at me “and what are you reading over there?” 

“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” I replied. 

“Fascinating” Larry nodded “I have to say I wouldn’t have pegged you as one who read young adult fiction despite your age. I was informed you read quite a leap beyond your level” 

“I do” I answered easily “doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good story and relatable characters”

“Fair enough” Larry agreed then made another humming noise of thought “you know young adult literature much like it’s intended audience tends to be underestimated in the long run by people. Such as the young man whose work we are interpreting was ignored by his elders in his warnings” 

I scoffed turning the page of my book “preaching to choir here” 

“School still won’t let you in advanced classes?” Charlie asked. 

“No” I mumbled “I mean they do realize it’s not my fault I missed so much school” 

“Yes, well if you ask me the greatest failing for one who wants to be an educator is to grow up and forget what it means to be young” Larry mused.

“How profound” Charlie muttered sarcastically “now can we focus please?” 

“Why of course” Larry agreed, shooting me a look before I turned back to my story. 

__________________

“Hey Chuck what’d you find?” Don asked, coming into the office alongside Terry. 

“The problem is wind” Charlie explained, shuffling over to where Larry sat and I stood behind the computer. 

“Wouldn’t they have already tested for stability in winds?” Don questioned, dubious. 

“Engineers test structural response to gusts along two axis north to south and east to west.” Larry informed 

“And, in those cases, a single side supported by two corners bears the brunt of the wind load” Charlie carried on the explanation. 

“Think of a straight-on wind as two cars colliding” Charlie posed the analogy “in contrast-- excuse me--” he shuffled Larry out of his seat to take control of the computer “quartering winds hit a building at an angle, exerting pressure on two sides anchored by a single corner.” 

“It’s like one target, two bracing going to two targets one bracing” I voiced with a shrug. The non-mathematically inclined people still looked mildly confused. 

“Imagine a car getting hit from the back and the side simultaneously.” Charlie continued with the car analogy. 

“Can those winds cause structural issues?” Terry inquired. 

“Our tests showed that the Cole Center is sound for head-on winds of up to 90 miles an hour” Charlie showed them the simulation “but here’s what happens with quartering winds as low as 60 miles per hour” he plugged it into the simulation and began to narrate what we were showing them “first the steel frame bends beyond its limits and stays bent. Then this strained steel hardens and becomes brittle. Under continuing stress this steel will fracture, causing complete structural collapse.” the computer beeps rapidly as the simulation reached its third stage “Finn Montgomery found the problem in the building’s deflection. He suspected the effects would be serious.” Charlie stated as the digital building collapsed “he was right and he may have paid with his life” 

“Alright we’ll bring it up to Cole, get people out of the building to start then start looking to see who’s responsible” Don assured. 

“Thanks Don” Charlie nodded. 

“Yeah well we still gotta see what Cole says, alright” Don told his brother. 

“Sounds like an early day tomorrow” Terry voiced “I better get home then” 

“Yeah, thanks for coming tonight” He told her. Shuffling away from those of us still testing the math on the simulation by the computer. 

“You’re welcome and it was for the most part enjoyable” Terry told him. “See you tomorrow. Have a good night you three” she called to us with a wave. 

We called back fair wells in response as she headed from the office. “Alright kid we should get back too. Got school in the morning” 

I heaved a sigh “right coming. Night Uncle C, bye Larry” 

“Night,” Charlie called, not looking up from his computer and Larry offered a wave. 

I grabbed my bag and books and followed Don out of the office. “So you and Terry had fun?” 

“Uh yeah more than dad anyway. Bit of a train wreck for the poor guy” Don explained. I made a humming noise of acknowledgement wondering what had gone so wrong to qualify as a train wreck. “Listen, I know you said you were fine with this whole thing but- uh you know I’ve seen enough to be able to tell when someone’s not fine and it’s okay if you need space to deal with it or whatever but uh, I just I guess if you have to talk about it.” he kinda trailed off with gesturing hands as words failed him. 

“We really suck at this communications thing” I determined. 

Don scoffed as we exited the building “yeah well at least we’re trying” 

“True,” I murmured and took a deep breath. “there is something I need to tell you. There’s this thing I have. Gramps correlated it with panic attacks but it’s part of my memory they call it-” 

“Intrusive memory right?” Don interjected. 

I snapped my head up to look at him “you know about it?” 

The man nodded “yeah it was in your medical records. Social worker warned me about it. I am your legal guardian if you recall” 

“Oh” I murmured realizing I probably should have realized he knew about this sooner “so why didn’t you say anything about it?” 

“Well, I figured you’d talk to me about it when you were ready or at least not until you had an attack or something” Don explained awkwardly. 

A small smile came to my face “thanks” 

“Hey you’re my kid. As new as I am to this parent thing I can stand to get a couple things right” he told me. 

I laughed lightly “okay” 

“Okay” Don nodded “now let's get out of here it’s late” he pulled me into a small side hug arm around my shoulder as we headed toward the car and I couldn’t help but keep smiling. 

________________

“Yo!” Don called coming in through the back door. 

“We’re in here.” Alan called in reply. 

A moment later Don came in with a box setting it on the dining room table “Hey, All right, FBI accountants went over all of Nevelson’s financials, and these are all the documents that relate to the foundation. Our people could find nothing.” 

“So why didn’t you have Charlie look at the records in the first place?” Alan inquired as I continued to eat quietly. Saving my ‘I could help’ pleas for later. 

“The FBI has a team of excellent forensic accountants.” Charlie objected. 

“I know.” the elderly man clarified “but it wouldn’t be the first time you find something that they missed.” 

“You know, a lot of mathematicians do have eidetic numerical memory” Charlie explained “similar to Abby’s ability to remember everything she encounters visually only specifically geared toward numbers that are repeated and in patterns”

“So my memories better” I commented with a smirk. 

“Your visual memory yes” Charlie gave me a look as he got up and began looking through the papers. 

“So I could be able to help,” I pointed out. 

“Yes you-” Charlie cut off looking back at his brother “but you probably shouldn’t” 

“Yeah and I’m saying you’re not going to,” Don declared as Charlie took the box and headed into the foyer. 

I groaned rolling my eyes “you know once I turn eighteen I’m going to get my clearance and then you won’t be able to stop me”

“Yeah well right now you’re going to help me with dishes while he works on that” Don decided collecting plates “come on” he chided and I gathered my plate and cup as well as Alan’s.

“No here I got it uh…” Grandpa objected and glanced at my dad’s back who was walking into the kitchen as he stood up. “I want to talk to Don for a second alright?” 

“Alright but if I happen to stay out here and see Charlie’s stuff for the case..” I trailed with a pointed look. 

“Fine I’ll cover for you. Deal?” He replied. 

“Best grandpa ever” I smiled and he hummed with an amused smile on his face as I turned and headed after my uncle. 

_______________

3rd POV.

Don looked over his shoulder as he entered the kitchen and was surprised to see his father following him rather than his daughter. “What happened to Abby?” 

“She had homework I made her go work on it” Alan replied “you know she’s stubborn about that stuff puts it off” Don let off a humming noise his instincts of suspicion kicking in “mainly cuz I wanted to ask you about something.” 

“What?” Don gave his father a look as he put the dishes in the sink. This made more sense. 

“You’re best date ever was with your partner?” Alan inquired and immediately Don realized why Alan had pestered Abby away before asking. 

“Dad, please” 

“No, it’s just a simple observation.” Alan defended as they put away the food. “I mean if it was so great why did you split up?” 

“It was an academy thing” Don explained “we got posted to different places. We had our careers to concentrate on.” 

“So now you’re in the same city, same careers” 

“Same office” Don cut his father off “which, in our case, can be a dangerous thing.” 

“Your mother and I met at work.” Alan posed.

“In the lunch line.” Don pointed out “Look, Dad, Terry and I have to see each other every day. You know? We have to look out for each other.”

“So that means any trust issues are already behind you.” the father suggested. “Plus Abby seems to like her” 

“Look, just because you’re eager to start dating again-” 

“Eager? Are you kidding me?” Alan cut his son off exasperatedly “you saw me last night. I know, I know, I know I got to get back into it. Your mother said I should meet new people after she was gone.” 

“Well, that’s right. That sounds like her” Don agreed. 

“I know she made me promise.” Alan sighed “I mean, she knew that, without a push, that I might not do it. So she pushed” Don nodded considering his father’s words. “And remember Donnie you’ve got more to think about than just yourself now” 

Don sighed “yeah I know” he looked out the kitchen door toward the space in the house his daughter was somewhere. 

“Being a parent is never easy and it’s twice as hard to be a single parent doing the work for two” Alan voiced. Don let out a breath and the two men were silent for a moment. “Just consider this your push” 

A moment later Abby popped her head into the kitchen. “Me and Charlie found something in the records.” she announced.

“You and Charlie?” Don questioned giving her a stern look. “What happened to homework?” The teen grimaced slightly and shot a look to her Grandfather who held his hands up in surrender. Don sighed “show me what you found” 

Abby led him out to the table in the foyer where Charlie had the records spread out under a light. “You’re never going to believe this,” Abby murmured. 

“Believe what?” Don asked, confused. 

“Fake people” Abby stated as if that were clearer. 

Don looked to his brother “Now, here is a list of workers employed in building the foundation”

“And?” Don questioned. 

“And a lot of them don’t exist.” Charlie stated “yeah. There’s a preponderance of fours and sevens in the union ID numbers, which could be due to accounting codes, except they show up in the overtime hours like, 14s and 17s everywhere here, here, and here” Charlie showed Don the various documentation. “These numbers, they can’t be explained by random occurrence. Somebody made them up. They’ve been fabricated by someone who likes these numbers who left behind a pretty obvious pattern.” 

“Fake people” Abby reiterated. 

“Well obvious to you” Don grumbled looking the paper over. 

“People like us” Abby clarified “honestly your forensic accountants should have picked up on it” 

“Here’s a very interesting thing also.” Charlie hurried over to the other side of the table as Don shot his daughter a warning look at her disrespectful tone. “All the, ah, all the workers we’ve identified as fake are listed as welders. Except there aren’t any other welders on the payroll backup.”

“Well you can’t build a foundation without welders” Alan piped in from the tv room “sounds like Nevelson was using a shadow crew.” 

“So how would that work, Dad?” Don asked as Alan walked over. 

“Non-union laborers, usually illegal aliens. They pay them under the table.” the former city planner explained “see, the contractors would use them at night to avoid the unions.”

“So what? Like lower pay, no overtime, medical benefits?” Don questioned. 

“That’s right,” Alan nodded heading back to the kitchen. 

“But people still get hurt,” Don voiced thoughtfully. “And there’ll be hospital records” 

________________

Abby POV. 

“So I am getting right back on that horse” Alan declared as the four of us sat at a restaurant eating. “Not that this lady is anything like a horse.” he added “she’s really quite attractive.” 

“So it’s not a blind date?” Don clarified. 

“No, it’s the butcher that sold me the duck.” Alan explained. 

“No” Don chuckled. 

“Yes” Alan insisted “yeah, she’s very nice and she really knows her waterfowl.”

“Right” Don scoffed. 

“Good luck Gramps” I encouraged. 

“Why thank you Abby” Alan smiled then turned to his younger son “Charlie. Charlie” When the mathematician was only somewhat responsive the elderly man turned back to me and Don “this is not the brilliant thought brood. This is the other brood.” he informed. 

“You alright Charlie?” Don asked. 

“You knew it was a suicide.” Charlie stated 

“No look,” Don objected, shaking his head. “I said from the get-go I didn’t know, but I did suspect.” 

“Despite all the variables and the inconclusive autopsy, and the layers of crime that were uncovered?” Charlie pressed. 

“The fact that the kid exhibited suicidal behavior and then he did it.” Don explained. “It’s Occam's Razor, you know? I mean, the simplest answer is usually the right one.” 

“Occam’s Razor?” Alan questioned. 

“What?” Don gave us looks as we all began to chuckle slightly “I read a book every now and then. I mean I did help in the creation of the biggest book worm I know.” he ruffled my hair slightly. 

“Occam was a philosopher, he wasn’t a mathematician” Charlie pointed out “and what he actually said was that you shouldn’t make more assumptions than needed. It’s the basis of methodological reductionism. So, any given data set,...” 

“And I thought school was done for today” I muttered as Charlie began to scribble on a napkin. Don and Alan just scoffed and let the man go. He needed to talk right now.

Chapter 5 -> 

My Coming Out Story

Disclaimer: Due to the personal nature of this story names have been changed as to not reveal peoples identity.  I’m not sure why I decided to post this story now. It’s something I’ve hadn’t written for awhile but never knew when or where to place it. I’m posting it now and I hope that if someone needs it now in their life they can read it and feel a little better about how things are going.  When I was little I really didn’t have a concept of what gay was. I grew up in a loving christian home with my mechanical engineer turned youth minister mom and my current electrical engineer dad who was also the music leader at church for a number of years. There were also my three siblings of which I was the second oldest. My life revolved around church. It was literally where I went to preschool and I spent at least five days a week there well into my teenage years. 

Growing up in this way wasn’t bad. I had a great community and family. However, that changed. I remember thinking during my elementary school days that I thought of guys and girls the same. The only thing was that I understood that when you get married girls marry guys and vice versa. That’s just how it was and I thought everyone felt the way I did. You just had to pair up like that. 

I had heard the word gay and understood the concept of it when I was in elementary school thanks to my church and one kid at my school. My mom told me he was gay and I didn’t believe it because he was so nice and from what I understood gay meant bad. (He came out when we were in middle school and was one of my inspirations later on.) 

Still the first time I had a personal connection with having that label was when some girls started a rumor that me and one of my best friends who was also female had kissed on the playground during recess. This was an outright lie and my violent tendencies at the time due to (at that time) unmedicated ADHD caused me to lash out and beat up the bully which got me sent to the principal's office. I didn’t tell anyone why I had beat up the girl just that she was being mean to my friend. As I was a frequent flyer in the office at that time they didn’t really question me all that hard anyway. Now that I’m older I can’t really tell you why I didn’t tell anyone what the girls said. Whether I was embarrassed, scared, or just too stubborn to give them an answer I don’t remember I just know I didn’t. 

Fast forward to middle school and I was a far more awkward, less violent teen. At this point I was still pretty unaware of the world around me in regards to the LGBT. I knew that there were some kids in my grade that had come out as LGBT that kid I mentioned before among them. Still to me it was something that was viewed as a bad thing they were sinners. It was all what church had taught me whether it be explicitly by some or implicitly by the majority it was still something I picked up on as a child. 

Then one day my mom told me that we had been invited by two of her friends from college to have lunch with them. It was at one of my favorite little cafes so I was really excited. She told me they were psychologists and that they were together. She also told me they were two men. I was shocked. I didn’t think gay people could have significant relationships like straight people. On top of that I couldn’t imagine my mom -- who by all accounts was the symbol of a perfect godly woman to my entire church community -- could be friends with them. 

Her response to my shock: “We’re christians, they are not, we hate the sin but we love the sinner. Despite being gay they are still good people but since they aren’t christians we can’t hold them to the same standard as us. They simply don’t believe in it.” (I paraphrased but this is the general idea of the conversation) 

It was the first time I had heard such a sentiment and I went into that lunch with a curious perspective. I was still a little shy so I didn’t ask about it but I watched them together, made note of their wedding bands (gay marriage wasn’t legal then but they were symbolic to them), and witnessed their love for each other. After that I started finding myself paying more attention to my peers who had come out. Many of which I ran in the same circles as. The more I watched and interacted and bonded with them the more my bigoted thoughts that gays were these lustful bad people faded and I realized they were normal people. 

That’s when I realized something. Not everyone loves both guys and girls and just picks a side. I learned that bisexuality existed. The next step I took in my journey was repression. I was a christian. Christians were not gay. I was not gay. I could not be gay. I was just imagining it and it’s not a big deal. Afterall I still like guys so we're fine. 

This lasted until my sophomore year of high school, choir class, and a girl with freckles, short multi colored hair, dazzling eyes, and the singing voice of an angel. The panic was real and my emotions would not shut up. I couldn't come to terms with it. With any of it. 

I denied my feelings for most of that year until one day I was with two of my friends. We were all writers and talking about different stories we were working on. Then one of them paused in the middle of what she was saying and turned to me saying “these characters are gay. We know you don’t believe in that stuff but that’s what it is” 

I looked back at her in shock and I responded with “that’s okay. I am a christian and while I might never practice that myself I’m okay with other people doing it. Hate the sin, love the sinner” my friend smiled at me and said that was the first time she’d heard such an accepting thing from a christian and continued telling us about her story as we headed to class. 

I was glad I put a smile on her face and made her feel accepted but honestly I felt like a complete piece of garbage. I’d simply parroted back to hear all the stuff that had been shoved down my throat for my entire life. Did I really believe it though? I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation for the rest of the week. I also couldn’t stop thinking about that girl from choir class but that was honestly nothing new. 

About a week later our school had standardized testing going on. Which divided up kids into computer labs by grade and last name. Me and one of my guy friends we’ll call him Cane had luckily been seated near each other. During one of our breaks when we were allowed to talk. I went over and leaned on the desk next to him. He vented to me about how he had a crush on one of our mutual friends and was thinking about asking her out but was nervous. I gave him encouragement as best I could then he inquired whether I was interested in anyone. Before I really thought about it I answered yes. He asked who and after only a few moments of deliberation I admitted that it was the girl from my choir class. He acknowledged and agreed that she was cute before continuing on. I looked at him in surprise and pointed out to him that she was female. He said he knows and that it wasn’t that big of a deal if I liked girls. I thanked him and asked him not to tell anyone because I still wasn’t sure. He agreed to keep it under wraps but did tease me a little for my crush. 

After that conversation. I finally took the leap and began to look up the LGBT community online. I found forums and support centers and ted talks and messages and christians saying that LGBT was okay. I was ecstatic but still I was worried so I prayed and the more I prayed and researched and talked with other LGBT people the more I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest. Finally I could admit to myself that I was in fact bisexual and I was okay with that and so was my God. 

I still wasn’t comfortable coming out to anyone yet. So I spent more time on online forums for LGBT youth and writers. I learned about the community and I embraced my crush on the girl in choir. Even though it didn’t pan out and I fell for a boy we’ll call him Reese and started dating him my junior year. It felt like things were going okay. I was able to tell one of my friends call them Alex finally that year and they intern told me that they were asexual. We were able to support each other in our closets and were happy. 

During my Junior year even though my feelings for the choir girl faded I ended up meeting another girl in my Fire and Rescue class at the career education center that partnered with my high school. We’ll call her Polly. She was an incredible person, bright and beautiful and unabashedly herself all the time. We bonded over marvel movies and writing. Even though I was dating Reese at the time I was falling head over heels for this girl. It took me a while to figure it out as slowly me and Polly became better friends but I was developing feelings for her.

Finally, my senior I got the courage (with support of Alex) to come out to my main friend group. It was at a marching band competition and everyone was super supportive. My best friend you can call her April she said she wasn’t surprised and Reese who was still my boyfriend at the time said he loved me and would always support me and this didn’t change that. I even came back out to Cane again because I had genuinely forgotten that he already knew. He reminded me of what he said that day. That it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t tell a soul. They were all proud of me for owning who I was. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

However, it couldn’t last. When I was telling April one of the band mom’s overheard and gave me a shocked and disgusted look. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to. She was known for being the gossip of the group and she was a religious friend of my moms. If she had overheard then it was only a matter of time before she told my mother. 

I was terrified. When I got home from the competition I watched my mom to see if she was going to react at all to me. She didn’t and I realized she hadn’t been told yet. I was relieved but knew that I wanted to be the one to tell my mom. I didn’t want her to hear it from a secondary source, especially not the gossip. So I got on one of my forums and talked to some LGBT friends who encouraged me before I took a deep breath and headed into my parents room. 

My dad was away on business so it was just my mother. I told her I had something to tell her and she gave me her attention. I explained that I had come to accept myself as I am and that I knew God had also accepted me as the way I am. I told her I was bisexual and waited watching her. 

She stared at me for a long moment. Her face was a mixture of confusion and fear and the next words out of her mouth I will never forget she asked “does this mean you’re going to hell?” 

I felt like someone had just pulled the floor out from under me. She didn’t understand and spent the next couple minutes trying to convince me I was mistaken or that this was wrong. We stayed civil and eventually she just said she needed to process this and sent me back to my room. I cried myself to sleep that night. 

The next day at school I told my friends what happened and they comforted me. When I got back from school and band practice I hid in my room until that evening when my father got home from his business trip. He came to my door and told me we needed to talk. My younger sisters were banished to their room as me, my mom, and my dad - who had been told by my mom - sat in the living room to discuss the fact that I was gay. 

Shortly after starting the conversation/argument a boy (Derek) who was like my older brother came over. He wasn’t biologically related to us but he had a key to the house, would often come over, referred to us as his siblings/parents, and was referred to by us as our brother/son. Me and him were very close and despite my parents wanting to send him to the other room I insisted he stay as things had already begun to get heated between me and my father. 

Derek helped keep the tension down but there was still plenty of yelling. He acted as an impartial mediator for most of it. My dad yelled a lot, my mother cried, I both yelled and cried. It was a rough night. It ended with me storming back to my room. A while later Derek came to my room and talked with me. He explained that he didn’t understand or know if he agreed with it but he’d make the effort and be there for me. I thanked him.

My house after that was tense to say the least. My parents avoid the subject at all costs. My sisters knew thanks to the yelling that night but didn’t comment on it. The next time my mom brought it up was to tell me that I couldn’t tell my cousin about it because she would spread it to the rest of my dad’s side of the family. She also said I couldn’t tell her mother, my grandmother, because she had a heart condition and it could kill her. Sometimes I still wonder how my grandmother would have reacted had I told her before she died. She once told me she had a friend who was gay and that she cared about him deeply. I think she would have accepted me. 

The first time my siblings brought it up was when me and my two younger sisters were left in the car while my mom ran into the store. We were listening to music and chatting when my sister asked “so how long did you know you were bi” I was surprised because up until then I hadn’t realized my sisters knew I was bisexual. I explained it to them briefly and asked what they thought of it. They both said they agreed that people should be able to love who they want to love. Though my sister Greta thought it was kinda gross because she didn’t get how two of the same gender could have sex. Still it didn’t change anything for them and they apologized for how our parents had been handling it. I was so thankful for their support. 

By the end of my senior year I was out and proud to all of my peers. I came out to my friend Hannah and Derek's girlfriend Mary at the same time as a casual drop in a conversation. Neither reacted at the time but asked me about it later. Mary more directly wanting to understand as both her and Derek are very religious. While Hannah was more of making a comment about me eyeing a girl that I had a crush on and being obvious. I can’t remember when I came out to my older brother James who lives in a different city. However, he never really questioned it beyond being tense when I brought it up around our parents. I was becoming bold in my identity. I had even written a love poem about about girl (Polly) for an english class assignment to stick it too a homophobic teacher. 

I ended up breaking up with Reese pretty early on my senior year as I realized what I felt for Polly. To this day I still consider my feelings for her the first time I fell in love with someone. I cared about Reese deeply and still do but only ever as a friend. Since we were in middle school people had been pushing us together and while we fit together on paper and from the outside. My feelings inside didn’t match and I didn’t want to lead him on. Polly was the one I truly wanted to be with but the same couldn’t be said for her. She had met a boy in her senior year and they were starting to talk. She really liked him and I was her main confidant for her feelings. I took them and I encouraged her to pursue a relationship with the boy because I knew she felt for him more than she did for me. She loved me but only as a friend. As her and her boyfriend got closer I worked to let go of my feelings for her gradually. 

Meanwhile my parents were like a looming dark cloud and it felt like I was stuck in a cage of some sort anytime I left the shelter of my friends. This only got worse when I graduated that spring and summer rolled around. I tried to get out of the house as much as possible but I didn’t drive and this made things difficult. The relationship between me and my parents began to get more and more strained to the point I almost ran away one night after my mom punched me. 

I began to view leaving for college that fall to be the holy land. My montra became that if I could only survive the summer I could make it. Me and my friend Hannah were going to the same college and going to be roommates. I was going to get to study what I loved and be who I was. I went into survival mode. Then the biggest mental strain hit. 

Every year since I was nine years old I went to church camp for a week in the summer. I had been going longer than I was supposed to because my mom was a leader of the camp and my whole family got to go even Derek and Mary. Normally Hannah would come as well but she had something else come up that year and couldn’t. I knew the place very well and absolutely loved it. It was a time of year I looked forward to and couldn’t wait to go back too especially since I was now a worker at the camp instead of just a camper. 

This year was tougher than most. I was given a lecture about not telling anyone that I was bisexual before I left because if they found out I was gay I wouldn’t be allowed to come back to camp. I was horrified at the idea and tried my best not to think about it. Even when I got a crush on my fellow female camp worker. It was a stressful week and it all culminated one night. 

I can’t tell you whether I believed what I felt in that moment. It all felt like a blur like I was about to shatter under the weight of everything bearing down on me all the lying and fighting. I think part of me wanted to believe that me being gay could be prayed away that night and that I could just stop having to deal with all this pressure. So that’s what happened. I told one of my leaders and they asked me a bunch of questions like had I kissed a girl or had sex and then they prayed for me.  

Afterward I told my mom and she literally cried about it hugging me and thanking God that I was healed. I felt sick and I threw up before I went to sleep that night. 

I went to college that summer as a straight girl and I held on to that label for most of my first semester. I loved college. Me and my roommate/best friend Hannah met three great friends that first semester, Sylas, Kurt, and Randall. Sylas was busy a lot so we mostly hung out with Kurt and Randall. All of us played D&D together and had movie nights. Me and Hannah also found a christian group on campus and got settled there. 

I thought I was happy with my life however I still felt sick and disjointed anytime the concept of homosexuality got brought up. It was a hard time and I prayed about it alot. I talked to some of my church friends about how I had turned back to straight. Until one day a video ended up in my recommendations and it was a ted talk. I clicked on it not realizing what it was and found that it was a gay christan woman talking about how these two factors don’t have to be mutually exclusive in life. I was riveted, I watched the entire video twice and felt my heart be convicted. God never wanted me to be straight; he never wanted me to change who I was. I loved me how I was. It was the people who had the problem. 

The minute Hannah got back to the dorm I came back out to her. Her exact words were “ah so you finally figured that out”. I was so grateful to have her in my life and we talked for hours after that. Not long after I started coming out to people again and in turn Randall came out to us about how he was bisexual as well. I finally felt free again. Going back home that winter was tough, however, it was made better by the support of my friends with regular skype calls and group chat messages. Not to mention since my parents thought I was straight they weren’t pressuring me anymore. 

When I went back to school things were still going great and I ended up meeting a girl named Eve in my EMT class. We immediately hit it off and started talking. It wasn’t long before I formed a huge crush on her but she was getting over a break up and I didn’t want to push. Still we became extremely close. Eventually, she did start dating a guy me and Hannah knew from a gamers club on campus. I had missed my shot. Then I went home for spring break and had to stay due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It was hard being away from my friends and stuck in my parents house. Still we all had regular skype D&D sessions and texted a lot on the groupchat. 

During the months I was stuck at home I got a job working at the local Home Depot. I was excited to work as it was my first real job. My grandmother had owned a family business but I didn’t do much other than stock shelves there. Here I was a cashier and I enjoyed my job a lot even though it could get crazy. Then one day I was at my register and a fellow coworker I was aware worked in the paint department approached my register with a polar pop and asked where her wife was. I was confused and she noticed I was new and said not to worry about it and have a good day. I watched after her and saw her go up and greet my head cashier who was a female and give her the polar pop before heading back to the paint department. I was astounded. 

Not long after I had it confirmed that her and the female head cashier were married. Another cashier came out to me as non-binary and another cashier told me her brother was gay and she’d be the loudest ally ever if anyone tried to mess with me. I felt accepted like nothing else. It was incredible to feel so validated and free to be myself in my workplace. 

Going back to school that fall was difficult due to COVID-19. Me and my friends (Polly as well as she began attending college with us that year) could no longer host D&D at my and Hannah’s dorm like we did before because of the regulations. Thankfully Eve came up with a solution. She was the only one of us who lived off campus in a house she rented. We were welcome there anytime. I still had a massive crush on her and when I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend over the summer I almost asked her out. However, another guy had beaten me to it. We ended up going over to Eve’s house multiple times a week and I would go even when the rest of the group wasn’t before long I was sleeping over at her house regularly. Often when it wasn’t even planned. I was even dubbed the most responsible friend by her grandmother who absolutely loved me. 

Then her boyfriend at the time dumped her. The entire group rallied to comfort and support her. She took it really hard and I stayed over for a weekend to make sure she was alright. My feelings really started to grow as we got more physically intimate with cuddling and laying in bed together still it was all considered platonic. I really wanted to ask her out but didn’t know when it was too soon. Hannah and Polly both encouraged me to ask her out. 

Then another boy showed up in her life. I was greatly concerned and disheartened as their relationship was progressing in her typical pattern. I thought I had missed my chance. However, the boy made a fatal mistake as Eve is demisexual. She doesn’t like moving into physical contact beyond cuddling too quickly if at all and he started to push her to kiss him. She immediately stopped the relationship after he made overt moves that disregarded her clearly made boundaries and he was derogatory toward her. 

About one or two weeks later I was over at her house one evening and we were talking about him and dating and life. I finally took a deep breath and told her there was something I needed to tell her and I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I confessed to her that I liked her and wanted to date her. I didn’t ask her out specifically though because she has told me in the past she has trouble saying no so I left out the question and simply told her how I felt to do with what she felt was right. 

She was shocked and immediately started smiling saying she liked me too. I was elated. We talked more about how we had been feeling and how we had both been worried about what the other would say and how she had been blind to my pining which apparently her last serious boyfriend had picked up on and was why he dumped her. (He later told her that he saw how we were together and began to see that me and her fit better than him and her and he wanted us to be together.) We started dating that night and I immediately called Hannah and Polly to tell them the news joking that since I couldn’t tell my parents that I wanted to tell them and they jokingly responded by giving Eve a talking to about not hurting me. 

The next couple months were ups and downs but me and Eve had each other to support and our relationship was very steady. One night when I was having a depressive episode because of my school situation (I was failing my virtual classes). I called my brother James to vent to him. While he was comforting me I told him that I had a girlfriend and he was immediately accepting, asking all about her and acting like it was normal until I brought it up specifically her being female. He assured me it didn’t matter and that he still wanted to meet her but wouldn’t tell my parents. 

That winter I had to go home again for break which would be a couple months. Eve gave me her spare PS4 and a headset so we could play games together long distance and we spent our last couple days together as much as we could. Prior to me leaving she surprised me with necklaces for us that were each half of the star wars rebels symbol. Her’s had the phrase “I love you” engraved on it and mine had the phrase “I Know”. 

That winter I missed her even after going back to work and finding that another character that is a part time drag queen got added to the staff. They also pretty much adopted me and my head cashier came out to me as gender-fluid. All of them were proud to hear I had a girlfriend and I was finally able to tell someone not my family all about her. I missed her a ton. So me and Eve came up with a plan. 

After some figuring with my parents she was able to come visit for a couple days between Christmas and New Years as my “good friend”. It was a great time. My three siblings that were there all knew she was my girlfriend, my little sisters having figured it out when the three of us were talking. One of my sister Georgie admitted that she was considering herself to maybe be asexual and my sister Greta (who at one point said being gay was gross) came out to me as also being bisexual. We all are able to support each other. 

Eve’s visit went really well and my parents adored her and she adored my parents. Though it was stressful especially right after she left and my grandmother who was visiting asked -- at the dining room table where me, my grandparents, my parents, and all my siblings were sat-- “did your girlfriend leave?” There was a split second where me and my siblings shared a telepathic moment of panic before remembering that in my grandmother’s vernacular she simply meant my friend that was a girl and I simply answered yes. 

As winter break moved along I began to discuss other options with my parents about my schooling. With my ADHD and my manner of learning, virtual classes were not working for me. I had failed most of my online classes meanwhile being near the top of my classes in my in person classes. It was an obvious disparity the only exception being my math class which was a hybrid class and I will admit was a failure mostly due to my lack of ability to understand math. 

I’d already been considering the idea since my depressive episode calling James who’d been the one to suggest it during the fall semester. But now the conversation was whether or not I would sit out the spring semester. After some discussion and the fact that I didn’t have a job in my college town but did at home and Hannah wouldn’t be coming back to school after graduating early. Meaning I wouldn’t have a roommate. (Polly and me had a fight and are not on speaking terms). The decision was finally made I would not be returning to college in the spring. 

It was a hard decision and I had to tell Eve. I took sometime to figure out what I would say since I knew it was going to be hard. Finally I worked out the words and told her that was going to be gone for longer than planned. I knew long distance would be hard and suggest we try to make plans to stay in closer contact with each other that way it wouldn’t be as bad. I’d told her when we first started dating that communication was the most important thing to me in a relationship. 

A week passed and we didn’t really discuss it as we were both busy with our individual jobs. Then I got a text from her saying she wanted to talk. The next text I received was her breaking up with me. She said she didn’t want to be the only one making the effort to see each other since she had a car and license and I didn’t. She further said she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship since she was into physical intimacy. She’d decided we should break up and that was that. But she still wanted to be friends because she liked my family. 

I was very placated in my response. It was a complete shock. Both because it was over text and also it had seemingly come from nowhere. She’d never communicated such feelings to me. 

I reassured her that I never felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship. I also told her we could still be friends but that it would take us time to figure out our balance with each other. 

I called texted James when it happened and he asked if I was okay. I responded with I don’t know and he immediately called me. We talked for a while and he comforted me about the situation. The next person I told was Alex. They comforted me as well and we figured out a day where we could hang out, watch movies and eat ice cream as the normal break up fix it. I was grateful for both their support. 

I was hurt by Eve’s actions. I took a risk bringing her to my home with my parents. If they had found anything out about us. I don’t know what would have happened and to call it quits without even trying to work through it or communicate how she was feeling. It felt like I wasn’t worth the effort of her feelings or time and investment. 

I’d made the first draft of this before the break up and the ending had read “I hope one day I will be be to get support from my parents as well but even if I can’t, I hope that I will st least be able to be my true self around them and introduce Eve as my girlfriend” 

That’s changed now. I don’t just hope that I can introduce someone as my girlfriend I hope that whoever I bring home will be accepted by my family for who they are and me for who I am. I’m not straight. I never have been. I might marry a man someday I might marry a woman but whoever I bring home. I will still be bisexual and I will never stop trying to be a voice for those who can’t speak up. Once I’m not under my parents roof. I hope I can live my true life and help those who have been muzzled and closeted for far to long as I have.

This puts to words my life and it’s amazing

Adhd symptoms no one talks about:

I cant finish cleaning my room because I can’t organize my desk because I haven’t organized my vanity because I cant organize my vanity because I haven’t organized my closet drawers because I cant organize my closet drawers until I organize my nightstand and I cant do that until I GET A NIGHTSTAND because the space between my really heavy bookshelf full of books and the space between my bed is abnormally narrow BUT TONIGHT WHILE I WAS AT ROSS I found the perfect nightstand so now I can go home and put all the stuff thats supposed to go on and under my nightstand on and under my nightstand and then I can organize the space next to my bed, then I can organize the closet drawers, then im at another impasse because I still need the proper vanity organizational materials; but we have made some achievements tonight boys

fuck it. be creative even if you never really *make* anything. write out plot synopses of stories and then move on. design OCs you'll never use. make mood boards and concept art and don't do anything with them. life's too short to forget everything that inspired you and creation doesn't have to be "complete" to be worth the time you put into it.

[Watching Raiders of the Lost Ark]

Son: Who are the bad guys in this movie? Husband: The Nazis. [pause for a beat] Again. Except not in space this time.  Me: Yes, Nazis, take note: whether you’re on land or in space, either way Harrison Ford is coming to foil your plans. 

Learn Something New Everyday #3

(yes I missed yesterday and this is last minute but don’t judge) 

You can turn off the task bar on Among Us

do you ever have periods where your entire soul is like i cannot take on new narratives. i keep thinking there are all these shows i would totally be up for watching but i just cannot take on a whole narrative right now with new characters and new worlds and…

The Derivative Chapter 3: Balance

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 2 

I trudged into my grandfather's house and ungracefully collapsed on the sofa. Charlie who was doing work on the coffee table looked over at me with an amused expression. “Hello” 

“Hello” I murmured, my arm draped over my face. 

“School that bad huh?” Charlie asked. 

“High school sucks when you’re a genius” I declared exasperatedly thinking back to the extensive argument I had with my english teacher over the wording of a phrase. 

“High school sucks for almost everybody” Charlie sighed continuing to work. 

Moments later I heard my grandfather enter the room so I sat up. “Hey” he greeted us both with a nod but gave me a confused look “I didn’t think you were coming here today. Not that I’m not glad to see you” he quickly added the last bit.

I shrugged and gave a small smile “got a text from Don while I was in class telling me to come here today and he cleared it with the school so I could get on the bus. Here I am” 

“Guess that means he’ll be working late” Alan muttered then looked to Charlie again who was shifting papers trying to cover some of his work “no classes today?” he inquired of the mathematician. 

“Nah” Charlie objected. 

“You working on something for Don?” Alan asked, eyeing his son's work. 

“It’s a um.. It’s a genetics project” Charlie answered “for a… for a friend in the bio department actually.” 

“A he or a she?” Alan asked as he adjusted the jacket he’d just put on. 

“Huh?” Uncle C looked to his father in confusion. 

“Your friend. Male or female?” Alan clarified and I rolled my eyes. 

“Does it matter?” Charlie scoffed with mild annoyance. 

“No, of course not I was just curious.” Alan murmured “I just thought maybe, you know…” Alan trailed, finishing his thought with a pointed look rather than words. 

“Well, listen. Dad, whenever I have a girlfriend, I will let you know by, um” Charlie paused a moment ”by putting a note on the refrigerator” I scoffed as Charlie chuckled.

“Good. Well, that’s nice.” Alan muttered then glanced up at me “what about you, any social progress?” 

I rolled my eyes laying back down on the couch “I don’t have any friends let alone romantic entanglements” 

“Touche” Alan scoffed “though you should try and work on that” 

“I hear that a lot,” I grumbled. 

Alan hummed in reply as he headed for the door. “Uh, where you going right now?” Charlie asked. 

“My book club” Alan replied easily. 

“Mm-hmm and where’s that?” Charlie asked. I rolled my head to look over at my uncle, curious as to why he was so curious. 

“Phil’s house.” Gramps explained “Raymond Avenue. You keeping track of me?” 

“No” Charlie chuckled “I’m just curious” 

“Oh” Alan muttered and gave me a look I just shrugged. 

Charlie reopened his laptop as Alan left. Though I notice him shifting his things slightly to block my view. I sat up slowly “genetics project right? About what?” I reached out to turn the laptop around. 

“No!” the man quickly snapped smacking my hand lightly with his pencil to ward me off as he closed the device quickly. “Just don’t look at that,” he said quickly. 

“Why not?” I questioned. 

“It’s uh… it’s my friends research” he spoke frantically as he gathered up his things “and- and they don’t want anyone else really looking at it alright so I’ll just- I’ll just go work somewhere else” He’d gathered up all his things in a frantic cluster and scurried from the room. 

“Okay then” I muttered looking after him. He was hiding something, that was obvious. However, I didn’t care that much to snoop around right now. So I laid back down on the couch for a well deserved after school nap. 

____________

“So what? Traffic downtown’s always terrible.” Gramps defended as Don and Charlie attempted to deter him from going to volunteer. 

“Well it’s worse than usual” Don explained, “There's a Sig Alert because of an accident on the 2, and you’ll blow your whole day in the car.” 

“Well it’s not like I’ll be alone. I'll have Abby with me to chat” Alan said looking back at me from where I was reading on the floor. 

“What?” I asked, perplexed. 

“You’re coming to help me. We talked about it yesterday” Alan explained then sighed as I continued to give him a blank look “you know you may remember everything you read but speaking to you it’s in one ear and out the other” I just shrugged in response, taking a bite of my apple snack and looking back to the book I was reading. 

“And also downtown there’s that, uh…? Charlie looked to his brother for help and they began to talk over each other. 

“Yeah, there’s that protest march” Don explained. 

“Over on uh…” Charlie again teetered off as Don spoke more. 

“It’s a big deal they’re expecting thousands of people” 

“It’s a big deal” Charlie reiterated “meanwhile you could be doing something fun. Hey, hey like I don’t know you could go bowling” everyone in the room turned to the youngest Eppes man in mild confusion. 

“Bowling?” Alan questioned then sighed “Abby come on” he gestured and I rose from my place sitting reluctantly. 

“Or golf” Don spoke quickly “you keep saying you’re going to play golf.” I slid past the brothers “it’s a beautiful day for a round or two” 

“It’s been two years since I retired,” Gramps told them “and almost a year since your mother died. Now I’m finding there are certain things I would like to do with my life. And one of them is to volunteer where people need me and another to spend time with my lovely granddaughter” he rested a hand on my shoulder “I’ve made, and though she might not remember it, Abby made a commitment to be someplace today and if that means sitting in my car, fine. But I’m certainly not going to skip out to go golfing or bowling” Alan started to lead me toward the door. 

“What if we told you…” Charlie began

“Charlie” Don interrupted his brother with a warning tone repeating his name multiple times as he continued to speak.

“There’s a really good reason you shouldn’t.” Charlie finished. 

Don shot him a glare but his eyes flashed to meet mine before softening as he looked back to his brother. 

“Well clearly there’s something you’re not telling us” Alan inferred. 

“Does it have to do with the math Uncle C tried to hide from me?” I asked softly and the brother’s exchanged a look. Charlie’s looking rather apologetic. 

“That you can’t tell us,” Gramps clarified. “But you don’t want us to go downtown?” 

“Yeah” Don finally voiced “I think it’s a good idea not to go downtown. Okay? Can we leave it at that?” 

Alan paused for a moment and I looked at each of the men “well I’ll take your concerns under consideration.” With that he turned and headed toward the kitchen. 

There was a beat of silence and I let off a breath “you know I really hate secrets” I muttered, shooting a look at Don who opened his mouth to respond but before he could I had turned to leave the room I heard him sigh in defeat as I walked away. 

_________

3rd POV. 

Don sighed as Abby stormed off abandoning whatever feeble excuse he was about to make. “Wish we could tell dad and Abby not to leave the house for a couple weeks.” Charlie voiced. 

“Right. Well, good luck with that.” Don muttered in annoyance “I may be new at this parenting thing but even I can guess that quarantining a sixteen year old girl isn’t going to work.” 

“I’ve gone months without leaving the house in the past” Charlie explained “and it’s not like Abby has friends to visit” 

Don scoffed “yeah guess her being antisocial does help with this” Don let off a breath trying to quell the balloon of anxiety that was his parental instincts before they exploded. Charlie shrugged slightly and Don found even the gesture annoying right now with his younger brother “bowling” he muttered turning to leave. 

“Yeah bowling” Charlie called after him, agitation also apparent in his voice. 

Don headed into the house after his daughter, he found her in his old room with her nose in a book. “Listen,” he began “I don’t want you going to the shelter with your grandfather alright and that’s the end of it” 

“No it’s not” Abby objected, snapping her book closed and sitting up “if I want to go help people I can. Especially since Gramps already said I could and so did you before you started acting all weird and keeping stuff from me.” 

“Abby it’s not my choice to keep things from you” Don explained carefully “but with my line of work there are certain things that I can’t talk about. Now I’m your father you have to do what I say and I say you’re not going to that shelter.” 

“Bullshit” Abby spat angrily, getting to her feet. “You can’t expect me to just listen to you without an explanation. I’m not some mindless drone” 

Don took a deep breath trying to keep his anger down “I know what’s best for you Abby so just shut up and listen to me alright? You’re not going and that is final” 

“Yeah right” Abby practically snarled “and I suppose you’re going to be around to stop me? You’ll just be at work while I’m dumped here and you know it. Father my ass you’re barely a supervisor” with that she shoved past him and out of the room. 

Don didn’t bother to stop her or go after her this time. They both needed time to cool down. He let off an aggravated growl and plopped onto the bed. She had a point he had been working a lot lately. Still, he knew going downtown was a bad idea. The last thing he wanted was for her to get sick. His stomach churned at the idea of her ending up like the victims he had seen in the hospital. Why couldn’t she just listen to him? He let off a breath as his phone beep. He was needed back at the office. So he rose and headed out he didn’t see Abby as he left but he knew they’d need to talk later. 

______________

Abby POV. 

“Have a good day” Alan murmured as he poured soup into a woman’s bowl. 

“Thank you” she nodded and shuffled down the line where I handed her a pb&j with a gloved hand.

There was a bout of loud laughter and three kids of varying ages came darting past the table. A woman followed behind yelling at them to slow down and watch where they were going. 

“I feel sorry for her” Alan voiced with a sigh “having to raise her kids in a place like this” 

Abby shrugged “it’s not a horrible place. I’ve been in worse ones” 

Alan gave her a side look “you were in a homeless shelter?” 

Abby shrugged “sometimes when the weather was bad or we were having car trouble me and my mom would stay the night in one. Came for meals quite a bit when I was younger, less the older I got but I had a lot of soup and pb&j growing up. Or mcdonalds dollar menu” 

Alan hummed and was quiet for a minute “you know your mother..” he paused seeming to collect his thoughts “and- and your father they might not always have seemed or seem like the best parents but I’m sure that Janice did the best she could for you and Don will as well” 

“I know” I replied with a slight smile at his concern “my mom just didn’t have the life skills needed to make it in the world when I was born. We managed just fine even if it wasn’t perfect. She was actually taking online classes to try and get a degree before she died” I paused thinking back on the memories. 

“Really? Well I bet with a kid like you your mother must have been a very bright woman” Alan decreed. They were quiet for a moment before Alan sighed “maybe you should have listened to your father and stayed I mean he is your father you need to listen to him” 

I sighed leaning on the table “with me and my mom it was always more of a negotiation. I was smart enough to take care of myself most of the time and she was always distracted by something. I got used to not listening. No one who gave me orders ever really had my best interest at heart before” 

“Well I can promise you that Donnie does” Gramps explained “both of you are still learning. Him how to guide a human being and you how to be guided. It’s a tricky process but I think once you both figure it out you’ll be better for it.” 

I smiled lightly “thanks Grandpa I’ll keep that in mind.” Alan nodded and turned to the next person in line. As I dwelled in my thoughts a bit. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

3rd POV. 

Abby poked at a bug with a pencil. As the creature scurried along the floor of their motel room. The door opened and the girl looked up to see her mother stumbling in. The woman let off a breath and clasped on one of the beds. 

Abby got to her feet and hurried over jumping up on the bed. “Mommy! Mommy!” The four year old exclaimed. 

“Hey kid” Janice greeted her daughter with a tired smile. “How was your day?” 

“That man came back again,” Abby informed. “He knocked on the door really loud this time” 

“Did he come in?” Janice inquired. Abby shook her head ‘no’ in response. “Good” Janice sighed and laid there for a moment in thought. “Here I got you some food” she sat up and turned to face her daughter. 

She pulled out a burger and small fry from the dollar menu of McDonalds. Abby smiled and began eating hungrily however she stopped when she saw her mother wasn’t eating. “What about you?”

Janice smiled at her daughter. “It’s alright Abbs” she reassured “I ate before I got here” 

Abby wasn’t as convinced “here” she extended her mother a couple of her fries. 

“No Abby, they're yours” Janice objected. 

“I want you to have some” the four year old replied stubbornly. 

Janice sighed and took the fries, kissing her daughter on the forehead “You’re a stubborn kid, you know that?” 

Abby giggled at that and continued to eat her small dinner. The girl had just finished and Janice was brushing her hair in the bathroom when the door slammed open. 

Abby jumped and rolled off the bed. Janice hurried out of the bathroom terrified. “That is it! You haven’t made your payments in a month! You are out of here!” The manager yelled. 

Janice begged and pleaded Abby just stood there and watched. Before she realized what happened she was standing outside with her backpack. Her mother was carrying a duffel. 

“Alright come on” Janice sighed as she took Abby’s hand and led her over to the car “we’re just going to have to find somewhere else.”

Finding somewhere else took less time than Abby expected. It had started to rain and it was getting cold. Janice pulled over and parked the car. She took Abby’s hand and locked their stuff in the vehicle leading her daughter quickly down the street and into a building. 

They were walking in among a small amount of people but there were more inside. Most had an odd assortment of clothes and layers. A lot looked old and a good portion were missing teeth. 

Janice talked to some people who were better dressed and didn’t smell as funky. Abby just clung to her mother’s leg and observed everything. Eventually they made it over to a small cot. 

Janice laid down and took off her jacket. Abby laid down next to her and Janice tucked her in. Abbs snuggled up close to her mother who began to sing softly to her. Until she finally fell asleep. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Best peanut butter sandwich has bananas on it” I decreed as me and Gramps walked through the door of the house. 

“Now that is normal,” Alan sighed. 

“Yeah so is popcorn” I pointed out. 

“Not-” 

“Hey” Charlie cut Alan off with his greeting as he came walking into the room “where’ve you been?” 

“Uh bowling” Alan replied sarcastically giving me a look. 

“Really?” Charlie questioned with mild surprise. 

“No, of course not.” Gramps objected with a chuckle “we were downtown at the shelter” Alan picked up the mail to go through it as Charlie’s face fell slightly. I meandered over to the living room to take a seat. 

“Dad..” Charlie started. 

“Well, no one else seems worried about being there,” Alan explained. 

“Plus it was a good day” I commented looking over the back of the chair. 

“That’s because they didn’t know,” Charlie voiced. 

“Didn’t know what you wouldn’t tell me?” Alan pointed out to his son. 

“He’s got you there” I decreed and my uncle gave me an exasperated look “what? You didn’t honestly think I’d take your side. Secrets suck” 

“Look,” Gramps continued drawing back Charlie’s disappointed stare “if everybody can be down there, why can’t me and Abby? I got this fuzzy feeling you and your brother have been going downtown too. Huh, am I right?” 

“Okay.” Charlie conceded following his father around the house. “But we were- we were worried about you two” the young man tried to explain. “Do you understand?” 

“Look, Charlie, your brother puts himself on the line every day on that job of his.” Gramps spoke as they came toward where I was sitting “don’t you think I’m worried about him? Huh? But I know how vital that job is to him.” Alan sat down in the seat across from me. Continuing to talk to his son “you’ve been helping him out quite a bit lately haven’t you?” 

Charlie nodded with a strained smile. “You know I could help too if he’d let me,” I muttered. 

“We’ve talked about this Abby” Gramps told me with a look before turning to his son again “you know what I’m really proud of? I’m proud that I’ve raised two sons. Well, we’ve raised two sons who have a great sense of public service. And a granddaughter who’s joined us with, however misguided, a want to serve as well.” Charlie and I both smiled at the sentiment before Grandpa descended into a fit of coughs.

“You okay?” Charlie asked worry drenching his voice. 

“Huh? Yeah sure it’s just a cough” Alan waved it away putting on his glasses to read. 

“Be careful it’s, uh.. It’s flu season” Charlie advised. 

“Yeah, well, don’t worry about me. I never get the flu” Gramps objected. 

“I’ve never gotten it either” I voiced thinking back “had strep once that sucked, never the flu” Alan hummed in acknowledgement as Charlie shifted uncomfortably. “You good Uncle C?” I asked. 

“Yeah, yeah” Charlie nodded, straightening slightly “I just got, uh, some, uh work to get back to” he murmured before leaving the room. 

“He’s acting weirder than normal” I voiced. 

“Ah it’ll blow over” Alan assured. 

“I bet Don’s going to be pissed that I went to the shelter today,” I advised. 

“Don’t worry about it” Alan told me “go get a book. I’ll take the heat on this one” 

“Thanks gramps” I smiled at him slightly before rising from my seat and heading upstairs. 

_________

3rd POV. 

“Hey you good?” Terry asked, tapping her partner on the shoulder as he sat staring at the board. 

“Yeah” Don muttered “just worried Abby and my dad went and volunteered downtown at some shelter and you know I just keep thinking..” he sighed “that first victim was a sixteen year old kid.” 

“And now you have your own sixteen year old kid” Terry finished the man’s obvious thought. Don nodded “did you tell her not to go” 

“Best I could with the reason being classified” the man explained “she just got mad I wasn’t giving her a reason, threw the fact that I work all the time in my face and stormed off” 

“Well she is still a teenager. They’re like that sometimes” Terry explained with some levity in her features 

“This was different though” Don explained “I mean I can gather enough to realize Abby hasn’t had a lot of great authority figures in her past I mean she didn’t even think we’d be worried when she disappeared on her birthday. Still..” Don trailed biting his lip slightly. 

“You’re trying Don” Terry reassured “you’re still figuring out how to be a dad and she’s still figuring out how to be a daughter. It’s not something that’s just going to click overnight even father’s who raised their daughters have issues. But if anyone’s stubborn enough and strong enough to get through these issues it’s you and her.” 

“Yeah” Don sighed “I’m just not used to feeling like this. I mean every moment of peace I have there’s this buzzing in the back of my head now of whether Abby’s alright or not. Been trying to keep myself from texting her or calling her, not that she’s in a great mood with me enough to answer” 

“That’s okay Don” Terry advised him “well maybe not text and call her every five minutes but it’s okay to be worried. She’s your daughter your natural instincts are to protect her” 

“Maybe” Don muttered “but how do I protect her from something I can’t even fight” 

Terry gave him a sad look but held no answers when David suddenly popped his head into the room “they pulled some footage from the bus terminal that we’ve got to see” he told them urgently and the pair quickly got up to follow him. Don pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind. 

_________

Abby POV. 

“So how are you two guys doing?” Gramps asked as Don came out onto the back patio where we were eating. “Well, you seem so much more relaxed than the last couple of days” 

“Probably closed the stupid case they couldn’t talk about” I muttered taking a bit of my chili. I could see Don giving me a look out of the corner of my eye. 

“Yeah, I’d say, uh, we’re doing pretty okay now.” my father sighed sitting down next to his brother. “And we did finish our project” he gave me a nod. He paused, eyeing the beer in his hand “think I might get my first good night’s sleep in about a week.” 

“I’m glad it’s over” Charlie sighed. 

“You know, I thought I’d let you know that I’m gonna be working down at the shelter next week” Alan explained and turned to me “and if you would like to join me again you can. Though this time you might want to write it down so you’ll remember” 

“Very funny” I muttered “and yes I’d like to.” I paused “if that’s okay with you Don” I felt weird asking permission but I knew it was a good idea. 

“Yeah, I think it’s okay now.” Don agreed. Seeming just as hesitant to give a reply to the question. 

Alan looked between us and sighed “you know one of the hardest parts about being a parent?” he looked between us all “finding balance” he declared. I looked over at Don and gave him a light smile and he returned it. “Well I’ll see you three later. I’m gonna be going with Art Stanley” 

“Uh-oh. What are you two up to?” Charlie asked. 

“Bowling” Alan declared. Charlie grinned as me and Don began to chuckle. “After the fuss you made, I thought I’d give it a try” 

“Don’t throw out your back” I muttered.

“Ha ha very funny” Alan murmured. “And don’t you still have homework in the living room?” I groaned in annoyance “uh-huh come on” Alan gestured for me to follow him into the house. 

I let off a breath and rose from my seat bowl in hand. “I hate homework” 

“Necessary evil kid” Don advised “now go get it done and then maybe we can do something fun tomorrow” 

“Fun?” I asked intrigued.

“Yeah you know the two of us” Don clarified “since I’ve been working a lot lately I thought maybe it’d help with the balance you know?” 

I smiled “yeah okay”

“You know what you two should do?” Charlie voiced with a smirk. 

“If you say bowling I’m going to deck you” Don muttered, taking a swig of his drink as I headed into the house laughing.  

Chapter 4 -> 

Learn Something New Everyday #2

My brother likes the drink the London Fog. It’s a hot tea drink he says I should try it.

Learn Something New Everyday

Today I learned that my coworkers will do just about anything if the managers offer free food.

—this is something new I’m trying to do for 2021 where I’ll be posting something new I’ve learned each day. I’m going to try to keep up with it. Some of these things will be little, some might be personal, and some might be stupid but it’s just something to remind myself to be active each day and think about the information I receive. Tell me what you think—

bedtime is a very difficult.

The Derivative  Chapter 2: Shots

Chapter 1<- 

I stared across the darkened classroom at my blinders. They were perched in captivity on my history teachers desk. Stolen away from me and promised release upon the end of class today. The teacher himself was blathering on about something that I didn’t find important about how history continues on today. It seemed rather a redundant point to make. Of course we were living history I mean at one point every person we learn about in history had been in their present time.

There was movement in the corner of my vision and I turned to see Mr. Hopkins had turned on the tv in the room. “...let’s see what’s on the news nowadays as an example.” after flipping past a couple static filled channels Hopkins finally found the news station he was looking for.

I was about to turn back to my thoughts when I caught what the reporter was saying “This is a live breaking report from the channel 8 news. Flying over Central Los Angeles Savings Bank. I can see multiple people lying on the ground. One appears to be a federal agent several bystanders also seemed to have been injured in the crossfire, where the shoot out between federal agents and suspected bank robbers is in progress...”

I felt like ice water had just been pumped through my veins. I froze completely in shock. I remembered back to just the other night when Don had asked Charlie for help tracking bank robbers. Could it be the same robbers? Could Don be in the shootout? Was he injured? The class continued to watch through a car explosion and more gun fire and more cops arriving. Even into the aftermath.

“I’m receiving confirmation that three people were killed in his tragic incident one of which being an FBI agent. ” The bell rang and Hopkins turned off the tv. Seeming only to have been half listening. Most of the students in the class only seemed to be half listening.

I however was shaking. I was terrified. What if it was Don? What if he was dead? Shot down in front of a bank. I swallowed the lump in my throat rising from my desk with the rest of my classmates. I sweeped by the teacher’s desk and rescued my blinders before heading into the hallway.

My next class didn’t seem at all important as I ducked into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I pulled out my phone and speed dialed my father’s number. He didn’t pick up. I tried again. More of the same. I tried Alan; he didn’t answer either nor did Charlie. I repeated Don, Alan, Charlie. No one would pick up their phone. After hearing my father’s voice mail for the fifth time. I pocketed my cell and grabbed my backpack.

The hallway was clear as the final class of the day had already started. I headed straight for the exit. I was going to catch a bus to Alan’s house and get some answers. I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

“Abby Calvin” the voice spoke. I turned to see none other than the school principal smiling down on me with a fake grin. “Skipping class are we?”

“Sir I was-”

He held up a hand “this is the third time in the last two weeks you’ve skipped a class. It’s not happening again, come on” he led me to the office.

The rest of my time at school was taken up by me being talked at by the principal. I tried to explain what was happening multiple times. He wouldn’t hear it and I was given a note for Don to read when I got home. My stomach churned as I imagined him shot to death in front of a bank. I quickly banned the image and beat my imagination into submission.

I tried each of the men I called family again twice on the bus before I was let off at the apartment building. I hurried up to my and Don’s apartment and let myself in. I threw my backpack on the couch and turned on the news grasping for any information that it might tell me.

As I sat watching the various unrelated news streams and casters talking about things I could care less about. I felt a sharp pain hit my head like a rock and with a blink I suddenly wasn’t sitting on the couch in Don’s living room.

I was crouched by a fire. I could hear the rain. People were talking all around me, there was music, laughing. Then there were shots. They echoed loudly in-

I stood and shook my head like it was wet. Pushing away the intrusive memory. I grabbed my binders out of my pocket putting them on and taking multiple deep breaths to try and calm down. I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want to think about her.

_________________ 3rd POV.

Don sighed sitting down on his desk and pinching the bridge of his nose. Tonight was not going well for him. His arm hurt and his head hurt. Worse he had just gotten back from talking to Agent McKnight's parents at their hotel. Nothing hurt worse than the look on McKnight’s mother's face when he told her what happened.

“I should be looking at mugshots, right?” Don voiced to Terry who was at her own desk nearby.

“Did you get a good look?” she inquired.

“Yeah, definitely” the man muttered in reply. Just then his phone rang. He pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID. It was Abby he was about to answer it.

“Agent Eppes.” Don turned to see the forensic scientist had appeared nearby. “That piece of evidence you found at the scene. We know what it is”

“Excellent” he told her and glanced back at his phone declining the call from his daughter and making a note to call her back once he got a chance. Then him and Terry followed the scientist down to her lab. ________________________ Don reached the door to his apartment and began digging for his keys with a sigh. This case had taken a major turn and it was really late. He wasn’t here to rest though he was here to pick up Abby and take her to his father’s house. Alan could watch over her while Don worked late at the office on this case. As he turned the knob of the door he grimaced at the shot of pain his arm gave him. Then he entered his apartment and heard the immediate stomping of feet running to the door.

“What the hell were you thinking!?”

It took the FBI agent a moment to register the unexpected outburst to be coming from his daughter. “What?” he asked, confused.

“You were getting shot at!” Abby yelled walking up to him. “It was all over the news! An agent was shot and another was dead and I didn’t know who was who because you wouldn’t pick up your goddamn cell phone!” she yelled.

Don thought back to all the times he had dismissed her calls that day. He hadn’t thought anything about it at the time. However now he realized how stupid it had been not to let her know he was alright. “I’m sorry Abby I-”

“You could have been dead for all I knew!” she cut him off “and where would that have left me? Huh?” Her voice broke.

“Abby I risk my life everyday” Don explained trying to keep his voice level and calming.

“I know but you can’t just act like I’m supposed to be okay with it or just leave me in the dark to suffer you unbelievable jerk” she shoved him harshly in her anger.

“Abby. Abby. Abby!” Don tried to get her attention to make her calm down as she whacked at his chest and struggled against him in anger.

“I already lost my mom, I can’t lose you to Dad!”

Both parties froze at her last outburst. The anger in Abby’s face faded as she realized what she had said. “You just called me Dad” Don muttered.

“No no I said Don” Abby objected.

“No you said Dad” Don countered a small smile threatening his face. Despite the circumstance it was the first time she had ever called him that.

“No I said Don” the girl muttered.

“You called me Dad” Don let off a light chuckle.

“Oh shut up you stupid sperm donor” Abby grumbled as he pulled her into a hug.

“Are you done yelling now?” he inquired. Abby nodded into his chest. “Then listen cause the truth is I’m sorry I should have told you I was alright rather than just leaving you in the dark. I just- I’m still figuring out this father thing alright. We both are and I’m sorry but risking my life and possibly getting shot at is my job” Abby squeezed him tighter “but I will make this promise to you though. For every moment I am alive I will be fighting to make it back here to you. Alright?”

“Alright” Abby nodded as they stepped apart. “Donald”

Don sighed “Dad things not staying huh?”

“I wouldn’t bet on it” Abby replied with a smirk that mirrored her fathers.

“And here I was actually liking the idea of being called Dad” Don murmured. They both chuckled lightly. _______________________ Abby POV.

Me and Don pulled up outside Gramp's house and loaded out of the truck. Alan came out to meet us near immediately with a look of concern clear on his face. “Donnie, you all right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. It’s fine- ow! Ow!” he exclaimed as his father touched his injured arm. “Look it’s just, my arm’s a little sore.” he addressed the blatant concern on Alan’s face. “I got a- a scrape during an incident.”

I rolled my eyes at the lame excuse coming over to their side of the driveway. “A scrape? From what?”

“Well, a bullet, if you have to know” Don muttered with a sarcasm very much like my own.

“A bullet oh my g-” Alan exclaimed immediately.

Don quickly spoke over him “but it’s not… dad, please listen to me, okay?Just relax. We had an arrest go bad, and we lost an agent, okay? And three people died”

“It was all over the news” I added “check your voicemail I left messages”

“My word” gramps breathed out in shock.

“Now I’m dropping this one off and looking for Charlie. Where is he?” Don questioned.

“He’s out in the garage with Larry.” the other man informed. “He’s upset. I can see why now.”

“What’s he doing in the garage?” Don asked, confused. I had to admit I was confused as well last I heard they only used the garage for storage and laundry.

“He’s just working on that problem. You know.” Alan spoke directly to Don. “the problem he can never solve.”

“The P vs. P thing?” Don inquired.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s the one.” gramps nodded.

“Aw man” Don groaned in aggravation. I got the sense there was more going on here than I was privy to.

“Wait do you mean P vs. NP?” I looked between the two men. “The millennium prize problem?”

Neither seemed to be listening to me as Don started trucking toward the house. “Where are you going?” Alan called after him.

“I got to talk to him.” the son replied “I need a new equation”

Alan seemed as though he wanted to say more but Don had already disappeared into the house. “What’s the problem with Charlie working on P vs. NP?” I asked.

Alan sighed and looked to the ground “It’s not Charlie working on the problem that’s well the problem Abby. It’s why” I thought on it for a moment but was still not sure what he was saying. “Come on” he finally spoke up. “I’m assuming you haven’t had any kind of dinner yet” I nodded and followed my grandfather inside. ________________ 3rd POV.

Don came storming into the kitchen from talking to Charlie. It was aggravating after everything that happened with McKnight and the shootings. Charlie should be motivated to stop these guys but instead he just such down. Don was a kind of frustrated that only his little brother could make him whether it was rational or not and he knew it.

“Are you okay?” Don turned to see Abby perched sitting cross legged on the kitchen island. She was eyeing him quizzically.

“Yeah” he answered immediately “no.” he answered honestly “been better” he finally decided to go with. Abby nodded and bit her lip in a way that for half second made Don feel like he was looking in a mirror before he brushed the thought away “what are you doing in here?”

“Thinking” the girl replied honestly holding up her blinders which the man could infer she had just removed. “Gramps and your partner Terry are in the living room. She’s nice. I thanked her for the books she got me for my birthday.”

Don nodded and let out a breath feeling his irritation slowly ebbing away “yeah I’ve known Terry for a long time”

“Really?” the girl inquired.

“Yeah about ten years. We met in the academy” he explained.

“FBI academy?” she quizzed further.

“Yeah” Don nodded and a small grin came to his face “what you think I learned all this on the streets. Trial by fire style?”

Abby laughed slightly. “Well I don’t know I’ve only known a real FBI agent for the upside of a month”

Don scoffed and looked to his shoes. “Yeah”

“Is Charlie helping with this bank robbing case still?” Abby inquired, glancing toward the backdoor through which Don supposed she must have been able to hear the shouting.

“Apparently not” Don grumbled. “All he wants to do is work on the stupid P vs. P thing he’s completely shut down.”

“I can’t really blame him for being worried” she stated “and neither can you Don. You could have died and Charlie’s the one who sent you to the bank where the shooting happened.”

Don sighed and looked at his daughter quizzically “yeah I know but like I told you it’s my job to get shot at and I can’t change that. The more he helps though the less likely it is for that to happen and he just doesn’t want to help”

Abby looked like she was about to respond when the door to the kitchen opened and Terry stepped in “hey Don sorry to interrupt but we have to get back to the office.”

“Yeah coming” the man replied to his partner. Then turned to his daughter “I’ll see you later kid”

“Bye Don” the girl replied.

Don nodded and followed Terry out of the kitchen. Thinking in the back of his mind that he really wished she would have said Dad. __________________ Abby POV.

I walked slowly down the stairs of the house heading for the living room. Two books in hand that I wanted to read. I was mildly preoccupied with my own thoughts to the point that I didn’t realize Charlie had returned from the garage until I was about to turn the corner. I paused out of sight of the two men in the living room as the younger spoke.

“Dad. I’ve been working on a problem.” he explained “P vs. NP, it can’t be solved.”

“I think you knew that when you started” Alan replied wisely flipping through his paper.

“I could work on it forever, constantly pushing forward, still never reaching an end.” Charlie admitted. I bit my lip realizing I shouldn’t be listening in on this conversation however my feet wouldn’t move from the place they had planted themselves.

“You know, sometimes you want to think that things don’t end.” gramps mused “but they do.”

“When mom was sick I couldn’t stop working on it.” Charlie’s voice was breaking and I felt something clench in my chest. I had gathered enough knowledge about Margaret Eppes, my grandmother, to know she had died of cancer about a year ago. None of them really talked about it in excess. It was still fresh in their minds. Like my mom’s death and the state of mourning it procured were still fresh in mine.

“Yeah. I know.” Alan spoke to Charlie gently. “I didn’t get it. Uh, not then. And your brother sure doesn’t understand why you spent the last three months of your mother’s life working on a math problem.” I shifted on my feet listening despite my growing urge to leave “But Charlie, you mother she understood why. Because she knew how your mind worked.”

I finally pried myself off the wall and left the house. I wandered through the yard to the garage. My mom knew how my mind worked to. Even though she couldn’t think like I did she always understood why I behaved like I did. She knew what was in my head. _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ 3rd POV.

Abby sat another book on her already read pile. Grabbing a new one from her, going to read pile. She had just opened the cover when there was a clearing of the throat from the entrance to the small nook she had claimed in the back of the library.

She looked up to see her mother standing there, arms crossed. “Busted huh?” The girl asked. 

“Uh huh” the mom responded. Removing her purse from her shoulder she sat down across from her 14 year old on the floor. “I got another call from the school. You know most moms when their kid ditches don’t check the library first.”

“But you know better” Abby commented with a smirk.

“Yeah I do kid but you still have to stop skipping school even if it is to go read books” Janice stated.

“But the classes are pointless and boring” Abby objected. “They want to either put me in the need help classes because of my spotty elementary school education or in equally boring regular courses and then are shocked when I ace it all” Abby explained adamantly. “It’s patronizing”

Janice sighed “I know I asked again about the advanced courses but they are still sticking to their plan” 

“If they’d just give me the chance I could show them” Abby muttered.

“You’re a brilliant girl Abbs one day people will see that” Janice reassured. “But you still have to go to school” Abby groaned “Hey, hey it’s not just about the school work maybe you could make some friends. You know you can’t hide in the library forever. Eventually you will run out of books. Especially at the rate you read” 

Abby nodded “yeah I know. But people are well… people” 

Janice smiled slightly “yeah they tend to be like that. What are you reading there?” 

Abby glanced down at her book. “I don’t know haven’t started it yet” 

Janice smiled “alright then you read I’m going to grab a computer and do some of my school work for my new online classes” 

“Mrs. Wiat wasn’t kidding about homework never ending was she?” Abby commented as Janice got to her feet the woman chuckled lightly with her daughter. _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_ Abby POV.

I was sitting in the garage with my blinders on just absently thinking when I heard someone else walk in. I raised up the blinders to see it was Charlie. He plopped down in the chair nearby and grabbed his laptop.

After a moment he glanced up at me “Abby’s why are you sitting on the floor?”

I shrugged “it’s comfortable”

The man wasn't interested in discussing the topic. “So your millenium problem.” I gestured to all the boards around us. “Are you going to keep working on it?”

Charlie froze in the typing he had been doing. “I don’t know but, it can wait”

“And Don can’t” I finished his thought. Charlie nodded slightly and continued on his computer. I half wanted to talk to him about my mother for some reason. As I felt he might understand. I wanted to tell him that my mom got it too. However, I didn’t want to reveal that I had overheard him earlier, nor did I want to upset him. “The numbers are easy aren’t they?” I finally voiced after a moment “easier than people anyway. Answers to questions and a solid foundation. Easy to hide in.”

“Yeah” Charlie breathed in response and looked up at me “but we can’t hide in the numbers forever can we?”

“Nope” I muttered, popping the p. We were silent for a moment with the exception of Charlie’s mouse clicking.

Then Larry, Charlie’s friend and fellow CalSci professor, entered the garage. “Well,” he voiced upon his arrival, “I was heartened to hear that you’ve shifted your focus off P vs. NP.” he meandered further into the garage “So tell me what is it that I can help you with?”

“I failed” Charlie admitted and I snapped my attention back to him. “I failed to notice something significant. These robberies display certain highly eccentric characteristics.”

“Okay” Larry murmured, taking a seat on my other side a top some stuff “well how so?”

“Many were conducted in under two minutes, but in many cases,” Charlie explained “the perpetrators remained on the premises far longer despite having the money. Why would they wait around?”

“Don’t know.” the cosmologist replied “leaving quickly would seem to be the essential strategy when fleeing a felony.”

“Or any kind of crime” I added. “It’s risky cops could show up”

“You see this game, Larry? Abby?” Charlie pivoted his computer screen to show he had been playing Minesweeper. “You have to clear mines without blowing any up. Each time you’ve cleared a square, a numerical value is revealed. That number tells you exactly how many squares containing mines are directly adjacent to the square. This allows you to predict where the next mine will be located. And then the more boxes revealed, the more accurately one can predict the location of the mines.” he finished explaining the game and then continued with its relevance “the pattern used in these bank robberies is similar to this same type of problem-solving pattern. These robbers have used the banks they’ve been robbing to tell them which ones to rob next.”

“To what end would criminals be playing Minesweeper with banks?” Larry posed the same question rattling in my brain.

“I don’t know,” Charlie admitted.

“Are they using it to find high cash sums.” I suggested.

“No the takes varied, some as low as one hundred dollars.” Charlie objected thinking.

“Well then you’ll have to gather more information on your robbers” I pointed out “see what they’re after.”

“Information” Charlie murmured then quickly stood up closing his laptop with a snap. “I have to go.” with that he had dashed from the barn.

“It seems you’ve inspired him young Abigail,” Larry sighed.

“Don’t call me Abigail please” I asked the professor “and I don’t know what I did to inspire him”

Larry made a humming noise as I got up from my seat on the floor. “Well does it matter how in the grand scheme of things really?” he asked philosophically. “Whether you meant to inspire him or not it is still the outcome” I nodded lightly in agreement. “So if not Abigail what would you prefer to be called?”

“Abby” I stated thinking it was rather obvious considering everyone else just called me Abby.

Larry let out another humming noise. “You know you are quite a unique being”

“Thanks” I murmured not sure where he was going with this.

“You have a mind such as your uncles but your traits portray your father in quite a respect for you only having known both for a month. A true statement of nature versus nurture” Larry observed “you are an enigma”

“Okay” I sighed “then call me the enigma”

Larry nodded and stood up “very well then” and with that he left the garage. I hoped he realized I wasn’t being serious. _______________ “Here you go, Pop.” Charlie called walking out of the kitchen with a bowl in his hands. “I got it.” he sat it down “now you got it.”

“Thank you,” Alan replied.

“Spoon” Charlie stated holding up the utensil.

I scoffed “I think he knows what a spoon is Uncle C”

My uncle gave me a look and messed up my hair with a small shove like gesture as he went to sit down next to me. He didn’t sit however as just then the main door opened. “Hello” my father called.

“Donnie!” Alan greeted getting to his feet. “Wow, it’s good to see you.”

“Oh, you guys ate. I’m starving” Don voiced coming into the dining room.

“Ah there’s plenty come on” Alan objected quickly.

“Yeah?” the agent clarified “did Terry call, tell you guys what happened?”

“Yeah, she said you arrested every suspect.” Charlie informed shuffling back toward the kitchen. “Only one shot fired, huh?”

“That’s impressive.” I mused “snipers are cool.” Don gave me a look as he made his way to the seat at the head of the table “sniper math is cool” I emphasized pointedly.

“One? How’d you pull that off?” Alan inquired.

“We knew roughly where’d they’d try to hit the next shipment,” Don explained as Charlie disappeared to get him some food. While I turned back to consuming mine. “And I knew they’d have an escape plan.”

“That’s very clever.” Gramps declared digging into his dinner.

“Out thinking the bad guys” I voiced “that’s got to be fun”

“Keep talking like that and someone might think you want to join the FBI” Don muttered giving me a look.

I shrugged and held up my hands in a defensive gesture “hey I don’t even know what I’m doing once I escape high school” I explained “don’t go pegging me to early”

“And I don’t think I can take two members of the family dodging bullets for a career” Alan voiced.

“Yeah well, I guess I was inspired by Mr. Heisenberg” Don continued as he went to grab a beer in the kitchen. “Just like Charlie here suggested”

“Heisenberg?” Alan gave Charlie a perplexed look. “You mean, the physicist?”

“Yeah” Don called in reply.

I chuckled lightly as Charlie took the seat next to me “Don goes to confront a bunch of crazy and armed bank robbers and your pep talk is about the movement of subatomic particles?”

“Yep” Charlie replied simply. Me and Alan exchanged an amused look. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yes” Alan replied. “I guess it did.” There was a moment as Don joined us at the table and we all turned to our food but Alan “I’m telling you,” he began “if your mother could see you two guys now, she would be… so happy” he voiced and turned to me “and Abby. She would have loved to have known you”

I smiled lightly as the brothers exchanged a look themselves. “How are you doing on your P vs. P thing?” Don inquired after a moment.

“NP?” Charlie corrected with an amused breath.

“Sorry” Don murmured.

“I’m not pursuing it anymore.” the mathematician declared.

“No?” the agent questioned.

“I got plenty of problems to work on,” Charlie explained “ones that I think I can actually solve.”

Don nodded “Glad to hear it.” The two clinked their glasses and Alan raised his. I grabbed my glass of water as well and we all knocked glasses in the center taking a sip. As normal table conversation resumed. I found myself smiling. I was among family.

Chapter 3 -> 

while i get and agree with the fact that gay people should probably play gay people and gay stories are best written by gay people, the fervor to prove that “straight people shouldn’t play gay characters!!” is what the interviewer used to forcibly out lee pace so like

idk maybe slow your roll and realize that like… actors can be closeted, content creators can be closeted, and tbh this “you can only write your own experiences, never write someone else’s” rhetoric is also a bigot’s fucking wet dream?? like the perfect excuse to never write diverse characters?? and to say that they have nothing in common with people who don’t look/love/exist the same way as them??

yeah, the author of simon vs the homo sapien’s agenda is a cis straight woman, which means love, simon (though directed by a married gay man with multiple gay characters played by gay/bi actors) is based on a novel written by a straight woman… but this straight woman literally ends her book acknowledging the LGBT teens who helped her write the book and make sure she was writing it appropriately.

this is the content we want

listen… EVERY SINGLE piece of media EVER involves some level of writing about experiences that are not your own, especially if it’s diverse. even bland stories just about white people involves an author writing about genders that are not their own. if you want a story with characters of color, white authors are going to have to write about those perspectives. if you want gay characters in every story, straight authors are gonna have to write about those perspectives. even LGBT narratives might involve gay authors writing about bi characters or cis authors writing about trans characters.

what we HOPE FOR when they do that is that they talk to people… actually belonging to those groups to learn what is and isn’t appropriate and true to life. which is what the author of simon vs the homo sapien’s agenda did.

it’s exactly what she did. she literally worked in a support group for LGBT and GNC kids, saw they did not have cute love stories written for them after they told her this, and then worked with them to give them the love story they craved.

this is a good thing. this is progress for lgbt people. this is the path we need to walk towards getting LGBT content created by LGBT authors.

when you attempt to take the ~moral ground on protesting this film, all you’re doing is telling people who fund these projects that gay products don’t sell. they don’t get the nuance of what you’re going for. and, chances are, you’re looking like a fucking hypocrite, because i can promise you most of the canon gay characters you stan profit a cishet somehow (if they’re even canon).

so, y’unno, as someone who has read simon vs the homo sapien’s agenda AND seen the fucking movie let me tell you!! it’s fine!! it’s diverse beyond having gay character, it’s written respectively, and it hit home on a lot of experiences i WISH i had as a gay teen. it’s corny, it’s silly, and it’s all i ever would have wanted at 13, 14, 15

if you don’t want to see it, just fucking say so! but don’t act like you’re doing it on moral grounds. you can just… not like a movie or not want to see it without it being some moral victory.

The Derivative Chapter 1: Sixteen

“Abbs come on time to leave” Janice called into the back room at the diner. 

“Coming” the teenager replied and grabbed her backpack from the floor. Waving bye to the diner chef she followed her mother out the door. 

Janice and Abby loaded into their small sedan. The vehicle was packed full of stuff from clothes to random bit and bobs. They practically lived out of their car for the last couple years until they settled down in the latest apartment and even then they had been hesitant to finally make the move. 

“Okay so I was thinking” Janice began as she pulled out of the parking lot. 

“Oh that’s dangerous” Abby murmured with a smirk as they drove. 

Janice shot her daughter a look. “Well in a few months you’ll be turning the beautiful age of sixteen. And I was wondering what you wanted to do to celebrate? Cause if you want something big I’ll have to start saving now. But of course if you would rather run your mouth-” 

“Hey hey hey I had to get this sarcasm somewhere” Abby pointed out.

“Yes your father” Janice replied. 

“Yes blame it on the non-existent father in my life” Abby scoffed. 

Janice sighed “alright anyway you want to have a celebration or what?” 

“I don’t know” Abby shrugged. “It’s not like I want a party or anything maybe us just hanging out?” 

“How about a picnic?” Janice suggested pulling up to a red light. Abby gave her a perplexed look. “Lay out a blanket on the floor in the apartment. Get some nice food it could be great” 

“Yeah that sounds great Mom” Abby agreed “you’re the best” 

“I try” Janice replied.

They both laughed as the light turned green. There was the sound of a blaring horn. The car filled with bright light Abby felt her mother’s hand collide with her chest. She heard the screech of brakes and the crunch of metal. 

“Mom!”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Abby!” Bang! Bang! Bang! “Come on get up! Your alarms been going for the last ten minutes!” 

I groaned in exhausted annoyance and rolled over in my blankets swatting haphazardly at the alarm on my nightstand. There was another round of banging on my bedroom door “I’m up! I’m up!” I yawned sitting up in my bed.

“Listen I got to get to work and you have to get to school so start moving” the man on the other side of my door ordered. 

“I am moving” I responded around a second yawn. 

“Yeah you totally sound awake” I heard him mutter. 

“Hey I heard that” I called and got a scoff in response as he headed on down the hallway. 

With a deep breath I got up and started getting ready. My room was pretty plain with a dresser and bed and a couple knickknacks strewn about. I’d only been living in it for a little less than a month which was quite apparent. Though I didn’t have much stuff in the first place. I threw on a t-shirt, jeans, plaid button up, and my well loved and sharpied sneakers. 

I headed downstairs with my backpack over my shoulder tossing it on the couch. My biological father was pouring himself some coffee in the kitchen. “Morning” He muttered as I began fixing myself some cereal. 

“Morning Don” I replied. 

“Listen with this case I’m working I’m probably going to be home late” he started. 

“Am I staying at Grandpa’s then?” I inquired. 

“Maybe not staying but you’ll be going there after school today” the FBI agent explained. 

“Awesome” I responded sarcastically “maybe I’ll get some decent food then” 

“Ouch” Don joked as his phone rang. He answered it and went into business mode “Eppes… yeah?” his face fell as he listened to the person on the other line “when? Where?” he checked his watch and I knowingly started eating faster. “Yeah alright I’ll be there as soon as I can… yeah” he hung up and started moving faster grabbing his things. 

“Case?” I asked, finishing my cereal and sliding my bowl into the sink. 

“Yup come on I have to get you to school and then go to a crime scene” he explained. 

“But I haven’t brushed my hair or my teeth yet” I objected standing up as he walked past me to grab his jacket. 

“Chew some gum and I don’t know, wear a hat” he offered. 

“They don’t allow hats in school” I explained, not dropping the sarcastic edge from my voice.

Don seemed rather frazzled. “Well then I don’t know what to tell you. Now come on” I sighed and grabbed my backpack as we headed out the door. “Since when do you care about your hair anyway?” 

I rolled my eyes running my fingers through my short brown hair “you’re the worst parental guardian ever” 

_____________

3rd POV. 

“Silber’s at work right now at the hospital” Terry informed as her and Don loaded into the truck. 

“Alright let’s get heading that way then” the man muttered. Pulling out of the FBI car lot. 

They drove for only a couple seconds before Terry spoke up again. “So you were late to the crime scene this morning” it was a cross between a statement and a question. 

Don sighed “yeah Abby had a late start and I had to drop her at school” 

“Right being a dad’s not that easy huh?” the woman voiced. 

Don scoffed in response. “Well I don’t know if I even qualify as a dad yet.” he explained “she definitely doesn’t call me one. This morning I was dubbed the worst parental guardian ever”

“Well she called you her parent sorta” Terry offered.

Don chuckled lightly “yeah sorta” 

“Relax Don, she's a moody fifteen year old girl who just came to live with her birth father. She needs some time to adjust” the profiler explained as they turned onto the street with the hospital. 

“Sixteen this weekend actually” Don informed. 

“Really?” Terry looked to the man in surprise. “You guys doing anything? Party? Something?” 

Don shrugged “I got her a present. A ball cap.” Terry shot her partner a pointed look “what? I don’t know what teenage girls are into these days. And as for a party with what friends?” The two agents climbed out of the car in front of the large hospital. “She hates school, never really even talks to anybody.” 

“She’s gifted right? Like your brother the mathematician?” the woman inquired. 

“In a different way but yeah” Don nodded. “Took college algebra in fifth grade from what I understand and can remember anything she’s ever read. Actually she reads anything you put in her hand faster than the average person” 

“Well then it makes sense she would hate school. She’s not learning anything” Terry voiced. 

“Yeah well they won’t put her in an advanced program cuz she doesn’t have a solid school report history” Don explained “I don’t even think she was ever in the 1st or 2nd grade even” 

Terry nodded as they entered the hospital elevator “you know it might help if you actually talk to her about it.”

“Yeah” Don sighed as the doors closed. 

______________

Abby POV. 

I sat in yet another class bored out of my mind. I was two chapters ahead of my teacher and classmates in all of my classes and most of the topics they discussed I had learned about already. 

“Now the derivative is a way to show the rate of change. That is, the amount by which a function is changing at one given point. For functions that act on the real numbers, it is the slope of the tangent line at a point on a graph…” 

I tuned out my teacher and rested my head on my desk. I had positioned myself in the very back corner of the classroom as to attract the least attention from my teacher and peers. Reaching into my backpack I pulled out my blinders. My medical grade sunglasses like eye cover that I put on to block out all visual stimuli. They were given to me by a doctor that examined me for my memory while I was in the foster system. 

As I rested there isolating my mind from the world I began to dwell on the various things that rested in the back of my mind. However one topic I tended to shy away from. A topic that was getting harder to avoid. My birthday.

It was coming up and I wasn’t completely certain I wanted to do anything for it. Me and my mom had talked about how we were going to celebrate it. But she was gone now and Don. I doubted he even remembered it was coming. 

The bell rang pulling me from my thoughts. I slipped my blinders to the top of my head and grabbed my stuff. Heading for the door. “Abby” I turned to the teacher who was sitting at her desk. “Can I talk to you for a second?” 

I shifted in my path for the door and walked over to Mrs. Clive’s desk. “What do you need.” 

She gave me a look and picked up a book from her desk handing it to me. “I saw your birthday was this weekend. Got you this” 

I took the book from her and looked at it. The book was Grim Grotto by Lemony Snicket. A book I had been after since its release earlier this year. “Thank you” I murmured. 

“Ms. Rampart from the library said that you had been pestering her about it since you joined us so I figured it must be something you’re interested in” Clive informed. 

“Yeah I got hooked on it and read up to current last year,” I explained. 

“You know with the monster stories you come in here with I wouldn’t have figured you for the series of unfortunate events” Clive voiced.

I scoffed “yeah and what would you figure I’d read?” 

Clive grinned back “war and peace” 

I shrugged “read that years ago” 

The woman nodded “well go on or you’ll miss your bus” 

“Thank you Mrs. Clive, for the book” I told her. 

“You’re welcome Abby and happy birthday” she smiled. 

“Thanks” I nodded heading out of her classroom. Mrs. Clive was probably my favorite teacher at this school though she was a little too observant on some things. She always took the time to ask me how I was and never got mad at me for not paying attention in class. Of course she did get annoyed when I didn’t turn in homework on time. She knew I could do it. 

I had to jog to get to my bus on time and as I was one of the last ones on I had to sit next to some kid who was half standing on the seat turned around talking to his friend. I was thankful that my stop was quick on the route. 

Hopping off I walked up to my grandfather’s house and let myself in the front door. “Abby! Is that you?” he called. 

“Yeah gramps” I called back. 

He appeared shortly after “ah hey how was your day?” 

“Fine” I shrugged, tossing my backpack on the couch. “Is uncle Charlie here?” 

“Uh yeah upstairs I think” he replied. “You want a snack?” 

“No I'm good” I settled onto the couch and opened the book Clive had gotten me. 

“The grim grotto” Alan read aloud. “Sounds interesting” 

“Yeah it’s from Lemony Snicket's series of Unfortunate Events” I explained. 

“Seems like a light read for you” the man commented sitting down in one of the chairs nearby and picking up the paper. 

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I exclaimed exasperatedly. 

“Because you read twice as fast as the average person and have an Advanced Eiaditic memory” Alan explained. 

“It’s Advanced Eidetic” I corrected “and just because I read faster doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a small book like this” 

“If you say so” Alan sighed seemingly annoyed with me “so what’s so fascinating about this book series anyway” 

“I don’t know” I replied honestly as I shifted on the couch pulling my feet up “I guess I can relate to being bounced around all the time from place to place under unfortunate circumstances” My grandfather made a humming noise and finally ended his questioning as I turned my attention back to my book. We both returned to our normal after school reading silence. 

____________________________

“Donnie!” I heard my father’s announced arrival from gramps before I saw the man himself  

“Brisket. Must be Friday.” Don murmured as I came wandering out of the kitchen to see him.

“What’s up?” Alan inquired of his eldest son.

“I didn’t have time to drive home. Can I catch a shower here, maybe borrow a clean shirt?” the man requested.

“Yeah, sure, be my guest.” Alan agreed easily.

“So much for 'not staying'” I commented knowingly. 

Don sighed, turning to look at me. “Yeah sorry kid. Case took a turn” 

“It’s fine” I muttered in reply. I knew Don’s work could be trying sometimes and keep him away from home for long periods of time. Which led to me spending half my time staying at my grandfather’s house. 

“Yeah well it’s nice having you around the house anyway” Alan told me as Don turned to head upstairs. “And tell your brother to come down for dinner” Gramps called after his eldest son. 

“If the food’s done he’s probably on his way already” I joked taking a seat at the table.

Alan scoffed and turned back to Don. “you want some there’s plenty” 

“No, I can’t.” The FBI agent objected, removing his tie and tossing it on the table “I got to get back to work.” 

As Don left to go upstairs Charlie appeared. “Abby? When did you get here?” 

I exchanged a look with Alan who was pouring water into everyone’s glasses. “A couple weeks ago Uncle C” I called in a sarcastic reply. Which earned me a look from my uncle. 

I saw the man’s attention shift to the maps my father had brought in with him. I got up to go look over his shoulder at them. “Hey you two that’s Don’s work. Probably be better if you not mess with it” 

“We’re just looking at the map gramps” I responded over my shoulder as I took in the information surrounding the thirteen little red dots on this map. My brain kicked into autopilot as it began various calculations. 

“Well then just the map then none of the files” Alan ordered “you hear me”

“Yeah dad we hear you” Charlie responded this time. However from his tone you could tell his mind was somewhere else. 

“You think there’s something here?” I asked.

“Maybe” Charlie breathed out as we both continued to analyze the data. “We could help” Charlie was talking lightly both our minds processing the information on the maps with mathematical precision. “Crime scenes”

“Tracking, rating, origin point” I muttered looking at the scattered red dots. Me and Charlie looked at each other both realizing the same thing at the same time.

“Charlie, Abby, what do you think you’re doing?” I turned as Don’s voice came from behind. He was done with his shower.

“Crime scenes” Charlie replied seemingly unaware of Don’s obvious annoyance “what kind of crimes?”

“Get away from here” Don snapped folding up the map quickly “these are confidential case files”

“I already saw the map it’s imprinted on my memory” I replied pointedly. “It doesn’t really matter whether you put it up now or not and we didn’t get in the files.”

“She’s telling the truth.” Alan called from where he was feeding his pet bird. “They just looked at the map. I made sure they didn’t go through anything else.”

“Good,” Don grumbled, grabbing his tie.

“Thirteen crime scenes spread over a contained region. You guys are analyzing the significance of those locations?” Charlie inquired of Don as the older brother tied his tie in the mirror on the wall. I stayed over by the table Charlie followed him.

“Yeah, it’s called predictive analysis.” Don explained “the FBI pioneered it. I trained in it at Quantico, and it doesn’t work on sado-serial crimes. There’s no way to predict the location of the next attack.”

“You know, I helped you out on that stock fraud mess,” Charlie began and I rolled my eyes at his obvious bid. “And the IRS extortion case.”

“Yeah. This is different.” Don objected finishing his tie and turning away from his brother “it’s not about numbers”

“Everything is numbers” Charlie stated and looked to me as Don grabbed his jacket. I shrugged beyond a couple theories there was nothing that I could see us being able to help with or at least not that I could with my limited knowledge. Uncle Charlie sighed and turned to the backyard something caught his eye and I watched as the gears turned in his head. “Don. Hey.” he turned quickly and went after his brother. “Um, can I show you something really quick?”

“No, Charlie I got to get-” Don attempted to argue but his rebellion was futile. As Charlie continued to pester and managed to draw him over to the window facing the backyard. I followed behind them curious to what the mathematician had come up with.

“Check this out.” Charlie gestured outside “you see the sprinkler, yeah?”

“Yeah I see the sprinkler” Don muttered clearly uninterested.

“You see the drops?”

“Yep. See the drops”

Then it clicked in my mind what he was thinking “Even using math there’s no practical way to predict where the next water drop will land” Charlie began his explanation and I walked closer. “There’s too many variables. However, say I couldn’t see the sprinkler. From the pattern of the drops, I could calculate its precise location.”

“The origin point” I voiced.

Charlie flashed me a proud grin then turned back to Don who seemed to slowly be getting the idea “it’s not about predicting the next site. It’s finding what the sites have in common. The point of origin” he nodded to me.

“Charlie, you’re saying you can tell us where the killer lives?” Don inquired.

“Yeah” the mathematician nodded.

“And I can help,” I added.

____________________________

“The movements of a serial perpetrator are defined by his needs. He watches potential victims. Avoiding detection, he’ll frequent public areas, parks, streets that don’t get a lot of traffic, waiting for moments of isolations.” Don explained pacing back and forth in the dining room. 

“Isolated areas, high probability of attacks.” Charlie murmured scribbling on the pad of paper in front of him. 

“Tv distracting you?” Alan inquired as he passed by the table from the kitchen. “I could turn it off” 

“No, it's fine, dad.” Don objected, he glanced over at me sitting in a chair in front of the tv and I quickly diverted my eyes as the brother’s continued to talk. 

Moments later Alan came over and sat down in the seat next to mine. I sighed and turned to my grandfather “This is so unfair I can help” 

“You’re a teenager Abby not an adult” Alan replied with his eyes on the tv. “Let them work” 

“I'm a teenager with a near genius IQ living with an overprotective jerk” I muttered. 

“I heard that” Don called from where he sat on the table. 

“Yeah well it’s a fact” I called over to him. 

“She is capable Don” Charlie agreed “and her help would be valuable”

“I said no I mean no. You’re just a kid. You don’t have clearance and I’m not letting you get involved in a criminal case” The agent put his foot down. “Now can you just listen to me for once?” 

“I listen I just don’t follow” I muttered scooting down in my chair. Alan shot me a look out of the corner of his eye. 

“I get the sense that this is about more than just you wanting to help on this case” the elder man inferred. I crossed my arms and tried to focus in on what Don and Charlie were saying. “This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with your birthday being this weekend.” 

“It’s not about that” I objected in a tone that was probably more snap than I intended. Sitting up I saw Don looking at me. I sighed, getting up and heading out to the backyard I couldn’t deal with this today. 

__________________

3rd POV. 

Don left Charlie to do his equations and settled to watch the baseball game with his father. “You going to go talk to her?” Alan inquired after a moment.

Don sighed glancing over to the back door Abby had stormed out of. “No she needs to cool off” 

“Still” the grandfather muttered. 

“Still what? She’s a teenager, you really want me getting her involved in a criminal case?” Don voiced. 

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying Don” Alan sighed “listen it’s her sixteenth birthday this weekend” 

“Yeah” Don muttered “I know I got her a present” 

Alan let off an annoyed breath “Donnie it’s her first birthday without her mother. It’s her first birthday with a father.” Don sighed and looked to the ground. “Have you even talked to her about Janice at all?” 

Don shifted in his seat “I don’t know dad she doesn’t want to talk what am I supposed to do?” 

“Donnie there’s a difference between not wanting to talk and not knowing how to,” Alan explained, “and unfortunately it’s a trait she seemed to have inherited from you.” 

___________________________

“Let’s go” Don ordered the gathered group of agents. Heading for his desk as they dispersed to get everything done. 

“Another day” Terry voiced over his shoulder he glanced back at her before refocusing on his files. “That means the case cuts into Abby’s birthday this weekend doesn’t it?”

“Yeah well she’s staying with my dad” Don muttered, closing the file and tossing it aside. 

“Are you at least going to call her or something?” Terry inquired.

“It’s too late now I will in the morning” the man replied, rising from his desk and heading off. 

Terry sighed watching him walk away. “Yeah if you remember” 

________________

Abby POV. 

White light filled my view, tires screeched, horns honked, a hand slammed into my chest, the crunch of metal, a scream. “Mom!” 

I startled awake sitting up on the couch. Thunder crashed outside. I removed the blinders from my eyes. “Abby are you alright” I turned as Alan came into the living room. “I heard you yell.” 

“Uh yeah” I replied as my heart rate slowed back down. “It was just a dream” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” the man inquired further. However just then the door opened and in came Charlie. He looked like a drowned rat. “Aw Charlie don’t tell me you went biking out in this weather” 

“I had to go by my office” the man replied as he settled down at the table pulling the FBI case files out of his bag. He was obviously shaken by something. 

The front door opened again and in came Don. “Hey guys, what's up?” he asked, seeming deflated. “Charlie you’re soaked” 

“Yes I’m aware” the younger man replied. 

Don removed his jacket and went for the coffee in the kitchen as I wandered over to the dining room. Which seemed to be the place everyone was congregating. Our reflections shown in the darkened rain streaked windows. Don reappeared shortly after with a mug of coffee. He placed it on the table and began pacing the room. 

“I can’t get my head around it.” Charlie voiced after a moment. 

“What are we missing?” Don ran along the same thought “where’s the problem? And how do we make it work? We need to make it work” he stated the last part more forcefully. 

It was weird watching him work. The gears turning in his head. “We need to retest it. We need another run.” Charlie declared standing and going up to Don who was still pacing. 

“Well that’s not going to happen” the agent objected, turning to his younger brother. 

“Well, look I know that it’s gonna be hard for you to talk your boss into doing it again,” the mathematician tried “but we can’t stop after one attempt-” 

“Charlie” Don tried to interrupt however the professor continued to truck on. 

“New methods require repeated trials-” 

“Charlie, I’m not on the case anymore.” Don explained finally. “Okay?” 

“Why?” Charlie inquired. 

I sighed and watched the look exchanged between Alan and Don. “because my supervisor wanted fresh eyes on it.” I could tell he was lying. 

“Well, maybe the math is not the problem” Alan suggested suddenly. 

“What do you mean?” Charlie questioned. 

“Well, you just said that there was something you couldn’t get your head around,” Alan elaborated further “and I know for a fact that it can’t be the math.” 

“What else is there?” Charlie sighed. Then it clicked like it was obvious.

“The people” I voiced causing all of them to look at me like they had just realized my existence. “The math can only predict what people will do acting within certain parameters what if this guy acts outside of your preconceived notions of human behavior?” I offered. 

“Hey, maybe they’re right” Don nodded walking past me back to the window to point at the water spraying outside. “I mean, this sprinkler. That totally made sense. That you could track back from the location and find out where the guy lives. Right? Totally made sense.” he turned from his father and brother to look at me. “Maybe we’re thinking about this guy in too narrow a focus.” 

“Are you saying I need to consider more than his criminal activities?” Charlie seemed confused. 

“No not exactly” Don explained “I’m saying we maybe need to consider more than just where he lives. Like Abby said. You know look at me. If you designed an equation to find my origin, you wouldn’t get my apartment ‘cause I’m almost never there. My base would be my office.” 

I looked to Charlie as he meandered over toward the window the gears in his head spinning. The math forming in his mind. “Which means we use his home and his work as points of origin.” 

“Exactly” Don agreed. 

“I can design an equation to identify two hot zones.” Charlie muttered eyes still transfixed on the window. “Why didn’t I think of that?” he questioned, turning back to us. “Don… Dad… Abby.” he looked to us each individually. “That’s brilliant” 

It wasn’t long before the boys were packing it up and heading back to Don’s office. Both invigorated by the discovery. Once they were gone Alan turned to me. “You should get to bed, it’s late and tomorrow is a rather important day.”

I nodded slightly as he turned to head to the kitchen “Do you think he knows?” I voiced almost not meaning to. “Do you think Don remembers that it’s my birthday tomorrow?” 

Alan sighed looking back at me. “Abby, Don can get wrapped up in his work but uh, he’s never been one to forget what’s important.” I bit my lip and looked to the floor thinking. “Alright now up to bed” 

“Goodnight gramps” 

“Goodnight Abby” the man smiled at me as I headed for the stairs. 

I reached the room that had at one point been Don’s and collapsed on the bed. My world had been a lot smaller when it was just me and my mom. A lot scarier and a whole lot less normal but definitely smaller and less complicated. 

_________________________

I was startled awake again from the same dream, the same memory. I slowed my breaths and got up from the bed. Dawn had barely set in and light wasn’t very prevalent outside. I paced back and forth in the room. Thinking over everything before finally making a decision. 

I threw on some clothes, grabbed my backpack and headed out of the room. I crept through the house quietly as not to wake Gramps snoring down the hall. As I reached the front door I paused looking back at the house before ducking out and running. 

____________________

3rd POV.

Don sighed as he packed away the last couple files on his desk. The case was finally closed and he was exhausted. He glanced over and saw a small stack of books on his desk wrapped in a bow. He pulled it closer to him and looked at the card on them. To: Abby From: Terry. 

“Figured you could give it to her for me” the female agent spoke up causing Don to turn to her. 

“Yeah sure” he agreed. 

Terry gave him a smile. “Go home Don and celebrate your daughter’s birthday” she instructed him. 

Don nodded as she left. He sat there for a moment thinking about everything today meant. Sixteen years ago today he had become a father and he hadn’t even known it. Then a couple weeks ago he had been told and expected to start acting like a Dad. Don sure didn’t feel like a father. Anytime he talked to Abby it felt weird like he couldn’t find the words or she would just give him sarcasm. It was easier just not to talk at all. He had no idea what he was doing and she certainly didn’t seem to want him around. 

Don let off a breath and rose from his seat gathering up his things. Then his phone rang glancing at his caller ID he was surprised to see it was his father “hey dad what’s-”

“Abby’s missing” Alan interrupted. 

Don immediately felt like he couldn’t breath. His heart rate picked up and his lungs felt empty. “What?” 

“She’s missing. Gone.” Alan repeated he sounded scared himself “I went to wake her up this morning and she just wasn’t there” 

Every worse case scenario started shooting through Don’s mind. Where could she be? Could she be hurt? Kidnapped? Lost somewhere? Scared? He couldn’t think straight as fear coursed through his veins. 

“Alright call the cops put out an Amber alert” Don suggested “see- see if she’s with Charlie or something. I’ll try her cell and go look at- ah the library, the apartment. Places she might go” 

He was talking extremely fast he realized as the cop side of him battled with a side of him he’d never felt before. A kind of pure terror and concern that he couldn’t even begin to quantify as he grabbed his coat and bolted for the elevator hanging up on his father and speed dialing his daughter’s number. She didn’t answer. He tried again and again as he reached his car. This couldn’t be happening. Where was she?

___________________________

Don was driving away from the library as his phone rang. He answered it without even glancing at the caller ID hoping to hear his daughter’s voice on the other line. He was disappointed. 

“Don”

“Charlie I can’t talk right now. Abby is-” 

“I know Dad told me” Charlie informed “He also said she was upset-” 

“She’s always moody Charlie what are you saying?” Don snapped probably a little more harshly than he meant to. 

“I think I know where she is” Charlie spoke quickly as not to be cut off by his frantic older brother. 

________________

Don cursed himself for not realizing it sooner. After all his worrying and frantic searching why hadn’t he looked here first? As he pulled to a stop and got out of his truck he felt himself slow as relief washed over him. 

Sitting in the grass not too far off was Abby. She was staring at one of the various stones of the cemetery. Don sighed and walked over to her somberly. 

Nothing was said as he sat down next to her. He didn’t need to read the name of the stone to guess whose it was. Janice Calvin. His ex-girlfriend and Abby’s mother. 

“You know you scared everyone half to death” he finally stated after a moment. 

“Sorry” the girl replied, looking to her feet. “I should have left a note or something. I just wanted to be alone here for awhile.” 

“Yeah” Don let off a breath just relieved she was okay.

“It’s my sixteenth birthday” Abby muttered, turning back to the stone but still not looking at him. 

“I know I got you a present,” Don replied softly. 

“Mom and me had been planning my sweet sixteen before..” Abby trailed looking to the ground. “It was just going to be the two of us. We were going to cook and have a picnic in our apartment. We couldn't do much because you know we didn’t have a lot of money. But we were going to have each other.” 

“I’m so sorry Abby” Don told her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders hesitantly. “Your mother loved you” 

“I know she did I just- I just miss her” Abby sniffed and for the first time. Don saw his daughter cry. He felt a part of him inside falter. Like something had broken or shifted. 

“I miss her too.” Don explained. “Your mother was an incredible person. And my biggest regret was letting her go” 

“Do you think if she would have stayed- if she would have told you,” Abby questioned. “That things would have been different? That we would have..” The girl trailed but her question was clear. 

“I don’t know Abbs but” Don sighed and finally he understood what his own father had been trying to tell him all this time. “Abby I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve missed so much of your life to the point I- I didn’t even know what to get you for your birthday. I just-” he paused biting his lip. “I just feel like we’ve both been living with each other these last few weeks and not actually trying to have a relationship because it’s scary and complicated but Abby.” he sighed “today when dad called and told me you were missing.. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” Abby looked up at him as tears streaked down her face. “Now I know your mom loved you and Abby so do I alright?” 

“Alright” she managed but in the next second Abby wrapped her arms around Don’s middle as she broke into sobs. Don just held her in his arms holding back his own tears. 

__________________

Abby POV. 

It was late. After the cemetery Don had called and told everyone that I was safe. I felt bad putting them through all of that. I just hadn’t realized how many people would freak out had I gone missing. I was sitting at my desk in my own room reading one of the books Terry had gotten me quietly. 

There was a knock on my door. I paused in my reading and rose from my chair. Opening it I wasn’t exactly surprised to see my father standing outside. “What?” I inquired with minor annoyance at being disturbed. Though after everything that happened today I didn’t have much energy left to be annoyed. 

“Come on I’ve got a surprise for you” Don replied ignoring my sarcasm. 

“What?” I repeated exasperatedly curious for what this surprise could be. 

“Come on” Don scoffed, ushering me out of my room and toward the living room. I dragged my feet and had to practically be shoved out by my determined father. 

My irritated rebellion ended however as we exited the stairs. The coffee table had been moved and various colorful lights were hanging all around. In the center was a blanket laid out with something like a picnic setting. “Now I know it’s probably not exactly what you and your mom planned but..” Don sighed stepping around to look me in the face as I stared around in awe “Happy Birthday Abby” 

“Thanks D- Don” I replied. Stumbling on the name as the word Dad nearly slipped from my mouth. He smiled and we settled down on the blanket to eat. Talking and laughing and joking. It was a fun night and after all of it I was really happy to have my dad in my life. 

Chapter 2->

thinking about how klingon courting works by the female roaring and throwing heavy objects and the male reading love poetry

To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.