I Need To Read More Academic Articles To Make My Yaoi More Insane

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

Exactly. And I was crying so much.

Ok the sun and the star is cringe (in a ‘this is definitely written for middle schoolers and not for me’ way), but it is also very endearing. The idea of slowly unraveling the strings of pain, heartache, anger, isolation and grief that you’ve wound deep in your chest after enduring so much trauma and figuring out the balance of light and dark that can and does coincide within you and the the realization that you do not have to carry the weight of all of it alone is just … excruciatingly beautiful and powerful

I can't deal with this. Fuck it. Give me time to processsss. Who's afraid of little old me, well right now I am

Same

i say “this is my song” to about 50 songs

Someone on twitter pointed out that the altercation between Great and Tyme in the last scene could be one of Great's visions.

Maomao knows what it is to be loved. Luomen loves her. Her big sisters love her. Lakan loves her (though she has no interest & may not believe he actually does because of thinking he'd abandoned her & her mother). Those who love her aren't perfect, but they want what's best for her.

And then there's Jinshi.

He has no idea if the people who love him actually do, or if it's because of his position/title/looks. He doesn't have good reason to believe people's feelings about him, because there's almost always going to be a condition to it, or some intention to use him. Even people like Suiren, who do love him, can't love him fully because of who he actually is

And I think that's why he falls so hard and fast for Maomao. Here is this woman that has no interest in his flattery, no desire to climb the social hierarchy at all. She doesn't sugar coat things. Jinshi knows where he stands with Maomao. All the tricks of the trade that he knows don't work on her, but what does work is when he drops the facade & is genuine with her.

Think about the scene when he gives her the hairpin.

It's the first time she's really seen him be himself. There's even a line in it where she is startled by the fact he's being sincere. I think up until that point, she thought he was just a vain & shallow guy. He'd really given her no reason to believe there was anything else to him. She likes seeing him be himself, not some sparkly shell of a person.

Yes, Maomao goes hard with the denial, but she also does show him real feelings. She gives him a measure of grace & is willing to forgive. Most of the time the feelings he gets from her are frustration/aggravation. Other people don't give him that. When she tells him she'll keep his secret & that he'll always be Master Jinshi to her, he doesn't doubt it. He knows he can trust her. In fact, I think he trusts her more than he trusts anyone else in his life. He knows that no matter who he becomes, she's still going to know who he actually is, warts and all.

He is so desperate for real, human connection. So desperate for real love (not even necessarily romantic love, though that's definitely something he wants). I think he's smart enough to know Maomao may never love him the way he loves her. Knows that hoping she will may be little more than a fool's hope. He knows that whatever he does get from her is real, and knows how unlikely it is he'll find anyone else that will be that real with him.

Top be like fuck your clients into taking Lasik surgery

boeing and top broke up because top tried to talk him into lasik surgery as well but he wasn't having it

Sandray and why they are the The good thing at the wrong time, or the right person at the wrong time.

So i have read a lot of amazing meta on this series, especially the ephemarilty squad and it has made the viewer experience so much better. A big thank you to those people.

This post is technically not a meta nor am I claiming this is something groundbreaking. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

Only friends has been an experience and my favourite couple is sandray. I know it will only give me pain but i am a masochist.

After episode five, I have seen a lot of people start to put blame on either sand or ray or Boston ( who is at 80% fault). But in this series we can't just easily put them in a blame box. It's way to complicated for that, as emotions are.

Ep 5 is from the perspective of sand while ep 4 was from ray, from these two eps we realise how different they are, how different their experiences are.

Ray is not exactly a mature person or even a put together person like sand. And we know why, he has self esteem issues, depression and is an alcoholic due to childhood circumstances. And he does not have a supportive network. And we can't blame the friends group because they are twenty something college kids who have no idea of the seriousness. Case in point, how they wave off rays talks of being a burden and continues to enable his bad habits. He is an incredibly messy character, with clear trauma and we have given enough points, explicitly told through the narrative. We are supposed to feel sympathy for him, we are supposed to feel empathy for him. We should root for him to become better.

Compare that with Boston. Boston has been given implied issues, acted out brilliantly by neo. Now whether they are some deep rooted issues from his childhood or parents or others, we dont know. Cause we are not explicitly told. We are supposed to be see him as the antagonist.

In the case of ray, we have given reason to believe that mew is not a great friend to ray as he claims to be. So we are not supposed to root for them so then who should we root for.

Enter sand, who's practically perfect, put together, mature and hot. But the problem is sand is not a put together person, at all.

Sand juggles between jobs, he takes care of the debt of his mother and is a good son. But he's in need of money and he has told that he will do anything to get more money. Aka his illegal plum business.

Ep 5 gives us mote depth of his character. And from the outside he looks cool, calm and collected, inwardly sand is an emotional person, who's driven by his emotions. Now from the first eps we were led to believe that ray is the emotional drunkard looking for trouble. He's not. Ray is driven by his trauma, his addiction, his thoughts, not his emotions.

Sand on the other hand is quick to anger, sarcastic to the point that someone has probably tried to punch him and has a rigid moral sense. And he wants to take care of stuff. And he falls fast. But he doesn't know how to deal with them.

Sand has gotten hurt before by way of top. And he keeps his emotional walls up. Ray is lonely, he wants to connect. And a lot of people have said that he doesn't know to connect but he does. Everything he does with sand is that, he's forging a connection.

Ray was the one who initiated every one of their interactions, even if it was done in an annoying manner. And sand doesn't give a rigid boundary he immediately gives into ray.

And this connection has already been formed, entirely initiated by ray and its strong. To the point that sand has fallen hard and has already given a designated time for ray.

But they are not in the same page. Sand has told ray that he wants to just be FWB and ray has agreed to that. And while we have seen clear signs from both of then that they like each other, I don't thing they are getting it. There understanding level is clearly marred with their issues, sand with being a second choice and ray with everything.

But they have shown that they can communicate. So why are they not communicating now. Because sand has put up the boundary of FWB. No amount of mooning and looking sad is going to tell ray that he wants to be boyfriends. He has to be explicitly told and sand has to do that.

Ray should also be clear with want he wants. Verbally. But both of them are not in a place of mind to do that. And that is surprising, because we could have expected that from the put together one. Expect sand is dealing with his issues and is unwilling to try , because of the threat of heartbreak and is letting his emotions get the better of him.

On the contrary, in rp 5 , ray seems more calm. He is actually trying, he's connecting with sand with doing the things that he loves. He's falling for sand and I think he does know.

Even after being drunk and high he has the werewithal to open up a conversation, he gave the chance to sand to try. But sand rejected it. That was a big chance and if sand had taken that chance, they could have talked about their current situation. That's what's so heartbreaking about it, because the possibility was there. I mean look at him here.

He clearly wanted him to talk to him.

Expect sand didn't take it, his problems prevented him from doing it, his emotions which were going overbroad prevented him from thinking rationally.

And ray took that rejection, personally. We can easily infer what went through his mind from what we already know ," I am a burden, I am a jinx". "I have tried my best but it's not working, So why should I try more", aka the devastating happy birthday.

Ray was rational at that moment, and dare I say mature, especially considering the scene that happened just before that. Ray was able to think above his emotions and give a rational way out of that predicament. But sand rejection triggered his trauma and he went back to square one.

There was a beautiful post about different types of understanding in this series. That's what is happening here, different types of understanding. But I can't find that post.

At that point both needed to understand the other but there individual issues left them unable to do it. And it's not anyone's fault. It's not a blame game. It's the reality of trauma situations.

How trauma and mental health issues can create problems, can make situations seem bigger then they actually are. How it made two people who are compatible with each other be reluctant to go further.

They can be the perfect couple the audience want them to be. But at this point of time , they are the right person at the wrong time archetype.

And they will remain if they don't communicate. Let's hope by the end of the messiness they both have some clarity on how to go further. And give the audience an emotionally charged story.

Apothecary Diaries season 2 key visual