Can't Afford Art School?

No but you know how Dick still randomly does handstands as an adult? I feel like that's something Bruce must be incredibly fond of. Dick is grown up in most ways, but in that way, he's still the kid Bruce remembers.

Detective Comics 2021 Annual

The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum who can’t be helped.

Dad How Do I but with Bruce Wayne.

Bruce who teaches life advice- showing kids how to tie a tie, how to tie their shoes, braid their hair, teaching young adults to do taxes, to surf, the best lawyers to hire when in trouble, how to avoid scams, he educates the less fortunate on the best places to get free food, where to go in Wayne Enterprises for a hot shower and some toiletries, how to eat at formal functions so the higher elite have one less thing to criticize them on. He teaches people how to do card tricks and make your niece laugh by pulling out a quarter from behind her ear, teaches moms how to rock their baby to sleep properly, teaches teens to do front flips and cartwheels and calculus, educates them on how to write job applications and two weeks notice letters. He teaches people to sew, to cook(alfred helps) to assemble an IKEA shelf, how to work a lawn mower, and all sorts of different things. And when his son dies… Bruce uses his account to share his grief, his story, shares everything about Jason, what a delight he was, how awesome he was, how much he loved to read and school… and then one day, he gets Batman to join a video. And the hero is stiff and everyone can see the exhaustion, the anger and sadness in his joints, his movements, radiating off him. But he sits down heavily into the chair Bruce Wayne had previously vacated… and begins to speak. He tells the story of Robin, his young child sidekick, who just like Jason Wayne, was murdered by the Joker. He tells everyone how his little boy tried to save Jason Todd, and how they both perished in the aftermath. He tells people about his grief, his anger, and why Batman is suddenly harsher and hurts more. “Because I hurt more.” he confesses quietly, and the people finally get to meet the man behind the mask (figuratively) and truly get to see who their hero really is. The account’s popularity skyrockets, and soon Batman is a lot more common to be seen, teaching people how to defend themselves and handle the Batarangs he knows they collect after he fights. Nightwing shows up too sometimes, teaching more elegant flips and tricks and they demonstrate their workout together, and a few months later, Batman shyly introduces his new Robin, same messy black hair as the one before, but slightly smaller, and theres something… more behind those lenses in his mask. But the kid is soon a fan favorite, making sarcastic comments and countering Nightwings witty remarks, and the people get to see a new side of Batman, get to watch as he rolls his eyes at them, as he uses them to teach people how to disguise themselves, ways to use clothes to stem blood, tie tourniquets. 

Then Red Hood returns. And a kid in Crime Alley catches him cursing at his jacket because a button fell off and he cant get it back on. “Um! Mr. Red Hood sir?” the kid pipes anxiously. Red Hood turns to him, angry, but the kid doesn't back down and just goes “You should watch ‘Mr. Wayne How Do I: Sewing’ it'll help.” and then he scampers off. And Jason is pissed and even more angry because of course while he was dead Bruce decides to become a father to everyone in Gotham. But he watches the video. And it helps. And… well, its one of the older videos. And Jason finds another old video. The one about… the one about his death. It shouldn't make his anger lessen, shouldn't make him cry, shouldn't bring him to Bruce’s doorstep where he reveals himself and they hug and cry and catch up and cry some more… but it does. 

Gothamites are a little surprised when their local Crime Lord appears on the channel, standing right next to Batman. Surprised, but pleased. Because Batman looks happy in a way he hasn't in a long time and well… Red Hood watched out for them too. And now their two protectors are working together.

Dick has the skills of various circus artists. Of course, not at the level of professionalism that he has with the trapeze, for example, but still, he has many other skills that he learned as a child.

We know from a comic that he has "fast hands", he can practically steal anything if the other person is distracted enough.

His ability to escape the sight of others? He must have learned it from an illusionist.

Surely Batman already had a base on which to work with his aim. Obviously Dick practiced knife throwing in the circus.

Some things are useful in battle, and others are just for fun (like him juggling to entertain Jon, and probably many other kids). Maybe he also knows how to make shapes with balloons? (His siblings probably loved watching him do circus acts, even if they would never admit it).

Let's not even talk about his uncanny ability to stuff things into the non-existent pockets of his suit. ✨M A G I C✨

You can't tell me that he stopped practicing everything that wasn't useful to him in combat.

He just kept practicing every single thing his first family taught him, his way of staying close to them.

GUYS we NEED more mihawk dracula content!! its like my favorite thing ever actually <3

Batlantern where they are openly dating but no one believes them.

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Hal, during some small talks at Watchtower : "You know, Bat, you can offer me some privileges."

Bruce : "That's called nepotism, Lantern. No."

Dick, the guest of honor today : "What's that about?"

Hal : "You know, lover privilege, husband favoritism, something, anything."

Dick, thinking about Bruce's past romance heartbreaks : "That's not nice to tease him with something insensitive like that."

Everyone else in the room : *nodding and humming in agreement*

Hal : "Huh?"

Bruce, as equally confuse : "Hn."

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Tim : "You know him. He is kinda extra when it comes to his cover. You're attractive, you can score someone pretty easily even after this whole thing is over."

Hal, who just want to grab a glass of water from bats's kitchen : "... okay?"

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Olliver : "He can't really tell when to stop joking sometimes, so don't be too hard on him. I'm sure you can hook up with someone soon to shut him up."

Bruce, doesn't even know where to start : *grunt*

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Bruce, during an outing with Clark and Diana : "I wonder if my choice would annoy him or not."

Clark, sighing : "Bruce, I know you two don't have the best relationship, but you can't just keep pastering him with your whims."

Diana, nodding : "I don't know what kind of psychological warfare you're planning on him, but you need to not take it too far."

Bruce, who just wants to ask opinion on his choice of movie for their next date : "You two are unbelievable."

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Hal : "I am not joking. I went to bed with him."

Barry : "Dude, stop annoying him. He will kill you one day."

Hal, frustrated : "I am telling you—!"

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Billy, in his Champion form : "I truly believe we only kiss the people we love."

Hal, freaking out because Billy—out of all people—accidentally seeing them making out : "Look, I know this is not a professional way to use any room in Watchtower but—"

Billy : "You know, you two took the whole battering fiasco way too far this time."

Bruce, still internally shaking for not noticing Billy entering the room : "... you can't seriously believe that's what's going on."

Billy : "Hey. Wisdom of Solomon."

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Damian : "That being said, we should treat Jordan with respect since he is willing to put up with Father's schemes."

Other bats : *agreed*

Bruce, just give up at this point : "This house is supposed to be the nest of a bunch of detectives."

ok but i really like the interpretation that Sherlock is actually Not That Smart. he is very very observant and has intense hyperfixations, but no, he cannot pass an exam.

i'm obsessed with the fact that Sherlock Holmes can be the model of 'grades aren't everything'.

another Sherlock & Co W

I miss them, my kids

A very important thing to me about the batfam magical girl AU is that the rest of the characters are classic dc comics characters. Which means that while they have many similarities (magical girls are like lantern corps with more glitter and less police anyway, and the magical batfam story can get really dark and tragic at times), they're constantly faced with the clash between comics logic and magical girl anime logic. By which I mean:

______

Bruce, waking up the morning after adopting Dick on impulse and then sleeping the sleep of the dead: Wait, since when do I have a son? Eh, it doesn't matter.

Clark, who was listening into Gotham for whatever reason: The fuck it doesn't?

_____

Lex Luthor: How did you know about my evil evil plan?

Tim: A little bird told me.

Kon: Really, robs?

*cue glittery red robin with a crescent moon on its head landing on Tim's shoulder and speaking in an annoyingly high-pitched voice*

_____

Jason: With the power of love and this gun I found-

Kyle: Can you be serious for one fucking second?

Jason: No actually I am. I was gonna shoot the guy and accidentally left my heart open to channel the energy of the Galaxy and in doing so I saw the man for all that he could be and the magic of the Robin and the Wolf combined to make the gun magic and when the bullet hit him it changed the man on a fundamental level and he realised he wanted to follow his lost dream of selling portraits by the beach instead of trafficking people.

Kyle: what-

Jason: he died a few minutes later though. I did still shoot him in the heart.

_____

After Justice League shenanigans lead to a multiverse portal opening:

Failsafe!Batman: -so I pulled out the shark repellent to fight he jokerized space sharks, and then I fell from the moon-

Magical!Batman: That doesn't make any sense! Shark repellent spray is an absurd thing to have in your utility belt and besides, you don't just fall off from the moon!

Green Arrow : Finally somebody said it.

Magical!Batman: You have to take the magic portal on the other side of the moon!

Green Arrow: ...Spoke too soon.

Batman being aggressively secretive towards the Justice League is one of my favorite tropes, but it gets INFINITELY funnier when you take the younger generations of heroes into consideration.

Barry Allen? He doesn't know shit about Batman, still partially convinced he's not human, still a little bit scared to talk to him. But Wally West? That's Nightwing's best friend. He's been around Dick since both of them were kids. He's had sleepovers at the manor since he was thirteen.

I just think it would be hilarious if all of the younger generations 100% know that Batman is Bruce Wayne. They've slept at the manor, some of them have taken various Batkids to school dances, they've been offered Alfred's cooking. And all because they've gotten close to at least one Batkid and said Batkid wore Bruce down until he let them reveal their identity. But all of them manage to keep this information from their mentors. Either purposefully or completely on accident.

Then you end up with a situation where the younger generations grow up and join the League and the older members Very Quickly realize that they seem a lot more comfortable with Batman than they should be.