I Don’t Want To Go Back To Being Alone.

THOMAS SHELBY + smoking

I feel like I've never seen anyone talk about one of the reasons that being aro is so lonely is that we aren't really allowed to form deeper connections with people.

I'm not allowed to be too close to my friends because if I am then they'll read it as romantic. Their partners will think they're cheating on them with me.

I'm not allowed to touch other people in a way that's too friendly. I'm not allowed to cuddle with people. I'm not allowed to bare my heart and soul to people. I'm not allowed to hang out one-on-one with anyone. All of those things are reserved for people who aren't me. People who can't be me.

Yeah "more than friends" is stupid and friends can be just as important and close as romantic partners but what non-aro actually believes that? What non-aro would let go of their ownership of their partner for long enough to allow me to have any form of affection?

[Do not tag as ace/aroace or derail]

The Quiet Girl ‘An Cailín Ciúin’ (2022) dir. Colm Bairéad

Best part of the movie lmao

mads mikkelsen looking you right in the eye and asking “did you paint this? and you call this a painting?” and then right after going “it’s ugly”

the Guardian

Vinette Robinson: ‘The collective effort was magic – I’ve never felt that on a set’

The actor stars alongside Stephen Graham as a chef on the edge in one-take restaurant drama Boiling Point

While I’m here ... you’ll hear/read a lot about Stephen Graham in this newish British film, and of course he’s good, but Vinette Robinson is totally brilliant and the best reason to see it. Just saying.

Roma (2018), dir. by Alfonso Cuarón

Hot take: Bird Box: Barcelona was better than the OG Bird Box

when it comes to disco elysium, one of my favourite things within the game is the usage of lungs as a motif of love and the representation of this through dolores dei. it’s an incredible way of showing it, as when you love someone or something it almost seems to sustain you, becomes the air that you breathe.

however, another thing i noticed is that an overwhelming majority of the characters smoke. smoking is famously damaging to your health, more specifically to your lungs - almost like smoking is a metaphor for the way these characters show their relationships with others.

some prime examples are:

• harry du bois, who smoked heavily before losing his memory (and after, depending on player choice), a clear instance because of dora and her effect on his life and relationships for years after she left

• the smoker on the balcony, who is never seen without a cigarette, and is in an unloving sexual relationship with someone who can never understand him or truly know him at all

• klaasje amandou, who is also never seen without a cigarette, believes that she is at fault for all of her relationships collapsing and has a skewed view on what it means to love

however, my favourite example is, of course, kim kitsuragi. yes, he smokes as he enjoys the control he has over his addiction and the “cool factor” it gives him is satisfying, but i think there’s a more specific reason there - kim is so repressed that he consistently walls himself off from relationships.

kim himself says that he smokes one a day as he goes over his notes. to me, this says that he is causing minor, daily damage to his interpersonal relationships that builds up more and more over time. the fact that he does it specifically when going over notes says a lot to me too - that his work is what he’s using to push others away.

he does break this one a day rule, however - in the ending where the player chooses not to recruit kim. harry leaves kim behind. they shake hands, and as soon as harry turns away, kim lights a cigarette, a visual representation of the damage caused by another partnership cut short.

This is for all the people who are struggling but just keep getting up and trying. The ones who keep showing up, day after day, even when they don’t want to. The ones who stare at the fridge, willing themselves to cook food even though they want to skip. The ones who get up and get water even when they’d prefer to ignore their own needs. The ones who keep on breathing, even when they don’t really want to, because they trust the day will come when the tightness around their hearts has eased.

this is for everyone, because everyone here today has kept on being. even on the days when they didn’t particularly want to. the hard days and the sad ones and the hurt ones, too. You are still here, trying, and this is a moment of recognition for all the beautiful work you’ve done.

Keep going, love. The light comes back.

disappointed by farewell my concubine tbh!