Cut Grass And Fresh Laundry

The Conditions of Change

When adults seek change, they often focus on the intended result while hurrying through the practice. However, growth requires a bit more than 'just trying something out'. Here are some tips to help bring change upon your life, good luck!

Consistency

Real change, especially as an adult, requires many, many repetitions of a behavior or movement or position. 'Trying hard' is usually counterproductive as it tenses the muscles and the emotions. It is necessary to let the exercise or method work without undue ego participation over time. The practice has to become, for a time, 'just what one does.'

Willingness

The practices that change long standing blocks will usually seem, when presented to an adult learner, to be too subtle, too corny, not relevant, and mostly downright wrong. One must be willing to really try something different if one is at the point where one's own ideas have failed. Of course, discernment cannot be completely disposed of, but if a learner wants what another person has, they must be willing to do what that person did, however unnecessary or stupid it seems.

Sustainability

So often adult learners hurl themselves into an activity, and neglect other aspects of their lives. Soon they end up dropping the practice and rarely get back to it. A good practice must be one that can be 'what one does' for a good while. Immersion approaches exist, for example a 30 day retreat, but then carryover to one's regular life becomes the issue.

First Things First (Urgent Things Second)

In our over-busy, over-booked lives, if we wait for a 'free moment' to practice something, it invariably never arrives. To have consistency with a new practice it is necessary to make it a priority and see that it gets done first, leaving less important things, even if more urgent, to 'scroll off the screen'

The Plateau is Where the Work Starts

All people have latent abilities that come online easily and quickly when they start a practice (often called newbie or 'noob' gains). But once the latent abilities are developed and the participant is working to develop brand new capacities, the going is much much slower. This is where the large majority quit, discouraged, but this is where the work really is beginning.

Anticipate Anxiety

Real change even in small amounts will cause anxiety, which can be insidious and hard to attribute to the new practice. In an uncanny way, impulses to start something incompatible with the new practice, or new worries, confusion, or minor injuries will threaten to derail the change process. Barring gross demonstrable harm, the need is to 'stay the course!'

Don't Look to Validation or Approval

If another person is the reason to do something, in a moment they can become the reason not to. When a practice is undertaken to please someone (and yes this can be unconscious or semi-conscious) there are two big barriers: 1) effort gets substituted for the fruits of the practice, and the practice gets or stays sloppy because even sloppy practice shows effort, and 2) the instinct for autonomy (buried itself in some measure in the unconscious) will cause resistance

Frequent self-measurement is unhelpful

When one has undergone real change others will point it out, don't worry. Trying to get one's inner judge to validate oneself takes attention off the practice, apart from any concern that self-measurement will not be accurate.

The Placebo Effect is Not the Effect

Whenever one takes on a new promising practice there is going to be an immediate sense of elation. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this, but know that 1) it wears out in two to six weeks, 2) the real beneficial effect of the practice will be much more subtle at first then this elation, and take months or years to manifest. Many believe that when the elation stops, it means the practice has stopped working.

Understand the Difference Between Almost Nothing Happening and Actually Nothing Happening

When a ten-year-old wakes up in the morning no one notices a change in size from the night before, but actually there is, and over the course of years, that becomes very apparent. Real growth is like that, in that, almost nothing is happening. But with any practice, participants may worry that they are following a dead end. While some discernment and critical thinking may be needed in selecting a practice, once started attention should be focused on the actually practice, with some faith that results will come.

Work With Others

When working alone, long-standing defensive patterns can undermine the intended practice or even turn it into its opposite. Not that any growth practice is like an Olympic sport calling for perfect performance--one is simply seeking to stay in the 'stretch zone' or 'edge'. Other people, either peers or coaches can help with that by supplying explicit or implicit feedback. Not because they are know everything, but because they have gone or are going down the same path, and are more objective about you ('a different set of eyes').

Find Where You Are and Work From There

Don't try to work from where you want to be, that will be slower not quicker. This is about acceptance, a prerequisite for change

The Tightrope is an Illusion

When in new experiential territory, it can seem that the practice being encouraged will either quickly fall into a pitfall at one end, or into the opposite pitfall. There is no happy middle envisionable. This is just a lack of experience. For an experienced aerialist, the rope has come to appear like a sidewalk.

Don't Get Stuck in Inspiration

Inspiration, such as from most self-improvement materials and forums provides temporary elation by itself and therefore can become a habit. But nothing changes from inspiration. Slightly more important is turning inspiration into intention, definitely more important is turning intention into action, and absolutely more important is turning action into consistency.

There is No Such Thing as 'Ready'

Change is made by starting to work where you are with the tools at hand. In time, other tools will come to hand. The feeling of 'ready' does happen in life, but it has to do with situations already mastered. Also where aggression, anger, or desire is mobilized, the feeling of ready is not relevant.

Change is More About Unlearning than Learning

Here is what often happens: a man or woman wants to change a pattern so they focus directly on it and have initial success doing something different. Then they focus on other things, thinking the change is in the bag. The unwanted pattern comes back! The learner despairs that they cannot learn. Actually, the unwanted pattern was never gone (yet) it was just suppressed. It takes a longish trail of resuppression and practicing new habits until new practices become dominant.

Don't Make Effort the Focus

Many adolescent and adult learners have grown up in invalidating, emotionally treacherous environments where they could never be sure that their choices and criticisms wouldn't be attacked. This can lead to a over-emphasis of effort as a universally defensible good--remember the saying "You can't blame a guy for trying." But effort, increases arousal and tightens muscles, and strongly undermines some areas of change like breathing, relaxation, meditation, flexibility, and social skills. Of course with 'zero effort' nothing will change but effort should not be the focus.

Make Distractions and Irritants Part of the Practice

Everyone has had an experience of finding a quiet place, preparing to meditate or stretch, and BAM!, a loud sound like a leaf lower erupts. Or for nice guys they might have guilt at doing something 'selfish'. There is a temptation to wait to a better time, which often becomes never. Our ego fears we will do something badly! But the truth is, anything that cultivates growth will be done, at best, badly (really just imperfectly). Doing something even less perfectly is just as good, or greater an opportunity for self awareness as doing something just imperfectly. Awareness, attention, and mindfulness is increased.

The Rubber Band Effect

When we push against a homeostatic system, even one with a unhappy 'set-point', the system pushes back. To succeed, of course consistency and perseverance is necessary, but on occasion, several interventions need to be brought to bear simultaneously to reach a threshhold where the homeostatic set point is 'flipped', or reset.

Green girl Christmas💚

christmas eve

Glow-up tips that actually work from your favourite beauty girly (me)

Hot girls don't gatekeep, so here are some of my favourite glow-up tips that actually work. <3

Skin

Find a skincare routine that works for you!! It took me years to find mine, but now my skin is literally perfect. <3 (let me know if you guys want a detailed skincare routine!!)

Don't pick your skin, the less you touch your face, the better.

I believe ice rollers are bs…

If you struggle with dark circles, don't try fixing them through skincare. Most likely, the problem comes from your diet or stress.

Dry brushing is a game-changer!!

Use lotion after every shower and apply a body spray before the lotion is fully absorbed into your skin. You'll smell amazing for DAYS.

Don't try homemade skincare if you already struggle with your skin. I learned it the hard way, lol…

WASH YOUR MAKEUP BRUSHES

Hair

The more heat you use, the more damage you'll have.

SILK PILLOWCASES

Never sleep with wet or damp hair.

Stop buying cheap shampoo and conditioner, also make sure to check the ingredients!!

Some ingredients to avoid: Sulfates, Parabens, Polyethene Glycols, Triclosan, Formaldehyde, Synthetic Fragrances and Colors, Dimethicone, Retinyl Palmitate.

I trim my hair every 3 months.

If you have damaged hair, invest in some Olaplex!! my favourites are N4c, N6 and N7. <3

Diet

green juice actually makes you feel better. I make mine at home and LOVE it :)

Balance is key!! I swear by the 80/20 rule.

Drink more water, even if you think you're drinking enough. DRINK MORE

Keto is BS <3

Focus on eating more protein. Usually, low-fat products have more protein, so I just try to buy those, lol.

I eat gluten-free, not by choice… But it did clear my acne, so…

Take supplements, get a blood test done, discuss it with a doctor and start taking whatever they recommend. GAME CHANGER.

EAT MORE VEGETABLES and fruits.

Lifestyle

Focus on being more active, walk more, workout, join a club or sport, dance, whatever works for you!!

I aim for 10K steps, I live in a big city, so I usually walk more than that but still.

Hobbies that don't include screen time. Trust me.

Find your personal style and ALWAYS dress up. <3

TREAT YOURSELF. Buy yourself flowers, and presents, go to your favourite restaurants, vacations!!

Read more. As a classics lover, I can't imagine a life without literature, but even if you don't like classics, any book is better than no book!!

Take more pictures. I've noticed that I have become a lot more present since I've started taking more pictures!! highly recommend :)

I hate to say this, but getting up earlier is lowkey kinda great... been doing it for a few weeks, and unfortunately, I do feel better... they were right...

Get a cat. :)

Mindset

Stop assuming that everyone hates you, they don't, trust me.

Journaling, manifesting, law of attraction, affirmations.

one of my favourite affirmations: "if I weren't capable, the opportunity wouldn't have come my way; I belong here." <3

Stop hanging out with people who drain your energy

stop consuming media that makes you feel bad.

What would the highest version of yourself do?

If you change your mindset, you will change your life.

Romanticise every aspect of your life. <3

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and glow-up tips in the comments! <3

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

It’s still in the 80s where I live but I hope it’s nice and chill for everyone else

Staying on top with fitness

Ways to Check In with Yourself

What I personally use, and you could too. I check in with myself everyday.

1. Asking myself if there’s anything that’s bothering me at work

Sometimes I’m bothered by work I’ve been procrastinating about; or reaching out a contact I know I should’ve reached out to earlier. I then start making a list on my notes, making bullet points for each task.

Noting it down helps me visualise what I need to do, and ensuring that I get it done.

I do this by using prompts. I write these down in my notes app, I open them whenever I decide to check in with myself.

These are my work check- in questions:

A. Am I stressed at the moment?

B. If I am, why?

C. What do I need to do for myself right now?

D. Do I need someone else’s help for this?

E. If yes, who is that person?

F. What do I need to do today in order to end my day with a peaceful mind?

2. At social events - going to the bathroom alone to collect myself

Sometimes, at events, I’ll go to the bathroom for 5 minutes to regroup myself. I ask myself how I’m feeling and what I’m feeling… if I’m at a party, this is the point where I consider if I can drink* more or not/ sober up a bit. I also take the time to make a semi decent game plan.

A. How am I feeling?

B. Am I in a state where I can drink more?

C. When was the last time I drank water?

D. Am I hungry?

E. How am I getting home - do I have a cab booked, is someone going to drop me, am I going home by myself?

F. Do I want to leave right now or am I having a good time?

*I do not encourage minors drinking - please drink responsibly

3. Using this free app called How We Feel

I absolutely adore it. It helps you check in with your feelings, identify them, understand triggers and show you a different perspective on handling things.

Personally speaking, I’ve set the reminders to 3 times a day (morning, afternoon and evening) so that I can track myself better.

Pilates, lemon drops, Italy, yachts, French tips, Dior lipgloss, designer handbags, warm days, pasta, feet in the Amalfi Coast waters.

I’m ready for vibes.

morning and night