𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞? 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧."

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬: 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

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In the far-off, distant past, there was once a coiling collar.

At the age of 6, Prim was raised to believe one thing. If she were to make her parents proud and happy, then it means she's a good child.

“I want people, I want people,” it cried, this cursed collar.

And so she did. She met every expectations whether small or big, she earned medals at a young age and even had her certificates displayed on the wall.

Don’t get angry. 

"I'm sorry..." Prim softly choked on her sobs as she is kneeling down, clutching onto her father's pants.

Don’t abandon me.

"I won't do it again, I promise!" She begged and cried. All because she made a mistake, she hates it when people yell at her. Why is her father looking at her coldly? Is he leaving her?

Don’t go anywhere.

She was alone in the room, crying. Why did he leave? Didn't she promise to be a good girl? Why? What did she do wrong? She thought she was making him happy!

(Hey.)

As Prim gets older, she kept hearing the same thing from her parents. 'It doesn't matter to us if you're an achiever or not, we just want you to have better grades, but it's better if you are an achiever.'

It strangles me tightly, til I could throw up, whenever no one's, no one's around.

She didn't know when it happened, but she started fulfilling their expectations. She studied hard, getting recognized by teachers and even scoring high marks.

Nice grades, huh?

Prim is holding her report card, the average is high and her conduct is highly satisfactory...yet it feels so...empty to her.

Hey, hey, aren’t I a good kid?

Everytime her mother is viewing her card, she is praising her child for maintaining the high grades. But she nitpicks when her grade in a certain subject is lower than the previous semesters and quarters, causing Prim to feel more pressure.

Aren’t I a cute kid?

Soon, it even turned to appearances. Ever since her father had passed away, she gained weight. She wasn't really all this 'fat' or 'chubby', she's fit.

Hey, hey,

Yet their insults never stopped, it was suffocating to the point she wanted to carve a knife to her skin until she cuts out the imperfect parts of her. Until she began to slowly lose weight, exercising and starting diets even if she has a medical condition that doesn't allow her to eat less.

I’m good, right?

She hated seeing her face, her reflection and body since she gained weight. But as she slowly lost the heavy weight, the fat and chubby cheeks...she could finally be confident in herself, to finally look at a mirror without breaking it.

It hurts, hey...

But why does she sometimes feel like she needs to change some parts of her?

Love me.

She seeks validation, whether through academics or just compliments about her body and face.

Love me.

She even decided to have curtain bangs, to cut her waist-length hair and turn it to a wolfcut.

Love me.

She learned how to use makeup, to make herself look more pretty and hide her ugly parts.

more and more.

"Your eyeliner is amazing!" A girl from Prim's class commented when Prim entered the room. Prim puts on her usual smile for formalities and façades, someone noticed? It felt nice. "Thank you." She softly replies.

Love me.

"If you all need complete notes, you should all talk to Prim." A teacher says during a review session, Prim's eyes widened as she didn't expect anyone to acknowledge her notes. It's pretty, clear and those aesthetic notes you see in pinterest.

Love me.

They were having an activity where a paper with a student's name gets passed around in a circle and everyone writes what the think or see of that person, once Prim read hers, she received many compliments.

So much that it's maddening

Prim gets praised by her teachers that whenever she enters the faculty room, her teachers smile when seeing her.

It's painful

Prim slowly finds herself piled up in duties that were way worse than before, causing her to feel overwhelmed and pressured.

It hurts

She wants to cry, to scream, to be angry. She's human too, why can't they see that? She's not always the Perfect and Smiling President.

Break, break this binding spell, okay?

"Is this what my life would be like?!" She cries to her best friend who remains quiet, gazing at her with pity. She was always known to be perfect, to be able to handle pressure and always come out on top. Yet her closest friends see the truth, how broken and how much pain she endures.

It can't be stopped...

Yet she can't stop this, this responsibility, this pain and this pressure. She was never supposed to be involved in design team for competitions anyway, why did they have to include her in the design team? Once she sent the design, there were no objections. Yet when it was finally discussed upon, those bitches had to fucking ruin it and act arrogantly because someone older was backing them up.

"I'm fucking older than them, I'm the President. I don't use any of these as a way to get things my way, so why the fuck can't they understand and comply when their own ideas are fucking garbage?! I fucking tolerated everything, every fucking headache and stress they give me and this j what I get in return for being so nice, for not being a bitch?!"

Prim throws her bag, destroying everything she sees. Screaming and punching and even kicking things. Destroying graded projects and papers and even attempting to hurt herself. Scratching her body, pulling her hair or hitting her head.

Yet her mother never comforted her, only telling her to stop crying, it's annoying. And it triggered Prim.

No matter how big your body, your body grows, this collar remains small.

Prim continues onto living, putting her dark humor as for 'jokes' when she's thought about offing herself. The fucking adult in the room can't even act like one, yet gives the eldest the fucking responsibility of one. It disappoints and disgusts Prim.

It's agonizing now, but this is nothing new.

She grits her teeth underneath the face mask she wears as she fakes a smile, luckily the face mask hides it. It hides the hatred Prim bears for everyone she despises.

People just, people just—they're not enough.

Prim slowly loses herself in all this pain. If it's not academics she struggles with, it's life.

I vow not to lose to anyone in my class, aren't I a lovely child?

Prim's heart aches and sinks to her stomach each time she reaches the achiever's list, she's happy but only for a short while. Of course, if she tells her mother, that woman would be proud. Yet Prim has to bear the weight of expectations and responsibility again.

(right?)

She can't even play her video games as much as she wants, she can't even laze around for a bit when it's the weekend as much as she wants.

Way more than that child and more than that child. Everyone, marvel at me!

Prim climbs on stage, receives her certificate and smiles brightly before bowing and leaving the stage. Finally, all her hard work and breakdowns made it to where she is now. Is it all worth it?

Behind the gymnasium when I told you that I was in love

"I like you for a really long time now. I know you'd figure that one out easily since you pick up hints that fast." A girl confesses to Prim, she was taken aback of course. Under all that much insecurities and issues she has, someone actually likes her? Or is it just because of how they view her?

Wasn't that kind of a lie?

"Ah, I see..." Prim replies before noticing the girl's nervous expression, she's sensitive to people's emotions. She's scared that if she makes the wrong move, people will hate her and it's all her fault. "How about I think about my answer to you before replying? I...wanna make sure if I feel the same way." She replies, it gives the girl hope. The weight in Prim's chest feels a little light.

I love you so, so very much

Prim accepted the confession, made the relationship work even in long distance. Yet as time passes, that girl seems to change. Be moody, start a fight and not even hear Prim out, even calling out Prim's issue and struggle of being too sensitive to other people's emotions. "You would atleast understand what I'm feeling!" It echoed to Prim's head, she wants to tear that girl apart and rip her to shreds.

Even though I think you are trash.

That girl never went through the abuse and trauma Prim had to undergo, they were never kicked out of the house when they were sick, they never had to experience in facing expectations of everyone or having to change their own body for someone else's sake! Or needing to discard their own pain and feelings because their significant other or family is in pain and need comfort! Or having to fear mirrors because she dislikes the way she looks! Or having to bargain God to atleast change places with her dead father!

Love me.

Now the girl is ghosting Prim. During that time, Prim slowly learned things herself, is this what she really wants in a relationship? To be this hurt and misunderstood just like her mother does? To hate arguments because it reminds her of her mother's fights?

Love me. Love me.

She slowly realized she was losing feelings during the 4 days the girl ghosted her—No, this isn't right! She's supposed to keep her promise! She swore to never be like her father who can't keep a single promise! Why us that girl so cold? Why is the spark gone?! Are they not interested anymore?! Do they not love her anymore?! But Prim loves them! Whether they were being an asshole or a dick, they still accepted the insults and called 'dramatic' for writing Prim's own issues in writing as a coping mechanism.

I'll give you everything.

Everyone knows how devoted and loyal Prim is when she falls in love. Even if there were pretty and handsome people in her school, in her class, she only had eyes for her lover. Wasn't that loyalty enough?! Being excited to talk to her lover after school, to be able to talk to them again...

I'll have you.

And that person broke it off in Halloween, just when Prim had made a gift. Prim felt her world shatter, she didn't know what came of her when she suddenly burned the gift just to feel something. She already lost her own identity, emotions and personality because of everything. She can't feel, what's going on? After all the nights she spent awake trying to understand why this gurl was just so important to her, finally accepting that she is bi...just to be replaced by someone near that girl? A boy?

I'll have you.

She hid the pain from her family, heartbreak is normal after all. People only confess to her because she was the fat pitiful girl, she was used to it. But why does this hurt so much?

I'll have you shoulder everything for me.

She can't cry, she has duties to fulfill. She pushes that pain down and focuses on completing her project and duties as the girl people see her as. Usually, being the President could mean that you are the 'head' or leader of the class when the teacher isn't around, it feels like a dream isn't it? But for Prim? Being the President means needing to do things a Secretary or Monitor should do, needing to keep everyone in check or having to announce events going on in class. Yet the 'popular' girls think they're high and mighty and don't respect Prim, even though Prim wants to hurt them—she never does. She's surprised her patience last that long. Her own adviser is a useless adult as it doesn't even really act like one, giving Prim all the responsibility alone and it makes Prim sick.

It's not enough.

Her eyes lost their shine, she doesn't feel like her body is her own anymore. She doesn't even feel anything, she feels so numb.

You're not enough.

Everytime her mother tries to act affectionate after fighting with her, it makes Prim so sick. She knows she has mommy issues, yet her mom makes everything worse to the point she even questions her own life.

I won't let you go.

She doesn't know what went through her mother's mind, telling her details before, during and after Prim was born. Her father was never present during the time of her mother's pregnancy, he was staying at another girl's house and they broke it off when her mother found out. Yet, they got together when Prim was born. Their anniversary is Prim's birthday, causing her to dislike it.

Please forgive me.

She hates herself even more, disliking her own date of birth. Prim slowly underwent an identity crisis, she has thoughts she wishes to escape that even no internet or music can't help her escape it. She hates her own being, feeling betrayed and offended by the act that her parents had to keep. Pretending to be a 'happy' family, making her think abuse is normal when it isn't. She hates it.

Love me.

Prim doesn't understand why her life became like this.

Love me.

She's been sexually abused since childhood even up till now, no matter what her body looked like.

Love me.

Prim wants to fall in love, to trust someone again after that horrible relationship but...is it really worth it?

More and more.

A lady matures faster than a man is what her mother would say, yet it irritates Prim that her mother never let her experience a proper childhood without all the trauma and abuse or needing to be a perfect golden for validation.

Love me.

When Prim wants to wear what she wants, her mother acts dramatic about it. When Prim wants to put on makeup to make herself look pretty, her brothers act as if it's the end of the world and Prim hates it.

Love me.

Whenever Prim complains, her mother goes "It doesn't matter, you're an honor student now." It makes Prim wonder if that's what's really important to her mom.

So much that it's maddening.

Is her life even worth it just to be a trophy daughter? Is this what she'll grow up to? Pleasing people, putting on façades and always needing to put her pain away because her feelings aren't validated?

It hurts.

She can't breathe.

I won't let go.

Prim gasps for air as she sits up and tries to count to 10 as she takes deep breath.

It hurts.

Prim grips her hair. She's never had an anxiety attack before, she doesn't know what to do. She grabs her phone and tries to breathe. "Hello?" "Mom, come here please." She drops the call and phone as she cries, why can't she breathe?

More, more and hey.

Prim works hard everyday, to make people happy, keep her grades up and to make sure her body maintains it's healthy shape so she won't be rushed to the hospital anymore. She spent her childhood in a hospital and it was torture. White plains walls, machines and tubes around you, oxygen tanks, needles and you feel like wanting to die. Prim's used to the needles poking her skin, she has high pain tolerance after all. Puking acid, that horrible smell of soap they mop the floor with and the food.

This is happiness.

it's either i'd like it or hate it i'm just joking heizou, ily

OK here's a new icon game: would you trust your icon to interpret your character correctly if you were fictional?

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

🚨 Help Save Shada’s Family and Baby Adam! 🚨

My name is Shada Kassab, and I am a 24-year-old mother living in Gaza. Every day is a fight for survival for me, my husband Hussein, and our baby boy Adam, who is just five months old.

Our lives have been turned upside down by war. My home has been reduced to rubble, and my husband lost his water truck, which was our only source of income. We’ve been forced to evacuate twice—from Deir el Balah to the Nuseirat camp—and now, we live in constant fear of what the future holds.

To make matters worse, Adam was born with clubfoot and urgently needs surgery. The cost for his treatment and specialized medical boots is at least $3000, but this surgery isn’t even possible in Gaza.

I recently graduated as a nurse, and I dream of building a better life for my family. But to do that, we must leave Gaza and start over in safety.

💔 I need your help to save my family and give Adam a future. Even a small donation 5$ can bring us closer to safety, and if you can’t donate, sharing our story means the world to us.

gofundme.com

Donate to Support Shada's Family to Escape Gaza, organized by Jess Rapoza

Hello supporter, my name is Jessica Rapoza from USA and I’m raising funds for 24 yea… Jess Rapoza needs your support for Support Shada's Fam

I dream of living in safety, of seeing Adam grow up healthy, and of building a better life for us all. Please don’t give up on us. Your kindness can make all the difference.

❤️ Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your support and compassion give us strength to keep going.

Glad I could help! Keep up w your writing it’s very good and an interesting read for sure. Have a great rest of your day

THANKK YOU IM VERY SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLYYY

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

THE CREATOR

Prim / Sona Yuki

"Don't worry, baby. No one's going to hurt you not when I'm here, ready to attack anyone who dares touch you or look at you that way"

HERE PRIM ISSS WOOHOOO

So Prim is her "Creator" name whereas Sona Yuki is her alias.

Pronouns are she/her, he/him, they/them

Prim's an aromantic

Biologically female

If she isn't the creator, she'd have a hydro or dendro vision.

Her weapon is a polearm (again, if playable)

She has red streaks in her hair as she did that as a joke, now she kind of (?) remembers Vox Akuma with the red streaks (I'm sorry Vox, ily <3)

She wears a silk blouse on top of her black sleeveless turtleneck

She wears rings and fishnet gloves

Somehow fucking emo, don't ask why

"It's not a phase, it's a lifestyle, BITCH" - Prim

Very flirty (usually for fan service)

She has a flirty personality due to going to cosplay events back in the real world, so she's used to being flirty, flirted upon and is used to people asking her for...regular cosplay things. (Not dirty, you hoes)

Somehow messy short hair (?) One bang covers her eyes cause she likes being a mysterious mf. This bitch [affectionately]

Has deep blue ocean eyes that sometimes changes into her natural hazel eyes.

Ocean blue eyes (as Sona Yuki)

Hazel Eyes (Prim)

Likes to keep flowers and stores them in her small box that she somehow brought with her in her black bag.

She's very fashionable af, but often dresses like an e-boy or e-girl.

When she's mad or when a situation goes out of hand, she remains quiet to avoid saying things she shouldn't say.

Somehow fucking patient and rarely raises her voice.

Can be your maternal-figure or sister-figure

When she's playful, her hands go to your neck and rests there.

If she likes a certain topic, she rambles. (Try telling her to shut up, I dare you)

If ever someone tells her to stop rambling, it breaks her excitement and she never does it again. (Try, you bastard)

Mommy and Daddy Issues

Has a fucking trauma that even her therapist can't help her

In her healing/self-love era

Trying to heal the traumatic scars

Has a dark humor often about her dead dad

Has a curvy figure. big hips big butt yk.

Her thighs are thick as well, lucky for those with thigh privileges.

Always wears this blue scrunchie a friend gave her which she cherishes deeply <3

Is aromantic but wants a gf/bf.

A green flag despite her trauma.

Sometimes acts like a man.

Often man spreads when sitting except when she wears skirts or shorts.

If she has an urge, she must do it.

Very affectionate when you're close to her, she even gives platonic kisses (not on the lips)

Often wears her black face mask (so if ever you want her to kiss you on the lips, expect a face mask to be the one blocking her actual lips.)

Very lazy but also hard working.

Don't scold her for laying down and doing nothing, she's recharging her social battery.

OKAY I TRIED IT IN MY DRAFTS, THANK YOU ANON 💕💕💕💕 I'LL BE SURE TO PUT IT IN MY WRITING

You can use :readmore: and then hit enter/return and it will auto format and you’ll be able to see it right away to confirm it’s there

Oh, so like I should type it like that in mobile? Sorry if I'm asking questions, I really don't know how to put it in mobile 😭

So this may not be important but I came out of the closet to my aunt yesterday and she really supports it since her nephews and nieces come out to her as well, even asked if I was comfortable with telling her or showing her the person I like, it really removed the heavy weight in my chest and really felt nice. I'm planning on telling my mom about it soon, I'll just wait for the right timing. So to those who really want to come out but can't, you'll find your pace when you do, whether you come out to relatives, family or friends, there will always be people who support you no matter the gender you associate with <3

i am looking disrespectfully

My genshin team basically

the chaos. I love it.

The Simp Mug

MC: So I got this mug

You show the mug with the writing said "I simp for you" on it

MC: Whoever gave this. Thank you. I'm fluttered that someone actually simping for me.

The brothers: ...

Later that day

The Demon Brothers (New) (7)

Mammon: Which one of you fuckers gave that mug to MC!

Belphegor: Funny. I was about to ask you the same thing Asshole!

Leviathan: This is so unfair! I thought we all agree that we doing it subtly!

Leviathan: But NOOO!! One of you had to ruin it for everyone.

Asmodeus: Right!? Now MC would try and find out who's their secret simp!

Asmodeus: Personally I prefer being called Lover then Simp.

Leviathan: Simp: when a male is overly submissive to someone and gains nothing from it.

Beelzebub: Really? But we gain love from MC in different ways right?

Belphegor: Truth. I like Beel's definition more then Levi's

Leviathan: Hey! I'm telling you what the definition is!!!

Satan: Strange.

Satan: Lucifer hasn't said anything this whole chat.

Lucifer: And you haven't?

Satan: We all know that you treat MC differently.

Lucifer: The pot calling the kettle black.

Satan: Fuck you!

Mammon: Dumbasses! Focus!

Meanwhile

Outsiders (4)

Simeon: It seem I made a mistake.

Simeon: So, Solomon and I were browsing Akuzon for a joke gift for Luke.

Simeon: But before long, the discussion move from Luke to MC. At that moment I saw this mug with a funny saying,

Simeon: Then Solomon explain what "Simp" means. But I didn't realize that I accidently sent that mug to MC as a gift.

Diavolo: Oh.

Barbatos: How did you manage to send such a gift?

Solomon: In our defense, we were both drunk at the time, and we all know how bad Simeon is with Technology.

Simeon: Did you have to added that Last part?

Solomon: Yes.