Day 27 - You Don’t Understand - Blackinnon - @blackinnonfest

day 27 - you don’t understand - blackinnon - @blackinnonfest

“it’s not that simple,” said marlene.

they weren’t exactly fighting, but it felt strangely similar.

“i don’t get it. a few months ago you weren’t speaking to me cause you thought i was taking you for granted, that i was using you somehow, while i thought we were on the same fucking boat, mind you.” sirius paused, taking a second to compose himself before continuing. “so we talked through it and fixed things or so i thought, cause how in the hell are we in the same situation again, marls?” he wasn’t exactly desperate, but exasperated more like.

marlene could barely stand to watch him in the eyes, so she was grateful they were on the move again.

“it’s not the same, not at all” she replied.

“no, you’re right. you’re right it’s not. it’s worse. cause this time i know you want to be with me much as i want to be with you and yet you flinch every time i breath near you.” sirius was on the edge of screaming, but they weren’t supposed to be making any noise, trying to sneak back into the gryffindor tower before a prefect caught them.

“i told you, it’s not that easy” she repeated for the tenth time that day, trying to keep up with his longer strides.

“you haven’t told me shit, mckinnon. why do you resist taking the easy way into this?” finally, sirius had stopped and turned to look at her.

and again, marlene wanted nothing more than to look at anything but him.

because how could she explained to him that she was terrified. frightened. even more so than the time she had finally explained to him why she felt so hurt last time he had ditched her for some other girl while expecting her to be there once he got bore.

that being a teenage witch was an entirely different thing than being a teenage wizard. and that there were layers to it as well, because sirius black wasn’t just any wizard, even if he was, according to the one and only howler walburga had ever sent him last year, the disgrace of the family.

sirius wasn’t free of them, not really. marlene had the suspicion that still, everything he did or didn’t do was a statement back to his family, whether it was on purpose or not. he couldn’t help being who he was much more than she could blame herself for falling for him.

because she had fallen for that stupid, smug faced moron. yes, moron. not that insulting him on her mind and frequently to his face had made much for her.

she had still being stupid enough to fall for the boy.

and worse than loving him? was the fact that for whatever reason, he loved her back. well, liked her back at least. enough so that he had been pushing for them to go public, to stop with all the secrecy and running around.

but she couldn’t, it scared her too much.

“are you…?” started sirius, taking a breath in. “are you done with me?” he finally asked.

marlene couldn’t be sure with all the darkness around them, but there was something akin to hurt in sirius’ eyes.

“what?” marlene mouth opened in surprise at the question, the implications of it.

“seems to me the only logical explanation”

“no, that’s not… i told you, it’s not—“

“that simple, yes, i’ve heard.” frustrated this time, sirius passed a hand through his face. they were near the entrance to the tower now. “i’ll make it easier for you then” he said and marlene knew before he said it where this was gonna end up.

she braced herself for it, cause really, what else could she do?

sirius took a while longer before speaking, as if expecting her to say or do something to stop him, but nothing came.

“alright then, we’re finish. i’m finish” and after that, he turn around, gave the password to the fat lady and marlene saw him disappear behind the portrait.

she felt her heart clenched in her chest, her whole body going cold.

trying to console herself over the fact that, at least, they wouldn’t have to explain anything to their friends, she followed him into the tower only to fall apart once she reached her bed.

who would’ve bet that she would’ve been the one to fucked it all up.