I'd like to begin with saying in no way, shape, or form, will I be bashing the beautiful Black woman, wife and mother, Nara Smith. I actually aspire to be like her.
I also prefer content and media (both digital and physical) that cater to the life I have been creating for myself:
Led by God
With a God-fearing man (soon to be my fiancé - then husband, God-willing),
As a wife and mother,
While having the time and ease to do things that bring me peace and happiness like basking in the sun, working out, creating dinner experiences, rolling in academia - simultaneously having a career with a lower tempo, hints my transition from one career field to another (another post for another day).
I love watching her content, especially all of the dishes she makes from scratch.
But what upsets me, are the Black women that make a mockery of her lifestyle and make the excuse like "who wants to be a traditional wife" or "ain't nobody got time for all of that" and people saying that her lifestyle is unrealistic.
Lets be real.
A lot of women who bash Nara Smith are jealous.
Nara Smith is a young woman who is also a model, married, with two children and a third on the way.
Besides being a model, what about my previous statement is unrealistic or unattainable?
"Well who makes everything from scratch like that?!"
Everyone outside of the United States of America, darling.
I implore all the women who read my blog to please travel outside of the United States. Everyone makes everything from scratch and not only is it healthier, it taste amazing.
My first experience in Europe was the Summer of 2017, as an intern at the University of Science and Technology in Bydgoszcz, Poland.
While interning, I also traveled to Germany and Amsterdam.
During my tenure in Europe, I walked everywhere, used public transportation (it was clean, on time and efficient if I may add), went to people's homes where they made their authentic dishes and simple ones from scratch - while simultaneously losing 15lbs, and not on purpose.
Making your desired entrees from scratch versus using products that are processed and already made with preservatives are better for your health. Not only do you taste the difference but you will feel the difference.
Back to the point of women being jealous of Nara Smith's more traditional lifestyle and leisure:
The unfortunate truth of this - speaking as a Black woman with real Black Women experiences - so many Black women are truly perturbed by Nara's choice to take the time to cater to her children, household and husband as she does.
I think most of this disturbance comes from the fact that as Black women, we're told from early youth to work so hard and earn so many accolades where we do not need a man/husband and to not submit to the idea of motherhood and marriage until you receive every possible degree, award and accomplishment - which turns into us working just as hard as men to achieve a certain status, settling down in our mid 30s, yikes!
I have recently transitioned from one career field to another due to my desire to not only become a wife, but a mother.
But not an overworked wife who does not have time to cater to herself, household and husband, but a mother who has the time to be as hands-on as possible, make dinner, be a part of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), etc.
This was my reality as a child. My parents were married; My father had a career that pulled him away sometimes but he was the providing a comfortable life for my mother, sister and I. My mother chose to have an at-home daycare so she can make my sister and I breakfast in the morning, be home to receive us after school, help us with our lessons, and put us to sleep. She was intentional with her career choice so she could cater to herself, take care of her home and her family.
And there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to still work to have some independence, but choosing a career that is not as demanding that she sacrifices her family for it.
I brought all of this up due to conversations I had with women in my previous line of work who tried to convince me that I could "have it all" as they like to say: meaning that I could have the demanding career and title, be married, and have children.
Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am extremely observant. During the last four years in my career field, I paid attention and listened quite carefully to the women who had children in both orthodox and unorthodox manners. The women who were married, with a child or children said all of the following:
"There was a time I spent a year away from my child, leaving them at three months of age."
"I was on my feet working just to go home and still be working."
"I got divorced because he couldn't understand that I wanted a certain level of success and being at home would not push me towards that goal."
"I don't even have time for myself."
"I have missed so many important moments."
Mind you, there's more. And I'm not saying that you cannot be married, with children and have a demanding career. I just believe it is irresponsible for older career woman to perpetuate the narrative that you can have 100% of everything all at the same time - when it's not true. Something or someone is going to be neglected.
So when I chose to transition out of my previous occupation, all of these women kept trying to persuade me to stay, but then I looked at their lives, it was not what I wanted:
Woman 1: Divorced with a boyfriend, three children (two different fathers) - spent months at a time away from her children, struggles with being feminine; Top of the food chain at work.
Woman 2: Married closer to 40, one child, lives a flight away from her husband to keep her demanding career, spends weeks away from her son.
Woman 3: Divorced, two children, sleeping around (with people we know) and the joke of our department, falls in love fast, one son has joined a gang, ex-husband is in-and-out of jail; Has worked for our organization for 15 years.
Woman 4: Left her newborn after two months to take a position in another country for a year, marriage suffered tremendously, also another "big dog" for the organization.
Now, as a woman who wants the lifestyle I already described in the paragraphs at the beginning of my piece, are these stories that I would want to emulate?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I won't go as far as saying that this is every woman's reality who has a demanding career, but even the women who stay married and have children have also told me that their marriage suffered tremendously and there is a closeness they lack with their children.
And again, that statement is not for the totality of working woman, but it's a shared experience of most.
When I told multiple women that I am ready to be a wife and a mother I was told I would regret it.
I don't and I won't.
I've had a job since I was 16; I have dated, traveled, lived in the city and suburbs on my own, and my truest desire is to live a life of leisure and peace, with my future husband and children.
So, for the girlies who are ready to settle down, leave the busy careers behind, do it!
Side bar - I just turned 26, I want to have my first child before 30 (and after I am married of course).
And do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow people's opinions, especially your Black female peers (it is what it is), to dissuade you from the lifestyle you truly desire, because they are the same women who complain about how miserable they are because of their choices, and misery loves company.
Choose your family, choose love, choose yourself.
With Love,
Sarah Chanel
Cannot believe no matter how many times I watch the hunger games it still manages to make me so.
THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (2023) dir. Francis Lawrence THE HUNGER GAMES (2012) dir. Gary Ross THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013) dir. Francis Lawrence
(insp.)
so i’ve noticed some people in my life, mostly girls, who date guys who aren’t neccesarily bad (but kinda) , but they’re dating them just to have a bf, yk? like they don’t really like the guy, they just want a bf. obviously it’s none of my business, but loves, don’t lower your standards, don’t date someone just so your not single- date someone when you really care.
know what you want- plan out what you want in a bf/gf
list traits that you find important in a relationship and a partner
decide what you would tolerate and what you wouldn’t
manifest and believe- you will meet your dream person when the time is right!
set your priorities- better yourself
don’t put all your energy towards finding a date, you’ll only get your heart broken
work towards your goals and dreams, keep your friends close
don’t be desperate- don’t go for someone you don’t like
if someone asks you out but you really don’t like them, just reject them!
don’t date someone/go out with someone if you really don’t like them
wait-
just wait, in time you will meet your dream person! remember to not be desperate, know what you want in a relationship, work on yourself and don’t let relationships bring you down
Things I Have to do for My Sanity
1. Wake up at the first alarm - no snoozing and no going lying around in bed. Getting up straight away and head to the bathroom. It’s going to suck initially but you’ll get used to it in a few days.
2. Mental self care: 30 minute meditation, brain games mental math, reading, news. Knowledge is sexy and don’t deny yourself sexiness.
3. Daily review in my diary at the beginning and end of my day: what went well, what didn’t, what I need to accomplish to achieve my goals. This has tremendously helped my goals and keeping my motivation more consistent, especially at work. Analysing and correcting incremental changes creates long term success.
4. Cleaning up before bed - clothes, shoes, organising my bag, etc. I set a timer for 5 minutes and try to get as much done as possible.
5. Pick out my clothes the night before and steam iron them for the next day.
6. Face masks twice a week, a hair mask once a week, I scrub the soles of my feet with that foot scrubbing thingy once a week. Manicures every month because my nail beds are too sensitive to do it biweekly, iron supplements so that I’m not a moody bitch. Matching underwear to feel good about myself. Lavender spray on my pillow before sleeping so that I don’t get weird dreams.
7. Reading biographies and autobiographies. My mentor had suggested this to me and it’s amazing how literally I don’t have a single original experience - everything I’ve felt or mistakes I’ve made have already been done by someone else.
I’m going to curate a list of business books that I feel that have helped me the most recently.
8. I write a short essay everyday in the language I’m currently learning. I also end my day by talking about my day for at least 2 minutes in that language and I record it in voice memos to keep a track of my progress. I want to be fluent to a level where I can think in this language.
✨
I don’t generally share a lot about my personal life - none of you know my name or where I’m based and I feel comfortable doing that. But I do want to start giving out more insights to what I’m doing personally in my career - the good, the bad, the ugly.
Being self aware and honest to myself has helped me improve a lot. I know that shame is my Achilles heel, so now I’m reading books to combat that. I’ve caved in and decided to try therapy for a bit to see if what I’m doing is useful or not. My first session is tomorrow. Staying disciplined was my initial hurdle but the systems I’ve set (waking up early + habit stacking) have helped me slowly overcome that.
Work side, I’ve started establishing myself publicly more. I don’t want to reveal too much about what I do exactly but the good news is that our biggest competitor has noticed my progress (a former employee of that company came to us for an interview and directly asked our top management about me). It’s been 4 months that I’ve been working here but I know that next year I really have to swing the bat and hit a home run. I’ve decided to work on the field more and less in the office to really understand people’s needs and create unique solutions.
The daily/weekly/quarterly diary is definitely credited to my recent wins. That’s the biggest change I’ve made in my routine and i can already see that it’s working well. I’m going to continue refining and implementing that method.
Recent work methods I’ve decided to start working on (I’m not required to do these but I do it for my growth):
1. I’ve started studying popular companies’ business and revenue models in detail. Everything is adoptable and adaptable, you just have to figure out how to tweak something for your company’s clients and needs. Now I’ve decided that I want to keep a track of our competitors, their business models, their owners names, pricing strategy, their target audience etc etc on an excel sheet so that I’m aware with what’s happening in the market.
2. I’ve started making client profiles. Every time I meet a client, I note down their name, the company name, what they were like, anything specific they seemed to like or want, how much they had paid us for a service, what their paying capacity could be, etc.
Self Care Tips for the High Maintenance Woman 🌸
Hey babes, It’s your girl Chichi! it’s no secret that living in the 21st century is tough. It seems like there are more demands on women than ever before, and the expectations for what a woman should be capable of doing at any given moment seem to increase with each passing day. The result? Stress levels through the roof, not enough time or money to do anything about it, and an emotional rollercoaster that never stops running.
Self-care is important for everyone, but it’s especially crucial for women in the age of self-doubt, social media judgment, and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)
The good news is you don’t have to live this way! Further down in this blog post, we’ll discuss 3 self-care tips for women so you can finally start taking better care of yourself without sacrificing who you are. 💅🏾
When you care for yourself, you are taking time to recharge your batteries. Its a form of tapping into your Feminine Energy! You’re self-nurturing, taking care of your body and mind so you can be the best version of yourself. It’s not selfish or a sign that you don’t love others; it’s simply about giving yourself what you need to do all the hard work in life. If you are interested in some other tips; “On how to tap into your Feminine Energy click here!
Self-care can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day for yourself, doing something that makes you feel good inside out, surrounding yourself with self-loving people, or treating yourself to something special every once in a while..
A lack of self-care comes from never feeling like we have enough time, money, or self-love to do the things we need. We don’t prioritize ourselves because of our own self-doubt and lack of self-worth. Keep scrolling down to find out what 3 self care tips I focus most of my attention on!
Want to improve your looks, memory, concentration, energy, and productivity? Want to more easily maintain a healthy weight? Want to strengthen your immune system and live happier, healthier, and longer? TRY GETTING AT LEAST 7-8 HOURS OF REST EACH NIGHT!
How you put yourself to bed and what time you turn off the lights makes a huge impact on how productive you’ll be the following morning, as well as our looks, memory, concentration, energy, and maintaining healthy weight. I find it repulsive that western society stigmatizes sleep. Glorifying those who can push through an all-nighter and dismissing those who prioritize sleep as lazy or unmotivated.
Humans are not like the owls, or cats, or bats that sleep in the day and are awake at night. We are physiologically programmed to do the opposite. This phenomenon has been understood for thousands of years and was recently validated by modern science.
If your like me and used to be a night owl I literally had to train my brain to sleep early as 8-10pm! After a few weeks I fully became used to it and I’ve been doing this for the past year and a half! Here’s how I was able to do it:
1.Avoid Large Meals Right Before Bedtime. Eat dinner at least 3 hours before sleeping
2.Start prepping yourself for bed in the Early Evening 7-8pm. Keep lights low. Limit exposure to bright light in the evenings. Relax. Worrying about a problem or a long to-do list can be a recipe for insomnia. Well before you turn in, try writing down your worries and make a list of tasks you want to remember. This “worry journal” may help move these distracting thoughts from your mind. Closer to bedtime, try com¬forting rituals that may help lull you to sleep: Listen to soft, calming music, take a warm bath, do some easy stretches or read a book or magazine by soft light.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation right before you head to bed:
We know that staying active is one of the best ways to keep our bodies healthy. But did you know it can also improve your overall well-being and quality of life?
Here are just a few of the ways physical activity can help you feel better, look better and live better. Because, why not?
Regular physical activity can relieve stress, anxiety, depression and anger. You know that “feel good sensation” you get after doing something physical? Think of it as a happy pill with no side effects! Most people notice they feel better over time as physical activity becomes a regular part of their lives.It keeps you physically fit and able.
Without regular activity, your body slowly loses its strength, stamina and ability to function properly. It’s like the old saying: you don’t stop moving from growing old, you grow old from stopping moving. Exercise increases muscle strength, which in turn increases your ability to do other physical activities.
I dedicate an hour a day to practicing either Yoga (for relaxation, raising my vibration, & aligning my chakra’s) & Pilates (for stretching & maintaining my figure) with my little sister.
Pilates is a challenging low impact exercise method that balances strength with mobility, aligns the body, fine-tunes movement patterns, and strengthens the deeper muscles of the core. It helps strengthen your core, Posture, reduces mensural pain, eliminates stress, boosts flexibility & agility enhances body awareness.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation when you choose exercise!
Practicing self-care eating means making thoughtful choices about the foods that you put into your body.
Being mindful of what your putting inside of your body is important! Think about it you were born with this body only. would you want to feed it things that would be detrimental to your health?
If you think about it..without attending to one’s own bodily, emotional, and mental needs, how can that same person attend to anything or anyone else?
The food that you choose should provide energy and the nutrition that you need to manage your weight and stay healthy for the long-term. That includes protein, vitamins, fruits, vegetables, whole grains and healthy fats.
To practice self-care eating, ask yourself these 6 questions when you are in the grocery store, planning your meals for the week, or sitting down to eat:
Am I eating to fuel my body? Food is energy. If you are choosing food for other reasons, try writing in a food journal to better understand those choices.
Am I including fresh fruits and vegetables? Fruits and vegetables provide important micro-nutrition as well as fibre. Good gut health will lead to a longer life! reduce risk of Colon Cancer.
Am I meeting my hydration goals? 64 oz or 2L of water, each day help you maintain regularity, lubricate joints, avoid headaches, and regulate temperature.
Am I eating at mealtimes? An eating schedule helps you avoid mindless snacking, impulsive or emotional eating, and helps keep calorie intake in check.
Am I focused on the meal, or distracted by something else? Eat in your eating place. Avoid eating in the car, in front of the TV, or in your relaxing place.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation when you choose nutritious meals!
We all need to care for ourselves for different reasons. Whether you have a family, work full time outside of the home, or are studying to become a professional and it’s hard to balance both responsibilities with self-care.
Self-care is an essential part of living a healthy life. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you may not be able to take care of the people who matter most to you.
Taking time for yourself without feeling guilty, isn’t selfish. It’s essential. It may be difficult at first, but it’s worth the effort if you want to feel healthy and be there for the people you love the most.
If making yourself a priority isn’t coming naturally to you yet, don’t give up—it only gets easier with practice. It takes different forms depending on your needs and personality preferences. One self-care routine could involve taking walks outside or listening to music while another might mean reading a good book by candlelight.
So, find what works best and inspires you and make yourself a priority.
Have any self care tips you’d like to add? let us know in the comments! (chichi xo)
want to see more posts like these? follow @miss-femme-fatale for more!
Source: @miss-femme-fatale
I feel as though I had been in a daze. Sleepwalking, aware but not completely in control. The scientists were right and I hate that they were. Getting a good 7 to 8 hours of sleep is truly the way. It fixed my eating, my skin and most of all my energy levels. How spectacularly accurate their information was. So it makes me want to follow more of their advice. Stick to the road travelled.
Mastery is what we hope to attain. We hope to get a point where we become master of our fields, experts of our work, and mentors to younger people. But the big question we ask ourselves is "what should I do?" "what can I do?" "what is my purpose in life?" and that is a very big question that we might spend our entire lives trying to figure out.
It is difficult now, especially when we hear people talk about their careers, we see updates on people's career changes on LinkedIn and everyone is vying for a job in big tech, big law, consulting, Wall Street and you feel left out, not good enough, in fact discouraged.
However, you can find fulfillment by taking this self-discovery one step at a time, at a pace that best suits your skills, and still rise to the top.
Here is how to find your Life's work:
Look back to your childhood
Often to figure out what you want to do or who you want to become you have to look back to your past, your childhood. What made you tick? What classes were most fun for you? Who did you enjoy watching or spending time with growing up? The answers can give you a peek into the kind of life you want. Growing up I enjoyed reading biographies of people. I was obsessed with how they became successful and how they set themselves apart - now my writing mirrors that.
2. Find your niche
The uncertainty or discomfort you feel could be caused by not fitting into one field. You feel like you can do a lot more than there is out there. This is a great feeling. if you feel this way do not be discouraged. It is your life's journey to figure out the intersection of your interest. It is a sign that you should try out multiple things. Your career may become an amalgamation of your interest, ideas, disciplines, and fields. Here are some intersections that I found in people I admire:
Design + Technology - Steve Jobs- Apple Co-founder, Brian Chesky - Airbnb Co-founder
Food + Technology - Apoorva Mehta; co-founder Instacart
Culture + Commerce - Most architects, designers fit this category
Science + Art - Trip Hawkins; founder of Electronic Arts
Community + technology - Whitney Wolfe Herd; Founder of Bumble
Food + business: Kaspar Basse; founder of Joe & The Juice
Sportsmanship + design - Phil Knight; co-founder of Nike
Environmentalism + Sportsmanship - Yvon Chouinard; founder of Patagonia
These people are at the top of their fields. You can start by having a double major, or minoring in a totally different field (Art + Finance, Biology + Sports management etc)
3. Resist the pressure of the majority
There is always a group of people on the other side of your interest and skills - parents, friends, professors, peers who want something different from what you aspire to. You love art but they remind you that the pay is meagre, you want be a lawyer but they tell you, you are not good enough for law. You see, the salary you get paid for doing something you love should not stop you from getting started. You will eventually become so good that the value you provide will eventually command a huge compensation but for now bend down and learn.
4. Find a mentor
Once you get a glimpse of what you feel like you want to do. Find a mentor, your mentor could be distant or imminent. A distant mentor could be a renowned expert, a person you stumble upon through a book, an interview etc. Their story inspires you and you somehow you feel seen, you goals aren't so impossible anymore. The imminent mentors are the people you meet through school, work and whose work has some skills you need to learn for your Life's work. Your relationship with them or experience with them is the closest to reality of your Life's Work. Learn as much as you can in this process.
Welcome to my A Guide to Mastery series inspired by the book Mastery.
Lol, pretty in pink lee😅get out of here
imagine being a mage in training and having to witness so many powerful mages act like idiots in front you i'd pack my bags and leave with master lee
Suddenly awake and super aware of my reality
I'm crying real tears you guys🥲that ending😱wtf!? Neuman!? Grace!? Kimikooooooo!!!!!! Noo noooooo😭😭😭😭😭
Wtf happened to Ashley?! Ryan!? I am literally screaming because wtf, wtf, wtf
2023 Goals
I will be taking a page out of the book, The 12 Week Year, and divide my year into quarters. I will be setting daily goals that I will be tracking with a habit tracker. I will also be setting monthly goals and doing a monthly challenge each month. For January, I will be doing a digital detox.
1. Improve my mental and physical health. I’ve made a big decision to stop focusing on weight loss. I’ve always been prone to being a little heavier than most, but I believe I carry it well and that’s just the way my body is. I just want to be healthier, and if I lose weight as a result of that, then so be it. I just want to love the body I’m in and make peace with the way I look. I think it’ll do wonders for my mental health. To accomplish this goal, I will:
- mediate 5-15 minutes a day
- exercise 5 days a week at Burn Boot Camp (start with 2 and work my way up)
- drink 2-3 bottles of water a day
- cook healthy meals at home
- journal regularly
- pray regularly
- take vitamins and medication everyday
2. Clear up skin. I think it would do a lot for my appearance to have clear, healthy looking skin. I’ve purchased a package of chemical peels and I’m on my second one of three. I will continue to get chemical peels every 5-6 weeks until I reach my desired result. I also have a skincare routine recommended by my dermatologist, so I have been following that. The big challenge will be to stop picking at my skin. I know that’s holding me back in accomplishing my skincare goals. I know my anxiety plays into my skin-picking, so I will get that under control through the previous goal.
3. Transition to freelance writing. I am currently working at a corporate job in the finance industry. Although the pay is good and my team is great, I don’t like it. It stresses me out a lot and I don’t think I can do it long term. I envision myself as a business owner with a more flexible schedule. I’ve always loved writing and I would like to make it my career. Charging what I’m worth and creating a schedule that works for me would be a dream. First, I need to pick a niche I would like to write it, find clients on Upwork so that I can build my portfolio, and then make a website to draw in client. Once I have a solid portfolio and have built up my skills, I will start cold-emailing people that I want to work with. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave my job by mid-year. I will leave once I am making the same amount freelancing per hour that I am making per hour at my job.
4. Save $$$. I have a savings goal in mind, but I won’t share it here. I aim to save 70% of my income from my primary job and 100% of my income from my side job(s). I am blessed to live at home which makes this possible. I would like to move out in 2024, so this year is about laying down the financial groundwork to make that possible.
5. Read 30 books. I already have a running list of books to read on my Good Reads, so it will just be about finding the time to read. I tend to burn through fiction books pretty quickly, but non-fiction tends to take me longer. Hopefully my digital detox in January will give me lots of time to read.
Very excited for this year! What are your goals? Do we have any similar ones?