How I See It Is That They Do Care For Their Son, They Love Him But They Dont Have A Relationship With

So Jeremy cannonically has had hookups, as in pural, which means hes probably pretty damn efficient at getting his clothes off. I can picture them all going into the locker room for change outs and Jeremy being in an in depth discussion with someone, completely unware of anything else around him, tugs the collar of his shirt forward then reachs back to his sholuder blades, pulling it off in one swift motion then unclasping his belt with three of the most well practiced flicks, not even looking, pantsbutton undone and just drops the waist of his pants as he reaches into his locker while still having said discussion like its nothing at all. 2.8 seconds and hes half naked and Jeans just in the background like 😳

Been working on my OC's some more, finally got around to attempting to do Annaliese 😅 I fear she is too pretty for my level of talent

Mostly just bored sketches that I did while not paying attention

The sentence "whats your favorite color? Mines math." Is so Neil Josten, I about died trying not to burst out laughing in the break room at work.

That is literally how it goes though, Andrew reluctantly being attracted from afar until he tell Neil and then Neil being an endless cycle of puppy eyes and seeking affection.

something about andrew developing very complex and very not-casual feelings for the mysterious, dangerous, temperamental new boy and just being like "yeah. i'd fuck you. what abt it" only for neil to respond with "omg really?? u mean it?.?? that's so cool. what's ur favorite color. mine's math. ur so pretty. i think i love you. we're boyfriends right"

meanwhile andrew maintains his stance of "please die" but he absolutely knows he got himself into this and will not be getting out

Some of my fav out of context quotes for my current WIP :

"I'm convinced your last brain cell is a ping pong ball and I'm pretty sure it had a hole in it."

"You hate me." [He says lovingly]

She smiles. (This one is significant for trans reasons 🥲)

"Your father could never hate you, mine could never love me"

"I don't think its often that 'foul' and 'beautiful' are used to discribe the same thing." (This pleases her)

"Mr. Jones has had to put up with you two brain-dead gentlemen for fifteen years..."

"Never anger. Jealousy, but never anger."

"I never meant to love you" (this one was devastating to write)

"...that coffin is where he belongs and I'm grateful that he is gone." (Get his ass!)

"You shouldn't, 'good' is a word I would never use to describe myself."

"Have you ever dug a grave?" (Hehehehe [menacing])

"that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" is an iconic confession for a lot of reasons but i love that andrew obviously picked his wording so so carefully there to avoid admitting any feelings involved and then neil's demisexual ass just totally bypasses that and he responds saying "you like me." WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDREW WAS TRYING TO AVOID ADMITTING.

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

This is me everyday of my life for the past 8 years

No, because I keep thinking of Neil having his uncle do research, to find who bought her and what happened, all the details of her death. He knows its an absolutely horrible thing and how soul crushing it is but he finds where her remains are and takes Jean to her, giving him the opportunity to put her to rest, to be properly mourned. Maybe even getting to keep her ashes and learn the truth. It would be this horrible heartbreaking thing, but Jean can finally stop letting his mind spiral on the endless 'what if's' and 'could have been's'. Neil comforting Jean and realizing he just isn't want he needs so he takes him back to the floozies and Jean just spills his heart out because his little sister is gone. But he has her ashes and her urn has a little duckling on it. The engraving "Elodie Moreau" in beautiful French. On nights where he can't bury that box in his heart he craddles her in his arms and tells stories of things that make him happy, explaining his list, talking about maybe, just maybe allowing himself to fall in love, admitting that Jabberwocky isn't all that bad, but never mentioning the truama, never talking about the nest, because he needs his baby sister to know that one of them made it, that he's okay and that never once did he forget about her.

AHHH Im a little drunk and a lot heartbroken with too much to think about. I really hope we lesrn what happened to her and I want Jean to be able to properly greive. 😭😭

I am driving myself INSANE thinking of Elodie Moreau.

She was TEN when Jean was sold. TWELVE when she was sold. How old when she died? How many horrors did she have to suffer? How bad was her death for dead to be “a mild term for it”??

All I can imagine is how Jean must have torn himself apart at having to leave her. How he fought for himself and for her in the Nest those first few months and how he slowly had to lock her away to keep himself from sinking under. Because he was drowning all those years, there’s no mistake, but if he’d thought of what—who—he left behind and where? Oh Jean would have been dead long before 2007.

All I can think about is Jean finding out the details of Elodie’s death, of having to tell Jeremy and Laila and Cat. And having to sit there as they process and allow them to comfort him because he does want to be comforted, but how can he wrap his head around what happened to his little sister? And then he had to sit there while the Trojans find out that his parents SOLD both their kids and let them suffer. Jean has to sit in the eye of a hurricane, everything around him static, as the world finds out that Elodie Moreau was real, lived, and died gruesomely and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

How much of a failure Jean must think he is, even when it wasn’t his job to protect her, but he still did because if not him, who else?

I can’t stop thinking that she never reached 15. That Jean never lived more than 14 years with his beloved little sister and had to instead wrap her up in chains and hide her in the darkness of his mind. That loss, is soul shattering, and he will never recover, because she’s gone.

Andreil is still on my brain

After they've both gone professional, they've been separated for at least a month, but todays the day Neil goes to pick Andrew up from the airport. Neils been scanning the crowd for the last 20 mins, looking for that familiar blonde hair among dozens of people. Then he spots him, facing the other direction with a suitcase in one hand. Neil can't help but stare for a moment, taking in the broadness of his shoulders in his tight shirt, the thickness of his arms, the black armbands in their usual place. Neil pulls out his phone and texts him a 'yes or no'. He watches as Andrew looks down at his phone, then glances up looking around, not noticing him yet. Then he looks back down and Neil feels his phone vibrate, seeing a 'yes?' In response. Neil all but sprints, Andrew turning to him last second before Neil lifts him up into a hug, squeezing him to his chest. Panic floods Andrew for a second before he lets excitment take over, hugging him back. Andrew grips him tightly around his neck, burying his face in the cloth of his hoodie, taking in his smell, cigarette smoke and black coffee. He can feel Neil smile against his neck. Neil squeezes him once more before lowering him to the ground, loosening his grip to put a few inches between them. Andrew glares up at him, the smallest trace of a smile on his lips.

"115%" Andrew grumbles out.

"I'm okay with that." Neil says, looking down at his lips. Andrew doesn't hesitate, kissing him without a care for who might be watching. Neil melts into the kiss, placing his hands in Andrews hair. A moment later they break away.

"Welcome home, Drew." Neil stares down at him, that glint in his eyes and Andrew decides maybe he can look at him like that, just this once.

I know that everyone wants Jeremy to help Jean get over his fear of water. I know cannonically thats what is most likely to happen, however hear my out on my hc's that I think are reasonable.

TGR spoliers big time:

Ten steps back, it has been hinted at that Jeremy might crash his car. I believe that this is completely within reason and I can see it happening in the next book. 1. He has fallen asleep at the wheel more than once. 2. They worried about his constant lack of sleep and how much he has on his plate. 3. The apartment being even further than before 4. He is doing even more than previous years Ex: learning french, studing for LSAT (is that the correct abbreviation?? Law!) And 5. Teaching Jean how to be a whole human being on so many levels. Man's exhusted. So I can definitely see him crashing. Now the severity of this may very, if its late or raining or a million other things to make it worse. My brain is stuck on him flipping over a guard rail, but any type of crash can cause major injury which leads us to where this post is supposed to be. Jeremy crashing the car and everyone going to pick him up from the hospital. Maybe he even is unconscious when they get there and has all these machines, stuff Jean has never seen, he doesnt know what any of this does, he never got real medical help. So of course hes worried, his partner is breathing through a tube. A day or two later they bring him home (after heavy convincing, his mother lets him stay with the girls for the sake of making it to classes on time) Jeremy is benched for at least 5 weeks, concussion, sprains, pulled mucsles, etc. Day three of being out of the hospital and he feels disgusting. Painstakingly making his way to the bathroom to shower, Jean follows him, hovering his hands out in case he stumbles. Jeremy lets him help, leaning on Jean as he hobbles into the bathroom, but Jean doesnt leave when Jeremy turns on the water. A moment of awkward staring at each other, Jean asks if he needs help. Of course Jeremy is embarrassed, a little ashamed and wanting to do it alone out of spite, but Jean insists he could fall, benching himself longer, so he lets him help. Its awkward and neither know where to put their hands, Jeremy tries to wash himself at first, letting Jean keep him steady, but the sore muscles make it hard to clean his hair, so they switch. Jeremy holds at Jeans shoulders as Jean scrubs soap into his scalp. Jean stays as far out of the spray as he can, occasionally wiping the water off his face, but hes focused on helping his partner get better. It doesnt matter that hes scared because Jeremy is hurt and its miserable watching him struggle. Of course some of the fear is stomped out by the adoration and hunger he gets from the way Jeremy closes his eyes and contently hums at how Jean rinses out the soap. How can he be scared when Jeremy is using him as a crutch, tan freckled skin and blonde hair under his hands. The need to help his partner override the fear.

RAH I am so temped to actually write a fanfiction about this because it could be at least 4 chapters. ANYWAY, not sorry for more JereJean posts :D